I’ve never been a patient “waiter” – it’s not something I’ve ever enjoyed, so I don’t like being late for things, and I certainly don’t like hanging around waiting for people – except if I’ve got a really cracking book to read, then take your time. With that said, since the boys came along, I have been known to be late on occasion, but I definitely set the expectation in advance – mums have that right I reckon. Not enjoying waiting is something I’ve always known about myself, accepted, and it’s why Queen’s “I Want it All” was my theme song as a teenager.
Age has obviously given me some perspective, helping me to calm down and chill out a bit, but the ability to wait is definitely not one of my positive qualities let’s just say. Silence, on the other hand, has always been a friend. I love silence, crave silence, and since the boys came along, it’s something I appreciate more than ever. While silence means spending time with the chaotic thoughts of my mind, it is something I need in my life and welcome it with wide open arms.
However, since entering the world of the entrepreneur, both silence and waiting have taken on new dimensions – and not in a positive sense. I have spent weeks, months, and sometimes years, waiting to hear back on a new business deal. Sometimes I get silence full stop. Other times I wait and wait and wait and finally something happens – be it positive or negative. On the one hand, I appreciate that it is my fault – the professional content and communications services I offer is not a mission-critical need for my potential customers. While they all recognise that what I offer is necessary and something they need more of – they’re not going to lose their jobs if it doesn’t happen. That’s a lesson learned for me – if your service offering is only perceived as a nice to have, the chances of it succeeding are slim – especially in Asia where people are running at a million miles an hour every day. To run a successful business, you need to be at the top of your customer’s priority list.
So what do I do now? I don’t know. But I’m frustrated. I’m tired of checking email seven days a week 365 days a year in case someone who promised to respond to a proposal gets back to me. I’m tired of silence after the ball busting effort put into a proposal that the potential customer asked for and I responded to their need precisely, because every time I get creative, it freaks them out. I’m tired of not knowing. I’m tired of things not progressing. I’m tired of not working at my full potential. I’m tired of lack of courtesy. I’m tired of promises unfulfilled. I’m tired of not being frantic. I’m tired of not being able to make a huge impact. I’m tired of waiting for payments. I’m tired.
I was reading this blog, by Aussie author, Andrew Roberts, the other day – and while I didn’t share it on my social networks at the time, it’s been running around in my head A LOT. I’d say the majority of people I know are very happy and contented with their life, which always makes me happy – it’s not happiness linked to dollars, but happiness linked to doing what you should be doing with your life. I believe we are all capable of achieving that plateau of happy, but some of us take a little bit longer to get there than others – although many never get there. I love nothing more than being with people who’ve ‘made it’ – found their destiny or whatever you like to call it – because these are the sorts of people who bounce out of bed every day with a HUGE smile on their face – it’s magic.
So, based on Andrew’s blog, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m obviously not on the right bus. If I look at the “symptoms,” I’ve got more wrong bus symptoms than I have right bus symptoms, so that’s put me into a bit of a thoughtful place, and helped me recognise it might be time to change direction. What do I need in my life to ensure I am on the right bus? I don’t know yet, I’m still trying to work it out. Suffice to say big changes ahead I reckon, ‘cos anymore of this waiting and silence will do my bloody head in.
I just want to fly – that’s it – and wake up with a huge smile on my face every day. Not too much to ask I reckon.
Yours, without the bollocks