January 2011

I checked my blog stats for the first time today and it seems I’ve had nearly 4,000 hits since “Without the Bollocks” went public around October last year! Therefore I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone for reading the ramblings of my mind. I’d be thrilled if I had that many hits on our company Website www.sajeideas.com, but we’ll get there! Interestingly, “I just want to elaborate on the vagina discussion” was the number one blog with “gaining time” close behind at number two. This means I have two types of readers – people with filthy minds and those curious about our decision making processes. An interesting diaspora that! My primary readership is in Australia and the US, with Singapore, the UK, Netherlands, France, Canada, Denmark and India taking up the rear, but the curious country is Slovenia. I am very fortunate to have many friends all over the world but I can honestly say I do not think a Slovenian is amongst them (yet) – I just hope someone isn’t using it to improve their English skills ‘cos I don’t think I’m best placed to help with that…. Although they’ll improve on their swear words. So now all I need to do is convert all of my wonderful readers into members and somehow reassure those who’ve told me they’re too “shy” to comment that I’m the only one reading the responses most of the time anyway – so please comment away. It’s always awesome getting a comment or two when I post a blog. When no one comments it kind of leaves you sitting there thinking “was it that shit?” It’s akin to having a conversation with someone who doesn’t speak back and who enjoys that? I have a long term aim for “Without the Bollocks,” which I’ll share down the track, but in the meantime, thanks for all the support. I am very very grateful. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I grew up in a Catholic family. I went to Catholic Schools. Every Sunday our entire family of six would be marched off to Church, always sitting in the front row on the right hand side of a three pronged lay-out – aka the cross. But the Lord strike down ANYONE who sat in our seats – it happened a few times, but it’s alright, Mum sorted them out quick smart. Our best friends, the Pinis (all 11 of them,) were always seated in the front row opposite, and all the other good Catholic families from our town were firmly ensconced in their respective seats. It was usually a full house and the throng was often entertained by the Edwards’ family brass ensemble – something that got very uncool as the teen years progressed. I could talk a lot about those Church days (and my mother,) but I will leave it for another day as I would like to talk about one of the Ten Commandments – “Thou Shalt Not Judge.” Obviously I memorised them all, but this was always my favourite. The others just didn’t resonate. For example, coveting the neighbour’s wife and anything else your neighbours had – well you should’ve seen our neighbours, they actually had dirt floors! We certainly weren’t at risk of damnation there. There are no other Gods but me – we didn’t realise there were any other candidates – so all good on that one. Not killing or murdering – cool with that. Honouring thy father and thy mother – can that be an exception please God? Haven’t always been the best on that one… Anyways, I thought the “thou shalt not judge” rule was a goodie and I have worked pretty hard in my life not to do it. I prefer to try and understand why someone is being a dickhead or a wanker, rather than just accusing them of being a dickhead or a wanker. Most of us have underlying reasons for all of our behaviours after all – good or bad. I started to realise this rule wasn’t something many people took too seriously early on. It all came crashing down in my world, when, after exiting said Church, the women folk would light up their “Kents” and have a stitch and bitch about other women/people in the Church. I’m sure the only thing that’s changed about that church is there are no longer ashtrays available. My Dad told me that as a four year old I came up to him and said “Dad, didn’t the priest just say that we shouldn’t say bad things about people?” Why yes he said, to which I responded “Well why is Mum and her friends saying nasty things about…?” whoever it was they were talking about that week. Apparently that left him a bit stumped, because what exactly could he say to a four year old who has hit the nail on the head BUT he can’t exactly bag his wife? I’m not a fan of judgement, as anyone who knows me is aware, it just makes me feel really uncomfortable. I really do believe that there is ALWAYS another perspective. But it’s not going away anytime soon, and one of the places where judgement is getting a new lease of life is Facebook and social media generally. Take a look. There is some pretty strong stuff coming through and while communicating a painful moment is fair enough to your “friends,” bagging a complete stranger for their antics makes me squirm. Thou Shalt Not Judge is the only part of my Catholic education I still hold on to. The rest of it is pretty much out the door.. and I still have no desire to covet thy neighbour’s wife nor their ox, nor their male servant, nor their donkey…! Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I’ve talked about the communication challenges I face in Singapore in a recent blog, and recently we had a great example. We are living in a serviced apartment for a few months while we sort ourselves out. In the deal we get everything thrown in, including the apartment cleaned twice a week. The problem is they are cleaning it on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Enah, our cute little cleaner, who was donning a lovely fresh tight perm this week, is doing a great job. However I was a bit concerned about the impact on the environment caused by beds being changed two days apart, as well as fresh towels at every servicing. So I asked Enah if it would be OK to only change the beds once a week and the towels if deemed necessary? That was Tuesday. Thursday no Enah. I called housekeeping and asked when the apartment would be serviced? But mam, you told our lady you only want the apartment serviced once a week. Ummm why would I do that? It defies all logic. If she doesn’t come, it means we clean – do you really think I want that. So I said no, that is not the case, I asked Enah not to change the beds and towels. OK we will get back to you. Fine but please don’t call or knock on the door between 1-4pm as that is the time when our children will sleep. No problem lah. I’m at a meeting and at 3pm, the door bell rings. It is the head of housekeeping. Steve’s had a hell of a time getting Lex off to sleep, and now the boys are fully awake – Jax sleeps for two hours in the day typically. He loves his sleep that one. “Sir the mam told Enah only to service the apartment once a week,” the lady explained as both boys were running crazily around the apartment. Steve said “no she didn’t, she asked her not to change the bed linen twice a week and only to change the towels if needed.” “No sir, mam said only once a week.” I think that was my favourite part of the engagement, Steve being told what I said, when he had actually heard me say otherwise. So Steve tried to explain what his environmentally conscious wife was trying to get across and then said, “you know what. Let’s just keep it as is. Two servicings a week, change all beds and all towels. That would be great.” When I got home, Steve told me what went on leaving me feeling terribly guilty, and then he suggested that from now on, all discussions on any variations to the servicing agreement of the apartment, or any changes to any plans related to the household are firmly his responsibility. I happily agreed and said OK lah. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I can’t imagine too many people on the planet who aren’t aware of the extraordinary Lady Gaga. I remember when I thought it was high time to check out this chick, as she’d obviously captured the imagination of the world. I mean, considering her inappropriate burping gets major media coverage (click title for that story) she definitely has to be of megastar status right? So two years ago, Lady Gaga entered firmly into my world and the phenomenon that is Gaga is now all around. Gaga, what do I think? On the positive side, I think she is an amazing performer, costume designer, fashionista, singer and entertainer. I love the fact that she’s out there, pushing boundaries and on some levels, I do think she is empowering for women. I love her support of the gay community, and it’s not just because she’s bisexual, it’s because they love her and she’s returning the love. Her costumes are fantastical – minimal or over the top – it’s great artistry. “Telephone” was great and while a bit saucy, it had that ‘Thelma and Louise’ edge all women love. I suppose if truth be told, I just really dig her music. However, it’s not enough for me to like the music of a person – I also need to like the impact they have on the world, or better yet, when they have no impact at all. I have to admit that I prefer performers who aren’t into the big “life” show, but then it’d be boring if they were all like that. Gaga certainly ain’t “disappearing” when the gigs are over and that is where she has me a bit stumped. When I ask myself the question – do I like her? Is she someone I admire? Do I think she’s a positive role model for women (especially young women) in a world that is very short on positive female role models?  Well you see this is where she hasn’t won me over – YET. I appreciate that EVERYTHING she does is staged – hey she’s got a very big persona to keep alive, so it’s got to be done. However Gaga sitting at the Yankees game with a bra and not much else – why? The image of her covered in blood on stage? Not so keen on that. The whole “I couldn’t give a fuck” attitude – well yes, I can appreciate it to an extent, but my concern is the impact on women, who don’t necessarily have the awareness to know how to carry this attitude off in a positive way. Gaga’s persona is aloof, out there, extreme, unreliable – you never know what you’re going to get and I think this is great. What a true entertainer should be. But is she nice and good too? I just don’t know. But even if she’s not, are her antics convincing others that it’s OK to behave like that? Gaga can, most of us can’t and except to live happily in this world. Gaga gets away with everything, but it’s the young girls walking around feeling empowered because of her that makes me concerned. And I don’t think Gaga is solely responsible for this by the way – it’s been going on for some time now – but I don’t think she’s helping the case. The world – well the Western world – is full of young teenage girls (many too chubby to get away with it) walking around with their tits out and arse cracks hanging over the tops of their jeans, and it’s not always a pretty sight! It’s also not done in an appropriate setting – like at the office. They’re also all mouth, and “fuck you,” and shagging anything with a pulse because THEY CAN! And while, to an extent, I say good on you, on the other hand, it’s not being done in a “positive” way – my concern is that the girls aren’t walking away feeling good about themselves, in fact they’re getting angry, and that makes me sad. Let’s face it; any self destructive behaviour is not good for one’s soul. Hey most of us have been there in some form or another right? In the meantime, if you want to learn more about the myth of Gaga, Wikipedia reports that her influence “on modern culture and society has provoked the University of South Carolina into offering a full-time course entitled “Lady Gaga and the Sociology of Fame” with the objective of unravelling the sociologically relevant dimensions of the fame of Lady Gaga with respect to her music, videos, fashion, and other artistic endeavors.” Now that could be a pretty interesting course I reckon? In the meantime Gaga, I know I’m not your target market, but PLEASE remember that you have incredible power to influence young girls and women in a superbly positive way and I would love to see you do it. I am not convinced yet, but as always, I remain open minded. Who knows you could be a sweet little pussycat with a big public image… I know one thing, I’ll never know. And my dear readers please do tell me what you think – good or bad? Alternatively, feel free to express any thoughts if you think I’m full of shit and should just get on with enjoying the music and forgetting about the rest of this crap… Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

So American Idol got off to a great start last night, with Steve Tyler and JLo new to the judging team. I have always been a secret admirer of JLo and Steve Tyler is a rocker from way back who definitely adds a great dimension to the panel. Randy – well who couldn’t like him? I just love his chuckle when the singing is shit, but don’t ask for his opinion first. He definitely prefers to follow. My only disappointment is Cara – where did she go? She was really hitting her stride on the show… As a general rule, I ain’t a reality TV person. It all feels a bit like feeding the Christians to the lions for me – a bit too voyeuristic as one watches other’s make a fool of themselves. It’s easy to make judgements of people on reality TV from the comfort of your own armchair, but no one ever knows what it would be like to be on TV in that situation with cameras all around, nor do many of us appreciate the power of editing, and the editing is done to create the best TV after all. But AI is different for me. It’s a singing competition and a talent show, and I love watching the people grow with the show – in confidence, talent and skill. It shows how someone with something raw can build into something great. Alternatively, it can show someone raw who just doesn’t have what it takes to become great. There’s been a host of fantastic singers in the early days who haven’t made the cut, and it’s always fascinating to observe how some can listen and learn, while others just don’t get it at all. For some reason, they are incapable of “hearing” what the judges say. We can all see it but they can’t. It’s a curious thing that. The early weeks of AI are always the funniest and the most emotional. The heart rending stories blow me away every time and, of course, you have the people who do the ridiculous. Last night wasn’t too bad, except for the Latino girl with silver stars on her tits – and it was so unnecessary because she can obviously sing. Let’s hope she takes the judges feedback and focuses on what she has to offer vocally, as opposed to her physical assets that just make her look an idiot. The Japanese “Michael Jackson” dude was a curious fellow too huh? Steve remains convinced that the truly bad performers are staged. I’m not. I think they are genuine, because there is this weird aspect to American culture where people really are convinced that they are talented. It’s a country where people believe they can be anything they want to be – which is a wonderful thing. It’s this quality in American culture that makes AI even more powerful than the other Idols around the world. There’s nothing quite like Americans self belief I’ve got to say, and I love them for that, although sometimes it’s a bit much. Every year the dorks come out to play. They have unbearably shocking voices, and all through their life, their dorky family (also featured) tell this person they are amazing. In fact, for many, everyone in their life tells them they are amazing. However when the judges tell them that singing is not their thing and that are definitely not amazing – they are truly shocked and upset. It makes for great TV and thank you America for encouraging your youth to be all they can be, even if it is misguided sometimes. It’s better than cultures telling people what they can’t be. Anyways, I just love this show and I get excited knowing tonight is an AI night. Steve does too. I’m just hoping Adam Lambert does a gig on the show as he’s an Idol competitor that rocked my world. Also Crystal Bowersox and Melinda Doolittle – three of my all time favourites, but my favourites never win… Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Advertising outside of your home country is always intriguing, but Asia pretty much takes the cake on entertainment value for me. Forget the adverts filmed in a different language and then translated into English, resulting in the words stopping but the mouth still flapping… that’s always a giggle. It is what is being advertised and how it is being advertised that I find intriguing, because the trigger points to make me buy something are obviously very different to the trigger points within other cultures/countries. Now Asians are into skin whitening products. It was very confusing when I first landed in Singapore because I would buy some body moisturiser, for example, and my legs would come up blindingly white – not pretty. I then realised I was shopping in the body whitening products section – something I’d never come across before in my life. Confused by this, I asked my Asian mates what the hell all of the whitening products were about, and they said, in Asia, the whiter you are the richer you appear. This goes back to the days when poor people who worked the fields could be identified by their tans. So the tradition still exists and most women will do anything to avoid a tan – especially the older generation. It’s a shame though, because people who CAN tan look so much more beautiful with colour in their skin, than they do plastered with whitening products… but that’s just my opinion. Apparently I look red when I tan, according to my Indian friends, which was quite disconcerting to hear. After a holiday somewhere many moons ago, I came back to work feeling all good having colour in my skin when one of my Indian colleagues said why are you so red? What? Red? This is me with a tan. Perception is a funny old thing. Anyway, anyway, anyway, getting back to the point of this blog, I have a new favourite ad. And it’s Rexona’s new advert for a deodorant that leaves you smelling nice AND gives you white armpits within two weeks. Crikey! Rexona, one of Australia’s illustrious deodorant brands, of whom I would be a “fan” if I bothered to check if they had a Facebook page, has come to Singapore. Hooray. Unfortunately they do not stock “Classic Silk” – my preferred deodorant of choice and one I have been lugging around the planet every time I’ve lived in another country – I bought 12 cans before moving back to Singapore. Hey, when you come from a sweaty country like Australia, and you’re genetic ancestry comes from a cooler part of the world, you’ve got to agree that Australia does do deodorant better than anyone else? We have to – Caucasian Australians are sweaty bastards after all. So Rexona is here but it’s different. Bummer. However Rexona in Asia is clever because they are localising – the corner stone of success for any brand seeking global dominance – and this is what has caught my imagination. Picture this. Two women, car broken down, they’re waving for attention at the side of the ride, no one is stopping, they rip their sleeves off and get sexy, one of them does not use the Rexona brand being advertised and therefore, has no success getting attention. The other one does, and as a result, has shining white armpits, and is immediately swamped with sexy male helpers, the car is fixed and they are on their way. Personally, I have never given too much thought to the appearance of underarms. I appreciate that in the advertising world one’s armpits must look “clean,” and we all remember the steroid pumping Eastern European women at the Olympics of yesteryear for their hairy pits. However other than a “strict no hair/no smell” rule for myself, and a fervent wish that all women around me follow the same rule or kept hair hidden from view, that’s about it. But now my eyes have been opened and gleaming white pits are the vogue – at least around these parts. I have to say though, and I am sorry, but it feels a tad ridiculous to me because while I have come to understand and appreciate why Asian and darker skinned women want to look whiter, I can never agree that I think it is a great thing. Heck, in Africa, some of the women using whitening products are breaking out in skin cancers all over their body because of the toxins in this stuff. Do we really also want to be spraying this stuff into our sweat glands? And while it is certainly not going to be of the toxic grade being used in Africa, spraying any level of beach into a part of the body that absorbs everything into the bloodstream surely can’t be good? I mean the scientific evidence is already damning enough for deodorant – but I will continue using it anyway – but bleach? I long for a world where women, in particular, can feel beautiful in the skin they are in and celebrate the body shape they get. We are all constantly bombarded with images of what a perfect woman should be, and so we forget that we are perfect just the way we are, because it is the way we are. Why do we keep fighting for the impossible? Why do we accept the advertising bollocks? But more than that, I believe women are being programmed to waste precious head space on bullshit when there is so much more we can be doing with our time. Yours, without the bollocksA red Andrea PS: I do not claim to be any better about this stuff than any other woman on the planet and it shits me that I get caught up in it too

I’m obviously not writing this as a promo for Facebook (because they don’t need it) but as a promo for my needs in keeping the communication channels flowing. I’ve noticed that a lot of people are waxing and waning on Facebook now – the thrill is over huh? – and I just want to say COME BACK! In the good old days before social networking, many people didn’t stay in touch or if they did, they’d write email “letters” that I just never had time to respond to, especially since the boys have come along. Between family and wife obligations + my work, any extracurricular activities, like staying in touch with friends old and new, is part of life’s juggling act and I have been getting shoddier and shoddier at it. I do consider myself good at keeping in touch, but I have to say that it is getting much harder. And that’s where Facebook has been such a boon for me. Someone recently said you like Facebook huh? You’re pretty active on it. And the reason is I get to be a voyeur into my friend’s lives. I know what they’re doing, who they’re doing it with, how they’re feeling, and their opinions on certain events going on around them. I know who’s having babies, getting engaged or married, and even who’s getting the odd shag.It’s awesome because I can know all of this and feel connected to people who have touched my life, BUT I don’t need to spend hours and hours doing it – just a scan of my Facebook page here and there is all that’s required. I’ve found old school friends I lost touch with, old Uni buddies and even a couple of fellow Army Musicians I did my time with. It’s been very cool checking in on people from across all spectrums of my life and I’m certainly not bored with Facebook. Hey I’ve known for a long time that I’m a voyeur at heart, so it really appeals to me as a communication mechanism. So for those getting apathetic with Facebook, pick yourself up, slap yourself around the chops, appreciate it for what it is and get back online. I love knowing what’s going on in your life – good or bad – it’s a way of feeling close when we often live many many miles away from each other. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea PS: for those reading my blog and not on Facebook – e.g. Andy Noble – sort yourself out!!

I speak quickly. But worse than that, I’m also a bit of a mumbler – AND I’m not talking underpants mumbling for those with filthy minds. Anyone who has received a voicemail from me could probably testify to this… With that said, I think I’ve gotten better over the years, but the reality is, not much has changed. So imagine my communication attempts with someone speaking English as a second language or sometimes worse, people who speak English as a first language but pronounce their vowels in a completely different way? Welcome to Singapore. The vowels that seem to be an issue are i and e. For example, the infamous example in Singapore is Ikea. I pronounce it eye-key-a whereas a Singaporean would pronounce it ick-ia. My name always confuses due to the r and e in it, but my favourite of all time is baby powder. One day, while trying to buy baby powder for my husband and seeing it nowhere, I asked an old auntie if she could help. There were a lot of grunts of non-understanding, so I resorted to writing it down at the back of the book I was reading. Ahhhhh baby powderrrrrrrr with an emphasis on the O. I think my version of baby powda was just damn confusing for the old dear. Last time we lived here, Steve thought it was hilarious watching me communicate with just about anyone – face to face or on the phone I didn’t do too well. I tried really hard though and almost always kept my cool, I just can’t for the life of me work out how to pronounce something in a way that is understandable. Most questions/comments were met with a blank stare, but my favourite is what we termed the “Singapore Wave.” The “Singapore Wave” is when you ask someone for directions, they obviously have no idea what you’ve asked but rather than admit it (and lose face), they wave off in a direction, with a blank look on their face and a half smile, assuring you that this is the direction that must be taken. Many a time we have headed off in the direction (because what were we to do?) only to ask someone else and get the same response – usually pointing us back the way we came. We’ve walked around in circles a lot I can tell you. The funniest thing is watching other foreigners react. I learnt a long long time ago, when backpacking in China in 1995, that the worst thing you can do is get upset or angry. If you do I can promise you one thing – you will get absolutely fuck all help. I’d love to be able to teach foreigners reacting badly that this is a sure way to get nothing, but I suppose they need to learn the lesson themselves, and if they don’t learn it, they’re going to have a shithouse time here. Anyway, how could I get upset with anyone for not understanding me when so often my husband doesn’t even understand me? Well he claims not to, maybe he’s just bloody smart and as many men, only listens when it’s worthwhile? Off to the shops now. I wonder how many “Singapore Waves” I get today! Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I’d have to say that 2009 and 2010 has been a pretty interesting time in our life. There’s been some fantastic moments, but there has also been a lot of “bad” things. The great thing about “bad” things is they teach you great things, and that means life gets better – unless you’re silly and miss the lessons, keeping alive the old shite you don’t want in your life. But we haven’t done that. We’ve continually assessed, reassessed and assessed again, always asking the only important question – what do we need to do/change to be happy? Noosa wasn’t a particularly happy time for us. Steve HATED the work he was doing with a passion and the demands of the job – including regular 2-5am get ups to go to work – YUK! In the meantime, I found it hard getting ahead with my stuff because of Steve’s job demands but there were good bits in there, like ghost writing Peter Hoddle’s book (a brilliant experience) and other writing projects. I suppose there was just too much tedium in the mix to make either of us smile. There were others things, but the work aspect was pretty key for both of us. The boys were pretty happy, but they’d be happy just about anywhere, although Lex definitely had a time of it – both a bully of a teacher and then his operation. Jax cruised through as always, but you’ll be pleased to note, he has officially entered the turd phase of growing up…. We promise you Jax we respect your independence, so no need to fight us love. Kids right? We’ve learnt some lessons, and in summary they are: Sometimes you just have to back yourself, no matter the risk We’re willing to make changes, no matter how exhausting it can be, until we reach our goal of everyone being content with their lot There are always great, strong people around who are willing to sacrifice it all to do the right thing, so thanks Amanda for raising the red flag on child abuse. We really appreciate what you did and all that you lost. You’ll always be able to hold your head up high and will have our eternal gratitude Diversity is really important to us and we want it around us all the time. We also want our boys to think that different faces/ways of thinking about things/religions, etc… is normal Settling down doesn’t appeal to us at all, so the “dream” isn’t something we want or something we are striving towards – we don’t know if we ever will. We don’t think badly of anyone who does want this, we just don’t Full time Mummy isn’t my bag Living with one focus – to be happy – is all that matters to us Believing in your kids is the most important thing of all and not letting anyone make you doubt yourself – it can certainly be hard but you’ve got to stay strong Creating a life that gives all of you time together as well as time to achieve your dreams is important to us “stuff” doesn’t matter Loyalty and doing as you say you will, is something we value highly We appreciate all of the great people we’ve met along the way, will continue to invest in those great friendships and look forward to meeting more amazing people in the future Sometimes friendships/relationships wane, but that’s OK. We’re all on different paths and while sometimes you mourn those no longer in synch with you, I like to celebrate the great years that were had and who knows, one day the vibe might come back We’re willing to keep moving and shaking things up to keep experiencing the true joy that life offers – life experience What’s more motivating than working for yourself? So there you go. I know there are lots more, but it’s a start.   I turned 41 today and I’ve got to say, I don’t like it. I know, I know, age is a state of mind and all that, but 41 used to be really old when I was younger, and now here I am. All I can do is be determined to make this my happiest, healthiest and most successful decade. I’m also working really hard at being more peaceful and serene – not easy for someone like me.   Thanks for all of the support reading my blog. I’ve been a bit busy of late, so not much activity, but I’ve got a whole host of new material since coming back to Singapore, and I look forward to sharing the yarns, the laughs and the memories.   Much love to all and here’s hoping 2011 is a time of joy, success and balance for all.   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea