August 2012

I lost Lex (five and a half) in a big shopping centre yesterday – it’s the first time I’ve “lost” him. Jax has wandered off a couple of times in the past – not very far, but far enough to freak him out because he couldn’t see me. He learnt his lesson and stays close by at all times now. Lex often wanders off, but he’s never far away and is always aware of where I am. I trust him and he knows Mum will always be nearby. But yesterday we came across a mega-toy sale in Singapore, and while any sale sends people into a frenzy, toy sales take that frenzy to a whole new level of ridiculousness. Before we walked into the sales area, I said to the boys – make sure you can see me OK? I don’t know if Lex understood what I said (he’s my speech delayed lad) but he’s smart, has a great sense of direction, and I trust him. They both know to be aware of Mum. I finally braved the lines to join 100s of other parents wasting money on more plastic crap for our kids. The lines went the full length of both sides of the payment booths, and there were at least 50 people in front of me – thankfully it was moving fast. Jax didn’t leave me, and Lex wandered off to play with something that caught his eye earlier. I had a general idea where he would be, and kept my eyes peeled for him at all times. We’re in Singapore – there is no safer place in the world for children – and I’m a firm believer they need space to be independent too – but I remained alert never-the-less. Once we made it to the cashier and escaped the paying, pushing, shoving chaos, I grabbed Jax and headed for Lex. No sign. We did two complete laps of the entire complex, and by the second lap, tears were forming and my imagination started going gang busters. There were two aspects to my thoughts. The first is imagining the worst possible scenario – thoughts that do not need to be written down, and as Lex has had more than his share of shitty experiences in his short life, these horrible thoughts were definitely a possibility in my mind. Even though there might be a .00000001% chance of anything like that happening anywhere in the world, but especially in Singapore, that is where my mind firmly went. It’s a brutal kind of self torture. The other aspect, of course, is a very real concern that Lex would not be able to communicate effectively with the people who found him – especially as he would be emotional as well. I knew he’d have no problem at all talking to strangers, but getting his message across and understood – that was a BIG concern. We understand what he is saying most of the time, but we know him inside out and understand his physical communication as well. That is definitely a scary aspect of having a child with communication challenges, because it could have such a big impact on his ability to be safe. With my fears elevating by the second, Jax started getting distressed that we couldn’t find his brother and was constantly saying, “Mummy where is Lex? I want Lex?” I dragged Jax around at full speed, trying to keep him calm (which I wasn’t doing a very good job at because I was too distressed), and after a couple of failed attempts talking to staff who couldn’t speak English, found a customer service lady who could understand me. “My son is missing? He’s five. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Black t-shirt. Green trousers” – the words a Mother never wants to say. She immediately called customer service within the department store and said there is a boy there but he’s Eurasian. I said well that can’t be him. You don’t get more Caucasian than Lex. She encouraged me to go anyway and see if it was him. Torn – in case he was nearby looking for me – I barrelled my way through the Takashimaya food hall at 5pm on a Sunday night in Singapore – that’s a very busy time to be in a food hall let me assure you. Let’s just say if ANYONE got in my way, they got out of my way very quickly – by choice or by force. Hey I’m a Mother. Jax was dragged along in my panicked wake. We got to the lifts and they took forever to come and Jax said “Mum, where is Lex, he is my brother and I love him?” At that I burst into tears, and when I entered the lift I stood at the back, holding Jax’s hand, with my head down, tears streaming.  I didn’t care what other’s thought – I’m used to being a bit weird here and couldn’t control it anyway. We walked out of the lift, around the corner, and a huge gaggle of smiling women opened up to reveal a very red-eyed and teary Lex. I sank down and cuddled him, Jax cuddled us both and the three of us just cried and cried. It was bloody wonderful and Lex did not leave my side again. The lady told me when they brought him up he took one of the ladies upstairs to the car park to make sure the car was still there.  When he saw me he said “I couldn’t find you Mummy. I went to the car and it was there. I didn’t want you to leave.” As if I’d ever leave! Bless that bloody kids cotton socks. He’s the most beautiful and frustrating child on the planet. He is so bright and gentle, but he’s still struggling to catch up with his words and communication – receptive and expressive. The world doesn’t always want to listen to a child like Lex – it’s too

It’s that time of year, when the ghosts come out to play and everywhere you look are shrines, burning effigies, food, celebrations and more. I love this month because it’s fascinating, and if you’re interested, I did a blog on it 12months ago to give it a bit of context. If you drive around the streets of Singapore in the early evening at the moment, you’ll see lots of people out burning offerings, although some nights are more active than others. I had to do a burning ritual once to get rid of my own ghost, and I have to admit, it felt very weird doing this in public when everyone was watching me. However, no one thought I was weird, because in Singapore, it’s completely normal. As part of my desire to educate the boys in all things this magnificent world has to offer, I decided to take them down to the shrine that has been set up in our basement car park for the duration of Hungry Ghost Month. As with last year, the chuppa chups were there again, as well as lots of other goodies to tempt the boys – including soggy biscuits. We headed down after I gave the boys very clear instructions not to touch ANYTHING – especially the sweets – but man oh man; it’s hard instilling in them the need to respect shrines. There are always shrines in Singapore, in all sorts of weird and wonderful places, but the boys must understand it is very disrespectful to touch them. I’m working hard at training them, but man oh man they do my head in sometimes… well, a lot of the time really. The good news is, according to this article, young people are embracing the traditions of Hungry Ghost Month again, and people have better health during both Hungry Ghost Month and Ramadan. Also, if you would like to know more about the taboo’s during Hungry Ghost Month, this article covers it all – I just find it all very fascinating! One of the things the boys love about the shrines is the chance to play with fire. At least this is something they can do, as lighting incense to honour ancestors is welcome. They don’t get the full meaning yet, but I’m working at it. Here are a couple of pics of my little pyromaniacs Jax enamoured by fire Lex gets in on the action Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Image courtesy of www.oldtimecandy.com One of the first things people say the minute I tell them I live in Singapore is – but you can’t chew gum! It’s amazing, it happens every single time (like it’s important or something), and then of course, they wax lyrical about how clean it is here – even if they’ve never visited. Singapore is very clean I admit, but it’s not as clean as everyone seems to think – and I should know, I’ve explored all sorts of nooks and crannies in this great City with my little guys. Getting back to chewing gum. I seem to have inherited a disorder I’d like to call “don’t fucken chew gum within earshot of me because I’ll definitely have to kill you.” It appears I have inherited this gene from my mother, because she used to go nuts when any of us chewed gum within ear shot of her. This disorder’s symptoms include an absolute irritable need to climb a wall whenever you hear anyone smacking away on gum close by.  When facing prolonged exposure, the feeling of irritation gets so strong, you feel like the inside bits of your body need to move onto the outside. It’s bloody awful, and once, when flying from Hong Kong to Rome, I had a woman sitting next to me chew gum the entire flight – my stomach still clenches up at that memory.  I can’t explain it, it is what it is, so to my dear friends be warned – I will rarely make a fuss about it, because it feels rude to do so, but I will definitely do everything I can to get away from you. Essentially if you do feel the need to chew gum and want my company, either spit it out or piss off well out of ear shot. Don’t get me wrong, I loved having a big wad of cheek bursting Hubba Bubba bubble gum in my mouth as a teenager, and another friend reminded me recently how I used to go through two packs of Extra a day at work in my early 20’s. However, I officially stopped chewing gum when I had to wear a dental plate, because chewing gum and a plate are not a good combination. It takes ages to get the chewing gum off the plate let me assure you. Steve told me, long after we met, that he stopped chewing gum the minute he knew about my “disorder.” Prior to this, he was addicted. Bless his cotton socks – that’s love. So for me, living in Singapore is living in paradise. I rarely encounter anyone chewing gum, and even though it is legal to get gum on prescription and most people bring it back into the country every chance they get, no, I don’t need to suffer that lip smacking sound on a daily basis. It’s absolute bliss for a person like me, so when people say but you can’t chew gum? I say isn’t that fucken brilliant? Not to mention, you never have to clean gum off your shoes, nor is there any risk my boys will pick up and consume a stray bit of used gum stuck to the pavement. Excellent. I don’t know why I got this thing, but that saliva smacking sound from another person chewing gum sends me into apoplexy. Anyone else suffer from the “don’t fucken chew gum within earshot of me because I’ll definitely have to kill you” disorder? I’d like to know I’m not alone in this… Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Well it’s all over. I stretched it out as long as I could, only finishing the last hour of the closing ceremony last night, and it’s been bloody brilliant – although I’m definitely looking forward to a few early nights. Nothing gets the emotions more stirred up than watching people being the best they can be in whatever field they choose. I know some of my US friends thought the opening and closing ceremonies were a bit weak, but I thought both were brilliant – celebrating everything great about the UK, but most importantly, celebrating the amazing musical icons to come out of that country. It was lovely to see Queen being honoured and Annie Lenox as well – a phenomenal woman. George Michael – well one song would’ve been enough – but after his near-death experience a while back, it was cool to see him too – definitely a big part of my teenager years. I found both ceremonies a bit eccentric like only the Brits can do – and I’ve got to say, eccentric is good.  Photo of Sanya Richards Ross With that said, there has been a lot of criticism about the models being part of the closing ceremony. I am in two minds about it I have to say. On the one hand, I really appreciate the negative feedback about the anorexic, drug taking, (and in one case, violent) models being part of a show celebrating everything healthy about the human form, but on the other, these models have succeeded on the world stage and it was an opportunity to showcase Britain’s world-class designers too.  I suppose I just didn’t get my knickers in a knot about them being part of the show. I was pretty disappointed to read about the Belarusianfemale shot-putter being disqualified for drugs, and while it’s bloody awesome Kiwi-gal Valerie Adams now claims the gold, I am absolutely gutted for her that she didn’t get to stand on the middle podium and experience that victory live. Instead, she found out about her gold medal while driving in a car. How bloody disappointing must that be? There are claims up to 60 percent of Olympic athletes take performance enhancing drugs – which I can’t see changing anytime soon – BUT when it impacts people like this, well that just makes me sad. Talking about female athletes, for the first time, the US females outnumbered the men AND more than 60 percent of US Golds were won by women – cracking stuff. I reckon if I was a lesbian, I’d be a groupie for the US women’s athletics team. There are some foxy sheilas in this team, Allyson Felix is one, but the sexiest by far is Sanya Richards-Ross– she always looked so stylish with those funky armbands, and for as long as I can remember, Black American women have made athletics sexy. But it’s done. The global sporting fiesta that celebrates all that is good about humankind is over for another four years. I’ve loved every minute of it, as I’ve always done, and while many believe Australia had a bad Olympics, those Silver and Bronze medal winners might get the accolades they deserve? My country certainly couldn’t have gained 10thposition on the medal tables without the 16 Silver and 12 Bronze to back it up that’s for sure. But I don’t care about the medals – anyone who earns the right to get into the Olympics is already a champion in my mind. Anyways, it’s left me inspired to be the best I can be, and that’s the goal of it right?  Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I caught a bit of the Synchronized Swimming this week – I can’t tell you the last time I watched it. Like most gals, I spent a fair amount of time in the backyard pool practising my synchro moves with my sister, and like most people, a fair bit of time scoffing at its claim of being a “sport.” But it is a sport in my mind now, and after watching both the doubles and the team efforts – CRIKEY it looks bloody hard!! The Russians are the Queens of the sport without question, with the Spanish delivering very entertaining and dramatic performances, but the Chinese girls too – very good.  The Russian Champs in the Double Photo courtesy of www.london2012.comsynchronized-swimming Some observations: It must be a really really challenging sport to get good at, because you’ve got to spend a lot of time under the water, upside down, practising your moves. I mean, you can imagine the hours a swimmer does in the early mornings and evenings swimming back and forth, or the cyclist riding miles and miles every day, but a synchronized swimmer has a whole different kind of tedium to get through to be the best These girls have the best swimsuits in the world BY FAR! I’ve never seen so much glitz and glam on a bathing suit in my life – not to mention the head caps and dramatic make-up – which is apparently done boldly in an effort to ensure those in the back row can see it The smiles – have you ever seen anything like it? They must get jaw cramp pulling those off in every performance These gals are slender, which isn’t surprising considering the physical effort required to do their moves, but there wasn’t a chubby checker in site. It’s a whole different kind of physique when compared to just about any other sport in the Olympics, and as opposite as one can be to the 75+ kilo women’s weightlifters It must be a weird kind of sport when most of the photos taken in your prime are with a nose peg on. I obviously understand the need for one, and nose pegs have come a long way over the years, but it is a strange thing to look at If not already, the makers of eye drops should be sponsoring the hell out of this sport. No goggles are allowed and they certainly can’t do it with their eyes closed. I can only imagine the state of the girl’s eyes after every practise session. That mustn’t be  much fun There are officially only two female only sports at the Olympics these days – Synchronized Swimming  and Rhythmic Gymnastics. Softball was in for a while but then out again. Netball has never made the cut – which is a shame as Australia or NZ would win that! In fact, this Wiki page discusses the Olympics and women, which is a bit of a sober read I have to say. Surely with more women than men in some of the dominant teams these days we can start seeing some real change? Is sport really going to remain a bastion of sexism? Well Women Boxing is finally included, but I reckon we’ve all got to keep fighting for the sisterhood to ensure any great woman – with the heart to compete for an Olympic medal – has the bloody chance to do it. I definitely don’t agree with this article (written after the Beijing Olympics) that both Synchronized Swimming and Rhythmic Gymnastics should be out. Sure it’s a little bit different to the other Olympic sports, but for the sake of the girls who take it seriously, they should hold onto the chance to compete at Olympic level. Let’s fight for more equality in all sports, but let’s not do that by taking something away from girls who have earned their place at the Olympics – no matter how weird the sport OR its historical relevance. Celebrate it all I say. In the meantime, the team Synchronized Swimming ‘own choice’ is on today. I can definitely recommend having a look. It’s very entertaining in a weird, squirmy kind of way…. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

There’s a slightly patronizing term (in my opinion) doing the rounds in blog-land and it is Mummy Blogger or should I say Mommy Blogger? I’m Australian, so Mummy Blogger it is! I hadn’t given it much thought, until recently an old school mate sent me a link to an interview opportunity on Mummy Bloggers and I replied – do you think I’m one? It hadn’t entered my consciousness until that point, but upon further reflection, well of course I probably do fit within the genre. Let’s face it, I blog about my kids, family life and motherhood on a regular basis, but it’s not all I blog about. So even though I blog about a very broad spectrum of stuff, yes, I have to admit, I probably do fit within the Mummy Blogger camp too. So how do I feel about that? I honestly don’t know. I wrote a blog recently about being introduced in an article as a “Mother of two” – something I definitely was not keen on, because I believe I am more than a Mother. It definitely stirred something righteous within me – thus the reason for that blog post. But I AM a Mother of two, and a wife, and a professional communicator, and a lot of other things, so my derision came from seeing the words up in lights for the first time. It’s kind of like hearing yourself referred to as someone’s wife after you get married – I wasn’t so keen on that either. If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, especially about my son Lex, you’ll know I have definitely never been a fan of labels in any context – more so when it comes to my kids. Anyway, I joined the BlogHer Network a while ago, and apart from advertising on my page – you can see the adverts to the right of this blog – it’s given me lots of exposure, taking my readership from about 800 per month, to nearly 4,000/month and growing – that’s been nice. But then, my anal bleaching blog has also contributed to that – I seem to be at the top of SEO on that topic. But BlogHer does celebrate Women bloggers, with over 40 million in the community – that’s a lot of chicks writing on whatever is of interest to them, which is powerful stuff right? (Unfortunately I haven’t been able to attend the BlogHer conference going on in NYC right now. Next year I’m going to go that’s for sure.) But you’ve got to ask the question – is the rise of Mummy Bloggers frightening some folk in the halls of power and is that why this demeaning term was created – to try and take away that power? I’d have to say it probably is a frightening development for some, because blogging is a channel where women can effectively influence women – an audience they trust. Marketers are certainly getting on the band wagon, sending families on holidays and to film premieres, or getting bloggers to write about their products, because they have understood the value of this community. This new opportunity for marketing is also getting more regulated; a sure sign its influence is being taken seriously. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I am yet to get invited to Hollywood for a movie premiere, nor have I had an all expenses paid holiday for the family offered, but who knows? If I build my profile enough, anything can happen it seems. But that’s not why I’m blogging. I started blogging because when I was living in Australia, I had no time on my hands to work effectively, and getting an hour to blog was something I could do. To really write what I want to write, I need TIME – lots and lots of it. I need to get absorbed in it for days and days – but that just can’t happen with two mini-loves. It’s a frustrating part of motherhood for me, but my boys need me now, so I have accepted that. When I fully appreciated I couldn’t do what I wanted to do with my writing, I started blogging. It quickly became the most rewarding part of my day, because it gave me a sense of achievement within the mix of running a house, managing the boys, shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc, etc, etc. That’s why I started blogging. There’s been no benefit beyond my own personal satisfaction, I haven’t sought to grow it into a monster blog like others do and I’ve probably earned about $20 from the advertising in total – because the truth is, I’ve got other things I need to do, so I can’t put any more focus on it. Not forgetting of course, that apart from working (and family-life), I have two other blogs as well… Now I’m back in Singapore – where I have been able to outsource all house wife duties, except the kids – so I have more time for work and this makes me happy, really happy. I need to work. However, this blog remains my true joy, because it gives me a chance to capture all of the crazy shite that constantly goes on in my head and put some order to it. By default, I get to share that with my community, and they in turn share their thoughts with me – sometimes giving me a kick in the arse when needed. Blogging helps me to stay connected with all of the remarkable people I’ve met in my life around the world, and that’s the main reason I do it. It’s also meant I’ve been able to “meet” other people who can relate to what I write about, and that’s been a real bonus too. So yes, I’m probably a Mummy Blogger, but I’m a lot of other things too. However, out of curiosity – would you classify me as a Mummy Blogger?   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

We’re already half way through the Olympicsand I haven’t been able to watch half of what I want to watch – mainly because it took us three days to work out which bloody channels were worth recording in the first place. Happens every time, but then, what did we do before recorded TV? We’ve been squeezing the Games in whenever we can, with Steve being immersed in gymnastics for the first time in his life. He’s most definitely not a convert – just a good husband ‘cos he knows it makes me happy.  Some observations of the games so far… I LOVE living in Asia – it’s a wonderful part of the world – however as a general rule, the strong preference for (and participation in) Badminton and Table Tennis means it dominates Olympic coverage. This is fine, except half of our evenings are spent fast forwarding through both. I’ve definitely come to appreciate the skill and fitness levels required in both sports, BUT it’s just not my cup of tea. Team Singapore did get a bronze in the table tennis though and that was lovely to see Being away from the epicentres of sport is challenging in a significant way – the commentary teams! The coverage is obviously bought from some central repository, where they bring in previous Olympic participants, but my word, some of them are so painful I would rather watch table tennis. Most of the observations are nothing short of bollocks. Thankfully Steve runs a more entertaining back-up commentary Talking of commentators, the use of the phrase “meat and two veg” shouldn’t be used in any context when you have 20+ men walking around in budgie smugglers during the diving final Women at the Olympics – every country in the world has now contributed female sportswomen and I think that’s awesome. Also for the first time, countries like the US, actually have more women competing than men – cool huh? It’s amazing that it’s now 2012 and we’re only just getting there, but all good things should be celebrated. However, Saudi Arabia, I really appreciate you allowing a woman to compete, but it would be lovely if next time she walks ahead of the men in the Opening Ceremony, as opposed to behind the men. It just looked very VERY wrong. If you actually noticed the other teams that do not walk together (most teams just mix it up) the women walk at the front OK? Just a suggestion and I hope you take heed for future events, because I’m sure the world is looking forward to seeing more of your gals in future Did anyone notice Mr Egypt prancing around the Gymnastics area in his leotard? I didn’t realise men wore leotards under their shorts – until this Olympics – but after seeing his lunch box firmly on display every chance he got when not competing, I now know Can anyone tell me exactly when North Asia got so bloody good in the pool? Every time I watched a swimming race, China, Korea or Japan was in the top three – amazing, but when did that happen? Obviously there is also some rumours about a young Chinese female swimmer, so I REALLY hope nothing comes of that and it’s just because she’s phenomenally talented – I really do. I hate drugs in sport Female weight lifting – a personal passion of mine – anyone else watch it? I was so close to taking it up in my teens, but looking at some of the girls, I’m glad I didn’t. It was exciting to watch, but there’s some scary girls in the mix And of course, it’s a bit sad watching the Olympics this year as I am not hearing the boring strains of Advance Australia Fair ringing out. The team are rock solid in Silver and Bronze – so nothing to be ashamed of – but it hurts a little bit deep inside that there aren’t more Golds… Of course, if NZ comes out ahead of Australia, shit that’ll be worse than the All Blacks winning the bloody Rugby World Cup Final against the Wallabies – we’ll never hear the end of it. However I’ve got to say congrats to NZ for the Golds – bloody awesome stuff. Then again, to protect myself from future ribbing from my Kiwi friends – come on Aussie!!! I’m looking forward to the final week for sure – anyone else notice any corkers? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea