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All class It’s our nine year wedding anniversary today – NINE YEARS! Wow it’s gone fast, but then we’ve packed a whole lot of living into that time, including the addition of two little loves. It’s been one hell of a roller coaster ride though. I don’t know how many times we’ve moved, but I do know at least four of those moves have been international. I don’t know how many countries we’ve been to either – probably in the 50 range – together and through the eyes of each other. We definitely like to keep things fresh. But when I sit back and reflect on it, I think that marriage is a whole lot of putting up with each other – in the nicest possible way of course.  We both have bad habits. We both annoy the shit out of each other. We’re both stubborn. We’re both strong. We’re both determined. We have different tastes – in music, food, arts and more. We’re really different people, yet that’s only something we worked out after we got married! And of course, we’ve gone through some incredibly intense times together – mainly around Lex having a pretty rough start in this life game. He’s awesome though, as we knew he would be – annoying too, as is Jax, but both awesome. We did it!! It’s been an amazing nine years, but the one thing I really want to say to you, Steve, is thank you. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for understanding that sometimes I just need to escape inside my own head (for days, weeks or even months sometimes) to work this life shite out. Thank you for sticking beside me when I need to go on an emotional roller coaster ride – I know it’s not always pretty. Thank you for understanding that sometimes when I present an idea it’s not really about getting your feedback, because it’s going to happen. You know me well. Thank you for your patience as I try and shake some shackles I’ve picked up through life. Thank you for being patient when I explore some ideas so beyond where you want to go in your thinking and yes, I do know you often think I’m bloody nuts. Thank you for shutting the hell up (well most of the time) when I just need someone to ‘hear’ me. I know your maleness doesn’t find this easy, but it sure is appreciated. Thank you for loving me when I’m such a massive pain in the arse even though you assure me I’m not. But mainly, thanks for having the courage to love me in such a beautiful way. I am a very lucky girl. Happy nine years my love. May the next nine be a little smoother though – oh pretty please universe. Also, if you don’t have any plans on January 15th2015, it will be our 10 year anniversary. I reckon a party on Koh Samui (where we got married) might be in order? Who’s coming? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Returning from the jungle About 10 years ago, my awesome friends Carl and Lorna came to visit us in Singapore after a long and relaxing holiday in Thailand. Their boys – Ike and Archie, who were approximately six and two at the time – arrived late into Singapore (wine tasting in the airport distracted them apparently so we waited for ages, went home thinking they missed their plane, only to have to come back and get them, hello!) and I looked at them and said “shit guys, you look completely knackered.” Carl looked at me, pointed at the kids and nothing more was needed. The message was clear. A relaxing holiday in Thailand it was not. Dancing with the elephant Wind the clock forward by a decade and I TOTALLY get what they mean. After only five days on Bintan, Steve and I are sitting on the ferry, heading back to Singapore on The South China Sea, and we are completely rooted – completely. The first root-able part of the experience was losing an hour, so not only did they wake up like clockwork, we had a 6am start every morning. The kids’ club had absolutely zero potential to keep our loves engaged for any longer than five minutes – although five would be pushing it – so it was 14 hours of intense “mum I want, mum Lex/Jax hit me, mum I’m tired, mum I’m hungry, mum I want to go on [insert most dangerous option available for kids], mum I’ve already done this activity, this activity and this activity, but if I can’t do this additional activity I’m going to scream, mum can I have an ice cream/chips/chocolate/sugar-of-any-description-or-better-yet-chips-covered-in-really-bad-flavourings-and-additives-that-make-me-crazy, mum, mum, mum…. It was long days keeping them moving and entertained… Robin Hood x 3 But to top it all off, Steve had great hopes of Mummy and Daddy time in the mix?! Yeah right love. Every night we’d lie in a stupor on the bed, deliriously exhausted, ready for another bone aching sleep on our really REALLY uncomfortable bed, knowing one of us had to do the early morning rise/distraction to keep the boys quiet just a little bit longer so we could sleep – and I should note, Steve let me have the lie-in every morning, thanks love – before doing it all again. Mummy and Daddy time was definitely NOT on the cards. Seriously how do people manage four or more kids? Some serious concentration and he was awesome With all that said, we had some really lovely experiences. The boys tried archery and shooting for the first time, got over their fear of elephants and went for a ride in the jungle with the Mahouts alone, Lex danced with an elephant in front of a crowd (bless), Jax played a number game with another elephant, they learnt how to do somersaults on trampolines, went jellyfish hunting on the beach, enjoyed excessive amounts of sugar at the breakfast buffet (they could finally eat Honey Stars), and spent a whole lot of time just swimming and hanging out with Mum and Dad – something they seem to enjoy doing?! As was Lex – crack shot! So it was a good but wearing adventure and it ain’t going to stop us doing more. After a couple of days at home, we’re going to head off into Malaysia for a bit of a road trip to Malacca – one of our favorite cities in Asia. We haven’t done a road trip with the boys yet, so we are expecting it to be interesting, but Lego Land and a few other adventure parks might keep them satisfied? Nah, what are we thinking. It’s still all about them. Anyone else knackered from kiddie holidays? I swear it’s easier being at work! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea My favorite pic

The boys are having a bit of a fear-fest around witches. It’s been growing in momentum for some time, but recent viewings of “Scooby Doo” have left my little loves quite fearful. Awesome. I’m really loving that. Being a very traditional Mother, I’ve decided to take a slightly different approach in discussions, suggesting that “Witches are nothing to be scared of my darlings because I’m a witch and Aunty Vick’s a witch. In fact, we know lots of witches.” The Wand my Dad bought me many years ago – it’s one of my treasures Even though my personal idea of witchcraft is essentially being attuned with all that IS in the world – especially oneself – I must say, that statement got a significant response last night. Jax: “Mum you are not a witch, you are just a Mummy.” Lex: “Can you turn me into a train? No, turn me into a frog?” Of course, I then had to explain that there are different kinds of witches and my personal power is not of the zapping variety. I said it’s all about making things happen with my mind, and that if you have positive feelings and ideas, good things happen and life is happier.” I lost them at that point. So I showed them my wand (a gift from my Dad many years ago and something I adore) as well as my crystal ball (both pictured). “See guys, I’m a witch! I’ve got all the tools.” But Jax was having none of his Mum being a witch – with a very firm “Mum, you are NOT a witch.” However, this goes a little bit deeper for me. I actually feel quite pissed off with how witchescontinue to be reflected in the media and storytelling today, and of course, historically. I also feel even more disappointed that my loves are picking up these stereotypes and carrying on the message. I love crystals and recently got myself a crystal ball I did a lot of research into this years ago and could share lots of thoughts and ideas, but briefly, my conclusions are along the lines of the history of witches is about the subjugation of women, wrapped around the growth of modern day monotheisticreligions –  pure and simple. It’s about killing what was and replacing it with something new – but examples had to be made of the old, with these examples almost exclusively and barbarically focused on women. Witch comes from Wit which actually meant traditional medicine woman (think Shaman), and of course, for many reasons, that was wiped out and women in this field were burnt at the stake, terrorized and a lot more. It’s obviously linked to the growth of modern day religion and the killing off of the ‘Goddess,’ and we are still seeing women defiled for this and many other reasons today. I don’t want my boys growing up with historical or modern-day misconceptions around women. I don’t want them wrapped up in how the media portrays women and seeing that as “normal” or “right.” My husband gets a kicking when he uses phrases like “you throw like a girl” (I’m a great thrower after all) or similar – even if he does says those things to wind me up. Using that as a criticism or motivation to be better at something is not OK, because let’s face it, the boys obviously aren’t that good, come on! Maybe I’m fighting a lost cause, but damn it, my boys are going to grow into very self-enlightened men when it comes to women. My husband has had nearly 11 years training in Andrea’s course on “how to detect bollocks in the media and society when it comes to gals” and he’s coming along well (although I must say he started off ahead of the curve). He does, however, occasionally deliver the odd slip – he is human after all – but fortunately, I get to offer this course to the boys from the beginning, so perhaps I’ll succeed? All I hope is that one day, some future women (if, of course, they choose women as their partners) is going to be very appreciative of my efforts. So yes, I’m a witch, and I’m proud of it. Anyone else a witch? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

My little Lex (seven) told me he was playing kiss chasey yesterday. I was absolutely delighted to hear it, because I have some very fond memories of kiss chasey myself. He told me this girl – with a big big big brother in a green shirt – was chasing him all around one of Singapore’s indoor playrooms and he kept hiding in a train. It sounded quite stressful for my little love, but equally, you could tell he loved it! I actually saw him kissing our friend’s daughter at his birthday party recently, so something has definitely shifted in our little man. I was about five when my kissing adventures began. I remember to this day a dream boat, named Lars – who was a much older six – always targeting me for kisses. I have to be honest. I never tried too hard to run away… Then up until about 12, when innocence still ruled supreme, my Dad used to drag us all over the country to do his various hobbies, often late into the evening. I remember dark nights in abandoned fields, with all of the kids running free of parental eyes or control, playing kiss chasey for hours on end. I also remember most of the other girls being VERY good hiders, often not being found until it was home time. I was surprisingly easy to find, because I didn’t mind the odd slathering kiss from the boys. Once puberty kicks in it all becomes rather awkward, with everyone being aware of other potential assets at play, so the kiss chasing stops and you find yourself circling each other for the next few years until you work out exactly what it is you should be doing. So yes, I’m delighted Lex has started playing kiss chasey, but when Jaxey starts, hang on to your hats! Although it’ll be when they’re teenagers we’ll be recommending our friends lock up their daughters. Anyone else with lovely kiss chasey memories? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Like most people, I’ve been having lots of conversations about Mandela today. I feel as if there’s a big, beautiful feeling engulfing the world right now, one that is reflective of the impact a truly loving and magnificent person had on all of us. I reckon we should all just wrap ourselves up in this beautiful somber mood, because what a rare treat we’re experiencing today. We’re celebrating the best of the human spirit. I know people are sad he has left us, but I just don’t feel that way. I feel joyful that I had the privilege to be alive when he was here. My boys won’t remember Mandela, and that’s a shame, but I got to have him in my life, and I am so grateful I was able to see what is possible when one is connected to their heart. I believe Mandela showed us all that a single person can create positive change in the midst of real ugliness. He showed us that peace is possible, no matter the obstacles. He also gave us an understanding of how bright the human spirit can shine, no matter the circumstances one faces. What a legacy. I’d be the happiest person in the world if I got to leave a legacy like that! A colleague said to me today: “what are we going to do now without him leading us?” I just don’t think that way. He showed us it can be done, so we don’t need a leader, we all need to be Mandela. We all need to find peace and love in our hearts, every day, in every situation. We need to be kind towards everyone and acknowledge the humanness in all those around us – no matter who they are or where they fit on the social hierarchy. We just all need to embrace the magnificent qualities we admired in him, because what a world we’d have if we did that huh? So I’m not sorrowful, I’m not sad, I’m just truly grateful that I got to live in the time of Mandela. There’s so much ugliness around the world every day, but we had the privilege of experiencing his shining light, and that is just bloody awesome I reckon. Enjoy the feeling my friends. It’s truly a remarkable moment in history and we’ll celebrate him for another 95 years at least. In the meantime, let’s all get focused on leaving an equally awesome legacy! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I was in the States last week and as I was chewing on one of the softest chocolate bars available – a Mars Bar – I felt that all too familiar crunch of a tooth mixed in amongst the creamy goodness. Awesome. There aren’t many things – for me – to beat “that” feeling, but it impacts me more when one is not at home and about to spend a day flying at over 30,000+ feet. In case you didn’t know, high altitude/pressure increases the risks of an internal tooth combustion significantly, and as I already had two high risk teeth for flying, I was rather anxious to add a third. Thankfully, I didn’t have to deal with that eventuality. Making it home without pain, my lovely husband arranged a dental appointment at my request. The “at my request” addition is important, because in the past I’ve always taken an approach of – if it don’t hurt, sort it out later – well I’ve learnt that later is always too late, and I have three titanium implants to prove it. Like most people, I don’t like going to the dentist – even though my actual dentist is a top bloke – and the only thing I like about going is I get to watch old episodes of Friends – still makes me giggle. Anyhoo, today we agreed that no numbing was needed (brave huh?), and that is always the preferable approach when returning to the office. As such, it was all smooth sailing, except for one crikey-hit-the-roof-shit-you-got-the-root moment. Otherwise it was all pretty OK as far as dental appointments go, except for all of the cold shit being blasted into my mouth. You know, I think that’s actually my least favorite bit about the dentist – the cold shit. As you get a wee bit older, your gums start to recede fractionally (or is that just me?), which means the cold blasts actually start to hurt a little bit more. It’s not nice. So having a filling today – no problem. Giving my teeth a quick polish – no problem. Blasts of icy air and water – problem. At the end I ask my dentist, Brendan – is it absolutely necessary to have cold water and cold air to do the job? I mean could warm water and warm air do the same trick or is there some reason for it being cold dentistically speaking? He looks at me and says why yes, we do need to dry the surface to do the job, but no, there is no reason for it to be cold. It was a Eureka moment, and perhaps if there’s anyone out there in the dental equipment manufacturing sector reading this, you might be up for making a lot of money if you start designing your equipment with a slightly warmer blast? I’d sure appreciate that. My appointment finished with a lovely surprise. Because I’ve been such a good and loyal customer (and trust me, I’ve spent a LOT of money with these guys) my appointment was free. How’s that? Never happened before and I’m still in shock. So anyone else struggle with cold shit at the dentist? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I’ve got to get my ideas around relaxation sorted out a bit, or perhaps reconsider the whole work-life balance malarkey?  Here’s a dash through two weeks. Two Monday’s ago I ran the event of my life. It officially started at 6pm on Monday, which meant a lot of running around from early morning until that point. Then Tuesday I was up at 5am running ‘til midnight, Wednesday 5am running til 11pm, Thursday I was running to get Lex some birthday presents because I didn’t have any time to shop before that, and then Friday I stopped running. However, while no more running, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to take the boys to Universal Studios in Singapore to celebrate the Lexster’s overdue birthday and have some family time together after months of intensity. But I was not the only weary one. Steve got home at 7am on the Friday morning after flying back from Saudi Arabia, so he was completely shagged – the most tired I’ve ever seen him. As such, Friday saw us lumbering around after two excited lads, followed by the whole of Saturday doing much of the same, and then we did all of it again Sunday, which meant a very weary family by the time we were done. I’m still not quite sure how we made it through. While we obviously had no idea how we could even get through day one, we did, and actually had a great time together. I also loved seeing the experience of Universal through the boy’s eyes – kids are special. Lex was up for anything and able to correctly asses his environment with a very mature “it’s not real” shrug of his seven year old shoulders. Jax, however, got VERY caught up in every moment, from forcing Lex to steer away from the poisonous snakes as the car meandered along permanent tracks, to having a chat with Bumblebee after we all saved the world in the Transformers 4D ride. Easily my favorite! We enjoyed three jam packed days of action, and then we got home 5pm Sunday night, only to see me unpacking the suitcase, repacking the suitcase, having a slight frenzy over what to actually pack for Wintery weather in Northern climes, and then stumble into bed too late, only for the alarm to go off at 5.30am Monday morning, I groaned my way out of bed, only to jump aboard three planes to get myself to Seattle, and then this week I was required to be intelligent. Not easy. Thankfully I gave a pretty big presentation – which saw me working until 3am one morning to get it sorted (ugh) but I think my intelligence was rated as OK? It went down well by all accounts, then I rushed around for meeting after meeting to ensure I was maximizing my time away, and here I sit, at last, in Seattle, ready to go home and see my three loves. I reckon I’m going to take some time off over Christmas and have a proper break… although challenging with my mini-lads. But seriously, my life always seems to exist at two extremes, and I’m thinking perhaps a little more in the middle living could be useful for a while? Then again, maybe not. Anyone else live in the extremes? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

It’s Lex’s 7thbirthday today. He doesn’t know it’s his birthday – we’ve told him it’s on Friday – but no matter how you cut it, I am the guiltiest Mumma in the world right now. The challenge is I’ve got no choice – especially if I don’t want to break his heart. You may have noticed I’ve gone a little quiet on my blog and pretty-much everywhere else in my life in recent months. It’s because I’ve been absorbed in organizing a very high profile event, and it’s taking place in Singapore today. Fortunately it’s going brilliantly. Such a relief. A lot of people have sweated blood to ensure it does. I saw Lex for about 20 minutes this morning, and I won’t see him tonight. I didn’t see him yesterday and I won’t see him tomorrow. In addition to me being here and away from him all day, Steve managed to get a trip booked to Saudi Arabia for a major industry event this week as well. Our first big work clash. Suffice to say, he is an equally guilty Dadda too. Both of us are working hard on the tear-controlling front – bloody kids! It’s super important to me to honor my boy’s birthdays. I want them to feel over-the-top special, and I know it comes from having a New Year’s Day birthday, which was always tough growing up in Australia – summer holidays, friends away, etc.. So Happy Birthday Lex my love. You are the biggest pain in my arse, but god how I love you. I know you will do remarkable things with your life. Until Friday little man, and then we’re really going to celebrate, because we’re going to Universal Studios at long last. He’s definitely going to get very spoilt! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Cousins hanging out – note Sophie’s hand on Lex Lex has decided he wants a girl baby. He appreciates where babies come from, is a little unsure of how they get in, and equally unclear on how they get out – but those are minor details at this point. Every day he is asking me: “Mum, can you put a girl baby in your tummy?” If I say no, he says “OK Mum, let’s go shopping and we can buy a girl baby.” He’s not too far from the sordid truth there…. I don’t know why girl babies are the focus of my little loves attention, but they are and he ain’t letting it go – bless him. Naturally, every time he asks me about it, some immediate replies spring to mind – the sort you stop before they come out… “I’m too bloody old, piss off and leave me alone.” Or “Your Dad has had the snip so that little avenue has been blocked off.” Or “Do you think I look mad? Do you think I’d willingly go back into baby-land?” I loved my little guys when they were babies, don’t get me wrong, but the thought of being back in that world – no, it ain’t for me. I did it twice – rapidly – and I don’t want to go back there until I’m a grandma and can piss off whenever I want. Sophie’s terror but Lex still in protective mode The truth of the matter is: I just don’t want to have a baby again – age aside. I knew that long before Jax was born, thus Steve’s snippage was booked in pronto after Jax’s birth. Equally, both boys swift appearance in the world was too close together and grueling. Sometimes, I feel like I’m still recovering from it. In fact, following my visit to the osteo this morning, I know I am. Babies are beautiful, but no more thanks. Two is enough. No desire for a girl in case you wanted to ask – and boy do people want to ask. I’m happy with my lads and completely and utterly done & dusted on the baby-front. Besides, the boys are just starting to get interesting, and more importantly, independent. I like their independence I must say. So Lex, my beautiful little love, who never misses a chance to play with any girl-baby in the vicinity – and you do play with them so beautifully and gently darling-heart, but no love, Mummy ain’t putting a girl baby in her tummy. However, one thing I know for sure, you’re going to schmooze women-folk in later years with that big heart of yours son. Jax will as well, just in a slightly different way. So Lex, will you settle for a girl-cat instead? Please? Besides, how could I get so lucky with the perfection of my first two babies a third time round? Can anyone else relate to the ‘no more thanks’ feeling? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea 

When I first arrived in Singapore in 2003, all of these Bahasa and Malay-speaking people would ask me “makan already ah?” I had absolutely no idea what they were saying but gave them my best gormless smile and said yes. They seemed happy with that, so all was good. Then one day I asked someone: what does ‘makan already ah’ actually mean? And the translation was “have you eaten?” I was already aware of “have you eaten” because English-speaking Singaporeans would ask me that very question throughout every day too. I also thought that was a weird question to ask someone, so it obviously took me a while to put two-and-two together to realize that both “have you eaten?” and “makan already ah?” were the Australian equivalent of “g’day.” Right! Doh! It’s a form of greeting, and having lived here a decade, the fact that it is linked to food is hardly surprising. I believe there is some historical context to it – i.e. ancestors starving in the past so food is highly valued – which, of course, is how any societies’ common words and phrases come about – historical context. I was thinking about this yesterday, which lead me to remember my first few weeks in London back in 1995. Starting my first job in the City, someone walked past me and said “alright?” I stopped walking to respond to the question, ready to explain I was, in fact, better than alright, only to see them wandering off up the hall. I was a bit perplexed, wondering why someone would ask me a question and then piss off, but thought nothing more of it. Of course, over time, it became very clear that “alright” was also the equivalent of “g’day,” and I was alrighting along with the best of them in no time. Thankfully the US was straight forward with hi, hello, hi-five – your standard stuff – but culture shocks in the US came in many other forms. Shit I had to re-learn how to say “water” because no one understood my version of “water.” It’s hard to re-learn a word you’ve been using all your life let me tell you! Interesting no? Some cultures greet you with a statement and some with a question. Anyhow, with this random sequence of memories going through my mind yesterday, I walked back towards the elevator and one of the old security aunties asked me “makan already ah?” I said “yes, makan already, you?” She beamed at me and said “Yes!” See I get the hang of these things eventually. Anyone else have any of those not-quite-picking-up-on-the-local-greeting when ensconcing themselves in a new country? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea