October 2015

When Steve first leaves on one of his extended business trips, there’s a lot of love going back and forth on Whats App. We’ve always been an over-communicating-kind-of-couple, keeping each other connected in our day-to-day lives when we’re apart… well it actually happens when we’re in the same city too. Steve drives that. For him it’s about respecting each other and being interested in each other’s lives. It’s one of his many lovely qualities that makes us stronger as a couple. But as the weeks roll on (we’re finishing three weeks of travel right now) and you’re living the same chaotic life, just in different countries, the energy and enthusiasm in the communication department starts to wane. You just get to the point where you’ve had enough and want it over. Early trip communication has lots of loving messages and then the day-to-day rolls in: Early into trip – “I’m up, the boys are off to school counting down the sleeps ‘til you get home, I’m getting ready for work now, hope you have an amazing time tonight. Promise me you’ll enjoy yourself xxxx” Middle of trip – “Chaos done for the morning, I’m getting ready for work, love you xxx” End of trip – “Boys gone, me soon x” Night time progression is along these lines “Sleep well my love. Hope it’s been an amazing day for you. Can’t wait to speak tomorrow to hear all about your day xxxxxxxx” “Good night sweetheart xxxx” “Bed time x” It starts to become a challenge of creativity. The longer Steve is away, the more mundane our messages become, because how many ways can you say the same thing? You work hard on trying to be unique in what you say, because it’s important to stay connected, but it does start to become a chore. It becomes tedious. It’s hard when it reaches that point, because you don’t want it to be tedious. It’s too important. While this international travel might seem exotic and exciting to those who don’t have the opportunity to do it, it really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It just makes life that little bit harder for the whole family. And I’m not even speaking of the mundane Steve faces on his adventures – packing, unpacking, packing, unpacking, city to city, town to town, airport to airport, time zone to time zone. In the meantime, Steve is having his final sleep in the US while I finish another weekend without him and that includes dealing with the boy’s emotions of missing their beloved dad. I don’t like it when he’s away for a long time, but the boys really reallydon’t like it. Jax in particular seems affected this time. I know it’s good for him. Good for us. But right now, all I want to say to him is: can you just bloody come home now Steve? Hurry hurry. We would miss it if we couldn’t do it though. We both know that. Anyone relate? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea 

I was having a rather hilarious discussion with a couple of great birds at a networking night recently. All around the same age bracket, one was telling us she could still do the splits, because she was a pretty serious ballerina in her younger days. We couldn’t get a live demo unfortunately, because jeans are not suitable attire for the splits, but I’m on a promise for a demo in future. I did ballet for a while when little and could do the splits then, but it’s a talent long behind me today – although maybe I should try… The other lady, a tall, gorgeous woman, could never do the splits EVER. Ballet was just not in her past at all. Apparently tall girls didn’t do ballet. But it got me thinking about the things you didn’t learn as a kid that you wished you could do now. And for me there are only two clear misses. The first is playing pool. I never learnt it from a young age. Sure I can smack balls around a pool table at furious speed, and sometimes I have a good night and actually look like I know what I’m doing. But it’s like playing darts. The great nights are rare and I usually look like a dick when I play. Being good at pool, developing the skill and subtly required to play it well, comes from years of wasting hours in pubs as soon as they accept your fake ID. I obviously didn’t use that time to the best advantage. It’s a shame though, because a talented woman on a pool table is one of the most sensuous and powerful sights I know. I was too busy with my euphonium to appreciate that. But the biggest miss for me is the Wolf Whistle. Ahhh man talk about powerful and sexy! I’ve just never mastered it. I tried, I really did, but I didn’t try hard enough. We were obviously missing another key ingredient back then – the wikiHOW – with a 10 step instruction on how to do it WITH PICTURES. Maybe I’ll have another go and see if I can learn it with the boys!! They’re definitely on the trying to whistle journey right now. And check this out. I found The Art of Manliness – love it. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting people along the journey of life who could wolf whistle spectacularly – many really surprising. Don’t you think it’s awesome when you do a double take, because you didn’t expect that lovely lady to be able to do THAT? Always makes me laugh from deep in my belly, because it’s nothing short of brilliant! It feels so Hollywood when trying to get a taxi in NYC and your pal rips one out. Or trying to get someone’s attention and they’re just too far away, only to have a friend let a pearler go. It’s amazing how many heads turn around on a whistle. It penetrates the entire community within hearing range. Great skill. Shame I missed out on that one. So now it is over to you for some light Sunday banter. What didn’t you learn that you SO BLOODY wished you did – from the depths of your soul? Should be fun. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea BTW I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too, if you’re interested in the other stuff I share. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know will be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do xxxxx

Lex snored since he was born. It wasn’t until he was nearly four that an ear, nose and throat specialist (ENT) asked me the question – does he snore? Why yes I said, since he was born. His response was simple. No child should snore. I’ve thought about that moment so many times in the five years since the accidental appointment. I made the appointment on a hunch, as I often have with Lex. But if only I’d known kids shouldn’t snore earlier, how different things would have been. If only one doctor had asked me the question earlier. But they didn’t and they didn’t notice the narrowing of Lex’s ear canals either – the sign his adenoids and tonsils were exploding in size. This meant how he heard the world was often painful, especially in a room full of screaming, high pitched kids. We’ve had so much misinformation since that time. So many tests and guesses. The problem has always been that no one has really known what the hell was going on, because no one really understands the developmental impact on a child with hearing challenges, or how very unique every child is when it comes to developing language. To really know, they need to be inside the brain of a baby or a toddler, and of course, they can’t – not yet. It’s been a hideously long and expensive road for us since, and we’ve thrown money at every possible solution. We’ve done two things that made the biggest impact. First Excelerate, where they helped Lex deal with his frustration at not understanding the world, and at not being understood. And the second, more recently, when I read The Woman Who Changed Her Brain. After I read this, we registered Lex in a brain training program – one used by NASA to train astronauts on focusing, and the results have been staggering. Click this link for lots of videos on NASA brain training. My lesson with both. If you’re child has an issue with shrinking ear canals and is starting to act up, address his behavioural issues first. Expressing frustration is a good thing because they’re giving you a sign something is wrong – many kids go completely silent. It might turn out to be something else, but it also might be just that – frustration. Helping them to calm themselves is a gift to give your child. Excelerate had both speech and behavioural therapists working together, and that was a huge bonus for Lex. Second look at cognitive brain development. Most countries/cities seem to have some form of cognitive therapy centers, and Barbara Arrowsmith-Young, who wrote ‘The Woman Who Changed Her Brain’ has centers in Canada and Australia. Maybe more places now. Once again, with cognitive therapy, I was just using my gut. However it made sense to me that if Lex missed out on some fundamental development skills as a baby and toddler because of his hearing, it occurred to me there was a very real chance some of the necessary cognitive wiring in his brain was impacted. It’s been awesome for him, perhaps it’s an opportunity for you. My next initiative is to get him into some sort of acting/drama classes. He’s had speech therapy for years and has an impressive array of language (and slang) today, but now I think it’s time he learnt how to use and project his voice properly. As I said, we’ve done a lot of guess work, but I’ve learnt to trust myself when it comes to Lex. But this issue has come up again, this time for Jax Jax hasn’t been doing as well at school this year as he did in the past, and that has been a big concern. He’s a bright kid and we’ve been scratching our heads trying to work it out. Do you know where we found the solution – the dentist! Dr Trev Halcome is a wonderful kids’ dentist and he recently handed me this PowerPoint deck – What Happens to a Childs’ Brain When They Snore . An ENT in Queensland created this information and when I read it, I thought bingo for both of my boys. What I am loving about today is some medical professionals are finally starting to look at the bigger picture. There’s a lot of kids being misdiagnosed – something I’m absolutely against. Fine if the diagnosis is right, but if there are other things happening, we must be open to every possibility, rather than just accepting a couple of options – ADHD or Autism. That diagnosis might be right, but they might be wrong too, and if they are wrong, the child will never be able to grow into the person they are meant to be. That is something I could never accept with my boys. Shove your labels up your arse and let’s focus on dealing with the issues! Diet also needs to be integrated into this of course. The amount of additives and preservatives young kids are exposed to today is horrifying, but that’s another issue. Anyhoo, Jax’s teeth are all bunched up, so of course we’re thinking braces. No, it’s not braces, his pallet isn’t growing fast enough for his age, which means he is not breathing properly when he sleeps, which means he’s always tired and that’s why he’s not doing so well at school. Jax will be booked into the chop shop next. Maybe just his adenoids, maybe his tonsils too, but he’ll also need a bunch of skin scraped off his pallet. Ugh! Not looking forward to that. So that’s why I’m writing this blog. Before puberty no child should snore. When they sleep, they shouldn’t breathe through their mouth either, as Jax is doing right now. That is what I’ve been told by doctors I’ve come to trust, and I know it’s true in our case. I’m not a doctor. I’m a mother who’s been through a lot of shit, and if I can help one parent not

One for the ladies today (and maybe a few curious fellas) but do you remember the moment when fragranced sanitary napkins entered our lives? Early 80s in Australia right? In my memory it occurred at the same time “womanhood” commenced (for those in my age group you’ll know when that was), and this was before we were old enough to embrace other alternatives – in my Catholic community at least…  In fact, some gals at my school never got permission to move beyond the pad. Thankfully my mum was quite liberal in that regard. Anyhoo, last night I walked into our lift lobby and there was the strongest smell of fragrant pad. I said: ‘shit Steve that brings me back to being 12 years old when fragrant pads hit the shelves of the supermarkets. We all ran out to try this new thing, but very quickly stopped, because if there is one thing for sure – you never wanted to tell the world you were on the blob. And that smell is completely unique. Like the hairspray your grandma used to use!’ For me, that smell is a siren over any woman’s head that she is on the blob, and as far as I know, the majority of women really don’t want everyone else knowing that the painters are in. That’s women’s business. That’s private business. Well for me anyway. But these pads still do exist – last night was proof. So who wears it? Who doesn’t get that EVERYONE around them knows they’ve got their rags? And for me there’s an added thing – it’s such a strong, sickly, sweet smell, it also makes me feel quite nauseous. It probably comes from the fact that fragrance pads are not a happy memory smell. It’s a memory of pain. It’s a memory of horror…. I mean at 12 you’re facing a good 30-plus years of this shite, and that is where the horror comes in. Maybe you didn’t feel this way, because some girls actually loved this growing-up-chain-of-events in their lives. I just thought they were weird and wished I was a boy. So the only conclusion I can draw is this. Women who wear fragranced pads have absolutely no sense of smell. If they did, they’d run as far and as hard away from these sweet little stinkers as they possibly could. Alternatively, they like the smell, and if so, their olfactory senses are not aligned with mine. I mean seriously, who thought that perfuming pads was ever a good idea? AND why the hell do they still exist? Anyone else have a memory of the fragranced pad? Or catch a whiff on public transport today? That’s always a good place for it. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea