August 2011

There are lots of wonderful things about living in Asia, all sorts of traditions that are a bit out there for a foreigner, and one of the highlights for me is Hungry Ghost Month. The tradition is during the seventh month of the year, you should not do normal activities, like buying or moving into a new house, you definitely shouldn’t get married, or make any other major purchases, like buying a new car. Why? Because the gates of Hell are flung open as the spirits of the underworld are let loose to party and cause mischief. During the seventh month, the dead move among the living. To appease the ghosts, all over Singapore (as well as Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Malaysia – or any predominately Taoist or Buddhist society) – you’ll see shrines towering with offerings to appease the ghosts. Traditional offerings are food and paper effigies of daily items ghosts might need in the afterlife – homes, maids, daily items, and more. During Hungry Ghost Month, you’ll see huge bins on fire all over the island and the smell of incense becomes a part of daily life. There’ll be big parties around town, but there is always one table reserved for the ghosts. On it will be a tablecloth, chopsticks, plates, glasses of wine, and the signature dish – a roasted pig’s head in the middle. So if you turn up at one of these parties, don’t sit at this table. My three and a half year old Jax discovered the Hungry Ghost Month shrines this year, which I was very cool about because one of the main reasons for moving back to Asia is to give my lads a perspective on a lot of different religious and cultural practises, rather than just what I was exposed to as a child. Singapore covers most of the major religions and cultures in the world, so it’s a superb place for this. Not to mention, how can a little lad resist such a colourful spectacle, and with candles and incense burning away, fire is always going to get attention. The only problem is, a three year old struggles to understand that the offerings at a Shrine are not for him. Cups of coffee, no problem. Cigarette butts, no problem. Stale soggy biscuits, no problem. Piles of bright oranges, no problem. But Chuppa Chups – PROBLEM! We have a no Chuppa Chup policy in our house, because I want the boys to have great teeth. As such, they are welcome to eat as many as they want at a birthday party, and I did get Jax to stay in the cinema for Cars 2 yesterday only with the assistance of Chuppa Chups – hey it was his first cinema experience, so a special day. But otherwise, no no no! Because the lollipops were discovered in one place, every shrine became a tantalizing temptation for the Jaxster, and anyway, what the hell do ghosts need Chuppa Chups for? Are they all taking e’s and dancing their nuts off in the afterlife? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

As it’s coming up to the weekend, I wanted to share a wonderful little tip I was given many years ago by a British School Mam who was in charge of a very prestigious private school – how to buy great wine anywhere in the world. You see, in Australia I knew my wine. I knew which brands I liked, what year was good, and pretty much never screwed up a purchase. But then I turned up in London and there wasn’t too much quality Aussie vino on the shelves – back then anyway. Instead I was faced with French, Spanish, Portuguese, and Italian wines, to name a few. They weren’t even in English, so where did I even begin? I’m not a wine connoisseur and I’ll never attend a course to learn what a good bouquet smells like, if it has good legs, or a nice chocolaty flavour that dances across one’s pallet. It’s just not me, and while I admire people who know their wines, I prefer drinking wine because it tastes good. But with this tip, I don’t need to know the ins and outs – I can just enjoy a really nice meaty Shiraz – always my wine of choice these days, and while “meaty” is certainly not a word a wine aficionado would use, it describes a good Shiraz for me. Without further ado, my friend suggested when you buy wine: if it’s red, make sure the alcohol content is over 13% for white over 12%, and always make sure the wine is at least a couple of years old. Based on this starting point, I have since elaborated on the wine buying guidelines: Any red I buy must be over 14% with my preference at around 14.5% white 13% the wine must be at least four years old Now there have been times when I’ve passed this wisdom onto friends and when I mention the alcohol content they think I’m just a piss-head and that’s all it means. But no, the higher the alcohol content, the higher the quality of the wine is my understanding – so it’s not a boozers recommendation! A true wino might disagree with me on all of this, which is absolutely cool, BUT I have never ever had a failure since applying my rules and I am ever vigilant about applying them. As a result, I can buy wine from anywhere in the world, and it has served me well as I’ve wandered this very fine world of ours for many, many years. The other great thing about my guidelines is you can always find great wine, but it doesn’t always have to be at a huge price – this is especially important when you are living in a place like Singapore, where wine is taxed at such a high rate. So there you go. Even if you don’t like wine, or don’t drink it, you won’t fail using these rules and if attending a friend’s house for dinner, your hosts will be impressed. If nothing else, please do keep these rules to hand if you are ever invited to a dinner party at our house, because if you bring a crappy bottle, we will not share our good stuff with you. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea PS: if you do manage to get a crappy bottle – whether you buy it yourself or receive it as a gift – those wine aerators really do make a BIG difference! Naturally at Steve’s insistence, we have to have a fancy carafe, but that’s just him trying to be posh.

Well apparently it makes you feel better. Doh you say? Well a couple of dudes spent seven years experimenting to prove this fact. You see I’ve just read “Blink” by Malcolm Gladwell, a book that discusses the decisions we make within the blink of an eye. Things like whether or not we like someone, if something is authentic, who gets the job, the taste of things, our response to smells, etc.. It’s a cool little book and if you read it, you’ll understand why sometimes we just know something, even if we don’t know why. The other great thing about this yarn is it encourages us to trust these instincts, as they are often more right than taking endless amounts of time over decisions, factoring in every possibility… I definitely need to get Steve to read it. He’s definitely a planner. There are lots of stories backed up by research, including a fascinating chapter on the increase in professional female musicians with the worlds’ orchestras once auditions were held behind screens. When the traditional male decision makers listened with their ears and not their eyes, the number of women accepted into orchestral positions took off. As an ex-female Euphonium player, I was very happy to hear that. But Silvan Tomkins, Wallace V. Friesen and Paul Ekman really caught my attention. Pre their research, conventional wisdom held that expressions were culturally determined or “we simply used our faces according to a set of learned social conventions.” These guys proved that facial expressions were universal and then they spent seven years mapping facial muscles and expressions. Apparently there are 43 distinct muscular movements in the face, and for two muscle groupings there are 300 possible combinations, a 3rd muscle added brings it up to 4,000, and a 5th muscle means more than 10,000 possible muscle combinations… The really interesting part was the physical impact on the men during the days they focused on anger and distress. After weeks of doing this, one of them said they were feeling like crap. Then the other realised he’d been feeling like crap too. So then they started monitoring the link between expressions and feeling like crap. Then a whole new world of research opened up about how our expressions and our autonomic nervous systems are linked. So the message, if you’re walking around like a miserable bastard feeling like crap all the time, stop being a miserable bastard. Sometimes when I catch myself with a “down” mouth, I say hang on and force a smile. It doesn’t always shake the mood, but it helps. Other times when I get a cold and start feeling bloody miserable about it, I know I’ve got to shake the mood to shake the sickness. As “they” say, happiness heals. That’s what I discovered in this cracking yarn and thought it worth sharing with any other miserable bastards out there. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

 Dawn on our first day of marriageBoob on right belongs to Siobhan Last night Steve and I accidentally watched ‘Before Sunset,’ starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, and considering we were expecting a Pierce Brosnan/Woody Harrelson comedy, it was quite a surprise. But it was a wonderful surprise and took us back to our holiday in Paris/St. Maxim six weeks after we met. The movie is the sequel to ‘Before Sunrise’, which is the story of a couple who meet on a train and have a torrid 24 hour love affair in Venice. When they part, they don’t exchange phone numbers or full names and never see each other again. But the connection was so intense that the years apart are deeply disappointing for both of them in all other experiences of love. Bring in ‘Before Sunset’ and they meet again nine years later, and the whole movie is about them reconnecting and talking about what has happened since. Practically all of it is shot as the couple walk the streets of Paris, so all kudos to both of the actors for remembering their lines. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and deeply compelling, but it is a brilliant movie focused on taking chances and most importantly, about being bold and brave with love. For us personally, we were mesmerised. Yes even a bloke was caught up in the romance, once he decided he didn’t hate the movie because it wasn’t what he expected. You see, when we met, Steve was scheduled to resign from his job that week and leave Singapore for the UK almost immediately. He told me this news two days after we met. I thought fucken great! I finally meet an amazing guy and he’s going to leave. I then jumped on a plane to Hong Kong for work, Steve picked me up at the airport Friday afternoon, and that night he told me he’s staying, because he thought we had something special and he needed to see where it was going. I found it a very courageous decision – because love can feel like a massive risk – and I am so thankful that he did make that decision, or we might be like the couple in the movie – always wondering? Before I met Steve, I’d booked a trip to France to catch up with my amazing friends Nathalie and Saskia. We were all heading down to St. Maxim for a holiday together – something we did a lot when we all lived in London. I said to Steve, do you want to come? He said, why not! We flew on different planes, landing at different times, and during that short time in Paris, we had the most amazingly romantic and beautiful time together. We spent our time lying together in Paris’ beautiful parks, looking at the clouds and talking, talking, talking. We went to all of the wonderful sites around Paris, sat at cafes on the sidewalks watching the sun go down, dined in magnificent street cafes, caught a boat along the Seine and what can I say, it was a time of wonder. During this time we fell deeply and irrevocably in love. We were completely consumed by each other and I’m sure it was obvious to all who saw us, but the great thing about Paris is – no one cares. Watching the movie brought all of those lovely memories back, as they walked the same streets, took the same boat to Notre Dame, and sat in the same parks. It also got me thinking that anyone who finds their true love should immediately book a trip to Paris, because there is absolutely no better place than that magnificent city to be in love. While our love has grown in so many ways since and expanded to include our wee lads, sometimes I miss those days when we didn’t need sleep, when all was wondrous as we were discovering each other and integrating ourselves together, forever. Yeah, since we met each other, we definitely believe in true love.   We certainly did our new love justice when we met, but Paris was the highlight, and thanks to the movie, we got to live it together again last night, and today I’m still thinking about it. Sigh… Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I feel like a lucky girl, because I’ve met so many amazing people across every corner of the globe – all of whom have their stories and their own peculiar interests, their diverse backgrounds, faiths, or they’re atheists – I don’t care what people’s stories are, I’ve just appreciated meeting them all, apart from a couple of challenging folk along the way. One such lady who came into my life about eight or so years ago, and who is a bit eccentric by some people’s standards, is Adrienne Kane. I love her – she’s out there, experiencing life, always open to new ideas, but strangely down to earth at the same time. Adrienne is one of Singapore’s healers. She’s got a few talents – a Reiki teacher, Bach Flower/Bush Flower expert, a Body Talk pracitioner and newly added to the mix is Sacred Tree Essences from the Amazon. Adrienne defines herself as an intuitive, which means she gets a sense of “stuff” – a knowing or an understanding. I should point out that I’ve never done a healing session with Adrienne, I just like the way she thinks AND I enjoyed hearing about a recent adventure she had – because putting yourself into very uncomfortable situations for personal growth is always something I admire. Adrienne recently travelled to the Amazon jungle to do a seven day Shaman’s workshop and it was one hell of an experience that I thought some of my readers might enjoy. She’s also going back this weekend for a second bout, so I’m sure it’s going to be different again. You see, Adrienne has always been interested in Shamanism, but one thing always turned her off – the dark side of the practice, or its fear-based practises. I feel the same about Voodoo. But then a friend told her about an experience he’d recently had, with a group of Shamans in the Amazon and this group works with the concept of universality – something that is definitely gaining more airwaves these days.  As such, they only practise the positive aspects of Shamanism. What is Shamanism you ask? The Wikipedia definition is “Shamanism is an anthropological term referencing a range of beliefs and practices regarding communication with the spiritual world. To quote Eliade: “A first definition of this complex phenomenon, and perhaps the least hazardous, will be: shamanism = technique of ecstasy.” Shamanism encompasses the belief that shamans are intermediaries or messengers between the human world and the spirit worlds. Shamans are said to treat ailments/illness by mending the soul. Alleviating traumas affecting the soul/spirit restores the physical body of the individual to balance and wholeness. The shaman also enters supernatural realms or dimensions to obtain solutions to problems afflicting the community. Shamans may visit other worlds/dimensions to bring guidance to misguided souls and to ameliorate illnesses of the human soul caused by foreign elements.” So Adrienne headed off recently, flying into Lima, then onto Iquitos and then she jumped into the back of a truck for her adventure into the jungle. Staying in a very basic lodge on a beautiful lake, Adrienne was led for seven days by three Shamans – one Australian, one American and one Peruvian. These camps are held every couple of months and the focus is on being as one – not just during the camp, but always. There were a lot of experiences from this time, but I asked Adrienne what her key take-aways were and she said: “I think the greatest teaching I took away from this is everything is stories within stories within stories. So if you tell me a story, I wrap it up and contextualise it with my own stories, and then I tell someone and they do the same, and so on. We hear within the context of our own experiences and therefore we get stories within stories within stories. I just found this way of explaining it really effective and it teaches us not to attach to other’s stories – but human beings are drama queens so it’s natural to take on board other’s stories The Ancients have always known that if we manage the elements the world works. The Shamans only focus on four – air, water, fire and earth – and so if we can manage these and balance them within us, we can journey as one I experienced my soul fully and realised that there is nothing wrong, there is no judgement – we are absolutely perfect. Too often we let the exterior world define the interior world and I believe it needs to be the other way around” The venue sounded amazing. No electricity, or hot water, or mobile phone access or Internet access – sounds blissful, well apart from the cold water because it is winter there right now!! But the group were able to be together, be open, hold nothing back, and experience some very ancient rituals and ceremonies that I think sound fascinating. Some went to detox, some to learn, some to explore Shamanism and everyone was changed by the process. Adrienne said everyone had to let their egos go on the first night, because the ceremonies were very confronting. It was also about surrendering control, and most importantly, about trust – because most of the students thought they were going to die at some point. So it was a very confronting thing to do. Adrienne likened the experience to birthing kids, which included the absolute exhaustion at the end of it, but also said it helped her to understand why we’re all here. It’s about assisting others but it’s not about fixing others, as no one is less than anyone else. It’s about asking questions and seeking another viewpoint. If we continually explore concepts, we won’t judge or compete with each other. I like the idea of that. “It was an amazing time and an amazing experience. I was able to completely switch off from the world. The concept of modern Shamanism is all about love

Do you think we’re here for a reason? Or do you think there’s no purpose – we live, we die, it’s all over? For many reasons I won’t have time to go into here (one was written up in my ghost shagging blog,) I think there is a purpose, and while I’m not sure what mine is, I’m keen to uncover it because I obviously haven’t done it yet, or maybe I have? Maybe having my lads was my purpose? Maybe it’s something else? I was reading Neale Donald Walsch again recently. He’s a very interesting dude who offers a completely different perspective on the divine/god/universe/etc… to anything I’ve ever uncovered – and it got me thinking about a two week period in my life back in 1995 – the two weeks before I left Australia to begin wandering the world – a journey I still find myself on. Not wandering seems to be something I’m incapable of doing… The first incident happened on Flinders St in Melbourne at the heart of the City. In 1995 it was a manically busy street, but on this day, it was dead and as I was driving along, I decided to do a U-turn. I looked all around, nothing, turned the car, and swish – a Melbourne tram went by. The thing is I know I was on that track. I felt the tram tracks under the car. The other thing I know is that a small hatch back and a Melbourne tram = one thing – death to the driver, as it should have crashed straight into the drivers’ door! I sat there stunned. I had looked around, but I didn’t seen the tram (and they are hard to miss) and somehow I was still alive. In fact, the car didn’t even get a scratch on it, which was lucky because I’d just sold it. A week later, I went out with a mate, and was driving home late at night. I was dog tired and driving towards the Tullamarine Freeway – back then, the Tullamarine Freeway was one of the busiest roads in Melbourne, full of mega trucks coming into the city. I was driving towards the intersection, and I saw a green light. I entered the intersection and could hear horns blasting. Things slowed down at this point. I looked to my right and saw 20 cars coming at me, I looked at the lights and they were indeed red, but I made it to the middle of the intersection without getting hit, at which point I slowly looked to the left, expecting to see a couple of big trucks bearing down on me. Nothing. The road was completely empty. I couldn’t have stopped if something was coming, so I crossed the intersection, parked on the side of the ride, and waited for my heart to slow down. My tiredness had gone. I have thought back on those two moments many times in my life, wondering why I didn’t die? I should have died. I have experienced many more moments like this in my life, been in extremely dangerous places with no harm coming to me, been in the back of buses as they were hanging off the edge of cliffs, been a passenger in shoddy planes that had no right flying, cancelled an appointment in the WTC on September 10th, and so many more near death experiences. I don’t know why, I just know that I have and it’s given me faith in one thing – not to be scared of living, because when it’s my time to die, I will. I don’t know when it will happen or how, but it doesn’t scare me – it really doesn’t. More important than worrying about dying is to make sure I do whatever I’m supposed to do while I’m here and in the meantime, mbrace life for all of the wonderful experiences it offers. So I’m wondering: has anyone else lived when they know they should have died? Does anyone else believe they have a destiny? Has anyone actually uncovered their destiny? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea