June 2016

It’s Father’s Day in Singapore and it’s so nice to be able to celebrate this day with my boys to honour the most beautiful dad I could ever hope for my kids.   Seriously, I know everyone reckons their husband is the best dad ever, but I hit the jackpot with Steve. I read Stephen Biddulph’s ‘Raising Boys’ when my lads were little. In it he writes that mum has her boys until six, dad from 6-12 and then they belong to the world.     I cannot tell you how lucky I feel that during this age, their dad is very very present.    Working from home, Steve works his arse off when the boys are at school and then he stops everything to do homework and take them to their various sporting activities. On the weekends, he’s always out and about, going on adventures, making sure they have a blast.   Naturally the boys have no bloody idea how remarkable this is. Often the only dad at school, he’s always there, always present, always making sure the boys are number one in his life. It’s pure magic to watch and one day, my little dudes are going to realize that they have a very special dad indeed.     It’s not easy being a present dad. He is always the recipient of their ingratitude. He is told he is hated on a daily basis. He is told “this is the worst day ever” regularly too. Man that shit cuts deep when you are putting everything into your kids, but he never gives up, never steps back. He’s in it and those boys are going to love him for that. Well they already do, but they also know words are powerful and can really, reallyhurt. Bloody kids.   Both Steve and I have worked hard to build a life where we can work in a way that means we can be present for our kids. The last four years have been brutal for me, having to go back to regular work, where I was required to be in an office most days. I can not tell you how miserable that made me. I needed freedom. I needed to work on my terms. I needed to work where I wanted to work and when I needed to work. I needed to be able to attend school stuff too, without feeling guilty about it.   I needed what the future promise of work is. I just needed it before the world of work was ready to offer it completely. That reality is getting closer. I love technology for that.   So in the last couple of months, it’s been nice to step back into that dream. I needed to do what I did work-wise, to give me the exposure to get where I ultimately wanted to go, but it was hard. Really hard. I wasn’t born for a normal work-life. Maybe it’s because my dad always worked at home as an artist? I saw another way along time ago.   But being back in an office was so much easier knowing that Steve was home taking up the slack. Now we are sharing the load a little more and the boys seem to like having me around more too. I’m sure they’ll be hating on me soon. Bless them.   So thank you Steve for being a magical dad. Thank you also for teaching me that true love means to serve. I know it’s not always easy, but the time you are investing in our little loves will set them up to be the great men we want them to be in the world. It’ll be all down to you. That’s the magic of a great dad.   I am always thankful for the dad I had growing up, and now I’m thankful for the dad you are for Lex and Jax. They are lucky buggers and we all love you.   So who reckons they’ve got a better dad?   Yours without the bollocks Andrea BTW I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too, if you’re interested in the other stuff I share. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know will be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do xxxxx

A lovely new lady by the name of Vivi started working as a live-in helper with our family recently. For many of my friends around the world the idea is just weird. I understand. It was certainly weird when we hired Vick back in 2007.   But living the life we live in Singapore requires an extra set of hands. Singapore isn’t like Australia, the UK or other Western countries. Professionals regularly have to travel for extended periods of time – Steve’s on the road for weeks constantly at the moment! And while I don’t currently travel as much as Steve, the working hours here are longer and evening obligations more plentiful. When I was employed, it was rare for me to be home before 7pm every night.   There is also no after-school care at our boy’s schools in Singapore, and essentially, without a full-time live in helper, we can’t do what we do. Not to mention, living in another country there is no grandma or aunt down the road to step in when timing gets tight! It’s a necessity. While a lot of friends are not used to this lifestyle and often think we’ve got it super easy having someone doing the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc… it really just opens up our time to work longer hours.   There is definitely one benefit though. Having everything taken care of on the home front means that when you do have downtime, you spend it with your family. That’s one bit I really like.  Although all of my downtime in the last few years has been about building my personal brand so when the time was right, I was in a strong position to launch my business. That is happening right now. I’ve launched my business and it’s all cylinders firing.   But I couldn’t do it without backup. And that brings me to the main topic of this little blog. We interviewed a handful of ladies to replace our last helper, Aunty Jona. When I first interviewed for helpers back in 2007 I found the whole interview process extremely painful. I had no idea what to ask them to get a sense of who they were, so I could know if they were right for our family. I also got it wrong a lot. Really wrong. Some just aren’t a match, and it’s definitely a case of luck.   In fact, when we hired Vick in 2007, the main reason I was determined to hire her was because she was a smart arse and took the piss out of Steve! The rest of the girls wouldn’t have dreamed of doing that. They didn’t believe they ever could. The sense that they were powerless broke my heart.   Besides that, I needed someone strong. Powerful. In control. How could anyone handle the boys in my absence if they didn’t have strength of character?   Vick was with us for six years and we hit the jackpot with her. Amazing.   Since she left to go home to the Philippines, it’s been hard to replace her. Our expectations are very high, and that’s a challenge. We’ve had a few ladies come and go because they just didn’t work out. However, the main thing I struggle with is lack of care. I know it’s a job for these girls, but for me, it’s my family. It can’t be just a job.   It’s challenging, because how can I expect anything else from them? That’s where Vick spoilt us.   This time around in the interviews, the girls had more fire in their soul. There was one lady we both adored. She was beautiful and serene (but too quiet for our lads), however when we asked what her expectations were, she said one thing: “please don’t ever scold me.” Bless her. As if we ever would.   Overall, on this round of interviews, I found all of the girls more powerful. Some were interviewing because they were unhappy with their current employers. You never used to see that. Most would stay employed for years in unhappy situations because they thought they had no choice.   Many still get terrified of not being able to find a job, because they don’t want to be forced to go home. These ladies sustain entire, extended families on their salaries, so staying employed is critical.   As we interviewed more and more ladies, always from the Philippines, I wondered if it is the economic boom their country is experiencing that is making a difference. More opportunities to work are opening up at home, and that means they may not have to stay away from their families for years at a time, as they have been forced to do.   I didn’t grow up in a part of the world where I needed to leave my children to earn money to help give them the best opportunities for their future. A future based on a great education that opens up different possibilities for their kids. Real opportunities.   I have to say it destroys me that so many ladies around the world have to leave their kids behind to help raise other people’s children. It’s why we work so hard to make sure the ladies who are working for us earn good money and feel valued in their role. It’s super important to us that they feel this way, because we value the role they have in our lives.   They really are an amazing part of this economy and the success of Singapore has been built off the back of these women – as well as the men coming from developing countries to build this gorgeous city.   Check out this video on the construction of Singapore, if you haven’t seen it.   All of this helper stuff is not easy for me. I struggle with the need every single day, but then I know that we can’t live here without it.   The solace I take from this