Uncommon Courage

Part of my 50 Years #50 Wisdoms journey. Join me as I hurtle towards 50 on the 1st of January 2020. Way back in 2011 I wrote a blog – A recipe for love for those loosing heart. At the time it helped some friends going through a tough time on the love front, and hopefully today, it will help someone needing it today too. Of course, some people thought it was bollocks back then and may now, but you know what, each to their own. Love is hard and being single (when you don’t want to be) can be hard too. When you’re in between – and possibly still hurting from the last unsuccessful encounter – time can seem endless, with no love potential popping up. It can definitely be lonely too – although time alone is very good for you. I am delighted with the year’s I had on my own. It made me stronger in my convictions, stronger in myself, and it meant I was able to get to a place of not needing anyone. That’s a good place to get too – not needing. I was single for nine years before I met Steve. I just couldn’t find a fit, but equally, someone who was capable of loving all of me just didn’t show up. When you’ve got a big personality with big dreams, you need someone who can say: awesome. I want to join that journey with you. And in response, you want to join their journey too. Anyhoo, I wanted to update this blog and bring it into my 50 Years #50Wisdoms, because I absolutely and fundamentally believe this recipe to be true. I know we are all capable of attracting the person to us that loves us in all of our glory, but we must believe it is possible, and never stop believing it. Besides, as a recipe, it’s not hard to do… well it can be if you’ve been hurt a lot in the past. It can also be hard if you’re not one keen to enter into a little mind fantasy. Back in time I never did the online dating thing. I just couldn’t believe I’d ever find anyone who’d suit me. I mean how would I even advertisemyself and if I was completely honest, would anyone worthwhile ever respond? I’m not against online dating, I just knew it wasn’t for me. Then again, this was the days pre-Tinder… Who knows how I’d feel about it now? Besides, some great friends have found love this way. I’ll never dish it. I was single from 24 to 33. During that time, I had a lot of fun. I travelled the world, lived in five different countries, loved my work, and met fabulous people everywhere I went. With all that said, the whole time I was forever hopeful that ,one day, I would meet my true love. Yes, I’m essentially a romantic at heart, BUT life is a hell of a lot better when you’ve got someone to share it all with!! They just had to be the RIGHT one. Nine years later I found him. At the grand old age of 33, here he was – the love of my life at long last – Steve. And while the years have been rocky, hard, stressful and pushed us both to our limits, we’re bound firmly together, and he continues to be everything I hoped for and a lot lot more. I truly do love him more and more every day. He’s a special one. He’s definitely my perfect match – pretty much a male version of me (as I am a female version of him) and when we met and fell in love, I realised the idea that opposites attract could be bullshit – at least for us. It was our similarities that really bound us together and continue to keep us strong – especially when it comes to our core values, morals and the importance we place on giving and keeping our word. Boy that matters to us. The boys are learning it too. Dawn the morning after our wedding… oh dear An epiphany on attracting your true love When I introduced Steve to my mates, many of them said he’s exactly what you said you always wanted. One gorgeous friend said it’s amazing, he is exactly what you’ve talked about for all these years, and you’ve found him. This lady also said she’d spent her time thinking about what she didn’t want and, guess what? She always attracted that type of person – dickheads. So it got me thinking back then, was it my focus on what I wanted that helped find him? At this time, the Law of Attraction, manifesting your life, and all of that stuff was ricocheting around the world, and I realised it could be true – maybe I was a living embodiment of it? During my single years, I never stopped thinking about the man I wanted in my life, and all through that lean times, those thoughts were always foremost in my mind. I never spent anytime thinking about what I didn’t want, mainly because I hadn’t spent anytime with dickheads anyway (I have excellent taste) but I absolutely believed that one day, he’d walk through my door. I believed it so deeply, it kept me going through all of the dodgy people streaming by. And there were so so many of them… And that is what I’m sharing here. It is the focus on what you want in your life that will result in getting what you want. I do believe it worked for me in regard to love (but for many other areas of my life too) so be patient with me here, because if it helps one person, that would be awesome. My recipe for finding true love is simple Focus on what you want – all aspects – and keep this in your mind and heart every time you

Part of my 50 Years #50 Wisdoms journey. Join me as I hurtle towards 50 on the 1stof January 2020. On the 1st of January 2018 I turned 48. I remember a time when someone told me they were 48 and I thought they were really really old. Then on New Year’s Eve, I met this gorgeous lady, maybe in her 70s or even 80s – I couldn’t tell – and when she realized it was my birthday and I told her I was 48, she said wistfully… “Oh 48, such a wonderful age….” That small comment made such an impact and it was a beautiful reminder to be here, in the moment, RIGHT NOW, loving the life you have, because why not hey? It’s not old, especially the way I choose to live life! But 48 also marks a two-year journey to half a decade and having watched a few people hit that milestone in recent years, I know it can be a biggie – especially psychologically and emotionally. Many shit themselves in the lead up! As such, I’ve decided to embark on a two-year journey to get to 50 wisdoms I’ve gained in the journey of life. Some funny, some serious, and some down right practical. Over a two-year period, I reckon I can hit 50, so here is the first wisdom….   The Voice in your head is a bitch/bastard – so get it under control   I really must start with the internal voice in your head, or what I call “my personal saboteur.” There are so many other wisdoms to share, but this was the right one, because my year saw me start with a head full of doubts. The narrative in my head, these last couple of weeks, goes something along these lines…. “Are you fucking kidding yourself?” “Why would anyone care what you have to say?” “It’s all been done, what makes you think you have anything special to add?” And on it goes, relentless, never ending, filling me with doubts and other nasty feelings. Trying to understand The Voice   To go back in time, I’ve taken an active interest in understanding why we even have The Voice, and have discovered two things: It seems to more predominantly impact ladies, although there are definitely men suffering it too AND there are many people on this planet who just don’t have it at all. These folks struggle to understand why other’s do and when you talk about it, they are often mystified. Those without The Voice are the ones who’ve given me confidence it could be rid of, or at least managed. So thank you voiceless ones When did it start?   The Voice started in my teen years. I don’t remember it any younger, because I was too free and easy to be impacted by anything – carefree days indeed. No, it was definitely those deep, dark, complex days when I was developing into an adult – the teenage years. It sunk its fangs in and has held on for dear life ever since. My oh my… Why do some of us have The Voice?   One of the things I’ve struggled with is why we even have it?   Why does it start?   What purpose does a negative voice in our head have, if it’s not helping us to be happier, greater, more magnificent?   Why is it even a thing?   What part of human evolution saw this come into being?   Or is it a modern thing?   I just don’t know the answers… When I try to think about it logically, I acknowledge that this is not some outside interference. Someone else making us feel this way. It is us in there, speaking to ourselves, ripping ourselves apart, being unkind to our dreams and ambitions. No one else, just us. Why? Is this our ego speaking, as some have suggested? Although I have to say, I’ve struggled with this idea, because it’s definitely not an egotistical thing. But it does make sense in a different way, depending on how you define ego… Is it upbringing?   Adults not paying enough attention as young people develop?   Is it society and unrealistic expectations about what it means to be successful – beauty, career, money, etc…?   Is it from being part of a broken family?   Our education system?   Religion?   Something else? Maybe it’s the core of why we have imposter syndrome? (BTW this is a great article on imposter syndrome – 21 Proven Ways To Overcome Impostor Syndrome – if it’s a challenge for you). If there is anyone out there who can provide any insight on The Voice, I would LOVE to hear about it. This is a life mystery I haven’t cracked yet, the why of it all. So what can we do about it?   Because I’ve taken an interest and shared this experience with people who do and do not have The Voice (many in the “do not have it” camp have been very perplexed when I’ve brought it up by the way), I decided to see if I could do anything about it. First up, I made a commitment to myself – if The Voice in my head wasn’t serving me, making my life better, pushing me to achieve greater goals, pushing me out of my comfort zone and helping me believe anything was possible – well then, it wasn’t serving me and must be ignored. So for a month, I decided that whatever The Voice said, I would ignore it. No, I must tell the truth   I swore at it. I told it to fuck off. But The Voice is relentless, so when it kept coming back, I told it to fuck off again. In fact, I told it to fuck off as many times as I needed to say it until it shut the fuck up. The first time you silence The Voice – and it’s