July 2012

The boys have been home from school for a couple of weeks now and we’ve all been juggling the responsibility of keeping them entertained. Luckily for me, I’ve had a lot of work on, so Aunty Vick and Steve have been doing most of the entertaining – until Wednesday of course, when Steve gets his head down in his new job – sigh. An added challenge of the boys being home right now is it seems both are going through growth spurts at the same time – apparently it happens every 4-6 months with boys at this age. But I’ve got to tell you, when they go through growth spurts, the added testosterone turns them into TURDS! It’s intense. Throughout their lives to date, most of the parenting wisdom of expected behaviour hasn’t played true. We never had any terrible twos or annoying threes. They were both pretty cruisey lads, apart from some behavioural challenges with Lex – which turned out to be frustration because 1. He couldn’t hear us and 2. He couldn’t effectively communication his needs. That has slowly been changing, and while he regularly reverts to some pretty challenging behaviour, every day he’s moving forward, both understanding more and communicating more. The biggest thing we’ve got to pay attention to with Lex is making sure our sensitive little lad isn’t embarrassed – by us or anyone else – not easy when other kids are involved. Embarrassment is the number one event which triggers his challenging behaviours – so we remain ever vigilant, but most of the time, we can only be there to cuddle him after-the-fact. That’s life right? But Jax, at the grand old age of four, is the one who’s doing my head in. Who knew a four year old knew so bloody much? Boy can he argue, and he’s always right. He also has two common sayings – I want and I don’t want. Naturally he says I want when I don’t want him to have something. And I don’t want when I want him to have something. I am finding myself constantly saying to him “you’re so annoying!” in a jokey kind of way, but seriously meaning it – I mean he’s really bloody annoying. I feel like everything is a battle – getting him to dress himself, put his shoes on or taking them off, eating, drinking, brushing his teeth, putting sun block on, getting in the car and putting his seat belt on, moving fast enough, and I could go on and on and on. Then add to this the need to put things in my face – “look mum?” he says ramming some toy into my teeth, eyes, nose, etc… Grrrrrrrr! He is belligerent, stubborn, determined, and opinionated – and while many of these qualities will serve him very well in life – right now, they’re driving me nuts!!!  Four is definitely the most challenging age for me – by a very very long way. One to three were delightful with the Jaxster, but now I’ve come face-to-face with a whole new beast. He’s definitely a marvellous kid, with a terrific sense of humour, so I have no doubt he’s going to be an awesome man with a terrific sense of self, but in the meantime – CRIKEY!! Add to this the aforementioned growth spurt, and not only do I have a feisty four year old to argue with, but I have two boys who want to beat the shit out of each other all day, every day. I recently said to Steve – you’ve got to start wrestling these guys every chance you get, because I think that’s where we are developmentally – two boys needing to be extra physical all the time, ‘cos they weren’t enough already! I came to this conclusion after speaking to another Dad with two lads at a BBQ recently. He said to me “boys this age need to wrestle and wrestle a lot.” He suggested I Google the topic, and I found some rather interesting articles – this one was the best – so perhaps that will help?   Parenting – your heart aches with love for your children, but sometimes you just want to kick them in to next week. Not that I ever world, of course… Anyone else relate? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

To say I’m excited about the Olympics is an UNDER statement! I adore the games and regularly get all gooey and emotional watching people achieve their most remarkable best – it’s inspiring. I know many are cynical about the games these days, claiming it’s big business and nothing else, but I’m sure if you asked the athletes what it means to them, it would be a VERY different story. That’s where I focus all of my attention – on these amazing individuals who have dedicated their entire lives to being the best they can be. Of course, it wouldn’t be an Olympics without a few random genitalia poking out of leotards or some sensational sex scandal. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to keep my eyes peeled for snatch thwacks on the high beam, flaps dangling from leotards or swim suits, as well as which side the male athletes pack and assessing the most “gifted” in this arena. Obviously it’s a great perv fiesta, and I’ll be looking for the best arse and thighs in the cycling team, the best overall physique in the swim teams, and just lapping up the male perfection on show, as well as the female perfection, because I love a buff female body too. In our house, international sporting events are always of interest because I married a Pom – I know!! The great rivalry that exists between Australia and England took on a new dimension last Olympics, when for the first time in about 50 years, Team GB beat Australia in the medal tally. However, if you read this article, it’s not exactly true – apparently. To be honest, neither Steve nor I actually care which of our countries “win”, but the phone calls from my family to Steve – even if Australia beats England at Tiddlywinks – is always good entertainment. I only hope this rivalry remains good spirited, because it does have a tendency to get nasty. However, that’s the heritage of colonialism for you… it continues to this day through sport. Not to mention that Australia’s sporting prowess is something the country is VERY proud of and while I know a lot of people who have lived in (and visited) Australia think it’s completely obnoxious – which I get – you’ve got to understand that this is how Australia feels part of the greater world. When you’re positioned geographically on the arse-end of the planet (NZ included), feeling like you’re part of the bigger picture is important, and sport gives us that. Alas, I don’t think many appreciate this fact. Win or lose, I’m supporting all of the athletes – where ever they are from – because I think they’re awesome just for being there. However, there is a very small chance that I may slip in a few Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi’s – but only if no one’s looking. Enjoy and please do share any great spills or thrills, ‘cos I’m not going to be able to get them all. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

This has been going on for some time now, but I’m wondering if anyone else is experiencing the very interesting invitations from strangers to connect on Skype? Most seem to be very senior officers in the US military – typically serving in Afghanistan or Iraq – and all are rather bizarre… As a sample of my most recent contact – where out of respect for privacy, I will delete identifiable parts of names, except for the one who is a General Cock… he has to stay. Here’s a few delights, including typos, text-over-runs, etc, to share: Hello sweet, what an interesting profile of yours, I am General Smith I respect people with self esteem I am a caring, loving and easy going person that has a lot of love and care to give. I am looking for a lady who is importantly a down to heart, who is hones Hell dear, How are you doing? Can i steal your smile for a minute? Enter a message to introduce yourself. Hello friend,  I’m Brig Gen. Steven, from the United States Army general in war peace keeping assignment, How are you doing today? I hope everything is well, Well, i saw your profile reading great. So i want us to be good an hello pretty,  hi i like your picture you look nice, i am single and i am new in this site, i was married before but my wife is dead and i am left with my little daughter whom is in USA under the care of a nanny. i am 49 years and i wish to have a good relationship with a w Hello dear how are you doing.Well am Gen. caldwell, from U.S, i am presently serving as the commander general here in Afghanistan with the United Nation Army. hello friend are you doing you today i hope you are fine am general cock  you  nice meeting you if you don;t mind can we talk ? I am looking for a lady who is importantly a down to heart? Can I steal your smile for a minute? Hello pretty? Commander General in Afghanistan? Are you doing you today? I hope you are fine am general cock! I presume everyone is getting these messages, and while I typically block every one of them – is it some sort of a scam? Just uncovered a bunch more invites today and thought it was worth a share, and maybe a giggle. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Steve Johnson, a happy man today! When Steve and I came back to Singapore about 18 months ago, we decided it was time to chase our dreams. There are plenty of dreams in the mix, but the fundamental thing we’re chasing is freedom – the freedom to work hard doing the things we LOVE, have enough mullah in the bank to do the things we want, to not be controlled by someone else’s schedule, to live in a beautiful home and enjoy adventures as a family, and to have the extra time we need in the day to be there for our mini loves and each other. Since that time, every day we have gotten closer to achieving our dreams and then the next day have taken about 10 steps back. I can definitely say it ain’t been easy and my aching jaw is testament to the stresses and strains of this time. About 12 months ago we recognised a fundamental flaw in our strategy – there is only room for one entrepreneur in any relationship, and that entrepreneur needs the time and space to grow an empire. We’ve both been trying to do it together, which has caused a lot of instability, and that means mega stress! So we agreed that Steve would find work, which would give me the space I need to grow the business. Once I am successful, Steve can retire and play golf every day. Unfortunately, my love is extremely specialised and very senior in his field, so finding a job has not been an easy task. In the last 12 months he’s been on the hunt, he’s had a lot of intense disappointment along the way. Not easy for a man to deal with – especially a man like Steve. But today we got some awesome news. After four months of back and forth with two companies, he has secured a position running the region for both across Asia Pacific and the Middle East. It’s actually a very unique opportunity – one that lets him do something he’s brilliant at – building a business across this region. It also maintains our ultimate goal of freedom, because even though he’ll be working for someone else, he’ll be completely independent and building it how he sees fit. It gives him space to grow other opportunities as well – and that makes him happy. I’ve got to say it’s been a long process – one that often looked like failing – and that alone has been exhausting. So Steve my love – congratulations, we can breathe again. On my side, I’ve had more of a mish-mash of experiences along the way.  I want to write for a living – full stop. I write lots of different stuff already, but professionally I’m a business story teller, predominantly for the IT industry, but I can write about any business. The challenge is finding the right people who have a serious need for someone with my skills. Most of the big companies remain dependent on headquarters for content, while the smaller companies either don’t see the value or just don’t have the budgets. Sometimes it feels like what I offer is ahead of its time for Asia, and other times, I’m just not speaking to the right people. But I keep building, I’ve picked up a fabulous new client recently, won another deal with a major IT player that is significant professionally but not financially, and there are a few more opportunities in the mix. So I too am getting there after a long slog. Up until this point, we haven’t been able to achieve “the flow.” Any new business takes time to get to that point, and if I was speaking to anyone else about setting up a business, I’d say you might get lucky, but your ultimate goal needs to be about achieving the flow – that’s when you succeed – because until then, it’s a bumpy old ride. We can now finally leave the bumpy stage, which is just in time, because we’re fucken exhausted. One of the things I’ve discovered in the last 18 months is the impact of stress on your mind and body. When you get stressed your entire body aches and you get sick easily. You also feel really really tired, and while we’ve both battled through it, surprising ourselves with our determination and commitment to succeed somehow, it takes pieces out of you. Self confidence gets a battering, as does self belief. You can feel 10 men (or women) some days, but most of your days are spent feeling feeble, fearful and anxious. It’s also hard to think and keep track of your thoughts, let alone getting a good night’s sleep. Stress is definitely a brutal master – especially with two kids in the mix – but of course, you’ve got to let the worry go and just focus 100 per cent on where you want to be. I focused on succeeding for the first 15 months – I believed! But the last three or four months haven’t been so easy when it comes to harnessing hope. Of the many things I’ve learnt in the last 18 months – fear, worry, stress, and all those yucky things, serve absolutely no purpose, other than crippling you in every way possible. You just can’t move forward when you feel those things. So I’ve learnt to let them go, but sometimes I couldn’t let them go, because things just got too intense – to the point I wanted to explode. My goal for freedom has definitely been expanded to have no stress in my life. From today we can start to build a life with some stability in the mix, because it is very important – even for a freedom junky like me. No wonder people say stress gives you cancer – I can definitely believe this having felt the physical ramifications of stress on my body these last few years. My life has

Sunrise the morning after we were married in 2005 Nine years ago today, I was sitting on my couch, having a drink with a new female friend and we were trying to work out where to go that evening. Both in our 30s, single and neither of us believing it was possible to meet anyone in Singapore, she suggested BQ Bar on Boat Quay, because apparently, it was a good place for single blokes in Singapore that might be interested in the likes of us. I was sceptical, but figured why not, let’s give it a shot? We jumped out of the taxi around the corner, still very sober, and as I was walking up to the bar, I felt this overwhelming feeling of euphoria come over me – it was delicious. As such, when I swung open the double doors I had a HUGE smile on my face and immediately locked eyes with Steve. Shit. I was completely flustered, I didn’t know where to look, and so did the only thing I could think of and went up to the bar and ordered drinks – cosmopolitans of course, because we wanted to have a cracking evening. Steve’s friend then started talking to me, and my friend started talking to Steve, all the while, both of us were looking at each other. It was magical and exciting. In the meantime, the barman was struggling with the cocktail shaker and couldn’t get it open. I said give it to me ‘cos I’ve always been a strong girl, but I couldn’t open it. I then turned to Steve, thrust it at him, and said you’re strong (his big rugby playing shoulders were the second thing I noticed after his eyes – yum!!) BUT Steve couldn’t open it either. With embarrassment he conceded defeat and we somehow managed to get our drinks. As I pulled out my lovely Chanel wallet to pay, Steve said: “is that a fake?” Being charming, I said: “Get fucked! Do I look like the kind of girl to have a fake wallet?” Sweet talk has always been my middle name, and probably why I was single for so long! Then Steve and I started talking, and I offered to buy him a cosmopolitan (he was very impressed with my offer to pay as women didn’t buy drinks, apparently) – although he exclaimed “I’m not drinking a pink drink.” I looked at him and said trust me babe – a cosmo will blow your mind. He took on the challenge, eventually the whole bar took on the challenge, and then somehow the empty bar was jam packed, all held pink drinks aloft, and it felt like every person in there was elevated by the energy that existed between us. It was – quite simply – rocking. People were on the bar, under the bar and over the bar – dancing, laughing and having a great time. But we were having the best time of all and nine years down the track, that magical night stays with me still. I definitely believe in love at first sight because I experienced it first hand and wish that everyone had a moment like that to remember. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

 Lex with Poppy – my Dad – around three A friend invited us to a BBQ recently in our condo and we happily headed down with the lads for a swim and a sociable drink. My friend is the mother of a beautiful, happy little lad, Tom – around 16 months old – and from an outsiders’ perspective, he’s a very chilled bubba.  His Mum mostly agrees with me, although his recent climbing antics have been a bit of a shock to her, as her daughter Molly (nearly four) has never been a climber. There was another Mum at the BBQ, with a son around the same age, and watching her personal experience brought me right back to those days when Lex was in the 16 month range – which was nothing short of hell. My friend’s baby Tom could be compared to Jax at that age. Tom was happy to be picked up and cuddled by all of the maternal women attending the BBQ – and there was a large gaggle of willing cuddlers on tap. As such, his mum was free to kick back, have a chat and enjoy a drink, because she practically didn’t see him. The other mum was not so lucky. Her little fella DID NOT want to be picked up and cuddled, in fact, kids like this rarely want a cuddle when there’s adventuring to do. Kids like this are also never happy with the immediate vicinity – they want to explore it all.  This is how Lex used to be, and Steve always explained his need to explore as ‘the fart in a room’ syndrome – aka the smell permeates into every corner possible. Lex needed to be everywhere, checking out everything. It’s just who he was and I suppose still is to an extent. Hey, he’s a curious little fella and we love him for it. But those intense days have mostly passed, and at this BBQ I got to watch another Mum experience it – I actually find it’s often when you observe something in another that you realise you’re no longer in the middle of it yourself! Her son was in the pool, around the pool, climbing anything that could be climbed, up the stairs, on the gym equipment, and he kept going and going and going. Mum could not talk for anymore than a couple of minutes, because he was off again, doing something new and potentially life threatening. In the meantime, Tom was enjoying his next cuddle. Dad eventually broke away from the BBQ (it was his work mates) and gave Mum five minutes to have a break, get in a quick bite to eat, and then she was back to work, monitoring her son. When her son was near or in the pool, I took over and gave her a break. Everywhere else, she was on point, making sure her son was safe and happy. No one else stepped up to give her a break, and the truth is, she probably couldn’t have trusted anyone else to do the job anyway. She’s the only person that really understood what her son needed, and she knew that you couldn’t take your eyes off him, even for a second – he did tumble into the pool a couple of times to prove the point. I know she is not able to enjoy social conversations when she’s out with him at the moment, because that’s exactly how it was for me. Jax heading in the other direction with Nan at two I tried to reassure her, tell her that this time would eventually be over, and give her the sense of peace you get when you know you’re not alone. I always found it really difficult, because other parent’s didn’t seem to comprehend the challenges we were facing. Parents would swan up, fully intent on having a conversation and Steve or I would look at them and think, are you bloody serious? HOW DO YOU CHAT? You’re a parent?! But their kids stayed close, made sand castles, tentatively explored slides or required a gentle push on a swing. One of mine wanted to climb to the highest point of a tree, get on the roof of the playground equipment, climb to the top of a light pole, or be independent in the swimming pool. Lex wanted to do these things, and he needed to do these things. I wanted him to explore his body and understood his need to do it… so I let him, but I ALWAYS had to be there, 100 percent focused, and ready with two arms to catch on the rare occasions he fell. Steve was the same when it was him in charge – we did split the responsibilities evenly. I’m glad I recognised his need to be free because his athletic ability today is astounding, as is his judgement of physical danger. But it was never easy, and it meant a very unsociable Mumma in the mix. Because of course, we had another rambunctious little lad, who often wanted to go off in a different direction, because while Jax was not as extreme in his physical pursuits, he was no less determined in his exploration desires. My stupid bloody fault having two boys 15 months apart I know! We had a good couple of years of intensity taking the boys to playgrounds, because you just couldn’t be in two places at once and you needed to be. I always had to make a judgement – who needs me the most right now? AKA who is in the most immediate danger? I’m definitely glad those days are over. They were exhausting. It’s actually quite a magical day when “the change” happens. For no reason you can fathom, your little toddler becomes aware of where you are, and from then, everything changes and the power comes back to you. I always say to Mum’s that is the day – the magical day – when

I’ve just finished reading “The Woman Who Went to Bed for a Year” by Sue Townsend, the author of “The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 ¾.” After a recent bout of heavy, intense reads that have left my brain in a whirlwind of thoughts, reflections and ponderings, I decided to give myself a break and read something light, funny, and not too thought provoking. It was a good decision, although there were definitely some thought provoking bits too – but at least when there is humour at the core, it doesn’t wear you out so much! Based around the central character Eva, she decides to go to bed for a year, although she didn’t know it would be a year when she went to bed, and it happened the day her gifted teenage children went off to university. Eva is an interesting character, who hasn’t had a fulfilling life, probably because her heart was broken at a tender age and because she married a cock. That cock was Brian, an astronomer and arrogant son of a bitch, who in my opinion, has some very weird ideas about life, the role of his wife, and women in general – but Eva married him knowing this. The children – Brian Junior and Brianna are gifted kids – definitely in the high functioning autistic range – and like all teenagers the world over, everything revolves around them. Then we have Eva’s mother and Eva’s Mother-in-Law, a cantankerous and judgemental old bird. As the story develops, Eva’s personal decision to go to bed for a year firstly impacts her immediate community – because they do have to feed and keep her alive – but then the story goes national and international – lead by Twitter and then a media frenzy around the story of the “Angel” in bed. From there, it just gets crazier and crazier. I found it a really fascinating journey into “the story” from the perspective of multiple characters, as they interpret what it actually means to them, and how it is twisted and hyped to suit the needs of the public. It definitely resonates with the truth. There are many fascinating characters throughout the book. ‘Polly’ attends the twins’ university, and she is so wrapped up in lies that she forgets her truth, becoming her lies. We never get to the bottom of her story because the future will be more and more lies, and the interesting part of Polly’s story is the ever increasing impact her lies have on others, all the way to China. Then there is mad and eccentric ‘Sandy,’ who is rich because she inherited her parent’s wealth, but she only inhabits the kitchen of the inherited mansion, bedding down there every night in a sleeping bag, and spending her days scanning the Internet for potential queues to join – like the overnight queue for the next iPod launch, the ticket lines for Disneyland, etc.. Queues you may ask? Well she is an English character and they do like their queues, but this is where nutty Sandy meets people of like mind and makes ‘friends.’ The idea is very quirky indeed, but it highlights the desperate measures some will go to for company, so it actually didn’t feel farfetched. Alexander, one of the great characters in the book – a well spoken and educated Rastafarian with a complex story of his own, makes a great observation on ‘PC Hawk’. “Alexander looked down at PC Hawk’s innocent and ignorant face, and understood that nothing he could say would make any impression on this policeman. He had closed his mind at adolescence and cemented it shut at police training college. He would not be opening it again.” Sue Townsend is obviously a very insightful lady indeed, because she manages to go inside the minds of every character in the book, positioning the story within the context of their own thoughts, experiences and beliefs. People are what they are. Some of the characters you love for who they are, and some you despise – but that’s life right? Considering she covers men and women, as well as people from all races and religions, it’s a really inspiring way to capture a story and there’s no doubt in my mind that Sue Townsend really really understands how people tick. I am constantly fascinated by the human tendency to embrace our truths as THE truth, so found this aspect of the book fascinating. There is so much more about this book I could comment on, but the reason it captured my imagination is Sue Townsend’s insight into the complexity of relationships we build in our lives, the need to please others or not please others, how very few people follow their own path or heart, how selfish some can be – unaware of their impact on others, or conversely, how generous people can give – usually at the detriment to themselves. She represents these sides of humanity perfectly and with great humour.  I found it a really brilliant and insightful book, and if you are the sort of person who is interested in how people tick, this is definitely worth a read. Alternatively, if you just want a giggle, it will do that too. Let me know what you think? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea