November 2012

For god’s sake – this actually made me feel ill when I watched it – because why in the hell are women even doing this stuff? I GET that certain cultures find a big ass attractive, and I’m appreciative that in certain parts of the world my arse might be considered quite alluring – but going to these lengths to look “beautiful” I have to ask WHY? And I’m not just talking about butt implants here – I’m talking about any beautification surgery that can kill the people who do it.   Please girls, please – can we start having some common sense about this? However, I know many girls will be determined to go ahead – so if you’re going to do it, just BE BLOODY CAREFUL. I first became aware of this story in the Daily Mail. It’s a frightening read, because girls are DYING from undergoing these procedures. They’re dying because there are a lot of dodgy bastards out there offering cheap, sub-standard services in hotel rooms and in the back of vans. I know you might not have enough money to pay for a proper surgeon, but qualified surgeons train for years to do what they do, so please, for your own sake – if it’s not legit, don’t do it. Secondly, I appreciate that we all have very different ideas of what it means to be beautiful – I really do. I also appreciate how difficult it is being who you are as a woman in a world swamped by magazines, TV and Hollywood defining what beauty is – which is usually not what you see in the mirror every day. I also know that some blokes can put pressure on women to be more beautiful – bigger tits, paler skin, smaller ass, bigger ass, bleached anus, tighter vagina, flat stomachs, blonde hair, brunette, and so on. I also know that women can put pressure on women to fit in and be “beautiful” within whatever context that means for each woman’s culture. The pressure to be beautiful is immense and complicated – it’s not an easy thing to understand, let alone ignore or overcome. BUT girls, we’ve got to sort this shit out. Aren’t we evolving as a species? When I see stuff like this, I am concerned that we are not. There is only one enduring beauty any of us have and that is the beauty of our heart. Ask any 90 year old woman what she sees as beautiful and she will tell you that. Ask the same 90 year old woman if her focus on staying attractive was time well spent? I’m sure she’ll tell you it was the biggest waste of time in her life. We all get old and the only beauty we carry resides within. What is beautiful? I think being kind to people for no reward makes you beautiful. Being compassionate towards the drunk on your doorstep because he’s having a much shittier time than you are today makes you beautiful. Not judging and sharing your food with someone on the street because they’ve lost their way makes you beautiful. Helping out in a homeless shelter or a food kitchen makes you beautiful. Being kind towards someone with an intellectual or physical disability makes you beautiful. Visiting an older person who is lonely makes you beautiful. Loving, nurturing and being compassionate towards anyone who doesn’t have as much as you, with no monetary reward for you, makes you beautiful – because let’s face it, your rewards for any kindness is much greater than what you give. It makes you walk taller, smile more deeply, and love more freely. That’s a whole lot of reward in my mind. So I have to ask the question – can we get there? Can we make the world a magnificently beautiful place by honoring and recognizing that the truly beautiful people on this planet are those that give their hearts every day? Can the women and men who are changing the way they look as dramatically as this lady did, reassess their focus, connect with their hearts and understand what is truly important – i.e. being kind? Not to say that this lady isn’t kind, because how would I know? But can we? I sincerely hope so. To the lady in this video, please understand I am not judging you because I don’t know you, but it makes me wonder why? Why would you do this? It just seems so crazy to me, however I am not you, so how can I understand? But don’t you already think you’re beautiful as you are? As you can probably imagine, I’m looking forward to humanity evolving to a kinder and more compassionate level, a group of people that will be mystified by the antics of their ancestors – i.e. us. I believe it is very close. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Yesterday I was in the bathroom with Lex and I asked him to do something, to which he immediately responded: “sure Mum,” and then went on to say something that told me he’d understood exactly what I said.  I wish I could remember the exact exchange, but I was so flummoxed at being understood, what we actually said to each other went out of the window immediately. The thing I CAN remember about this moment, however, is the feeling of being truly and utterly elated – I WAS UNDERSTOOD BY LEX! I should mention that this moment has been a long time coming – six years to be exact. Lex turned six on November the 12thand after being diagnosed with compressed ear canals (at age four), he had grommets inserted, and his tonsils and adenoids removed – that was two years ago. Since that day, we’ve been waiting for him to cross a ‘line’ – a line where both expressive and receptive language is age appropriate, and it has been excruciatingly painful waiting for this to happen.  The worst thing we’ve dealt with is our own expectations – because EVERYONE said within 12 months he’ll be caught up – he’ll just “get it.” Well he didn’t “just get it” and we’ve spent thousands of dollars trying to work out how to help him get it, and you know what has helped him the most? Spending the last few months full time with his chatty pants brother!  Yep, Mr. Charmer Jax has been the answer to our challenge all along, but it has only been in the last few months that they have spent their days together full-time. Oh they’ve shitted each other to tears, beaten the crap out of each other, infuriated each other, etc, etc, etc during this time… but we finally found our magic potion – The Jaxster. I knew something special was happening with Lex in the last month or so, because every single time he’s about to go into an intellectual developmental spurt (usually coinciding with a physical growth spurt) he turns into a TURD. Belligerence is an understatement. However, in the “good-‘ol-days” his belligerence was always behaviour-lead, which often left Steve and I scratching our heads because the behaviours didn’t make any sense to our logical brains. The big difference with this last spurt has been verbal – for the first time, Lex has become all mouth and attitude: “no you do it” or “oh my god, can you believe that?” or “I’m not doing that” or “you’re not listening Daddy, I’m very angry with you.” I could go on. Jax, our magic potion But he’s also saying some really great stuff, like when his Dad asks him a question, he’ll respond: “Daddy I’m thinking.” In fact, yesterday he asked me three times: “Mummy what are you thinking about?” It’s always an interesting question that, because my brain is never dormant, and him understanding the thinking process and being interested in what another is pondering – well that alone tells me we’ve come a long long way. But this has not been an easy road for any of us to travel. Just yesterday – before my “moment” with Lex – we were wandering through Bishan Park in Singapore, and Steve and I were talking about lots of stuff. However, one of the things we were talking about is how excruciatingly difficult it has been raising a speech delayed child. Parents who have kids with normal speech can never know how difficult it is having a child that doesn’t understand anything you say.We’ve also found other parents have found it difficult to understand why we’re not stricter or trying to sort out certain behaviours – but it’s hard to explain to someone with a speaking child the reasons for our more relaxed approach to things like discipline. We just had to recognise that there’s no point fighting the battles we can’t win. It’s been HARD, but we’ve always believed in our little lad, and finally, finally, finally it seems that Lex has found his voice. Oh shit, got tears in my eyes writing that. To the other parents out there with speech delayed kids, especially those of you I’ve never met but have read and responded to my blogs (thank you for that, it means the world to me) – I hope this gives you hope. Lex took a lot longer than most kids to get past his hurdles, but my observations on this are: No one knows when kids start being hearing challenged, so no one actually knows how far behind they are by the time the physical problem is fixed. Try not to put any time expectations on your child’s development if you can. That’s been a big lesson for us Lex is incredibly self conscious and he gets very easily embarrassed when he makes a fool of himself in front of people. Therefore the act of speaking for him has been excruciatingly difficult because he’s felt so embarrassed. If your kid is self-conscious, it might be worth keeping in mind Bad behaviour or crazy behaviour or excessive oral behaviour are also linked to speech delayed kids and none of these behaviours necessarily indicate the child is autistic, or anything else. Try and resist the pressure to get your kids diagnosed by people because it makes their life easier – please? Especially if you know in your heart of hearts that you are dealing with a speech issue only. Address that first before looking at other things Fighting through your child’s speech delay challenges can be pretty straight forward or intensely challenging, impacting every aspect of your life. We’re in the latter category so just know there are people out there who understand your pain – it’s certainly meant a lot to me knowing I’m not alone We found we can’t force Lex to do anything he doesn’t want to do – because he’s bloody stubborn like his Mother. Therefore, I think a lot of the

You know, if all of my mates on Facebook checked out my blog right now, I would finally pass the 50,000 readership mark! It took forever to get to 10,000, then 20,000 flashed by, but the build up to 50,000 has felt like a long time coming. I don’t know if I’ll ever be one of those people who attract hundreds of thousands to my blog, but I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who takes the time out of their days to read my ramblings. I obviously love it and plan to keep going, so here’s to the next 50,000. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Something happened to me when I turned 40 – I started thinking about death, as well as getting old – which isn’t too hard when your bones ache and your vision gets worse overnight! It’s been a bit of a spin-out thinking about this stuff, but it is what it is – I’m only going to get older and die at some point after all. However, one of the things I’ve been thinking about specifically, is how do I ensure I get old with a smile on my face – if I do indeed get old – rather than turn into a cantankerous old bitch who no one wants to spend any time with? We’ve all met these people, because life can be shit, and the result can often be a cranky pants. How do I make sure I never become like that? A good starting point is I’m a pretty optimistic person – so I think that’s good. However, the last few years have been pretty tough and simple things – like smiling – haven’t been coming as easy as it used to. I’m also a heady-kinda-person, who spends too much time inside my own head thinking about everything (and I mean everything), and that can make it harder to be joyful. Just being, loving and living to the full is all that’s necessary after all, right? I love being around people who understand what life is all about and ARE living it. Bravo to you, you lucky buggers. But I decided to come up with some ideas on how to ensure I don’t go down a negative path, and my shower time in recent weeks has been spent coming up with this list… Disappointment – it’s one of those things everyone experiences at some point, and sometimes the disappointment is very very deep. It’s never nice when it happens and it can be a case of people disappointing you, your body disappointing you, or the greater world disappointing you. I believe the only thing that matters is how you deal with it, because that alone makes all the difference. You can’t let it destroy or lessen you, and for me, it’s about always taking on the lesson I was given and growing in a positive way. Additionally, if another person is involved or is the cause – I know I need to silently thank them for teaching me a valuable lesson and never ever feel hatred towards them, because they really did give me a gift. Hate = cranky old bitch for sure. Sometimes you’ve got to walk away from people, but sometimes you just need to forgive and forget – it all depends on the circumstances. I do believe that embracing all experiences as a gift – the good and the bad – and taking the lessons on board (without any resentment towards anyone or thing) is a BIG part of a future containing lots of purple hats. Victim or Champion? – which leads nicely into being a victim. I have definitely gone through the “why-me?” victim periods – it’s part of being human right? I usually wake up at some point and think: well that’s been a waste of bloody time because I am responsible for my life, I am responsible for what has happened to me and what I’ve allowed in, and I am responsible for my happiness. Everything else in ancillary to that – because I am responsible – so how can I blame anyone or anything else? Now I’m talking about me here. A kid being sexually abused, or a person starving to death in a famine, or Muslims being hacked to death in Burma, or the Palestinian and Israeli families being bombed in their own homes as I write… – they are certainly victims, but I am not. I have endless opportunities; I’ve just got to make sure I embrace them every day no matter what and never, EVER, blame anyone or anything else for any of my shortcomings or failings. That’s my fault entirely. Non-judgement – this is an easy one for me as I hate judgement and am often the boring person at a dinner party picking people up for being judgemental and hoping to get them to see something in a different way. I firmly believe that we just don’t know what anyone is really going through – even those closest to us – so when people’s behaviour offends me or mystifies me, I always try to understand why if I can (the underlying reason), and if their actions are hurting me or those I love, then I step away. Obviously if I CAN help – great. If I can’t help, I recognise it and move on, because who says I’m the person they need right now? I sincerely believe that we can never ever know anyone else’s story, and therefore, we should never judge. Compassion is a quality that seems to be losing strength in our world, and I hope it comes back as something valued and important. Also self-judgement is of equal importance here, which leads me nicely on to… Be gentle with myself – I’ve always always always been VERY self-critical about myself – not others, just me. I don’t know why, but I know I never give myself a break and I need to change that. Essentially I’ve got to get better at accepting me for who I am, with all of my faults, and even though it sounds a bit corny, a bit of self-love wouldn’t go astray. I know I’m a good person, so that should be enough right? Be silly – I’ve always been a pretty silly person, but I haven’t been these last few years – things just got too serious and stressful. But silliness is awesome and when I took the boys for a fish spa (a first for all of us) I giggled like a five year old girl and the boys thought it was brilliant seeing Mum

In the not too distant future, we are all going to be inundated with pictures of the perfect Christmas trees our friends have created and then we’ll really know the race towards the festive season has commenced. Since the advent of Facebook, and other social media channels, our lives have changed dramatically, and a significant change for me has been the collective sharing of photos around special annual  events – First Day of School, Thanksgiving feasts, 40th b’day parties, kids birthday parties, birth photos, annual holidays, Halloween costumes, etc, etc, etc… I love it as I feel more connected to all of the wonderful people I’ve met around the world and it makes me feel I’m still a part of their lives. However, the Christmas tree sharing season gives me the chills. Firstly, it means the end of another year has come too quickly, and secondly, I’m about as good at decorating a Christmas tree as I am at decorating a bloody birthday cake! Another feminine quality I missed along the way… But the Christmas festivities have moved to centre stage in our home, because Lex was absolutely DEVASTATED when we took the Christmas tree down last January. Our little man cried and cried, ‘cos he just loved it and took on 100 per cent responsibility for light management. Dealing with these intense emotions, we said to him that as soon as his birthday was over, we’ll put the Christmas tree up. Well his birthday was November the 12th, and that meant the tree had to go up on November the 13th. We’d made him a promise and he did not let us forget it. So here it is – the first social sharing of a Christmas tree within my community and also my first ever sharing of a self-decorated Christmas tree, because I cannot compete with the decorators I know and love! However did you notice how I only captured a small segment of the tree – showing off my signature colour red? Yes? Well that’s because as a total image, it looks like shit, and I know this, because very soon my friends will share magnificent trees, with brand new decorations brought just for this years’ tree, all colour themed, with decorations perfectly placed because symmetry is important, but more than that, it will be featured in a beautiful place in the house, with loads of space around it, everyone will go awwww ain’t that pretty, and the perfection will be complete. Yeah well that ain’t my tree, which is currently bunched up between a couple of kids’ tables holding the boys car racing track and a shitty side chair we hate, but it needs to be there so the lights can reach the closest electrical socket….. It’s not perfect but my boys love it, it’s a cheery little addition to the home, and here we go again, facing yet another another lead up to Christmas – may it be a jolly time for one and all. Also from this day forth, I can promise you one thing – for the foreseeable future (i.e. until Lex is a teen and Christmas ain’t cool anymore) I won’t be sharing the prettiest Christmas tree, but I will be sharing the first! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea PS: if you’re an annual buyer of Christmas decorations, it seems IKEAhas gone for a bit of a gingham theme this year…  

When you are born, the talent genes are handed out. We all get something, but the Martha Stewart gene was definitely not added to my collection. My sister, Phillipa, got my share of that gene and not only can she cook like a master chef; she makes everything look Michelin Five star. Accepting my lack of that feminie talent long ago, I was gifted with another one and that is the “give-it-a-go-anyway-gene.” Armed only with that, yesterday I braced myself to make a surfing inspired birthday cake. Searching Google for ideas, I had nothing more than the motivation, a photo and a sceptical husband who was very doubtful it would work. Thankfully he knows that when I set my mind to something, he just needs to step out of the way and let me fail or succeed – that’s how I roll. Now I can cook, and I can definitely make a very nice cake, but my challenge is the making-it-look-pretty bit. I am definitely more of a cook for 20 people kind-of-person, with a preference for placing big pots of food in the centre of the table and everyone can just tuck in at their pleasure. In fact, a dream job would be a stint as a cook on a working boat – where everyone needs lots of sustenance – ‘cos I reckon I could do that well. One day maybe. Thus, with great apprehension, I approached the making of Lex’s surfing inspired birthday cake and here it is. Steve had to contribute of course, and he decided a Wicked Weasel on one of the dolls was required. Now if you don’t know this brand, the tagline line is “Micro bikinis, barely covering girls since 1994.” I do have a classy husband. The boys had to add some sea creatures as well, but most of it is mine. The original plan included a BIG surfing wave – and this is where most of the doubts came in – especially from my engineering husband. He couldn’t see how an icing wave could be structurally sound, and in the end, he was right. I ended up doing a mini-wave, however when driving to the birthday party with the cake in my lap, I looked down and said “Steve, it looks like a very big blue penis with a massive set of balls!” Apparently he had already thought the same but decided not to mention it – he’s wise too. It didn’t matter, the cake was destroyed within moments, it got enough of an impressed reaction from the other mums who (like me) would outsource this aspect of the party, and the cake was tasty as promised. I definitely have a strong preference for buying the cake – as there are some VERY talented people in this city offering these services – but disorganised me ran out of time to even order an ice-cream cake from Svensens, and thus I knew I had to knuckle down and deliver. It was fun and I’m glad I did it. I’m not sure I’ll do it again, but hey, I have made three kids birthday cakes now, which is a good effort for someone without the Martha Stewart gene. And with that I wish my beautiful little boy, Lex, a very very happy 6thbirthday today. He is a magnificent, big hearted and compassionate little fella, and while we’ve had some tough times along the way, I love my little man with all my heart. And the reason for the surfing inspiration? A little video of my lad in action:   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I did something really shocking last week. I went away for five whole days (on my own) to Phuket to celebrate a great friends’ special birthday. The break from normal life was much needed, as it had been 13 months since I’ve had any real time to myself, or any kind of holiday at all. One needs to take care of themselves in the midst of this life malarkey after all. After a lovely girlie long weekend I returned home on Monday, tired but happy, to the loving embrace of my two mini-lads. But that sheer joy at having Mummy home lasted all of five minutes. However, with that said, Jax has been extra attentive and cuddly since I returned. He obviously missed him Mum and is taking every chance he gets to be with me physically – it’s like he needs the reassurance that I’m home and staying. This includes nightly visits – which have been going on for months now due to the emergence of night terrors – and this means having a constant wriggler in the bed who likes to knead me with his feet. As such, this Mum ain’t been getting much of the sleep required to sustain one’s sanity – but that’s nothing new these past nine months.   No it’s Lex who is punishing me. From the minute he sees me in the morning until I close his door at night he does things he knows will drive me nuts. Any attention is attention after all, and he’s definitely going for my attention in whatever way he can get it. When Steve comes home, Lex punishes him by ignoring him. When I come home, he punishes me by bringing me into a world of naughtiness, belligerence and rebellion, leaving me with my head in my hands wondering what the hell I can do to sort this out. Lex has had more time outs this week than for the last six months – and he hates time outs. But I have no choice but to leave him in his room to calm down and then I eventually go in, tell him how much I love him and that I’m on his side. I have no bloody idea at all if he understands a word I say, but I can’t think of anything else to do and maybe, just maybe it’ll seep in that his Mum loves him, believes in him, and understands that his feelings are hurt because I went away. I get it buddy. I definitely understand his need to punish me – because I am his rock in the world – but enough already. And Jax, will you just bloody let me sleep? Please sweetheart, I really don’t enjoy waking up a grumpy bitch. Suffice to say it feels like a long time ago I was sitting in the back of that Tuk Tuk. Anyone else get punished by their kids when they dare to go away? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

 Dear Americans, As an Australian living in Singapore, who had the pleasure of living in your fine country for two and a half fantastic years, I just wanted to say thank you for voting Obama back in. I woke up a bloody mess this morning at the possibility that Romney might get in – truth be told, it frightened the shit out of me! Now I know many of you probably can’t see why the rest of us care, but many of us do, we really really do. Photo care of www.stuff.co.nz The change in laws for women’s reproductive rights proposed throughout the Republican’s campaign was top of my list. You see if your country makes this decision, other countries will follow – it gives religious extremists around the world the upper hand. All I could see was poor women dying of backyard abortions, or children born unwanted into destitution, and so the social problems in your country go on and on – because it is not the rich who suffer under these laws. Heck they just fly to another country to sort their “problem” out.   I believe a woman’s body is her own, and no politician has the right to take away her access to what she needs to live her life as she sees fit. It seems the voice of America’s women was heard today, with 70 per cent of single women voting in favour of Obama because of the threat to reproductive rights. Nice one girls – good to know your vote counts huh?   Although I must say, as a country that claims its’ politics as independent of the Church, a shit load of the arguments during this campaign were God-based! And I’m not even going anywhere near the absolute bollocks I heard on rape and the “gift” of a child from rape – who are these people? What planet are they from exactly? There were many other aspects that worried me, but the major point for me is that under Obama I feel we can move forward from a humanity perspective. Under Romney, I saw no humanity – and I’m talking on a global scale here. If the Republicans were in office this last four years, I absolutely believe we would already be at war with Iran – and I say we, because my country – Australia – consistently follows America into war. That’s another reason why I really care. I know Obama isn’t an angel and please Barrack, can you sort out that drone activity in Pakistan? It’s not good, not good at all – but at least he gives diplomacy a chance. No fiery war rhetoric like George W – ugh that man still makes me feel sick. How exactly did he get in for two terms? Anyway, I could say so much, but I only want to say thank you. I am feeling very happy, because I care and I want to live in a better world. I feel it’s possible under Obama and I wouldn’t feel this way if the Republicans won today. Let’s hope both parties now focus on working together for the next four years to sort your country out – because let’s face it, the rest of the world needs that to happen as well. It’s quite a responsibility being the world’s most powerful country, no? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea