September 2010

Well it’s been a week since the operation and it doesn’t seem like Lex is getting too much better. He definitely seems in less pain as the days go on, but he’s not moving his head properly and his breath has started to smell again. We will probably have to take him back to the surgeon tomorrow. We are hoping it’s just a case of another round of antibiotics, but with his neck, who knows? There are two really challenging things, apart from him being miserable which makes us feel useless. The first is his speech – it’s even worse. It’s a little squeak often coming through his nose. Naturally this is to be expected because his whole palate has changed, but it’s even harder understanding his needs, and that makes him frustrated and we’re frustrated and no one seems happy with the end results. Secondly, he is being a TURD! Mainly to his mum, but everyone is copping it, because of course, when you feel miserable you take it out on those you love the most. But sometimes he really really hurts my feelings. Naturally I’m the adult and have to be bigger than that, but he really knows my triggers and it seems to make him less miserable when he makes me miserable. Bloody kids I tell ya. On the plus side, we have hit about a 95 percent success rate of him listening and doing as he’s told – so that’s been a huge plus. We were probably at 50/50 before, or 60/40, or sometimes not at all, so knowing he can hear is an awesome change in our little man – especially in potentially dangerous situations. We can’t wait for this chapter to be over, for him to speak and to sing, for him to be healthy and happy. That’s it, that’s all we want. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I’ve gotta tell ya, since having kids, I’ve never known emotional intensity like it. Every day they pull at my heart strings as they struggle to master something, hurt themselves or communicate a need, but seeing one of them go through surgery and then witnessing the recovery period is something else. Lex was great in hospital and the day after, but Saturday he woke up early and miserable. Today we saw a slight improvement with more smiling, but he’s still miserable. We are both struggling with feeling useless, because the only thing that can help him is time, love, rest and medicine, but it’s so bloody hard – especially as he won’t rest anymore than normal and he’s far too young to appreciate the ‘milking’ opportunity he has here to make us even more attentive. Bring into the mix Jax, who is also requiring extra attention because he definitely feels that the focus is not on him, and we’ve got two little boys who cannot comprehend what’s going on, just that they both need lots of extra love and attention from Mumma and Dadda. And then Mumma and Dadda are wrung out, exhausted, sleep deprived, anxious and completely without energy for each other’s needs, so it’s all a bit of a shit situation really. But it’s about getting through every day and knowing that Lex will only get better. Not to mention soon we will hear the magic of his voice… although at the moment it is but a squeak that’s coming through his nose. Bless! Speech therapy is next. I can’t help but think of parent’s going through really really serious illnesses with their kids. We are so lucky to have two bright, healthy, strong little lads and are thankful for that every day. It doesn’t make it any easier seeing one of our little loves in pain though. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

For the first time since Lex’s operation, Steve and I sat down, relaxed and watched a movie. Tropic Thunder was on the box, and my oh my, what a bloody funny show. It’s the second time we’ve watched it and I still can’t quite get my head around the minds’ of the people who created the idea for this movie – Ben Stiller being one of them. It is almost bizarre, very close to crossing a lot of lines and the characters! Obviously Tom Cruise’s character is something special, but Robert Downey Jr – a white man playing a black man, who’s not only a white man, but a white Australian played by an American. Who thinks of shit like that? Ben Stiller’s “Laughing Jack?” Jack Black’s heroin addicted character? I’ve never really liked Jack Black, but I’m learning to appreciate him. It truly is something special and when we get our stuff out of storage, including our enormous DVD collection, I’m going to sit down with a pen and paper to write down all of the bizarre and funny lines in this movie. Neither Steve nor I could stop smiling. We needed that. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I am going to express an unpopular opinion by Australian standards, but then I’m hardly a wall flower and have never feared being controversial, so here goes. Please note, this is a little more serious than I normally write, so be warned. BIG news in Australia last week was the CEO of the Commonwealth Bank (one of the top four banks in these parts) got a 75 percent performance related pay rise – that means he only gets it if he meets targets. The CEO, Ralph Norris, has total a package now worth $16.2 million, which apparently makes him the highest paid private executive in Australia. This rise came after he led the bank to a 20 percent net profit of $5.66 billion. Now I appreciate that $16.2 million is a lot of money for people, and that the majority of outrage is coming from people in “normal” earning brackets, but executive salaries like this are a reality in a global market economy – hey that’s what a global economy is all about! People do earn these sorts of incomes and if Australia wants to attract the best people in the business, we have to pay them the big salaries and they have to be competitive internationally. The Ralph’s of the world can get a job anywhere – and many Australian’s are overseas earning the bigger bucks because they just can’t it here! Here’s something published by Reuters http://www.reuters.com/subjects/executive-compensation, and while I’m sure it’s changed, the variations are probably still the same. In the chart in this article, you can see that the Aussie’s are doing OK in the global banking CEO pay scales, but it’s still the US banks pulling in the big bucks, plus Satander of Spain. I couldn’t find anything more recent, but with the global economy improving slightly, I’m sure these salaries have already increased. I really do appreciate that many cannot comprehend how anyone can be worth this much money, but seriously, they are. When people sign up for this kind of responsibility (and package) the company essentially “owns” them. That means 16-20 hour days, 7 days a week, gruelling travel schedules, missed family time, always on call (many are banned from ever turning their phones off – even a cinema visit has to be pre-approved by the board for 2 hours turn-off-time) and that’s just a starter. It is a shit high pressured job and anyone willing to take this responsibility needs to be compensated for it on a competitive scale globally and don’t forget – they only get the money if the company performs beyond market expectations – i.e. they manage to achieve something remarkable. I couldn’t cope with the headache of a CEO job – not anymore. Life’s too short for that shit. I sincerely believe that heading up a public company is a shit job and Ralph Norris (+ everyone else in this bracket) is welcome to it. The magnitude of their package is self-financing and paid for by extra profit the company makes. As an exercise – find a shareholder in CWB and ask them what they think of Ralph’s salary – then ask them how much they have made in dividends/share price appreciation since he took over. It’s a public company, so the public can buy in at any point. I mean let’s think about “salaries” in another field. Hollywood! Does anyone question Russel Crowe earning $30 million or so in a year or even for a movie? Or Nicole Kidman exceeding $20 million? Even ACDC are taking in $30 or so million a year, although after their global tour this year, I’m sure it’s a lot more. The Wiggles are the highest paid entertainers in Australia and even High 5 are in the top 10 earners. Entertainers seem welcome to their fortune, but not hard working, seven day a week, stress heads leading Australia’s very successful economy. They are definitely worth their weight in gold – the successful ones. It’s seems to be an Australian “thing” to get stuck into these issues. I remember it being discussed with passion when an executive at Macquarie Bank got a massive bonus a few years ago, and before that with other bank executives. Friends of mine were absolutely outraged about the “Macquarie incident” and I said, hey that’s what it’s all about in the global financial markets. I obviously elaborated a little more than that. Some people got it, most didn’t. I mean you rarely ever hear of American executives getting slammed in the press for their salaries – except in the last few years with the GFC. But that was a blip. In the US they know that the best people are worth this much and that is all there is to it. The guys (and rarely some gals) in the US also get amazing perks, such as use of a company jet, which wipes hundreds of thousands off the company’s bottom line. In fact, with salaries capped the last couple of years, some of the big execs pissed off to other countries. The money is always there for talent. I sincerely believe that we’ve got to stop slamming these folks, because if it was me, and I was at the centre of all this media bullshit, I’d be getting the hell out. I hate to think that amazing people, who could add so much to our economy and our country, leave because we can’t get our heads around this stuff. It is just a hard reality, and I 100 percent believe that high level executives are worth every cent – especially when they are running successful, profitable businesses, which in turn are making money for the shareholders, and could also be making millions for Australia’s superannuation plans. Who knows, you might actually be benefiting here? But that’s just my opinion. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea PS: I’m on the market for $9 million – a bargain!

I always knew last night was going to be a really shit night. I mean hourly checks on Lex and a fold out bed for mum was never a good start. When I finally got into bed I noticed a bar right across the middle at hip level, so it was off to a shocking start. I told Steve and he quipped you get a mini bar in Singapore, and a back crippling bar in Australia. Thanks love. Sarah, the student nurse, had been doing the hourly checkups on Lex until 10.30pm and she was sweet, quiet and didn’t even wake Lex as she did her duties. Come 11pm, bang, crash, wallop, “hi I’m nurse Heather and I’ll be doing the hourly checks on Lex tonight.” Terrific! Heather reminded me of my mother, was probably about the same age and girth, and she was old school. Every time she came in, she made a horrendous amount of noise, woke Lex every time, woke me every time, talked at the top of her voice, was rough and ready, and it was like a nightmare. It felt like every time I slept, she came crashing in and my feeble body had to unlock itself from the painful bar to get up and administer the drugs to Lex. Hospitals are the worst place on the planet to get any rest, but when there’s a Nurse Heather doing the rounds you’re doubly fucked. Thankfully we’re home. I’m destroyed, Steve’s destroyed and the patient is bouncing around with too much energy for someone who’s gone through an operation. Anyone available to babysit for a few days so Steve and I can catch up on sleep? Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Well there was a day! All the anxieties, the tears, the money spent on gifts and Lex was a bloody legend – cool as a cucumber all day. We had a two hour wait before he went into surgery, but no problem, hunger and all. There was plenty to do, take the climbing opportunities the doctor’s lockers represented! I held him while they anesthetized him and he was great. Not to mention that I believe I was actually quite stoic at this point, but fuck isn’t it hard walking out looking at your child stretched out on the table… The wake up afterwards was definitely the worst part of the day and my little love was all over the place, crying, confused, completely spun out – it took him a while to calm down and, while I’m sure my singing in a public place didn’t help the other patients, Lex seemed to appreciate it. The doc said it all went well and apparently Lex had two of the largest adenoids he’d ever seen – in fact, the two preceding patients’ tonsils combined were the same size as Lex’s adenoids – no wonder he always snored. Steve finally got to see Lex when we came to his room, as Steve’s job that morning was Jax. It was pretty tough for Steve only getting involved at that point, but as always, he’s a beautiful Dad and he held Lexie tight for as long as he could. A bonus of today is we’ve been able to do things with Lex we’ve never done – we got to sit with him on our laps for extended periods of time. Amazing. He also enjoyed doing some things he’s never done – like eating jelly and custard. Wasn’t interested in the ice-cream though – weirdo. So it’s been a great day for us and I know his recovery will be swift. Within an hour of recovery he was already swinging off the pull up handle, so he’s well on the way. Obviously being in a hospital, you can’t help but wonder about everyone else. There is the section of joy (the maternity ward), the section of normal everyday (like us) and then there’s the serious section. You see all sorts walking around – some angry, some sick, some tired, some overjoyed, some apathetic – it brings it all out. I watched a grown lad arrive in a wheel chair and he’d obviously broken his back along the way, and there were his parents – devoted, fit and happy to be doing what they had to do. I admired them. Hospitals certainly attract all sorts of people and they level us out. We’re all in different but the same boat. Even if you are visiting someone and you’re well, the day will come when you will be in a hospital. It’s a bit challenging and confronting that. But my hat goes off to the parents of children going through the really tough stuff. I honestly honestly don’t know how you do it, and I know that you do DO it because there is no choice, but crikey, this was hard enough! Right time for sleep in a fold up bed with hourly interruptions… yeah it ain’t going to be a good night of sleep me thinks… Yours, without the bollocksAndrea PS: I want to send my love to Laura, on her 21st day in hospital. You recover and get strong girl. We all love you.

Tomorrow is Lex’s operation and I’m starting to get really anxious about it now. He’s having his tonsils and adenoids removed and grommets inserted into his ears. I’ve got to tell you the idea of my little lad going under the chop is almost too much to deal with, and last night I was snapping and snarling at Steve before apologizing and then bursting into tears. We are both feeling the pressure mount that’s for sure. But how can we not? If it was one of us, we’d be anxious for the other but we’d be OK. However, the little man we brought into the world is one of the most precious things we know – equalled only by the Jaxster and of course, each other – so it’s not surprising we are feeling anxious. We know logically it’s going to be fine, but shit does happen and I reckon the worst moment in the whole process was signing a form where ‘death’ was listed as a possibility. As you can imagine, it’s hard to control your mind from imagining the worst, however, I’m working really hard at shutting negative thoughts down instantly because I am a believer that what you think happens after all. He will be fine because he’s strong, healthy and spirited, and afterwards, we’re going to have a whole new little man on our hands that can speak, hear and communicate – we can’t wait! I had a little shop for him today to get him brave boy presents, and Steve did the same. We figure that’s a nice part of an operation – getting spoilt. Steve started the brave boy/girl present tradition with me not long after we met. We think it’s a nice touch. We’ve both bought him too much stuff and Steve told me he burst into tears in Toys R’ Us – thank God we’re not dealing with anything super serious or we’d be basket cases! Naturally we also got presents for Jax because this will be quite a big deal for him having both mumma and Lexie gone for two days and a night. So he’s got a dump truck and a bug collector, and a mobile phone and a MacQueen truck, and, and, and – yeah we’ve spoilt them. I reckon the biggest challenge tomorrow morning will be getting Lex out the door with no food and ignoring his requests for anything but water. How do you tell a child that can’t hear properly and who cannot reason that he needs to fast? It should be interesting, but the best thing to do with Lex is to keep him moving and he’ll have a lot of new stuff to experience, which is always better than eating – in his world. Right better get to bed – don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep the next few days… Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Can anyone tell me why I have only just watched this magnificent movie? I mean it is full of HOT sexy men, all rippling with muscle while only wearing knee high boots, jocks and a cape. It’s about ancient history, mythology, religions and warriors – just a few of my favourite things. It’s full of beautiful people, I’ve never seen a movie filmed like it, the colours are dazzling and the slow motion battle scenes are mesmerizing. It’s about loyalty, love, strength, honour, and how very few can stand up to the hordes, all the while questioning tradition and religious dogma. But the best bit is definitely the male form – YUM! Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I think everyone experiences something intense with their children – some experience really horrible scenarios, like childhood cancers, and others less intense, such as learning delays or ‘minorish’ accidents. My intense thing is Lex’s speech delay. He’ll be four in November and that means for the past four years I’ve had to interpret his wants and needs based on his actions or various noises. Sometimes he’ll use words or phrases, like a recent favourite “where is it?” But when you ask him what “it” is, he’ll just keep saying where is it? Grrrrrrr it’s frustrating! Steve and I have both worked so hard with him to develop his verbal communication – speaking to him, getting down to his level and using words for objects he’s asked for, reading to him and so much more – but up until recently, I’ve said it’s not an issue. There are many famous people with amazing minds in the world who didn’t utter a word until after four, and I know that Lex is extremely clever and determined, so I wasn’t worried. Then bring in Jax, a verbal maestro! He is now two and a half and his language and comprehension is amazing. He knows what he wants and he knows how to ask for it. It has been an incredible relief having a child communicate their needs I’ve got to tell you and Jax never holds back on the communication. I love our little conversations and he is also a very clever little fellow, not to mention bloody funny. He is definitely the man who makes everyone smile when life gets tense. The other thing that started to concern me with Lex’s speech is that his tongue was all over the place in his mouth when trying to say words. This was probably the first real sign for me that we had an issue. Lex has definitely started trying to speak more (most certainly because of Jax) and it wasn’t until he really started trying to speak that I noticed we had a potential problem. As any parent knows, any issues that come up with your kids – big or small – are really hard to deal with. I truly believe that parents just want their kids to be “normal,” mainly because we want our kids to have an easy ride in this world. I hate to think that life will be a struggle for either of my lads. So a couple of months ago I took him to an ear, nose and throat specialist. One look in his ears and down his throat and the verdict was in – he has compressed ear drums and he needs grommets. If you cup your hands over your mouth and speak, that is how Lex hears the world. Poor love, not only is his hearing impaired, he’s got a mother who speaks a million miles an hour, so he’s doubly stuffed! He also needs to get his tonsils and adenoids removed. He’s snored since he was born and until I saw the specialist, no one had ever told me it wasn’t normal. Apparently no child should snore, so if yours does, get them checked out. We still can’t believe the number of doctors who’ve looked in his ears and no one has ever noticed his ear drums…. But that’s life huh? All of this has also impacted his behaviour. The tonsils and adenoids mean he doesn’t sleep very well, so he’s tired all the time. But equally, he’s frustrated as hell that no one can understand him so he acts out – not a lot, but enough. It all recently came to a head at his pre-school – a whole other story – where his behaviour got so bad he was basically not welcome anymore. We find it hard to believe that he could ever be that bad because while he can be a shit at home, he’s certainly not unmanageable. There’s another story I’ll write about soon in regards to that school but essentially, for six months, he was physically abused by a teacher and because he didn’t speak, he didn’t tell us – AHHHHH!! But more on that soon. Anyhoo, it’s been really tough for all of us. Steve and I bend over backwards to make our boys happy – we always have and we always will. We pay attention to them every minute we are with them and will do whatever it takes to make them content with their lot in the world. Life’s hard enough without being ignored by your parents. So it’s really important to us. Now we just want a happy and contented little man that talks to us about what he wants and how he feels. I can’t wait to have conversations with him. I want him to tell me how he’s feeling, what he enjoyed and what he didn’t + why, not to mention I want him to tell me if anyone hurt him and for him to understand that it is never OK. Those conversations feel a long way away right now, and we are 100 percent banking on this operation being the answer to all of our problems with Lex. If it’s not, we’ll face it, but for now, that is what we are holding on to. Lex is a sweet, extremely adventurous and very clever little man, and I just want him to walk through this world with ease in his heart and to know he is completely loved and supported, no matter which path he takes. But for now, I just want to talk to him and when people say to us “you can’t wait for them to speak and then you just want them to shut up.” I can say, with my hand on my heart, that I will never ever want either of my boys to shut up – except when they’re moaning of course! Yours, without the bollocksAndrea PS: this week Lex went to a new pre-school. In the