Uncommon Courage

The problem with casual criticism and how it diminishes us all

Leave a Comment / self awareness, Uncommon Courage /

I want to talk about something that’s bothering me a lot lately. This is not directed at anyone I’m having deeper, behind-the-scenes conversations with, it’s more of a general experience I want to talk about. And it’s about casual criticism. The stuff we put out there, without much thought, especially the impact it can have on others. I was at an event recently, and someone made a disparaging remark about something. It’s not important what they said, but it was an ugly little moment. Anyhoo, I was only an attendee, but I immediately felt hurt for those who had arranged this event.  What if they heard these words?  How would it make them feel?  Would it stop them from doing something again?  Would it crush them enough to diminish their spirit, passion, light?  Potentially, and that is why I care about it so much. We cannot dim another’s light! It’s inexcusable to do that. Casual criticism is lazy and destructive. It’s also always from people who are not in the arena, doing the work. It’s also usually from people who have given up. Who don’t believe we can achieve wonders anymore. It’s SO easy to criticise another, especially if those people are doing good work. It’s easy to stand on the sidelines and rip it apart, pull it to shreds, diminish it’s value. Why do people need to do it? And more importantly, what does it really say about them?  For those in the arena, please fight on regardless, no matter how much it hurts. I can definitely assure you I know the cost, and sometimes it’s unbearable. But we need you. Our children need you. The world needs you. Our future needs you.  Flip it around too. Look at it as an opportunity to help other’s become better versions of themselves by showing them how it’s done. By showing them what belief looks like. By reminding them of the incredible results you can achieve when you believe enough!  Because the only other option is to diminish ourselves. And to be honest, we all lose if we allow that to happen.  Transformative change can only happen if those doing great work, do it regardless of this casual criticism. It would be so much easier if they didn’t have to contend with it though. Across the span of my life, I know it’s rare to have the mettle or the thick skin required to cope. But the bigger risk is, people are silenced. They don’t want to attract that shit. It breaks my heart.  One of the reasons I wrote my next book, Uncommon Courage, is to talk about stuff like this. As the world has gotten angrier and meaner, those of us who are not angry and mean haven’t remained centered. We’ve been impacted by this anger and we have moved towards it, away from our core truth. Sure we might not be as extreme as those who are angriest, but we aren’t where we were before this all started to boil. Just look at your friends ripping each other apart on social media when they don’t agree with each other?  The easiest way to think about this is Ying and Yang. Light and dark. And we have always needed both, because when we have both, we have balance. Right now, we are not in balance. We have all moved towards the dark a little bit or a lot.  I think we can all understand how it’s happened. It’s hard not to be angry when there’s so much ugliness around us. It’s hard not to respond, to rile up, to bite back. But we have to work harder than those who are most negative. We have to work harder to stay in the light, even when it hurts like hell.  If enough of us do it, we create a tipping point and we can get the balance back. Because do you know who wins if we don’t do this? Those horrible, angry people who are making us more horrible and angry. Ironic isn’t it? But that’s how it works, and because it’s always so intense, we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to see the bigger picture. We need to see this bigger picture, because if we don’t, what we’re fighting for is already lost.  This last five years, which has been exacerbated by a pandemic, has had a HUGE impact in making all of us less loving, giving and beautiful. Our words are harsher, our criticism more cutting, our cynicism more unforgiving.  But we don’t want to be that person, do we? I certainly don’t and I want to encourage everyone to mind your words, especially your criticism, and especially mind it towards those who are doing their hardest to make the world a better place. You might not believe what they’re doing is possible, but don’t stop them believing it’s possible!  The only guarantee of creating a better future is for the craziest ideas to be driven by massive passion and a relentlessness that will ensure success. Let’s get behind it. Let’s support the crazy. And even if we don’t want to get behind it, just don’t criticize it.  When you have a choice, always choose kindness. Yours, without the bollocks  Andrea  Thanks for supporting Without the Bollocks for all these years. I’m about to retire this brand, and move it to a new idea I’m building, called Uncommon Courage. It’s a book, podcast, blog, social media and more – where we talk about the big issues of our time. The Facebook Group hasn’t been launched yet, but you can follow me on Twitter here, Instagram here, YouTube here, and Facebook too – although this Facebook page will soon be retired! Here’s to making the world a better place xxxxx    

