Andrea Edwards

Andrea T Edwards CSP is the Digital Conversationalist, She is a globally award-winning B2B communications professional with over 20 years of experience, Andrea speaks on social leadership, content marketing and integrity in the digital age to professionals around the world.

FIE Focus for January 2013

Yesterday I launched my personal crusade to make my life magical and it’s entitled ‘Fuck it, Enough!’ I wanted to say a BIG thank you for the positive responses I’ve received already, especially Sandra who’s suggested we set up a motivation group to keep each other focused – anyone in Singapore want to join the fun? It seems that many people can relate to the on-going desire to make real changes in our lives, understanding that life could be a little bit better if we have the courage to make small changes, and that’s what it’s all about for me – lots of little changes resulting in lots of big changes over time. I’ve just decided to do this publicly to make it stick and I am thrilled some people want to come on the ride with me. Knowing I’m not alone is wonderful support. As I said in my long blog yesterday, today I’m going to tell you what I plan on doing in January to start taking the steps towards the life I want to live. I have split my goals into actions and thoughts – so changes for the outside and changes for the inside. I’m a big believer in how our thoughts can shape our lives, and while I have no idea how I can change some of the mindsets dragging me down, I am hoping that by focusing on some of the negative ones, it could be the way to start. I suppose that focus (or paying attention to my thoughts) will help me catch myself when I go into the place I don’t want to go, and give me the chance to say no, ‘Fuck it, Enough!’ Focus for FIE January 2013 – and this elegantly scribed list is now pasted to my front door Actions Wheat free for one month – not easy for an Aussie who likes a sandwich, and I’m going to explain my reasons for this in another blog. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while now Stretch in the morning, walk in the evening – I started the morning stretch many months ago, but I am now adding the walk as well, plus recommitting to the stretching because I became a bit apathetic. My physical pursuits will increase, but I have some nagging issues so I need to focus on getting my strength back See an Osteo – as I said, I’ve got long-term issues from going to a chiropractor 10 years ago and rotator cuff injuries from my pregnancies – the only thing that’s helped is Osteo. My Osteo left Singapore, so I need to take the advice of friends and find a new one Do something new – this will be a monthly goal to keep me growing Take the bloody stairs – I live on the second floor for god’s sake! And that goes for escalators too – walk up them Say YES! – the amount of times I miss opportunities to be with people or do something fun amazes me. It’s been the case since the boys came along and I need to change that. I also need to stop the “I’m too tired” thinking. Being with people gives me energy Go out! – not only do I need to say yes to opportunities, but I need to create them as well – anything, just don’t spend so much time at home or on my own. And if I’m feeling blue, more so Listen to music – I’ve recently stocked up on more CDs for the car – Queen, Adam Lambert and more – the sort of music that I want to sing to. It makes me happy And while you’re at it – laugh! – this is a biggie for me, remembering to laugh more. I fell off the stool while bathing the boys the other night. It felt good for all of us to laugh at me Thoughts It is how it is, so enjoy it – I spend too much time thinking of how things should be, as opposed to enjoying how it is “I have energy” – every time I find myself going into tired thinking, I need to remind myself that I have energy – I know it works, because I’ve tried it, now I need to lock it in as a ‘thought habit’ Patience and love – this is a mantra I practise sometimes with my boys, but it needs to be a ‘thought habit’ as well Give the silent gift of love and joy – some will find this a bit naff, but many great thinkers have shared this wisdom and I do it sometimes, just express loving or kind thoughts silently to everyone I meet or engage with. The energy transfer is supposed to be extremely powerful when you do this, but the best bit is it makes you feel better towards everyone you meet So there you go, my thoughts and actions to focus on for the month. I am going to explain a couple in blogs over the next week, because some need a bit of clarification, however these focus areas may not be relevant to you. Therefore, if you’re like me and have hit the point of ‘Fuck it, Enough” – where you’ve essentially had enough of yourself – I’d love to know what your ideas are? And with that it’s now lunchtime… but no sandwich allowed. No worries – yummy rice crackers – ugh! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

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Women Have Mid-Life Crisis’ Too…

The ‘Fuck it, Enough’ Crusade Commences I’m having a mid-life crisis, there is no doubt about it, and yes women have them too. At the grand old age of 43, I think it’s a mortality thing – it’s like you’re closer to the end than you are to the beginning, and you know this because things ache and your eye sight goes, and well, unsavoury physical things just happen. As such, you can’t help but ponder how you need to live your life to ensure you get old with a skip in yourself, rather than requiring the aid of a Zimmer frame. I don’t want a Zimmer frame that’s for sure – I saw a lady on one recently and it made me feel sad. But am I doing enough to ensure I don’t need one? I know I’m not. From a life point of view, since I turned 40 (well before that really) things have gone downhill in many many ways – the way I want my life to be just doesn’t seem to want to happen. I’ve worked hard to turn the tide around, but I don’t know, maybe I’m focusing on the wrong things? That’s usually the case right? Life has been hard yakka, but chasing dreams isn’t always easy, and I’ve spent a fair bit of time in recent months wondering if the dreams are right, because my main goal of freedom is not being achieved in the mix – so what’s the point? While being stubborn can be a good thing, recognising when things aren’t working out is a good thing too. It’s not working out because it’s not making me smile. My main concern is a deep level of unhappiness with my life and I’m just not laughing enough or as much as I used to. It’s got nothing to do with the three beautiful men in my life – I just can’t seem to move forward the way I want to. I’m a smiler (always have been) and a positive person as a general rule, but that’s not how things have been these last few years, and I’ve spent more time chasing the blues away than I care to remember. I don’t want to be a miserable old cow, I want to be a happy old cow, so it’s time for the blues to piss off for good. My dream remains at my core – to be free and live a life most can only dream about – but there are many aspects of my life that I can change while working towards that goal – and it’s these changes that I am convinced will help me achieve it all. As such, today, I’m making a public commitment to change my ways once and for all. I’m not doing this because I’m a believer in resolutions, I’m doing it because it is my 43rd birthday today, and yes, I always have a hangover on my birthday – except when I was pregnant with Jax. I have to say that 43 is starting to feel a little bit old, but also, because of the four years of relentless gruel that has literally worn me out, I have decided to tackle it head on and launch my very own personal crusade, elegantly entitled ‘Fuck It, Enough’ (or FIE). I’m doing it publicly on my blog to really give me a kick in the arse to make sure I stick with it – because if you know me, you’ll know that personal pride is a very strong attribute. I know I need to do this publicly, because I did something like this a couple of years ago privately, and well, it fizzled out – I just didn’t have the constant pressure to succeed and we need that right? Therefore, I’ve decided to come out! I need the motivation of declaring to the world – this is what I’m going to do and then I am going to do it. But I’m also hoping others will join me for the ride – to work with me over the coming months or years to work out how we can be the best ‘US’ we can be on every level imaginable. No more grinding through the days, or suffering through life. It would mean so much to me to know that people are on board or just supporting me, with those getting involved focused on achieving one single goal – to achieve a frame of mind where you leap out of bed, every day, screaming – “isn’t life fucking GREAT?” I don’t do that every day, in fact, I rarely do it, and while generally speaking I’d say my default personality setting swings towards the positive, I have to admit that life has become a grind, and well, I don’t like it. I’ve got one life, and I want that one to be amazing – and it HAS been amazing, I just seem to have lost my joy these last few years, and I want it back. The things I’m planning to tackle include (in no particular order) Redefining my purpose – this is the most important thing I need in my life to be content. When I have purpose, I can conquer the world – so what does it need to be? I don’t know yet, but I’ll tell you when I do. However, defining the ‘Fuck It, Enough’ crusade this last couple of months – in my head – has given me more purpose than anything else I’ve been involved with for a long time – and that was off the back of another couple of bleak months. Fuck it, Enough! Purpose is necessary – as Margaret Thatcher says “my life has got to mean something” and that is definitely how I feel Work – my work hasn’t been flowing and I’ve come to the conclusion that perhaps it’s because I’ m not doing the right thing. If it’s easy, you’re doing the right thing, if

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Jax, Piss Off and Sleep!

When Jax was born nearly five years ago, he was a bloody legend when it came to sleep. He loved nothing more than cuddling up to his ‘Fuffa Bear’ while sucking on his thumb, and many a morning we had to wake him up to face the day. It was magic having at least one kid who loved his sleep. Then about nine months ago the night terrors kicked in and for that entire time, Steve and I have had to endure a squirming, cuddly little man in our bed, disturbing our sleep – it’s been exhausting. I know, our own fault, but Steve and I did agree that we’d do whatever the boys needed to make them feel safe and loved. But it’s taken a turn for the worse and not only is he annoying the shit out of us every night, he’s now decided that waking up anytime from 5.30am is acceptable. This is not a good evolution for anyone in our house, especially as he’s started sneaking out so he doesn’t wake us up (considerate of him), only to wake Lex up – grrrrrr!! Early wake-ups are a challenge for me, but the greatest challenge comes from the fact that both boys are not getting enough sleep and thus, they’re miserable little bastards at some point during the day. The heightened tired emotions they’re experiencing, along with our own weary, bleakness, is not pleasant. But as I know with this parenting malarkey, nothing lasts forever, and if I resist it will persist, so my greatest wish for 2013 is that Jax 1. Sleeps in his own bed and 2. He gets back to the little man who loves his sleep. That’s all I need, really…. With that I would like to wish everyone a VERY VERY Happy New Year. I hope the hangovers tomorrow aren’t too brutal, that 2013 is sensational, that the world moves to a more peaceful and loving place, and that the string of bad luck our family has experienced for the last four years or so is finally over and the good times are rolling on – now that would be a nice change for 2013 and it’s gunna happen. With love and without the bollocks Andrea BTW If you like what I write about, I’ve launched a Without the Bollocks Facebookpage at long last ‘cos I’m planning to ramp things up a bit in 2013. I’d appreciate any ‘likes’ on offer.

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A Random Act of Kindness

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the post box and there was a parcel for ME. Now any parent knows that once the kids come along, there is never EVER anything in the post box for you, with our boys enjoying a steady supply of DVDs from their English Grandparents. But it was for me, and when I opened it, I found a beautiful card and pampering pack from my dear friend Saskia in Holland. It was so lovely, so thoughtful and so heartfelt that I burst into tears. My boys, who were still dealing with the disappointment of it not being a new DVD, looked at me like I was nuts, but then, what’s new! Saskia basking in the late October sun in Holland after her 40th b’day bash I immediately dropped a note to Sas to say thank you, trying to convey how much it meant to me, but I don’t think I did a good job in explaining the impact. To know that someone spent their time doing something for me, understanding that a little pick-me-up was in order, well it was just a really special thing.  Saskia is an incredibly thoughtful person – it’s a quality I love in her and she inspires me to be more – but I don’t think she knows how special that quality really is. Bless her. But it also made me realise how often I think of the great people I’ve met in my life and how rarely I reach out and say hi – in whatever way is appropriate. Facebook has enabled me to get back in touch with so many wonderful people – which I am so thankful for because I know what is going on in friend’s lives to an extent – but I think I need to do more of the little important things. It doesn’t have to be much – a card with a funny memory, a photo of a time we smiled together, or buying a small gift that will make someone smile. I mean, let’s face it, there is no better feeling than being thought of, but equally, it also feels great to think of someone and honour them because they have meant something important to you. So as the Christmas season takes the attention of many of my friends around the world, anyone want to think ahead and join me for a year of random acts of kindness? The rules are simple. Whenever you think of someone who’s been awesome in your life, send them something – anything – with the simple goal of showing them you were thinking of them. It will melt their hearts. Anyone in? With that, I want to wish my sister a very Happy Birthday today, and everyone else a VERY Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and here’s my prediction for 2013: it is going to be the best year EVER because I said so. And finally, thank you thank you thank you for your love and support in reading and commenting on my blog. It is appreciated more than you know. Big love and kisses Yours, without the bollocks Andrea PS: Saskia, my fellow Zen-seeker, thank you again darling!

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Six Second Hug Rule

I read somewhere recently that if you hug someone for six seconds or more, all of the feel-good stuff that comes with a hug is transferred between the hugger and huggee, leaving you both feeling better. As such, I’ve decided to hug more often and for longer. For some reason, I find I forget the small, important stuff, but we all know it’s the small stuff that makes such a big bloody difference. So I told Steve about this hugging idea and he’s taken it on board as well (although it’s not an arse groping opportunity love), as such, we’re giving each other lots more hugs throughout the day – for absolutely no reason what so ever – and you know what, it makes me feel more loving towards him. Cool huh?  The most famous hug of 2012 – a Twitter pics hall of fame! I am a fan of hugging and especially in Singapore, my super-hugs have always gone down a treat with my Asian friends. It can be months or years between seeing old pals, and the first thing they say when they see me is “can you give me one of your great hugs?” Nice. Culturally, Asians aren’t so hot on the hugging-front, except when they get to know me. But it was my great mate Irene who really taught me how to hug. Irene is a Master Hugger who believes you should never be the first person to let go in a hug. As such, a hug with Irene is long and lovely, ‘cos who wants to be the first person to let go? I need to remember my Masters’ lessons. I hate being too occupied with insignificant bollocks (in the bigger scheme of things) to remember this simple pleasure, because well, that’s just wrong. So I wanted to share this, ‘cos a small bit of focus in the last couple of weeks has made life a little bit nicer for my whole family, and I thought someone else might appreciate the reminder that hugs are good, but do it for at least six seconds… and no back patting!!! Happy Holidays! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea  

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Advice…

Seth Godin recently published this blog. Sometimes he hits a real chord with me, and this is obviously one of those times. “Most advice is bad advice… People mean well, especially friends and family, but they’re going to give you bad advice. Seth’s Head from sethgodin.typepad.com This leads to two challenges as you strive to create original work that matters: 1. Ignore their advice, even the well-meant entreaties that you stick with the status quo and 2. Try to discern the actually useful good advice, so you don’t insulate yourself in the bubble of the self-deluded. In general, this good advice pushes you to go faster, or to do things that make you uncomfortable. PS the irony of this post is not lost on me.” I deffinitely agree with him, however, there’s a further aspect to this discussion I often think about – which is obviously not about work exclusively, although it still counts. When people give advice, they give it from the perspective of their own experience, and this experience can include fears and anxieties. So, for example, if you ask someone for advice on something they could never imagine doing in a million years, they’re not going to be able to give you useful advice. How could they, when what you are proposing actually frightens the shit out of them? I believe you’ve got to be really selective in who you ask and make sure it’s someone who actually understands you, as well as knowing what drives you. I’ve had a lot of people give me advice – some asked for, but some offered uninvited. I’m always very careful who I ask for advice, because it has to come from people who can offer me the best advice based on who I am, as opposed to who they are. It’s not that I don’t respect people’s opinions, but on the occasions I seek help, then I want to get the right help. A great case in point was pregnancy! Man oh man you get advice from every man, woman, child AND their dog – but most of the time, you’ve never even met them before! I remember leaving one dinner party in tears (pregnant and sober) because people I’d just met gave me advice that frightened the shit out of me. When we got in the car Steve said: “babe, enough. We are not listening to anyone else about pregnancy, child birth, or child raising unless we decide they are someone whose opinions we actually value and are people who will be similar parents to us.” He was right, and we were very selective after that, but pregnancy is a special kind of advice-time in a gal’s life, because everyone is a beginner there! But by stepping back and only taking advice from certain types of people, it definitely took a lot of fear out of that time for me. Phew!   But then, going further back, as a teenager, I had a lot of people giving me advice as well. I was growing up, finding out who I was and I wanted to try new things, see new things, and experience new things. As such, I asked the people in my life what they thought? In many many cases, people tried to discourage me from doing what I was proposing, and I thought “Hmmmmmmmm – oh well I’m going to do it anyway.” Stubbornness has always been a trait. The thing is, when I succeeded it made the advice I was given confusing because it made me question why they gave it to me in the first place. From where I was standing, what I achieved was worth the risk, so why did they try to discourage me? It’s obvious – they couldn’t do it or conceive of it (for whatever reason) – so their advice was in alignment with how they were feeling and had nothing at all to do with me. I was, quite simply, asking the wrong people. For me, life has always been about going for it and seeing what happens, because even if it doesn’t pay off, it doesn’t matter, because I get the gift of a lesson learned, so no matter what, I gain. That was a great early life lesson, because it taught me to trust my own instincts and it’s served me well – not always – but the majority of the time. It essentially taught me to trust myself, as well as accept responsibility when things didn’t work out as I hoped. Anyways I liked this blog, because advice is such an interesting thing to seek and take on board – but more than that, it is also something too freely offered in our world. I believe it is only relevant if it’s targeted to who you are, as opposed to coming from the perspective and experience of the person offering the advice, and all of what that entails. Shit, I don’t even take Steve’s advice much of the time – something he’s had to learn to accept as part of this marriage partnership malarkey, but then, I don’t expect him to heed mine either. You’ve got to do what you feel is right for you at the end of the day. Any advice experiences – good or bad – you’d like to share? Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

