Fuck it Enough

When I first moved to Singapore, I used to notice a lot of older Singaporeans standing around, peacefully thumping their chests. I thought, what the hell is that all about? Well I found out – it’s called the “Thymus Thump” and it’s a great technique – if done every day – to make you happier and increase the strength of your immune system. I’d forgotten about it, but saw it mentioned on Facebook this week, reminding me it would be a terrific habit to integrate into my morning stretch routine. So I’m thumping again. Singapore is an amazing combination of East and West, but it is the old wisdom of the East I am most drawn to – most of which was off limits within the Catholic world I was brought up in. Like meditation, mindfulness and yoga, there are many ancient practises that come from this part of the world, and people are going back to them today in droves. There’s definitely something to it. I found this background on a blog called “The Universe Inside Your Mind.”  “The Thymus Thump (also known as the happiness point) can assist to neutralize negative energy, exude calm, revamp energy, support healing and vibrant health, and boost your immune system. “A simple but very effective energy technique involves tapping, thumping or scratching on the thymus point. The word thymus comes from the Greek word ‘thymos’ which means “life energy.” The thymus gland lies just beneath the upper part of the breastbone in the middle of the chest. Its role is in keeping your own life energy vibrating in high frequency. When the thymus gland is in harmony [it] can increase your strength and vitality. Dr. John Diamond, author of “Life Energy” maintains the thymus gland monitors and regulates the body’s energy flow. Therefore when there is an imbalance in energy flow, the Thymus Thump can help correct it. ‘The thymus gland is linked between the mind and the body thus when there is emotional or physical disturbance can cause the thymus gland to shrink and cause depletion in this vital life energy.  “How to do it: “You may thump in the middle of your chest with your fist (think Tarzan) on the point shown on the chart. Or, you may want to rub softly or firmly or scratch with four fingers of your hand. Do this for about 20 seconds and breathe deeply in and out. You can also add an affirmation such as “all is well in my world.”  “You will know when you have activated the thymus gland as you will feel a little tingling or a subtle feeling of ‘joy’ or ‘happiness.’ Another hint is to do three thumps at a time but emphasise the first thump more firmly. For some people it may take a little time before you ‘feel’ anything. Persevere and you will get it and well worth it. “Do this every day to ensure your life energy and thymus gland is activated but do several times a day if you are suffering from anxiety, panic attacks or stress and allow your life energy to come alive.” Here’s some more background on “Health and Wellness Unleashed,”from India Divine and even Oprah has covered it, although more about tapping here. Dr. John Diamond is credited with bringing this and other concepts to the Western World back in the late 70s, and here’s some background on him if you’re interested. If you want a visual demonstration, here’s a quirky video from a bloke entitled “Get Higher – Faster than a Red Bull” Anyways, I was reminded of it this week, and thought perhaps someone else will appreciate a reminder, and for people who’ve never even heard of it, something to consider if you’ve been feeling a bit down and blue in recent times? Who knows, it could work. It’s a habit back in my day for sure. If it’s good for the oldies here, it’s good for me. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Steve and I were out for an evening walk recently, trying to sort out who does the banking this week while he’s in Hong Kong and I’m racing around Singapore with all sorts of other stuff going on. Then I said hang on a minute, this banking malarkey is making our life harder and it’s been the case for two years, we need to sort it out. Steve’s been trying to get me on the case for those two years – so it’s completely my fault – but everything else has seemed more important. As such, I finally took a step back and realized how much harder our life is because of this one aspect. But my block has been our temporary living arrangements. I haven’t wanted to sort it out until we have a permanent address, so we don’t have to go back in again and change all of our records. I expected the temporary address to be a short term thing, but as it’s now a long term thing, I reckon it’s time to do something about it regardless – for Steve’s sake as much as mine. Some people consider me a control freak and maybe I am, but the truth of the matter is: I have always tried to design my life to make it as easy as possible. I like everything to have “it’s” place, so I know exactly where anything is when I need it. I HATE not being able to find what I need, especially if it hasn’t been put back in its “home.” Thankfully Steve complies. When I get ready to run out the door, I need to be able to grab and go, ensuring I’m on my way as quickly as possible. That’s how I roll. As such, anything that impedes my need-for-speed must be sorted out ASAP. Does that make me a control freak or just an organiser? I don’t know, life’s just better when it’s easy I reckon. If you’re wondering how to define what makes life harder, I’d say it’s anything that regularly makes your jaw (or bum) clench, your stomach tighten, or turns you into a screaming harpy – especially if it’s an inanimate thing. If those reactions are due to the humans in your life, well that’s another thing all together, but “sorting it out” might not be a bad idea. If it’s kids, patience and love, patience and love, patience and love.  Seriously, what makes life harder is anything that consistently has a negative impact on your day and drives you nuts – emotionally or physically. These things can build up over time – so you just get used to them – and they’re usually at the bottom of your to-do list because mostly, it’s a ball ache to resolve. As such, due to their priority placement on your list, they never get done. Super organised people suggest tackling the things at the bottom of your to-do list first if you want to be more productive. It makes sense. So my list of things to sort out to make life easier 1.       Our banking situation – one bank, all accounts, linked, etc… – sorry Steve 2.      Our Internet connection falls over several times a day and it drives me NUTS! I mean it really does generate a lot of negative emotions – i.e. frustration – and that’s not good. It also drives Steve nuts. The problem is, we can’t fix it, and when we’ve asked the IT guy where we live to fix it, he blames our provider. The provider blames the system where we live. We never seem to be able to get anyone to take any responsibility and we just want it sorted. Therefore we have agreed that we will stop at nothing until it is resolved – no matter how annoying it is. We will find an answer. To give you an example, it’s crashed five times while writing this. Not handy when uploading to a blog…. 3.      Steve’s desk is catastrophic and an unworkable space. When he’s in Singapore, he works from home, and he’s spent too much time working amidst chaos – we need to sort that out and get him comfortable. BUT he also needs to make this a priority for himself – he’s not the best at keeping his personal work space in order – right love? My desk could do with a dust and a clean-up too 4.      A getting out the door quickly issue for me is shoes. In Singapore, you don’t have closet-space for shoes, as such, you have shoe racks inside and outside the front door. It also means you don’t have mould issues, as is the case in an enclosed space – it’s the tropics. Well the top of our shoe rack features a pile of colourful Crocs, mini-human running shoes, Heelies, and everything else our lads accessorize their feet with. My shoes are jammed underneath, piled on top of each other, and well, that adds about 10 seconds to my exit. I need to find a solution, because it also looks messy, and messy is not me With that I would love to ask what is your “making life harder than it needs to be” challenge that you can resolve with a little bit of will and focus? I’d love to know. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea PS: if you’re looking for some simple tips to make life run smoother, this article has been doing the rounds in social media land recently – “50 Life Hacks to Simplify your World.” Apparently Life Hacks are the little things you can do to make your life simpler. I think my above list are more than Life Hacks, but good to keep front of mind, as a messy, disorganised life, is not the best way to be happy apparently. I do like the paperclips for cables in this piece, but one wonders – when will we be truly wireless?

It feels like almost every day we are hearing horrific stories about violence towards women, but there is something much worse than the actual violence committed in my opinion – the people who witness it and do nothing. I’m not a do-nothing-kind-of-girl, and even though it is a different case, when we found out our son Lex was being physically abused by his teacher, I didn’t feel angry towards the lady who did it. If anything I felt very sad for her. My anger was squarely directed towards the other teachers who had witnessed this abuse towards many children over a seven year period! Why don’t people act? Why do they protect themselves when someone who can’t stand up for themselves is in need? Why, why, why? I don’t understand it, because many times I have stepped in on a violent situation, even when I knew I was putting myself in danger. I can’t help it; because I’d rather have the shit kicked out of me, or be killed, than feel the shame of not doing anything.  I didn’t step in once, because it seemed like some serious drugs were involved, however the shame of not doing something to protect that woman ate away at me for a long time. I’m not claiming sainthood here; it’s just who I am – standing up for people not able to do it themselves. Sometimes I feel disappointed when I do it. Many years ago my sister and I jumped in between a bloke who was beating a woman. When he left, she ran after him… fuck it! In recent months the world has been horrified by the gangrape/murder in India. I feel heartbroken for that girl, her family and everyone involved. It was disgusting human cruelty and it makes me sick. But what also made me sick about that situation is no one helped her for an hour afterwards. She was lying naked on the road, bleeding to death, and no one lifted a finger. Then another gang rapeon a bus in India a couple of weeks later – at least action has been taken. But there have been more as well, including a woman raped and hung by her sari. But it’s not just India. Here’s a story from China (it’s not nice viewing) where onlookers did nothing when a man beat a woman on the street. Thirty people witnessed it and did nothing. But if the world thinks it’s only the developing nations who get up to this shit, we then have the rape in Ohio. This article is a good comparison between the brutal gang rape in India and this equally brutal gang rape in America. Then again, watch this disturbing video where a football player laughs at what was happening to her – oh so bloody funny. There’s a turd whose honour is worth protecting – not. This town in Ohio is making out it was the 16 year old girls fault for being raped and it’s all about protecting the football team. Come-fucking-on – what sort of world are we living in? Are the parents not completely disgusted by their sons? Apparently not, because their future, as well as the future of the football program, is far more important than this young girl. Don’t they have daughters in this town? I just hope she gets the hell out of there, because in many people’s eyes, they will always see her as a slut – a word I never use. Can’t a teenage girl get drunk these days without being raped and urinated on? What fine, outstanding pillars of society this community is raising. But don’t worry boys; the community has got your back because it’s OK to do this to a girl – as long as you’re good at sports. Terrific message huh? On Mamamia – an Australian site I follow, but couldn’t get access to this article today (?) – they posed a comment that deeply resonated with me: With the way society views rape these days, it appears “that it’s a woman’s responsibility to not get raped, rather than a man’s responsibility to not rape.” So girls, once again, it’s our own stupid fault. As you can probably tell, it makes me bloody sick and it’s time for change. The first change is all of us saying e-fucken-nough! The second change is for no one to stand around and do nothing, or better yet, make that a criminal offence, although I believe we should be driven to act in people’s defence by our soul, not because of a legal requirement. The third change we need to address is the societal bollocks that makes men think it’s even OK to do this – and the case in Ohio is testament to this reality. It’s not OK, ever, to be violent towards any woman, for any reason. And having a vagina does not make the woman responsible. It’s not right, it really isn’t. I don’t believe all men are rapists and I know that the vast majority of men are bloody lovely blokes, but I am feeling outraged right now. I’ve had enough of hearing these brutal stories and I’m even more pissed off by the apathy of those standing witness and doing fuck all. At least I know I’m raising two boys who’ll stand up and be counted. Their Dad will make sure of it. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea PS: The image above has been circulated on Facebook recently with these words. I can’t give credit, because I don’t know where it originated, but when all else fails, good to know the ladies in pink have got your back… “The Gulabi gang (from Hindi gulabi, “pink”, transln. “pink gang”) is a group of women vigilantes and activists… originally from Banda in Bundelkhand district, Uttar Pradesh, India, but reported to be active across North India as of 2010. It is named after the pink saris worn by its members. The gang was founded in 2006 by Sampat Pal Devi,

If I’ve learnt one thing in my life, it is this – positivity beats all other options. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

It is said that if you take the time to be awed by the world we live in, you can be a happier person. Awe inspiring moments happen everywhere, all the time and they can be big or small. Awe can happen witnessing people showing great kindness to other people, animals or nature; watching two people who are meant to be together falling in love; watching people standing up to oppression at risk to their lives; experiencing nature in its breathtaking beauty such as a sunset, a full moon, or majestic mountains; witnessing great artistic or creative talent that makes you think and inspires you; or man-made structures that take your breath away. I could go on. For some reason I was thinking of the awe inspiring things I’ve seen throughout my life and started making a list of them to recapture how I felt in each of those moments. Focusing on my life right now, as well as future plans, it seems to crowd out these great memories that changed my life for the better. I shared some of them with Steve the other day, and he mentioned a few of his own in response, so I thought it might be worth sharing here, and perhaps, if you’re inspired, you can share your awe inspiring moments? I’d love to hear them. Now, before you think I’m having a brag-fest on all of the amazing places I’ve traveled to, I need to point something out. When everyone else was growing up and doing sensible things, like buying homes, nice cars and essentially, securing their futures, I decided to take a different path and invest in my memories. This was a very focused decision, and while I’ve got an amazing memory investment portfolio, when the chips are down financially, I don’t have any back-up. So I’m not bragging here, just taking you on a tour of the home I didn’t buy. I’m getting closer to being grown-up and investing in bricks and mortar though… I think. So here are my awe inspiring moments – both natural and man-made – and in no particular order: The Taj Mahal – the great monument to love. The first time I saw it, it took my breath away. So delicate and beautiful Abu Simbel in Northern Egypt – the statues and the way man moved to save them when the damn was built – awe inspiring Sitting in a hot spa in Costa Rica, while the volcano heating that water was going off in the background. It was scary and powerful at the same time seeing that lava coming down the mountain The first time I drove into Edinburgh, at night, I couldn’t believe how beautiful the city was. I thought I’d seen everything that could take my breath away until that moment When we were living in Noosa, I have never seen full moons like it – big, orange, beautiful moons. The Milky Way from my Dad’s “farm” outside of Wodonga is very special too Another great aspect of Noosa was a beautiful little possum that used to visit with her baby. Towards the end of our stay, she had another baby and would visit us every night with both kiddies – very cool. Another awe inspiring animal encounter was the day I came face-to-face with my first Hummingbird while sitting in a café in Antigua, Gutemala Falling in lovewith Steve was truly awe inspiring The first time I stood in Times Square, NYC was unbelievable – I’d only seen it in the movies before then Coming into NYC on the train from Boston a week after September 11 and the twin towers not there… The view from the trains in India – observing life, in all its forms, waking up first thing in the morning – the women and children first, followed by the men When I flew into Nepal and saw the Himalayas popping through the clouds, and then having them as my backdrop for the next month – majestic is an understatement The first time I stood in Tiananmen Square in 1995 and reflected on all that had happened here Standing on the Great Wall of China – looking at it weaving through the mountains in both directions The Island of Isis in Egypt, one of the few temples that survived the damn flooding – so beautiful and delicate, but also interesting as part of its history is its defacing by the Christians Reading the hieroglyphicsin the  Egyptian pyramids – I’d studied Egyptology at university, so it was amazing being there, reading it in real life The Island of Phi Phi in Thailand (2004, so pre-Tsunami devastation) with Steve for our one year anniversary – simple, calming, happy, beautiful, and peaceful Our honeymoon in Kao Tao, Thailand– we just talked and got to know each other even more?! It was spectacular The pleasure we gave everyone who came to our wedding Sitting in Kowloon with Steve for the first time together, by the water, looking at the Hong Kong skyline. We had both done this many times alone, sitting in exactly the same place. It was super special sharing it together for the first time that Saturday night in 2003 Understanding the scale of destruction the Tsunami wrought from our balcony in Phuket, when we lived there for a few months. The entire village of Kamala Beach, which we overlooked, was wiped out My first day in London, at the time there were no skyscrapers. I couldn’t believe how low and beautiful the city was The view from my apartment in Glebe in 2002 – overlooking Sydney Harbour, including the Harbour Bridge. I lived there for a year and took tremendous pleasure in this view every day Standing in Managua, the capital city of Nicaragua, enjoying an Airshow and being gobsmacked by the Cathedral that was standing there in ruins after an earthquake more than 20 years before. It was beautiful in its destruction and the fact they’d never rebuilt it Chichen

Eight years ago today I married the love of my life on the gorgeous Island of Koh Samui in Thailand. It was an awesome wedding – it went on for 10 days – and we both still take enormous pleasure in the fantastic time everyone seemed to have. It was a wedding bonanza and we love it when friends continue to laugh at all of the funny and crazy things that happened over those 10 days. It was very special (and funny) time, and a great memory that still makes me smile. On that awesome day eight years ago, I had the great privilege of marrying my true love – someone I had waited very patiently for over many many years. It was hard to keep believing I’d find him one day, but at the grand old age of 33 (for both of us) he finally decided to bloody show up, and it’s been one hell of a ride since (here’s the story of how we met). The first two years were pure love with us both only wanting to be with each other. The next couple of years saw two little men come into our lives which shook things up a fair bit. And the last four years have been challenging at every level of our life, but the love remains. I can say without hesitation that it hasn’t been boring. I wouldn’t want to share my life with anyone else. Steve hastaught me so much about love. He treats me like an Empress and is 100 per cent focused on making sure that I achieve all of my dreams and he does this with nothing but pure love in his heart. He understands what drives me and wants to see me achieve everything I set my heart on – suffice to say, shit I’m lucky. I know I am his everything, and it is so special being married to someone courageous enough to love me like this, and I value his beautiful qualities every single day. I definitely feel like a very fortunate finding a man like him – he’s my Rob Roy – strong and gentle at the same time. So here were are, eight years in, on the roller coaster of life, and the future is looking really bright after some pretty big bumps. Who knows where we’re going next, but we’re going to do it with a skip in our step and a smile on our faces, because we both want to be old farts together, and often picture ourselves walking down the beach hand in hand when we are. One thing I know from experience, if you’re looking for love, wait until you find the person who loves you just as you are, because that’s when the real magic happens. Big love to you my gorgeous husband and happy anniversary – you get less for murder. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea  More photos… and apologies as it gets ugly… We arrived on an elephant Things were still civil – Saskia, Nathalie and Emile My niece Elspeth met her first Trannie – the entertainment was a Transvestite Caberet  Andy met Tina Turner  Tomski had passed out on the beach much earlier, and this is how he was woken up  Debauch and Dunny – Dunny was getting pretty messy by this stage  The Congo is a must  The Great Jen and Debauch  Steve giving Thomski a pep talk – he missed his speech while passed out  Anna, Lee Ann and Jen – the photographer  Emile presenting his underpants – an old party trick Noice!  Why do men feel the need? The team that made it ’til dawn, except Kurt, who passed out at the beginning and returned at dawn (apologies Siobhan but you did good girl!)  Nice one love – that was a good party

My friend Ann Katrin (AK) got handed a big bunch of lemons a couple of months ago – well more a crate of lemons. Her husband was offered a job in Germany and he wanted to take it, as it was a great opportunity for him. AK isn’t anti-German, she just puts Germany, and then Europe, at the very bottom of the list of places she wants to live. As a result, coming to accept that this IS happening has been quite a struggle for her these last few months. It’s not an uncommon experience for expats to go through – where one day you’re happy and settled, then bam, you’re off again – many times with no control over the next destination. We’ve been through it too. As background, AK was born in Germany to a German Dad and Swedish Mum, and remembers at age 12 saying to her brother I want to get out of this country – it’s not me. At 16 she packed her bags for a year and went to Torquay in England, then back to Germany. The final move out of Germany came many years later, but she never looked back. After spending close to two years in Antwerp, AK and her husband (then boyfriend) Richard (a Dutchman) landed in Singapore, with two kids joining the family along the way. AK was happy in Singapore, but when an opportunity came to move to Cairo, Egypt in 2009, she jumped at it, as adventure is in her DNA. A combination of the revolution (her son Jesper still fears tanks) and Richard’s work coming to an end left them facing a decision on where to go next. Singapore came up and with a little trepidation, AK accepted coming back here. That’s when we met. Ann Katrin was OK about returning to Singapore – because she’d already lived here and loved it – but she wasn’t excited. Initially they were hoping on another posting within Asia– Vietnam, Thailand, etc… but it didn’t eventuate, and she’s worked hard at making her life work in Singapore again. Over the 18 months we’ve gotten to know each other, AK has been moving forward in the fitness industry, holding yoga classes in her home, studying fitness and nutrition online, and she recently became a certified personal trainer. She has also tentatively entered the world of blogging to use this platform to promote her ideas and eventually grow her business. But all of this work must now be put aside and she has to start again in Germany. I think that one side of life many never see – if they haven’t been an expat – is how much the “trailing spouse” has to give up, put on the back burner, etc… to support the working spouse. It can be tough, especially as AK is ready to get her teeth into something of her own. I asked AK what it is about Singapore and living in other countries that really appeals? “I love the internationality of Singapore and living overseas. I also love the diversity around me every day and I’ve made amazing friendships from all over the world. It’s easy making friends as an expat, because everyone is open to new friendships, and it doesn’t matter from which country you come from, so I am going to miss that most.” I can definitely relate to this – I feel very fortunate every day I am living here. Facing the decision of the move, AK got a lot of well-intentioned advice from friends and family around the world. One of the first things people say these days is “it is obviously meant to be” and “something great will come out of it.” While we all appreciate that this advice is very true at a deep level, it doesn’t always alleviate the feelings about the decisions you’re faced with. For example, when I found out I had to move to Singapore with my job in 2003, I thought it was a death knell on any hopes I might have to meet a man and have kids. Singapore isn’t considered great pickings for a single Caucasian gal in her 30s. However, it WAS obviously meant to be ‘cos I met Steve four months later and now bloody look at me! But you can’t always see that in advance, so these platitudes often don’t help when you’re facing something you don’t want to do. But AK is doing it and I asked her what she’s planning to do to make it work? I’ve divided her feedback into thoughts and actions and here’s what she said: Thoughts Day by day – this is my mantra right now, and I think it has to be when we get to Germany as well. Between now and when we move it’s going to be manic packing up the house, keeping the kids entertained, saying goodbye to friends, etc… so I’ve have to take things day by day to keep my sanity and not to drown in the “pain/sorrow” of moving, however it is also how I should live my life anyway. I’ve found this mantra easy to apply now, but can I continue when we get to Germany? I’m going to try as I’ve set it as my “mantra” for 2013 Shake the negativity – I don’t need to love what we’re about to embark on, but I do need to find my happiness in the mix. It would also be great for my husband if I could find my joy, because this is a great move for him, but if I’m not happy, it’s going to be really hard on him Less focus and worry on things – I’m a person who focuses on or worries about things I can’t change. For example, my daughter Luka is a shocking sleeper. I lost sleep over this, but once I came to a point where I realized I can’t change it and therefore, just need to accept it, a

I’m spending a lot of time working out what serves me and what doesn’t across the gamut of my life. Obviously the most important analysis has to be the stuff going on in my head. This is something I’ve been doing for years, but I’ve found the renewed focus on it these last few weeks has helped me identify some bad ‘thought habits’ that have crept back in and as such, I need to explore and let them go. As part of this process, I asked my hubby Steve: what are my good qualities that are also bad qualities? (note: I’m not a believer in the definition of good and bad, but it was the easiest way to define it.) Steve’s feedback concurred with my own, with a couple of additions – he’s a brave boy huh? Here are six of the key ones I/we identified Stubborn – I’m bloody stubborn, no doubt about it, and always have been. The thing is, my stubbornness has seen me pursue and try new things while all around me I was discouraged. As a result of going ahead, I believe my life has been richer either because it succeeded more than I ever dreamed it would OR it didn’t and I learnt a valuable lesson. On the reverse side, my stubbornness often sees me pursuing things beyond their sell-by-date, and that is my real lesson. Let it serve me in a positive way but don’t hold on for the sake of proving something to myself. Taking the time to stand back and recognise that a direction I’ve taken isn’t working is OK too. No failure there, which leads to my next “quality” Pride – I’m a proud person and this is a good quality. It drives me to be better, do better and work harder, not for anyone else’s approval, but because I want to be proud of myself. However, pride makes me shy away from situations too. I don’t like to be mocked, and spent my 20s working hard to laugh at myself – which I’m pretty good at now. But pride can hold me back and I need to recognise when that is the case and say to hell with it, because the truth of the matter is, I really don’t mind being a fool. Fool is good. Screwing up sometimes is OK too, as long as I learn from it I love people – I’m a people person and love all sorts around me – all races, religions, etc… I don’t care where people come from, how much money they earn or if they can do anything for me. As long as they have a good heart – I love them. Seriously, my true joy from life is the diversity and complexity of people I have in it. I love trying to work out what makes people tick and where they’re coming from, because us humans are such interesting creatures. That is the coolest part of being alive for me. However, sometimes this also means I attract people into my life that are not good for me – the energy suckers, or the destructive forces who I know are only destructive because they’re hurting inside. I don’t have the time or energy for everyone, so sometimes I must make the decision to let people go who are not good for me, because I’ve got to take care of me and my family in the mix. Steve has definitely helped me to see this Very focused – I’m so focused its ridiculous sometimes. I can get so absorbed in what I’m doing, people can talk to me (well Steve) for 20 minutes and I won’t hear a word. I think it comes from the early days of working in open plan offices – I just had to shut the world out to do what I needed to do. Being focused is a good thing, but it drives Steve’s nuts. He wants me to lessen this quality a bit and perhaps stop and listen to him when he’s got something important to say? I can do better at this Ruled by my heart – I am quite happily ruled by my heart because it’s the place from which I make my best decisions and get the best advice. I listen to my heart and intuition above all, but sometimes my brain has a good point to make, and I need to get a little bit of balance back in there Easy going – one of Steve’s thoughts is I’m incredibly easy-going about much of life, which is true. I believe it is how it’s meant to be, most of the time things work out for the best, and 99 per cent of the things we worry about don’t ever actually happen. Therefore why waste energy worrying about that 99%? Steve is a worrier and a planner, so sometimes my easy-going nature and his “got-to-be-on-top-of-things” nature clash a bit. That’s marriage. The thing is Steve often needs to act on things long before they are a priority for me, so he’ll do them. There’s no denying it, I don’t like the admin side of life, but I did manage before I met him, just not in the same time-frame he manages things. My conclusion is my easy-going approach actually makes him stress, so I need to act a bit earlier within Steve’s time-frame  because that will help him and all it means is I’ve done it earlier anyway. We’ve agreed that this is something we need to work on, because our approaches are SO opposite, we need that middle ground to ensure we’re both at ease in this mix called marriage There’s a sample of mine, although control freak should probably be in there too? I’d love to know what you think are your good bad qualities? While you’re at it, join me on the Without the Bollocks Facebook page if you want to continue the discussion! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

The first book I’ve read as part of my ‘Fuck it, Enough’ crusade is ‘The Happiness Project’ by Gretchen Rubin. I didn’t hear anything about it in advance, just saw it in a bookshop and thought: this could be a goodie right now as I want to be happier. A New York Times bestseller, I thought it was a “nice” book. Why do I only say nice – a pretty pathetic platitude? Well Gretchen is a self-confessed happy and unadventurous homebody who wanted to know if it was possible to be happier. She has a good life, stable home, secure finances, good hubby, calm kids, and a community of family and friends close by who support her. She willingly confesses that life is good, she just wanted to see if it could be even better. Fair enough. My take-away – anyone who wants to be a little bit happier could benefit from reading this book. She’s done her research in most areas, and it’s jam packed full of reminders of the simple things we can all do to be a little bit happier – such as changing your mindset, don’t nag your spouse, put up happy memory charged things like photos, clean your home, be organised, let go, etc… There is definitely more to it than that, but overall, that’s what I took away – lots of good little tips I can do to make my life happier – and I’m going to do some of them. For example, being in temporary accommodation for more than two years, I don’t have any photos up – me, I know!! But it’s more pathetic than that. I haven’t put up any photos from the last two years, nor have I even printed our weddings photos from 2005, a truly fantastic day – well 10 days really – in my life. So that was a good reminder to get onto that. However, if your life is currently shit house, you’re going through massive change or challenges, you’re dealing with a major illness, your spouse is a massive pain in your arse, your kids are driving you to drink, your work is unsatisfying, your income is not covering your costs, or worse you’re broke, your friends couldn’t give a shit, your family couldn’t give a shit, etc, etc, etc… you may find it all a bit trite? A couple of people I’ve spoken with who started reading and didn’t finish it, can definitely vouch for it lacking in substance, and I agree with them to an extent. However, I don’t think anything like this is ever really bad, because sometimes reminders to do the small stuff are good too. Two aspects irritated me though. The first was the comparison between a New Yorker and a beggar on the streets of Calcutta. Now Gretchen (who admits she is not adventurous) has never met or spoken with people living on the streets of Calcutta (and perhaps not even in NYC), and when interpreting her words, I took it that she thinks happiness can be measured in the same way world-wide – which I certainly don’t agree with. Maybe I misread it, but as an adventure-monkey who has spoken with (and been deeply touched by) people on the streets of NYC and Calcutta, there can be absolutely no comparison made between the two. Expectations for life in India are very different at such a deep level – something that may change as India evolves – but the very foundation of India’s religious beliefs is part of this discussion too. A big topic, so just a little observation here, because it annoyed me. Secondly, she does a month on spirituality and essentially interprets the essence of Buddhism. She’s not wrong in what she writes, but having spent my life delving into spiritual literature (for and against), and understanding it far beyond the border of religion, I found it a bit weak. With that said, for people who’ve never looked into this massive subject, it’s a nice introduction. But if you’ve spent years trying to work out what it is and how you can integrate it into your life in a way that is meaningful to who you are, there is not a lot of substance. She never claims that it is going to be substantial, but I almost wish she didn’t cover it in the book, because by touching on it so briefly, she trivialized it. Anyway, just a couple of observations and Gretchen, if you somehow read my blog (because sometimes authors do comment on my blogs about their books), I know you take criticism personally, which I really appreciate. I just want you to know I think you’ve done a great thing for a lot of people, and I will certainly take on board some of your learnings, but it didn’t blow me away and change my life. It’s a worthwhile contribution, but I personally need something meatier you know? Who else has read it and what did you think? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Today is officially my first day “back at work” with the boys out, Steve working and the house relatively quiet. I’ve got my ‘Fuck it, Enough’ crusade to focus on of course, but that’s swimming along nicely now – although my thoughts continue to be my biggest challenge. Work-wise I’m waiting for things to move and for overdue payments to happen (and if you’ve read my blog, you’ll know how much I hate waiting) so what to do? Well I sat down this morning, ready to rock ’n’ roll and I drew a blank – I just couldn’t think of anything to get my teeth in to. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty to do, but I just couldn’t think of what those things were. Whenever I feel lacking in purpose, it is always the same – the blues start to tickle my mental peripheries. But with my renewed focus on being joyful, today I thought no way and asked myself: what can I do to make sure this doesn’t take hold? I know, I’ll sort some shit out that has been driving me nuts for months and get busy being busy – that’ll work. I’m definitely the sort of gal that needs to be really busy. Anyway, we moved into this apartment two years ago on a temporary basis, as such, we’ve never really moved into it, if you know what I mean. Therefore, everywhere I look is stuff that hasn’t been sorted out properly, or needs a home, or needs to be cleaned up. Sometimes I hope it bothers other people as much as me, so they’ll sort it out, but that never seems to happen – funny that. But the truth of the matter is it REALLY shits me that this stuff remains unresolved, so why not sort out the stuff that shits me for my own peace of mind and get busy to boot? Therefore today I tackled the kitchen, sorting out the shelves above the sink where everyone stacks stuff randomly (so you can’t find anything or it takes a gargantuan effort to find what you want when you need it), and I put the booze in a cupboard, as opposed to it attracting cooking fat as it sits on the kitchen bench. Good, it looks better, being busy kept my mind on good things and I got a little sense of achievement to boot. Now I need to adopt a better planning practise – something I’ve always been good at but have let slide in recent years – planning my days the night before. That way, I’ll start the day off great, because I’ll already have a list of things to do, in priority order, before I even go to sleep the night before. For me, I definitely know that planning my days effectively and getting busy when I’m not busy is a great way to distract myself from the unsavory aspects of my mind. Therefore two lessons today – get busy any old way and plan! Anyone else relate? Yours, with the bollocks Andrea