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Years ago, I made a wish for a dad for my future children, and it came true

Leave a Comment / #BloodyKids, Adventures, Uncommon Courage /

We’re celebrating Father’s Day today. It’s not Father’s Day for my dad, as he’s in Australia, and I’m not even sure if it’s Father’s Day here in Thailand! However, regardless, we have embraced it and today, I want to honour and say thank you to the father of our two beautiful boys – Steve Johnson. From the day we met, I knew I was a lucky gal. Steve was the guy I always hoped to have by my side. And then, when we became parents together, well… you’re looking at a whole new dimension to a relationship! One definite highlight of becoming parents is the deeper love that forms as you enter this new stage of life – for your children and for each other. But it can also be enormously challenging, as parenting styles come in many dimensions, and often, you have no idea of these differences until the kids actually arrive. Not long now Steve 🙂 That was a surprise for us, because we had been totally aligned on everything before then – #BloodyKids I tell ya! We recognised early on that we were at either end of the parenting philosophies spectrum, and thankfully, rather than one saying my way or the highway, we have constantly worked hard to move towards the center, closer to each other, rather than letting it tear us apart. We each had to compromise a little, to ensure we could be the parents we wanted to be, without giving in to the other’s style 100 per cent. That has worked well for us, even if we disagree sometimes.   There is no doubt about it, it’s definitely an interesting life journey this parenting stuff, and today, I want to say thank you to Steve. For being all-in Since those little tackers arrived in our lives, you’ve been all-in. A totally present dad, who was in it from the start, in all-ways, every day. When you traveled for work, you constantly stayed in touch and when you came home, those boys were the center of your attention – regardless of how weary you were. But I was too, always the center of your attention. Your devotion to your family and those you love is something I admire greatly my darling. You have no hang-ups about loving bravely and fiercely – what a role model you are for our lads! Another bonus is you always honoured the work I needed to do. You understood that my sanity relied on fulfilling my destiny too, and you always created space for that, taking the boys out so I could have some cherished time. Something you continue to do today. Thank you. For being our protector The Protector, with Shrek ears When we first met, I pushed back so hard on you being a protector, because I could take care of myself thank you very much. But you didn’t care, that is who you are. Your big heart and strength combined mean you are The Protector. When we went into quarantine facing a global pandemic, you had a few weeks of struggle, because of course you did. How could you not be worried with so much uncertainty? When you could finally speak to me about it, you said you’d been stewing on the questions – were we safe in Phuket? Should we go somewhere else? How can I keep my family safe? Big questions that needed to be shared, and I’m glad you eventually did, because you were a bit annoying when it was all stewing inside. After the decision to stay or go was taken away when the airports closed, you got us sorted – we had a wad of cash for emergencies, a tank full of petrol, and chocolate, lots of chocolate. I fully appreciated the impact this time has had on you. It’s not easy to be a man in a time of great uncertainty and unknown risk. But I’m glad we did it together, not to mention, we had some bloody funny nights together in quarantine!! For raising gentlemen When I was a young, angry teenager, if a man opened a door for me, I wanted to smash him in the face, because I could do it myself!! Thankfully I grew up, stopped being angry and realised gentlemen are not an enemy and their actions do not diminish me, instead it is a way of giving respect to each other. So by the time we met, I loved the fact you were a gentleman and I love it even more that you are raising our boys to be gentlemen too. And they get such beautiful responses to it. No angry girls wanting to smash them in the face, just delighted people taken aback to be treated with respect by two young boys. Long may it continue, although, I will help them understand how to handle the angry girls… For teaching them to be men of their word One of the things that always tied us together was our commitment to being people of our word – a lost art in a fast moving world. It’s something so intrinsically important to both of us, and now, something we are passing onto our boys. But you don’t do it with words, you do it with action. And there is no better teacher than action. I love seeing them embrace it. Virtual quiz night, Bond-style For your work ethic Another quality we’ve always been aligned on is work ethic. We work hard but we play hard too – because what is the point otherwise! That’s a great lesson for the boys too. I hope they embrace it, and also the unconventional opportunities available for a life well lived. There are many paths to success, and success has definitely never been about stature or money for us. It’s a smile on your face, or a great adventure to speak about for years to come, or about making an impact that makes the world a better place. As a role model

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