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Judging the Judges++

I’m in absolute heaven at the moment- we’ve got The Voice AND X Factor on at the same time – both the American versions of course, because that’s how it rolls in Singapore. I find it pure bliss watching these shows and thankfully, my husband is in agreement. Now singing talent shows would be nothing without the judges (and sometimes the hosts), and that’s what I want to talk about today – because what an eclectic bunch of people both shows have on board. Starting with X Factor USA (our second year ) we have, of course, Simon Cowell,along with L.A. Reid, Britney Spears and Demi Lovato. This is Simon’s show and he is King, but the great thing about X Factor (compared to American Idol), is he has to be nice to at least his own contestants. That’s certainly a turn-up, but it’s even more amusing because this year, awkward Simon has a gaggle of the girliest girls on his team (Fifth Harmony) and it’s very amusing watching him do the back-pat-cuddle-thing with his little ladies, while they talk about God. He also has a boy band – Emblem3 – a band Steve HATES – but win or lose, these bouncy, bubbly, surfy boys are going to be a success, because the girls love ‘em. There is no question Simon knows what makes America tick, and even though he is biased on the X Factor, I do enjoy him.     Side-to-side, head-bobbing, super-bitchy L.A. Reed is another favourite, who is often honest and unforgiving in his criticism, but sometimes things have to be said. I think I like him. Demi Lovato is someone else I have come to admire through this show. She’s not a silly girl, is obviously intelligent, and while I wouldn’t know her music if I fell over it, she’s a goody. However, I’m wondering if she will be sacked by Simon for being a little too in his face? Time will tell. My only criticism of Demi is her fashion sense. Sometimes she looks beautiful and other times she dresses like an old maid – I’m sure she’s got someone giving her advice – no? But Britney is a stand-out on the judging panel for me. I am not one of these people that hate her because her music is trite or her life antics incomprehensible. I couldn’t care less and have no idea what “being Britney” would be like. I did, however, go into this show hoping she’d show the world what she was made of. All I can say is she hasn’t. From her asinine comments, pursed lips, little claps, lack of expression, lack of emotion, repetitive praise, etc, etc, etc, – it just makes me think –  what? I wanted to love you Britney, but you’re making it hard. Paula Abdul actually looks good by comparison – from a verbal point of view – and that’s saying something! But you’re obviously doing a good job with your teens – which is evident, I just know you less than I did before – and that’s saying something for these shows, because there’s usually nowhere to hide.   But the standout of X Factor HAS to be the hosts. Mario Lopez is good – a seasoned veteran who keeps the show running with the right words in the right spots. Khloe Kardashian Odum is another story. Now let’s look at the positives – it’s nice to see a Kardashian actually working for a living, yes? On the negative side – where the hell did they find her? She absolutely has NO idea what she’s doing, her comments are awkward to say the least, and while Mario tries to be subtle, his regular double-takes on her verbal blunders is amusing. Khloe doesn’t seem to have any sense of the emotions involved in a show like this, often shoving the microphone into the face of a 13 year old contestant who is devastated because she’s just been eliminated, only to ask the poignant question: “why are you crying?” Shit Khloe, I don’t know, the kids dream are in ruins? Both hosts have also taken a long time to bond with the contestants, because they weren’t involved from the beginning, and that makes them both seem insincere. They’re definitely warming up, but it’s taking time. My main observation as a viewer is that Khloe just doesn’t seem to get what it’s like for a normal person to have their dreams crushed. A sign of the weird life she’s lived I suppose – no sense of reality? It seems others are in agreement they’re not so good together. One funny thing about Khloe (and Britney too) is a contestant called Vino. He’s brilliant – a rough, tattooed bloke who’s got a cracking voice. He OBVIOUSLY makes a lot of the girls very uncomfortable because of how he looks (and Britney appeared extremely uncomfortable around him), but my chuckle always surfaced when he’d grab Khloe tightly around the waist during judges feedback. It’s a shame he was eliminated recently, because the eye-bulging, strained face and tense body of Khloe sure did give me a giggle.   Check out Vino’s clinch at 6.39 seconds. Not her best eye-bulge, but he always swoops in on Khloe   Moving on, we are also watching The Voice (for the first time) and I can’t believe we haven’t tuned in before! It’s an awesome show and the contestants are truly amazing, including some very eclectic talent! The music aficionados I know would definitely enjoy the quality of the talent if you’re not already watching it. For me, this is the first singing competition where all of the judges are nice people and obviously have respect for each other – they’ve essentially got a good vibe going, which is a nice change. Secondly, none of the judges are arseholes to the contestants and thirdly, Cee Lo Green – man, you are one quirky dude! Besides the sexual battery charges (and I ain’t going to

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The Storm Before the Calm

I love Neale Donald Walsch. The ‘Conversations with God’ books was an eye-opener of possibilities for me – ones I hadn’t considered before – and I really enjoy the way he writes. Sometimes authors just resonate with you and he’s a resonator for me. Anyway, he’s got a new book out, but I’ve just re-read his previous one (I think) “The Storm Before the Calm” – a book designed to start a global conversation around the most pressing issues facing humanity. There are many things I like about the way Neale positions his ideas, but the thing I like most is he doesn’t claim to have all the answers. He always makes you think, but leaves it open to your own personal interpretation – i.e what makes sense to you. I think he’s doing good work by challenging people to think in different ways – even if some of his ideas come across as naive in this book – but it’s a starting point.  Of course, he’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and some people downright hate his ideas – hey we’re all different. Also the seven questions he asks in this book have (according to him) pissed people off, because – well I don’t know. Neale says many feel confronted by these questions, and because I’m not confronted, I don’t understand why people are? Are you? Can you tell me why? I’m just curious to know. Questions below. Neale’s work is often considered blasphemous, and in my mind, all early thinking has been labelled this way. As such, I’m open to reading work by people getting labelled with the big B because it tweaks my curiosity. I believe the blasphemous are doing nothing more than challenging accepted thinking, and well, I just like that. I certainly never think there is anything wrong with new thinking, because let’s face it, any belief system we have in the world right now was considered blasphemy in its early days. I often wonder if the Second Coming of Christ actually did happen all the people hoping for this “event” will claim it’s false – because it wasn’t like Jesus had an easy time of it first time round. As such, what millions of people are waiting for right now might actually be denied by them again anyway? So as a suggestion to ensure it’s not missed – perhaps paying attention to anything labelled blasphemy might be a good idea? Just a thought. Moving on – so you know what I’m talking about, here are his Seven Questions… The Three Persistent Questions How is it possible that 6.9 billion people [obviously written before we hit the big 7] can all claim to want the same thing (peace, security, opportunity, prosperity, happiness and love) and be singularly unable to get it? Is it possible that there is something we do not fully understand about life, the understanding of which would change everything? Is it possible that there is something we do not fully understand about ourselves, about our own life and its purpose, the understanding of which would shift our reality and alter our experience for the better, forever? The Four Fundamental Questions Who am I? Where am I? Why am I where I am? What do I intend to do about that? I find these questions really fascinating, but the one question that captures my attention the most is: “is it possible that there is something we do not fully understand about life, the understanding of which would change everything?” I definitely think there is and every new discovery that disproves something that was an accepted belief is proof of that. I don’t know the answers to any of these questions, and I am not sure I ever can answer them, but I’d love to discuss it with a group of like-minded and curious people – anyone in Singapore up for a chat? Or perhaps online? But then there’s a Global Movement as well where “The Gentlest Revolution is underway.” I haven’t had time to delve into this site, but I’d like to. It’s certainly a positive message. So are having conversations enough to change the direction of the world in a positive way? Neale thinks so, and I think it depends on whether or not you believe in the idea of ‘universal consciousness.’ I feel that the existence of this fourth dimension has been proven enough for me personally, but many may think it’s a load of bollocks. That’s the beauty of life – we all believe what we believe based on so many different inputs and our interpretation of them… one of those things that makes life interesting.  So perhaps it is enough to create the world we want – if enough people are feeling the love and thinking the love? One thing I do know for sure is there is a lot of talk at the moment – the end of the world, the Mayan Calendar, the true age of Aquarius, etc, etc, etc.. but I often wonder if we are entering the next Axial Age? The first Axial Age occurred in the 1,000 years BC and saw significant parts of the world take massive shifts in thoughts and beliefs. This shift marked the beginning of humanity as we know it to this day, as we are still in this age. It’s a big subject – one I love – but it was the age of the early Hebrew prophets, Taoism, Confucianism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Zoroastrianism, but also rationalism with Socrates and Plato. Why the Axial Age started is not fully understood, but many believe the age came about because of a general malaise with life and faith in some significant parts of the world, and I just feel we are coming to that point again. A large percentage of the world’s population aren’t happy with how we’re going right now and we want positive change – which is good, because I believe we’re on the road to

