Nurse Heather the night nurse

I always knew last night was going to be a really shit night. I mean hourly checks on Lex and a fold out bed for mum was never a good start. When I finally got into bed I noticed a bar right across the middle at hip level, so it was off to a shocking start. I told Steve and he quipped you get a mini bar in Singapore, and a back crippling bar in Australia. Thanks love.

Sarah, the student nurse, had been doing the hourly checkups on Lex until 10.30pm and she was sweet, quiet and didn’t even wake Lex as she did her duties. Come 11pm, bang, crash, wallop, “hi I’m nurse Heather and I’ll be doing the hourly checks on Lex tonight.”


Heather reminded me of my mother, was probably about the same age and girth, and she was old school. Every time she came in, she made a horrendous amount of noise, woke Lex every time, woke me every time, talked at the top of her voice, was rough and ready, and it was like a nightmare. It felt like every time I slept, she came crashing in and my feeble body had to unlock itself from the painful bar to get up and administer the drugs to Lex.

Hospitals are the worst place on the planet to get any rest, but when there’s a Nurse Heather doing the rounds you’re doubly fucked.

Thankfully we’re home. I’m destroyed, Steve’s destroyed and the patient is bouncing around with too much energy for someone who’s gone through an operation. Anyone available to babysit for a few days so Steve and I can catch up on sleep?

Yours, without the bollocks

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