It should come as no surprise to my faithful readers that this motherhood malarkey has not been exactly smooth sailing for moi. Many has been the moment, when the boys are doing my head in, that I find myself metaphorically screaming to the world: “WHEN, EXACTLY, does this mothering job actually become fun?” I never did get an answer. However, I can tell you one thing. When people have seen my expression and decided to say: “oh it goes so fast, try and enjoy it” – what? Why? IDIOT! These people really had no idea how close they were to the end of their lives. It hasn’t gone fast, not gone fast at all.
So in future, can I suggest one thing to people inclined to say “it goes so fast” to a parent on the edge? How about giving this a go: “I am totally with you sister (or brother), it’s completely shithouse isn’t it? And guess what, it never gets better!”
That, at least, would stand a chance of getting a smile out of me in my moment of anguish. Rarely has a fellow parent reached out to me like that. In fact, I don’t think they ever have. I’ve done it though, because I know how much it’s needed sometimes.
I suppose we still live in a world where Mum’s just don’t admit to this stuff… but for me, that’s not healthy. Parenting has been the hardest, most frustrating, most grueling, most exhausting, most overwhelming experience I’ve ever had. So sister, if you find yourself screaming to the universe when your kids are doing your nut in, know I am with you and will never be stupid enough to say “it goes so fast” – I promise.
I’ve loved my little guys with an intense passion since the day they were born. I’ve also done everything I could to give them a life of love, safety and happiness. But it just hasn’t been a lot of fun much of the time. It’s been a day-in-day-out grind, and that is not what I was expecting motherhood to be. Then again, I had no expectations of motherhood at all, because how can you know this stuff in advance? Obviously having a child that couldn’t speak or understand me for much of that time didn’t help; but even then, one of them could speak and understand, so it’s not all that.
|My gorgeous family|
However in recent months, both of my boys are blossoming into independent, chatty, funny little guys. They’ve chilled out spectacularly (except when they go through growth spurts and boy they get emotional don’t they?) and spending time with them is becoming much more of a pleasure for everyone. It’s less random, less chaotic. There are even periods when they sit still and chill out. It’s awesome.
I also love the conversations we have. I love their observations of the world. I love watching them grow into really caring, loving young men, with impeccable manners to boot. And we never insisted on the manners thing. I didn’t want to be one of those parents whispering in their ear telling them to say thank you all the time. Sure I do it sometimes, but mostly, they say thank you because they want to. Or they hold doors open for ladies because their Dad has told them “ladies first.” I’m brewing up two lovely gentlemen it seems – sweet. That’ll get ‘em the ladies when they grow up a bit.
But they’re cooler now and that means we’re cooler, but it all means that Steve and I are finally enjoying being parents. We like enjoying it. It’s all we’ve ever wanted really.
Bloody kids. I have no idea why we had them, I’d never send them back, and while it’s been one hell of a bumpy journey so far, it’s so worth it! My little dudes are chilling out and that is AWESOME.
Yours, without the bollocks