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Butt Implant Goes Horribly Wrong

For god’s sake – this actually made me feel ill when I watched it – because why in the hell are women even doing this stuff? I GET that certain cultures find a big ass attractive, and I’m appreciative that in certain parts of the world my arse might be considered quite alluring – but going to these lengths to look “beautiful” I have to ask WHY? And I’m not just talking about butt implants here – I’m talking about any beautification surgery that can kill the people who do it.   Please girls, please – can we start having some common sense about this? However, I know many girls will be determined to go ahead – so if you’re going to do it, just BE BLOODY CAREFUL. I first became aware of this story in the Daily Mail. It’s a frightening read, because girls are DYING from undergoing these procedures. They’re dying because there are a lot of dodgy bastards out there offering cheap, sub-standard services in hotel rooms and in the back of vans. I know you might not have enough money to pay for a proper surgeon, but qualified surgeons train for years to do what they do, so please, for your own sake – if it’s not legit, don’t do it. Secondly, I appreciate that we all have very different ideas of what it means to be beautiful – I really do. I also appreciate how difficult it is being who you are as a woman in a world swamped by magazines, TV and Hollywood defining what beauty is – which is usually not what you see in the mirror every day. I also know that some blokes can put pressure on women to be more beautiful – bigger tits, paler skin, smaller ass, bigger ass, bleached anus, tighter vagina, flat stomachs, blonde hair, brunette, and so on. I also know that women can put pressure on women to fit in and be “beautiful” within whatever context that means for each woman’s culture. The pressure to be beautiful is immense and complicated – it’s not an easy thing to understand, let alone ignore or overcome. BUT girls, we’ve got to sort this shit out. Aren’t we evolving as a species? When I see stuff like this, I am concerned that we are not. There is only one enduring beauty any of us have and that is the beauty of our heart. Ask any 90 year old woman what she sees as beautiful and she will tell you that. Ask the same 90 year old woman if her focus on staying attractive was time well spent? I’m sure she’ll tell you it was the biggest waste of time in her life. We all get old and the only beauty we carry resides within. What is beautiful? I think being kind to people for no reward makes you beautiful. Being compassionate towards the drunk on your doorstep because he’s having a much shittier time than you are today makes you beautiful. Not judging and sharing your food with someone on the street because they’ve lost their way makes you beautiful. Helping out in a homeless shelter or a food kitchen makes you beautiful. Being kind towards someone with an intellectual or physical disability makes you beautiful. Visiting an older person who is lonely makes you beautiful. Loving, nurturing and being compassionate towards anyone who doesn’t have as much as you, with no monetary reward for you, makes you beautiful – because let’s face it, your rewards for any kindness is much greater than what you give. It makes you walk taller, smile more deeply, and love more freely. That’s a whole lot of reward in my mind. So I have to ask the question – can we get there? Can we make the world a magnificently beautiful place by honoring and recognizing that the truly beautiful people on this planet are those that give their hearts every day? Can the women and men who are changing the way they look as dramatically as this lady did, reassess their focus, connect with their hearts and understand what is truly important – i.e. being kind? Not to say that this lady isn’t kind, because how would I know? But can we? I sincerely hope so. To the lady in this video, please understand I am not judging you because I don’t know you, but it makes me wonder why? Why would you do this? It just seems so crazy to me, however I am not you, so how can I understand? But don’t you already think you’re beautiful as you are? As you can probably imagine, I’m looking forward to humanity evolving to a kinder and more compassionate level, a group of people that will be mystified by the antics of their ancestors – i.e. us. I believe it is very close. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

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Has Lex Finally Found His Voice?

Yesterday I was in the bathroom with Lex and I asked him to do something, to which he immediately responded: “sure Mum,” and then went on to say something that told me he’d understood exactly what I said.  I wish I could remember the exact exchange, but I was so flummoxed at being understood, what we actually said to each other went out of the window immediately. The thing I CAN remember about this moment, however, is the feeling of being truly and utterly elated – I WAS UNDERSTOOD BY LEX! I should mention that this moment has been a long time coming – six years to be exact. Lex turned six on November the 12thand after being diagnosed with compressed ear canals (at age four), he had grommets inserted, and his tonsils and adenoids removed – that was two years ago. Since that day, we’ve been waiting for him to cross a ‘line’ – a line where both expressive and receptive language is age appropriate, and it has been excruciatingly painful waiting for this to happen.  The worst thing we’ve dealt with is our own expectations – because EVERYONE said within 12 months he’ll be caught up – he’ll just “get it.” Well he didn’t “just get it” and we’ve spent thousands of dollars trying to work out how to help him get it, and you know what has helped him the most? Spending the last few months full time with his chatty pants brother!  Yep, Mr. Charmer Jax has been the answer to our challenge all along, but it has only been in the last few months that they have spent their days together full-time. Oh they’ve shitted each other to tears, beaten the crap out of each other, infuriated each other, etc, etc, etc during this time… but we finally found our magic potion – The Jaxster. I knew something special was happening with Lex in the last month or so, because every single time he’s about to go into an intellectual developmental spurt (usually coinciding with a physical growth spurt) he turns into a TURD. Belligerence is an understatement. However, in the “good-‘ol-days” his belligerence was always behaviour-lead, which often left Steve and I scratching our heads because the behaviours didn’t make any sense to our logical brains. The big difference with this last spurt has been verbal – for the first time, Lex has become all mouth and attitude: “no you do it” or “oh my god, can you believe that?” or “I’m not doing that” or “you’re not listening Daddy, I’m very angry with you.” I could go on. Jax, our magic potion But he’s also saying some really great stuff, like when his Dad asks him a question, he’ll respond: “Daddy I’m thinking.” In fact, yesterday he asked me three times: “Mummy what are you thinking about?” It’s always an interesting question that, because my brain is never dormant, and him understanding the thinking process and being interested in what another is pondering – well that alone tells me we’ve come a long long way. But this has not been an easy road for any of us to travel. Just yesterday – before my “moment” with Lex – we were wandering through Bishan Park in Singapore, and Steve and I were talking about lots of stuff. However, one of the things we were talking about is how excruciatingly difficult it has been raising a speech delayed child. Parents who have kids with normal speech can never know how difficult it is having a child that doesn’t understand anything you say.We’ve also found other parents have found it difficult to understand why we’re not stricter or trying to sort out certain behaviours – but it’s hard to explain to someone with a speaking child the reasons for our more relaxed approach to things like discipline. We just had to recognise that there’s no point fighting the battles we can’t win. It’s been HARD, but we’ve always believed in our little lad, and finally, finally, finally it seems that Lex has found his voice. Oh shit, got tears in my eyes writing that. To the other parents out there with speech delayed kids, especially those of you I’ve never met but have read and responded to my blogs (thank you for that, it means the world to me) – I hope this gives you hope. Lex took a lot longer than most kids to get past his hurdles, but my observations on this are: No one knows when kids start being hearing challenged, so no one actually knows how far behind they are by the time the physical problem is fixed. Try not to put any time expectations on your child’s development if you can. That’s been a big lesson for us Lex is incredibly self conscious and he gets very easily embarrassed when he makes a fool of himself in front of people. Therefore the act of speaking for him has been excruciatingly difficult because he’s felt so embarrassed. If your kid is self-conscious, it might be worth keeping in mind Bad behaviour or crazy behaviour or excessive oral behaviour are also linked to speech delayed kids and none of these behaviours necessarily indicate the child is autistic, or anything else. Try and resist the pressure to get your kids diagnosed by people because it makes their life easier – please? Especially if you know in your heart of hearts that you are dealing with a speech issue only. Address that first before looking at other things Fighting through your child’s speech delay challenges can be pretty straight forward or intensely challenging, impacting every aspect of your life. We’re in the latter category so just know there are people out there who understand your pain – it’s certainly meant a lot to me knowing I’m not alone We found we can’t force Lex to do anything he doesn’t want to do – because he’s bloody stubborn like his Mother. Therefore, I think a lot of the

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