Andrea Edwards

It’s Lex’s 7thbirthday today. He doesn’t know it’s his birthday – we’ve told him it’s on Friday – but no matter how you cut it, I am the guiltiest Mumma in the world right now. The challenge is I’ve got no choice – especially if I don’t want to break his heart. You may have noticed I’ve gone a little quiet on my blog and pretty-much everywhere else in my life in recent months. It’s because I’ve been absorbed in organizing a very high profile event, and it’s taking place in Singapore today. Fortunately it’s going brilliantly. Such a relief. A lot of people have sweated blood to ensure it does. I saw Lex for about 20 minutes this morning, and I won’t see him tonight. I didn’t see him yesterday and I won’t see him tomorrow. In addition to me being here and away from him all day, Steve managed to get a trip booked to Saudi Arabia for a major industry event this week as well. Our first big work clash. Suffice to say, he is an equally guilty Dadda too. Both of us are working hard on the tear-controlling front – bloody kids! It’s super important to me to honor my boy’s birthdays. I want them to feel over-the-top special, and I know it comes from having a New Year’s Day birthday, which was always tough growing up in Australia – summer holidays, friends away, etc.. So Happy Birthday Lex my love. You are the biggest pain in my arse, but god how I love you. I know you will do remarkable things with your life. Until Friday little man, and then we’re really going to celebrate, because we’re going to Universal Studios at long last. He’s definitely going to get very spoilt! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Cousins hanging out – note Sophie’s hand on Lex Lex has decided he wants a girl baby. He appreciates where babies come from, is a little unsure of how they get in, and equally unclear on how they get out – but those are minor details at this point. Every day he is asking me: “Mum, can you put a girl baby in your tummy?” If I say no, he says “OK Mum, let’s go shopping and we can buy a girl baby.” He’s not too far from the sordid truth there…. I don’t know why girl babies are the focus of my little loves attention, but they are and he ain’t letting it go – bless him. Naturally, every time he asks me about it, some immediate replies spring to mind – the sort you stop before they come out… “I’m too bloody old, piss off and leave me alone.” Or “Your Dad has had the snip so that little avenue has been blocked off.” Or “Do you think I look mad? Do you think I’d willingly go back into baby-land?” I loved my little guys when they were babies, don’t get me wrong, but the thought of being back in that world – no, it ain’t for me. I did it twice – rapidly – and I don’t want to go back there until I’m a grandma and can piss off whenever I want. Sophie’s terror but Lex still in protective mode The truth of the matter is: I just don’t want to have a baby again – age aside. I knew that long before Jax was born, thus Steve’s snippage was booked in pronto after Jax’s birth. Equally, both boys swift appearance in the world was too close together and grueling. Sometimes, I feel like I’m still recovering from it. In fact, following my visit to the osteo this morning, I know I am. Babies are beautiful, but no more thanks. Two is enough. No desire for a girl in case you wanted to ask – and boy do people want to ask. I’m happy with my lads and completely and utterly done & dusted on the baby-front. Besides, the boys are just starting to get interesting, and more importantly, independent. I like their independence I must say. So Lex, my beautiful little love, who never misses a chance to play with any girl-baby in the vicinity – and you do play with them so beautifully and gently darling-heart, but no love, Mummy ain’t putting a girl baby in her tummy. However, one thing I know for sure, you’re going to schmooze women-folk in later years with that big heart of yours son. Jax will as well, just in a slightly different way. So Lex, will you settle for a girl-cat instead? Please? Besides, how could I get so lucky with the perfection of my first two babies a third time round? Can anyone else relate to the ‘no more thanks’ feeling? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea 

When I first arrived in Singapore in 2003, all of these Bahasa and Malay-speaking people would ask me “makan already ah?” I had absolutely no idea what they were saying but gave them my best gormless smile and said yes. They seemed happy with that, so all was good. Then one day I asked someone: what does ‘makan already ah’ actually mean? And the translation was “have you eaten?” I was already aware of “have you eaten” because English-speaking Singaporeans would ask me that very question throughout every day too. I also thought that was a weird question to ask someone, so it obviously took me a while to put two-and-two together to realize that both “have you eaten?” and “makan already ah?” were the Australian equivalent of “g’day.” Right! Doh! It’s a form of greeting, and having lived here a decade, the fact that it is linked to food is hardly surprising. I believe there is some historical context to it – i.e. ancestors starving in the past so food is highly valued – which, of course, is how any societies’ common words and phrases come about – historical context. I was thinking about this yesterday, which lead me to remember my first few weeks in London back in 1995. Starting my first job in the City, someone walked past me and said “alright?” I stopped walking to respond to the question, ready to explain I was, in fact, better than alright, only to see them wandering off up the hall. I was a bit perplexed, wondering why someone would ask me a question and then piss off, but thought nothing more of it. Of course, over time, it became very clear that “alright” was also the equivalent of “g’day,” and I was alrighting along with the best of them in no time. Thankfully the US was straight forward with hi, hello, hi-five – your standard stuff – but culture shocks in the US came in many other forms. Shit I had to re-learn how to say “water” because no one understood my version of “water.” It’s hard to re-learn a word you’ve been using all your life let me tell you! Interesting no? Some cultures greet you with a statement and some with a question. Anyhow, with this random sequence of memories going through my mind yesterday, I walked back towards the elevator and one of the old security aunties asked me “makan already ah?” I said “yes, makan already, you?” She beamed at me and said “Yes!” See I get the hang of these things eventually. Anyone else have any of those not-quite-picking-up-on-the-local-greeting when ensconcing themselves in a new country? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

When I first started working in London way back in 1995, I worked with a young graduate from a very privileged background who treated the office assistant like a piece of shit. It went against everything I stood for, so one day I took her out for lunch and explained that being nice to this lady was very important to her. I explained that this is the person who sent her faxes (yeah way back) and cleaned her desk/emptied her bin, so she’d obviously make you a priority if she liked you and might just forget to do something if you were an ass. Hey why not right? No one wants to be treated like shit. Thankfully this young lady listened to me. Of course, helping people understand that there are actual benefits to being kind is really not the point. Being kind is just good human practice, but having lived in Asia for 10 years, sometimes you’ve got to give people a what’s-in-it-for-them incentive to be kind too. Asia is definitely a massive personal contradiction for me, and where you sit in the social hierarchy is very VERY important round these parts. In Asia I don’t believe it’s a conscious decision to treat people as less than yourself, it’s just a cultural thing that people don’t question. As such, sometimes you’ve got to point it out, or at the very least, lead by example. It’s tough for me though, as I often grapple with it, but equally, I am lucky to be Caucasian. Today I was reminded, once again, that being kind has rewards. I drove to the office and when I headed for the car park, the attendant told me “no, the car park is full” – fully intending me to turn around, which meant I’d have to navigate the CBD chaos to find somewhere else to park. That would’ve been a massive pain in my arse and I had a headache, so wasn’t too happy at the prospect. When he saw it was me, he said “oh it’s you, you’re my friend. It will be about five minutes before a park comes free, so wait over there and I’ll tell you when one comes up.” Everyone else was sent on their way. This man is low on the social totem pole in Asia and most people just ignore him. I, on the other hand, adore people of all walks of life, and have enjoyed some of the most bizarre and fascinating conversations with him. He appreciates that I take the time to acknowledge his humanity and today he gave me a little bit of gratitude in return. It felt really nice. I’ll talk to anyone – I don’t care. Completely of the mindset that everyone I meet has something to teach me, sometimes I’ll walk away from a conversation a bit perplexed by an opinion, or completely delighted, but either way, these moments expand my thoughts and that makes my life richer. People have all sorts of strange ideas and beliefs, so being open to anything enriches you and I believe it helps you to understand the weirdness of life a little more too. So it was a reminder today that my approach is a good one, not just because someone did something nice for me , but because I feel my life is so much richer due to all of the fabulous and sometimes challenging people I meet. Tomorrow, if you feel inclined, say hi to someone in your world that you’ve never really acknowledged and see where the conversation takes you? More than that, see how it makes you feel opening yourself up to someone else. The one thing I know that will happen is the ignored person in your life will be so happy that someone, finally, acknowledged their existence, I bet you’ll make their day. That’d be nice no? But then perhaps you already make a practice of it? Oh something else I saw yesterday that I thought was fabulous and made the same point – Tim Minchin – terrific! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I watched Wrecking Ball. I watched it after having an intelligent discussion with some smart friends who think about this sort of news objectively. There’s lots of discussion and bollocks going on around Miley at the moment – some intelligent and some extremely harsh. But when stuff like this hits the headlines and sends everyone into a rampage, it only leaves me wondering – what is the real issue we’re looking at here? I mean, let’s put aside the important issues of our time – you know Syria, Iran, women’s health in Africa, starving kids, etc… Then again, perhaps this IS an important issue of our time – how woman are valued and how women value themselves? My take-away is the absolute ferocity of the global bitch-fest against Miley – a 21 year old girl trying to define who she is as a woman. Don’t get me wrong, I squirm along with everyone else as I watch her rubbing plastic hands against her snatch and want to ask her “what’s with all the tongue action girl?” But, equally, I don’t enjoy watching all of the cock grabbing moves of young male rock stars either. Sexuality is a beautiful thing, dignity is a beautiful thing, but being powerful and being sleazy are two very different things. The truth is, I have no idea what it’s like to be Miley. I mean, imagine putting up with this shit? But is this about her, or is this about us? Is this about us demanding that she transforms into the sort of woman we’re comfortable with – one who doesn’t stray too far from her good girl Hannah Montana persona? I mean, she’s no Madonna taking over the world as an adult – an emergence that shocked us, then thrilled us and finally we accepted her. Miley has been in the spot light since before she got pubes, so becoming the challenging, raw, sexy rock woman of our day perhaps isn’t too comfortable a transition for us to make? She, on the other hand, seems fine with it. I found Wrecking Ball a bit squirmy (though more erotica than soft porn) but I certainly don’t think it deserved the hullabaloo it’s attracted. The song is scarily catchy and I definitely think the girl can sing. In fact, if you close your eyes and listen to the words it’s actually quite a powerful song. So not a big deal for me. However I did find her previous performance a little more off-putting. I felt embarrassed for her watching it – it just didn’t feelright.  But who cares right? If Miley was a new performer we’d say cool, she can sing and she’s got a great body. However, she’s not that to most of the world, as such, it feels like the world is demanding she remains what we know or damn her – not the first time it’s happening to a young starlet emerging into womanhood. I keep asking myself the question – is this who she is today? A gyrating vixen with an attitude? And if that’s who she has grown into, well then fine! Authenticity is OK by me. But if she’s getting incredibly bad advice from the professional clique taking care of her career, then our angst should be headed that way – because why do they think this is what the world wants of our young women? With that said, I have a sneaking suspicion this is what Miley wants. The problem for Miley is she’s moved a long way from where she started out, and she’s definitely got some work to do on her personal brand. But all personal brands are a work in progress. Where she is today isn’t pleasant, but she’s a young woman in transition, so let’s hope the world can give her the space she needs to discover who she really is – mistakes and all. Shit, when I was 21, I was angry with the world, but my community gave me the space I needed to grow and soften. I didn’t have to do it before the world however, so perhaps we all need to be a little more nurturing towards Miley as we expect towards ourselves? I don’t know, I just feel like she’s got some pain inside and that’s what we’re seeing expressed right now… But how would I know? There is no escaping the truth Miley is making people uncomfortable and people don’t like being uncomfortable, but I beseech you to hang-ten a little on the vitriol against her. Instead perhaps take a deeper look at what this means to our society as a whole and how women are valued, as well as how women value themselves. Surely that is the more important question we should be asking ourselves in this day and age? No? Anyways, if you haven’t seen it, here’s a bit of a giggle out of New Zealand… Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth I wrote about Lex’s big transformation earlier this week, so to balance things out, I thought Jax deserved a mention today, which will hopefully result in a few chuckles. Jax, at five, is an interesting little dude. He has incredible self-confidence, but is already struggling with the politics of women (yes it’s begun already, sigh) and it’s painful for this Mumma to observe sometimes – bless him. Jax is also very eloquent with his speech and he does NOT miss a verbal trick. From 15 months of age, we’ve had to be very aware of what we say in front of him. Let’s just say we haven’t always been successful… Anyways, in Phuket, I overheard a very interesting conversation between Jax and his Dad. It went something along the lines of this… “Dad, Dad, I’ve got to tell you something.” “Sure mate, what’s up?” “Well, Lex said thebloodyfuckenword.” “He said what?” “Thebloodyfuckenword. He’s not allowed to say thebloodyfuckenword, only Mummies and Daddies are allowed to say thebloodyfuckenword, but he did say it Dad, he said thebloodyfuckenword.” “I didn’t say thebloodyfuckenword Dad, because I know it’s a Mummy and Daddy word, but Lex Did say thebloodyfuckenword and I think he needs tabasco on his tongue Dad, because he said thebloodyfuckenword.” A recent charming family shot… “Lex is VERY naughty Dad, because he knows he shouldn’t use thebloodyfuckenword but he did say thebloodyfuckenword Dad. I wouldn’t use the bloodyfuckenword Dad, because I’m a good boy.” Dad, at this point, clears his throat and says: “ROIGHT, Lex don’t say thebloodyfuckenword, ok, OK? It’s a Mummy and Daddy word, and if you say it again I’ll, well I’ll, well you know….” Naturally Steve was stuck for words, because it’s the hardest thing in the world to discipline a child for saying something super funny, whilst doing everything in your power not to laugh and trying not to make a big deal out of the fact your other little treasure is also using the “word” several times in an appropriate context. Jax, in the meantime, knows he shouldn’t say thebloodyfuckenword, but he’s relishing in the opportunity to say a naughty word – many MANY times – as well as a chance to dob on his brother!!! How do you deal with that in an appropriate way? We have no idea how to deal with it, other than not letting them see us laugh. That’s key or it’d be MUCH worse. Then again, everyone who knows us well, will probably say it’s hardly surprising… Bless my mini dudes. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I couldn’t believe it this morning – Lex (6) slept until 10am – Lex has never slept until 10am, I mean, he just doesn’t do it! Lex is up and at it so early EVERY SINGLE DAY and has been since the day he was born, so much so Steve and I are worn out by the little bugger, but 10am, 10AM!! On one of the disco buses with Aunty Vick Equally I’m not surprised. Our trip to Phuket was mind boggling for Lex. He loved every minute of it and we could see his mind expanding as he was putting this new world together in his head. Jax is a little different in that his life exists in closer proximity to his body – he’s just a cooler character – but Lex, from the day he was born, has been way out there in the world – taking it all in, working it all out, trying to put all of the pieces together. Interestingly, as he’s the one who had speech challenges, people have often failed to notice how bloody smart and aware he is. As a Mummy observer, I can’t help but feel children are measured on their intelligence by the eloquence of their speech? But with Lex, I’ve always known he was smart, as is his little bro Jax, but we also have another quality in the mix – and that is curiosity. Curiosity is an awesome quality in a person and one that attracts me to new friends. In a child, however,  curiosity can be really REALLY bloody annoying. An excessively curious child (which Lex obviously is) is always seeking more, checking more, touching more, feeling more, smelling more, seeing more… and as any parent of an excessively curious children knows – it’s a SUPER BIG pain in the arse for the parents – I mean, how many times do you need to tell them to stop bloody touching something? And no, I don’t know the answer to that question, because we never reached a definitive point on that one, with either of them… Bloody kids! But Lex really loved our Phuket adventure. He took it all in, and we watched him processing all of the new information he was receiving, working it out in his own unique way and drawing incredibly logical conclusions about some very surreal situations. He was open and aware, but by the end of every night, he was bloody knackered, which meant he was walking around with big bags under his eyes every day. Little love. Is it any wonder our mini-man comes home, to a place where he feels safe, and just sleeps as hard as he can? I wasn’t surprised at all – I mean it was exhausting just watching his brain in action. One thing for sure – apart from the fact that this trip has positively helped Lex to grow in leaps and bounds – is the wonder I felt seeing both boys really embracing every new experience they faced. Steve and I also feel tremendously relieved because we now know, deep down, that they are born travelers which is important to us – like really really important. Let’s face it, not everyone was born to travel. As a Mum, I love being able to offer the boys these sorts of experiences, because there will be many many more, and a lot of them will be a lot more adventurous. We’re already planning our next one to Sri Lanka – which we expect to be even more interesting. Travelling, exploring, adventuring – that’s just how we wanna live our life. Regular 10am sleep-ins from both boys would be a superb bonus too. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I am on day three of a six day break in Phuket – the first proper break our family has had for five years, and the reason it’s a proper break is easy – we’re not worrying about anything right now, it’s all kind of going in the right direction. Awesome. So now we have a chance to stop. Be happy. Walk slowly. Be at peace. Celebrate life. Enjoy each other’s company. You know, be on holiday? But day one I was a frickin basket case. I could not switch my mind off because there were so MANY things I didn’t finish before heading to the airport. There was, literally, no time in the day to get it all done before I left. I couldn’t let it go, and even though I have years of working wisdom behind me with the knowledge that no one’s going to die based on the work I do,  it still put me in a frazzle. The night of day one Steve and I sat down, relaxed and remembered to laugh at ourselves. That’s what did it. Tuned me into holiday mode – the mode that allows you to step out of the chaos of your life and ask the question – is this right for us? Are we headed in the right direction? What do we need to do differently? What needs to change? What’s good? What could be improved? Everyone in the family OK on this journey of life? As such, the epiphanies have been flowing – and I love epiphanies – the notebooks are out, ideas are being recorded, and most importantly, Steve and I are getting a relationship tune-up, as are both of us with the boys. It’s good for them to see us relaxing. They haven’t seen too much of that with all of the constant uncertainty around us. Phuket is also a favorite place to be, but this trip has been cathartic for a number of reasons. The main one being – we had to come back to Phuket as a family, because the last time we were here it was a disaster. It was in 2009 and we tried to live here – thinking all we needed were phones, laptops and international airport access and we’d be laughing. The boys were 15 months and two and a half then, and within the first week, Jax got electrocuted and it was pretty much downhill from there. The dream became a nightmare and it was the start of a few years of uncertainty – we just didn’t know where we wanted to be. We’re beyond that and this holiday is an opportunity to say thank god that bloody time is over – never again! With that, the mega-pool at the Angsana is calling to me and I’m going to take the boys on a frog discovery adventure. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea