December 2012

When Jax was born nearly five years ago, he was a bloody legend when it came to sleep. He loved nothing more than cuddling up to his ‘Fuffa Bear’ while sucking on his thumb, and many a morning we had to wake him up to face the day. It was magic having at least one kid who loved his sleep. Then about nine months ago the night terrors kicked in and for that entire time, Steve and I have had to endure a squirming, cuddly little man in our bed, disturbing our sleep – it’s been exhausting. I know, our own fault, but Steve and I did agree that we’d do whatever the boys needed to make them feel safe and loved. But it’s taken a turn for the worse and not only is he annoying the shit out of us every night, he’s now decided that waking up anytime from 5.30am is acceptable. This is not a good evolution for anyone in our house, especially as he’s started sneaking out so he doesn’t wake us up (considerate of him), only to wake Lex up – grrrrrr!! Early wake-ups are a challenge for me, but the greatest challenge comes from the fact that both boys are not getting enough sleep and thus, they’re miserable little bastards at some point during the day. The heightened tired emotions they’re experiencing, along with our own weary, bleakness, is not pleasant. But as I know with this parenting malarkey, nothing lasts forever, and if I resist it will persist, so my greatest wish for 2013 is that Jax 1. Sleeps in his own bed and 2. He gets back to the little man who loves his sleep. That’s all I need, really…. With that I would like to wish everyone a VERY VERY Happy New Year. I hope the hangovers tomorrow aren’t too brutal, that 2013 is sensational, that the world moves to a more peaceful and loving place, and that the string of bad luck our family has experienced for the last four years or so is finally over and the good times are rolling on – now that would be a nice change for 2013 and it’s gunna happen. With love and without the bollocks Andrea BTW If you like what I write about, I’ve launched a Without the Bollocks Facebookpage at long last ‘cos I’m planning to ramp things up a bit in 2013. I’d appreciate any ‘likes’ on offer.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the post box and there was a parcel for ME. Now any parent knows that once the kids come along, there is never EVER anything in the post box for you, with our boys enjoying a steady supply of DVDs from their English Grandparents. But it was for me, and when I opened it, I found a beautiful card and pampering pack from my dear friend Saskia in Holland. It was so lovely, so thoughtful and so heartfelt that I burst into tears. My boys, who were still dealing with the disappointment of it not being a new DVD, looked at me like I was nuts, but then, what’s new! Saskia basking in the late October sun in Holland after her 40th b’day bash I immediately dropped a note to Sas to say thank you, trying to convey how much it meant to me, but I don’t think I did a good job in explaining the impact. To know that someone spent their time doing something for me, understanding that a little pick-me-up was in order, well it was just a really special thing.  Saskia is an incredibly thoughtful person – it’s a quality I love in her and she inspires me to be more – but I don’t think she knows how special that quality really is. Bless her. But it also made me realise how often I think of the great people I’ve met in my life and how rarely I reach out and say hi – in whatever way is appropriate. Facebook has enabled me to get back in touch with so many wonderful people – which I am so thankful for because I know what is going on in friend’s lives to an extent – but I think I need to do more of the little important things. It doesn’t have to be much – a card with a funny memory, a photo of a time we smiled together, or buying a small gift that will make someone smile. I mean, let’s face it, there is no better feeling than being thought of, but equally, it also feels great to think of someone and honour them because they have meant something important to you. So as the Christmas season takes the attention of many of my friends around the world, anyone want to think ahead and join me for a year of random acts of kindness? The rules are simple. Whenever you think of someone who’s been awesome in your life, send them something – anything – with the simple goal of showing them you were thinking of them. It will melt their hearts. Anyone in? With that, I want to wish my sister a very Happy Birthday today, and everyone else a VERY Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and here’s my prediction for 2013: it is going to be the best year EVER because I said so. And finally, thank you thank you thank you for your love and support in reading and commenting on my blog. It is appreciated more than you know. Big love and kisses Yours, without the bollocks Andrea PS: Saskia, my fellow Zen-seeker, thank you again darling!

I read somewhere recently that if you hug someone for six seconds or more, all of the feel-good stuff that comes with a hug is transferred between the hugger and huggee, leaving you both feeling better. As such, I’ve decided to hug more often and for longer. For some reason, I find I forget the small, important stuff, but we all know it’s the small stuff that makes such a big bloody difference. So I told Steve about this hugging idea and he’s taken it on board as well (although it’s not an arse groping opportunity love), as such, we’re giving each other lots more hugs throughout the day – for absolutely no reason what so ever – and you know what, it makes me feel more loving towards him. Cool huh?  The most famous hug of 2012 – a Twitter pics hall of fame! I am a fan of hugging and especially in Singapore, my super-hugs have always gone down a treat with my Asian friends. It can be months or years between seeing old pals, and the first thing they say when they see me is “can you give me one of your great hugs?” Nice. Culturally, Asians aren’t so hot on the hugging-front, except when they get to know me. But it was my great mate Irene who really taught me how to hug. Irene is a Master Hugger who believes you should never be the first person to let go in a hug. As such, a hug with Irene is long and lovely, ‘cos who wants to be the first person to let go? I need to remember my Masters’ lessons. I hate being too occupied with insignificant bollocks (in the bigger scheme of things) to remember this simple pleasure, because well, that’s just wrong. So I wanted to share this, ‘cos a small bit of focus in the last couple of weeks has made life a little bit nicer for my whole family, and I thought someone else might appreciate the reminder that hugs are good, but do it for at least six seconds… and no back patting!!! Happy Holidays! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea  

Seth Godin recently published this blog. Sometimes he hits a real chord with me, and this is obviously one of those times. “Most advice is bad advice… People mean well, especially friends and family, but they’re going to give you bad advice. Seth’s Head from sethgodin.typepad.com This leads to two challenges as you strive to create original work that matters: 1. Ignore their advice, even the well-meant entreaties that you stick with the status quo and 2. Try to discern the actually useful good advice, so you don’t insulate yourself in the bubble of the self-deluded. In general, this good advice pushes you to go faster, or to do things that make you uncomfortable. PS the irony of this post is not lost on me.” I deffinitely agree with him, however, there’s a further aspect to this discussion I often think about – which is obviously not about work exclusively, although it still counts. When people give advice, they give it from the perspective of their own experience, and this experience can include fears and anxieties. So, for example, if you ask someone for advice on something they could never imagine doing in a million years, they’re not going to be able to give you useful advice. How could they, when what you are proposing actually frightens the shit out of them? I believe you’ve got to be really selective in who you ask and make sure it’s someone who actually understands you, as well as knowing what drives you. I’ve had a lot of people give me advice – some asked for, but some offered uninvited. I’m always very careful who I ask for advice, because it has to come from people who can offer me the best advice based on who I am, as opposed to who they are. It’s not that I don’t respect people’s opinions, but on the occasions I seek help, then I want to get the right help. A great case in point was pregnancy! Man oh man you get advice from every man, woman, child AND their dog – but most of the time, you’ve never even met them before! I remember leaving one dinner party in tears (pregnant and sober) because people I’d just met gave me advice that frightened the shit out of me. When we got in the car Steve said: “babe, enough. We are not listening to anyone else about pregnancy, child birth, or child raising unless we decide they are someone whose opinions we actually value and are people who will be similar parents to us.” He was right, and we were very selective after that, but pregnancy is a special kind of advice-time in a gal’s life, because everyone is a beginner there! But by stepping back and only taking advice from certain types of people, it definitely took a lot of fear out of that time for me. Phew!   But then, going further back, as a teenager, I had a lot of people giving me advice as well. I was growing up, finding out who I was and I wanted to try new things, see new things, and experience new things. As such, I asked the people in my life what they thought? In many many cases, people tried to discourage me from doing what I was proposing, and I thought “Hmmmmmmmm – oh well I’m going to do it anyway.” Stubbornness has always been a trait. The thing is, when I succeeded it made the advice I was given confusing because it made me question why they gave it to me in the first place. From where I was standing, what I achieved was worth the risk, so why did they try to discourage me? It’s obvious – they couldn’t do it or conceive of it (for whatever reason) – so their advice was in alignment with how they were feeling and had nothing at all to do with me. I was, quite simply, asking the wrong people. For me, life has always been about going for it and seeing what happens, because even if it doesn’t pay off, it doesn’t matter, because I get the gift of a lesson learned, so no matter what, I gain. That was a great early life lesson, because it taught me to trust my own instincts and it’s served me well – not always – but the majority of the time. It essentially taught me to trust myself, as well as accept responsibility when things didn’t work out as I hoped. Anyways I liked this blog, because advice is such an interesting thing to seek and take on board – but more than that, it is also something too freely offered in our world. I believe it is only relevant if it’s targeted to who you are, as opposed to coming from the perspective and experience of the person offering the advice, and all of what that entails. Shit, I don’t even take Steve’s advice much of the time – something he’s had to learn to accept as part of this marriage partnership malarkey, but then, I don’t expect him to heed mine either. You’ve got to do what you feel is right for you at the end of the day. Any advice experiences – good or bad – you’d like to share? Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I’m in absolute heaven at the moment- we’ve got The Voice AND X Factor on at the same time – both the American versions of course, because that’s how it rolls in Singapore. I find it pure bliss watching these shows and thankfully, my husband is in agreement. Now singing talent shows would be nothing without the judges (and sometimes the hosts), and that’s what I want to talk about today – because what an eclectic bunch of people both shows have on board. Starting with X Factor USA (our second year ) we have, of course, Simon Cowell,along with L.A. Reid, Britney Spears and Demi Lovato. This is Simon’s show and he is King, but the great thing about X Factor (compared to American Idol), is he has to be nice to at least his own contestants. That’s certainly a turn-up, but it’s even more amusing because this year, awkward Simon has a gaggle of the girliest girls on his team (Fifth Harmony) and it’s very amusing watching him do the back-pat-cuddle-thing with his little ladies, while they talk about God. He also has a boy band – Emblem3 – a band Steve HATES – but win or lose, these bouncy, bubbly, surfy boys are going to be a success, because the girls love ‘em. There is no question Simon knows what makes America tick, and even though he is biased on the X Factor, I do enjoy him.     Side-to-side, head-bobbing, super-bitchy L.A. Reed is another favourite, who is often honest and unforgiving in his criticism, but sometimes things have to be said. I think I like him. Demi Lovato is someone else I have come to admire through this show. She’s not a silly girl, is obviously intelligent, and while I wouldn’t know her music if I fell over it, she’s a goody. However, I’m wondering if she will be sacked by Simon for being a little too in his face? Time will tell. My only criticism of Demi is her fashion sense. Sometimes she looks beautiful and other times she dresses like an old maid – I’m sure she’s got someone giving her advice – no? But Britney is a stand-out on the judging panel for me. I am not one of these people that hate her because her music is trite or her life antics incomprehensible. I couldn’t care less and have no idea what “being Britney” would be like. I did, however, go into this show hoping she’d show the world what she was made of. All I can say is she hasn’t. From her asinine comments, pursed lips, little claps, lack of expression, lack of emotion, repetitive praise, etc, etc, etc, – it just makes me think –  what? I wanted to love you Britney, but you’re making it hard. Paula Abdul actually looks good by comparison – from a verbal point of view – and that’s saying something! But you’re obviously doing a good job with your teens – which is evident, I just know you less than I did before – and that’s saying something for these shows, because there’s usually nowhere to hide.   But the standout of X Factor HAS to be the hosts. Mario Lopez is good – a seasoned veteran who keeps the show running with the right words in the right spots. Khloe Kardashian Odum is another story. Now let’s look at the positives – it’s nice to see a Kardashian actually working for a living, yes? On the negative side – where the hell did they find her? She absolutely has NO idea what she’s doing, her comments are awkward to say the least, and while Mario tries to be subtle, his regular double-takes on her verbal blunders is amusing. Khloe doesn’t seem to have any sense of the emotions involved in a show like this, often shoving the microphone into the face of a 13 year old contestant who is devastated because she’s just been eliminated, only to ask the poignant question: “why are you crying?” Shit Khloe, I don’t know, the kids dream are in ruins? Both hosts have also taken a long time to bond with the contestants, because they weren’t involved from the beginning, and that makes them both seem insincere. They’re definitely warming up, but it’s taking time. My main observation as a viewer is that Khloe just doesn’t seem to get what it’s like for a normal person to have their dreams crushed. A sign of the weird life she’s lived I suppose – no sense of reality? It seems others are in agreement they’re not so good together. One funny thing about Khloe (and Britney too) is a contestant called Vino. He’s brilliant – a rough, tattooed bloke who’s got a cracking voice. He OBVIOUSLY makes a lot of the girls very uncomfortable because of how he looks (and Britney appeared extremely uncomfortable around him), but my chuckle always surfaced when he’d grab Khloe tightly around the waist during judges feedback. It’s a shame he was eliminated recently, because the eye-bulging, strained face and tense body of Khloe sure did give me a giggle.   Check out Vino’s clinch at 6.39 seconds. Not her best eye-bulge, but he always swoops in on Khloe   Moving on, we are also watching The Voice (for the first time) and I can’t believe we haven’t tuned in before! It’s an awesome show and the contestants are truly amazing, including some very eclectic talent! The music aficionados I know would definitely enjoy the quality of the talent if you’re not already watching it. For me, this is the first singing competition where all of the judges are nice people and obviously have respect for each other – they’ve essentially got a good vibe going, which is a nice change. Secondly, none of the judges are arseholes to the contestants and thirdly, Cee Lo Green – man, you are one quirky dude! Besides the sexual battery charges (and I ain’t going to

I love Neale Donald Walsch. The ‘Conversations with God’ books was an eye-opener of possibilities for me – ones I hadn’t considered before – and I really enjoy the way he writes. Sometimes authors just resonate with you and he’s a resonator for me. Anyway, he’s got a new book out, but I’ve just re-read his previous one (I think) “The Storm Before the Calm” – a book designed to start a global conversation around the most pressing issues facing humanity. There are many things I like about the way Neale positions his ideas, but the thing I like most is he doesn’t claim to have all the answers. He always makes you think, but leaves it open to your own personal interpretation – i.e what makes sense to you. I think he’s doing good work by challenging people to think in different ways – even if some of his ideas come across as naive in this book – but it’s a starting point.  Of course, he’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and some people downright hate his ideas – hey we’re all different. Also the seven questions he asks in this book have (according to him) pissed people off, because – well I don’t know. Neale says many feel confronted by these questions, and because I’m not confronted, I don’t understand why people are? Are you? Can you tell me why? I’m just curious to know. Questions below. Neale’s work is often considered blasphemous, and in my mind, all early thinking has been labelled this way. As such, I’m open to reading work by people getting labelled with the big B because it tweaks my curiosity. I believe the blasphemous are doing nothing more than challenging accepted thinking, and well, I just like that. I certainly never think there is anything wrong with new thinking, because let’s face it, any belief system we have in the world right now was considered blasphemy in its early days. I often wonder if the Second Coming of Christ actually did happen all the people hoping for this “event” will claim it’s false – because it wasn’t like Jesus had an easy time of it first time round. As such, what millions of people are waiting for right now might actually be denied by them again anyway? So as a suggestion to ensure it’s not missed – perhaps paying attention to anything labelled blasphemy might be a good idea? Just a thought. Moving on – so you know what I’m talking about, here are his Seven Questions… The Three Persistent Questions How is it possible that 6.9 billion people [obviously written before we hit the big 7] can all claim to want the same thing (peace, security, opportunity, prosperity, happiness and love) and be singularly unable to get it? Is it possible that there is something we do not fully understand about life, the understanding of which would change everything? Is it possible that there is something we do not fully understand about ourselves, about our own life and its purpose, the understanding of which would shift our reality and alter our experience for the better, forever? The Four Fundamental Questions Who am I? Where am I? Why am I where I am? What do I intend to do about that? I find these questions really fascinating, but the one question that captures my attention the most is: “is it possible that there is something we do not fully understand about life, the understanding of which would change everything?” I definitely think there is and every new discovery that disproves something that was an accepted belief is proof of that. I don’t know the answers to any of these questions, and I am not sure I ever can answer them, but I’d love to discuss it with a group of like-minded and curious people – anyone in Singapore up for a chat? Or perhaps online? But then there’s a Global Movement as well where “The Gentlest Revolution is underway.” I haven’t had time to delve into this site, but I’d like to. It’s certainly a positive message. So are having conversations enough to change the direction of the world in a positive way? Neale thinks so, and I think it depends on whether or not you believe in the idea of ‘universal consciousness.’ I feel that the existence of this fourth dimension has been proven enough for me personally, but many may think it’s a load of bollocks. That’s the beauty of life – we all believe what we believe based on so many different inputs and our interpretation of them… one of those things that makes life interesting.  So perhaps it is enough to create the world we want – if enough people are feeling the love and thinking the love? One thing I do know for sure is there is a lot of talk at the moment – the end of the world, the Mayan Calendar, the true age of Aquarius, etc, etc, etc.. but I often wonder if we are entering the next Axial Age? The first Axial Age occurred in the 1,000 years BC and saw significant parts of the world take massive shifts in thoughts and beliefs. This shift marked the beginning of humanity as we know it to this day, as we are still in this age. It’s a big subject – one I love – but it was the age of the early Hebrew prophets, Taoism, Confucianism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Zoroastrianism, but also rationalism with Socrates and Plato. Why the Axial Age started is not fully understood, but many believe the age came about because of a general malaise with life and faith in some significant parts of the world, and I just feel we are coming to that point again. A large percentage of the world’s population aren’t happy with how we’re going right now and we want positive change – which is good, because I believe we’re on the road to