One for the ladies today (and maybe a few curious fellas) but do you remember the moment when fragranced sanitary napkins entered our lives? Early 80s in Australia right? In my memory it occurred at the same time “womanhood” commenced (for those in my age group you’ll know when that was), and this was before we were old enough to embrace other alternatives – in my Catholic community at least…  In fact, some gals at my school never got permission to move beyond the pad. Thankfully my mum was quite liberal in that regard.

Anyhoo, last night I walked into our lift lobby and there was the strongest smell of fragrant pad. I said: ‘shit Steve that brings me back to being 12 years old when fragrant pads hit the shelves of the supermarkets. We all ran out to try this new thing, but very quickly stopped, because if there is one thing for sure – you never wanted to tell the world you were on the blob. And that smell is completely unique. Like the hairspray your grandma used to use!’

For me, that smell is a siren over any woman’s head that she is on the blob, and as far as I know, the majority of women really don’t want everyone else knowing that the painters are in. That’s women’s business. That’s private business. Well for me anyway.

But these pads still do exist – last night was proof. So who wears it? Who doesn’t get that EVERYONE around them knows they’ve got their rags? And for me there’s an added thing – it’s such a strong, sickly, sweet smell, it also makes me feel quite nauseous.

It probably comes from the fact that fragrance pads are not a happy memory smell. It’s a memory of pain. It’s a memory of horror…. I mean at 12 you’re facing a good 30-plus years of this shite, and that is where the horror comes in. Maybe you didn’t feel this way, because some girls actually loved this growing-up-chain-of-events in their lives. I just thought they were weird and wished I was a boy.

So the only conclusion I can draw is this. Women who wear fragranced pads have absolutely no sense of smell. If they did, they’d run as far and as hard away from these sweet little stinkers as they possibly could. Alternatively, they like the smell, and if so, their olfactory senses are not aligned with mine.

I mean seriously, who thought that perfuming pads was ever a good idea? AND why the hell do they still exist?

Anyone else have a memory of the fragranced pad? Or catch a whiff on public transport today? That’s always a good place for it.

Yours, without the bollocks

Andrea