Which friend you ask? Well Without the Bollocks of course. That friend. A blog, Facebook page, Twitter handle, and a YouTube channel I’ve already revamped into a family channel.
It’s time to say goodbye to a very old friend Read More »
I want to talk about something that’s bothering me a lot lately. This is not directed at anyone I’m having deeper, behind-the-scenes conversations with, it’s more of a general experience I want to talk about. And it’s about casual criticism. The stuff we put out there, without much thought, especially the impact it can have on others. I was at an event recently, and someone made a disparaging remark about something. It’s not important what they said, but it was an ugly little moment. Anyhoo, I was only an attendee, but I immediately felt hurt for those who had arranged this event. What if they heard these words? How would it make them feel? Would it stop them from doing something again? Would it crush them enough to diminish their spirit, passion, light? Potentially, and that is why I care about it so much. We cannot dim another’s light! It’s inexcusable to do that. Casual criticism is lazy and destructive. It’s also always from people who are not in the arena, doing the work. It’s also usually from people who have given up. Who don’t believe we can achieve wonders anymore. It’s SO easy to criticise another, especially if those people are doing good work. It’s easy to stand on the sidelines and rip it apart, pull it to shreds, diminish it’s value. Why do people need to do it? And more importantly, what does it really say about them? For those in the arena, please fight on regardless, no matter how much it hurts. I can definitely assure you I know the cost, and sometimes it’s unbearable. But we need you. Our children need you. The world needs you. Our future needs you. Flip it around too. Look at it as an opportunity to help other’s become better versions of themselves by showing them how it’s done. By showing them what belief looks like. By reminding them of the incredible results you can achieve when you believe enough! Because the only other option is to diminish ourselves. And to be honest, we all lose if we allow that to happen. Transformative change can only happen if those doing great work, do it regardless of this casual criticism. It would be so much easier if they didn’t have to contend with it though. Across the span of my life, I know it’s rare to have the mettle or the thick skin required to cope. But the bigger risk is, people are silenced. They don’t want to attract that shit. It breaks my heart. One of the reasons I wrote my next book, Uncommon Courage, is to talk about stuff like this. As the world has gotten angrier and meaner, those of us who are not angry and mean haven’t remained centered. We’ve been impacted by this anger and we have moved towards it, away from our core truth. Sure we might not be as extreme as those who are angriest, but we aren’t where we were before this all started to boil. Just look at your friends ripping each other apart on social media when they don’t agree with each other? The easiest way to think about this is Ying and Yang. Light and dark. And we have always needed both, because when we have both, we have balance. Right now, we are not in balance. We have all moved towards the dark a little bit or a lot. I think we can all understand how it’s happened. It’s hard not to be angry when there’s so much ugliness around us. It’s hard not to respond, to rile up, to bite back. But we have to work harder than those who are most negative. We have to work harder to stay in the light, even when it hurts like hell. If enough of us do it, we create a tipping point and we can get the balance back. Because do you know who wins if we don’t do this? Those horrible, angry people who are making us more horrible and angry. Ironic isn’t it? But that’s how it works, and because it’s always so intense, we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to see the bigger picture. We need to see this bigger picture, because if we don’t, what we’re fighting for is already lost. This last five years, which has been exacerbated by a pandemic, has had a HUGE impact in making all of us less loving, giving and beautiful. Our words are harsher, our criticism more cutting, our cynicism more unforgiving. But we don’t want to be that person, do we? I certainly don’t and I want to encourage everyone to mind your words, especially your criticism, and especially mind it towards those who are doing their hardest to make the world a better place. You might not believe what they’re doing is possible, but don’t stop them believing it’s possible! The only guarantee of creating a better future is for the craziest ideas to be driven by massive passion and a relentlessness that will ensure success. Let’s get behind it. Let’s support the crazy. And even if we don’t want to get behind it, just don’t criticize it. When you have a choice, always choose kindness. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea Thanks for supporting Without the Bollocks for all these years. I’m about to retire this brand, and move it to a new idea I’m building, called Uncommon Courage. It’s a book, podcast, blog, social media and more – where we talk about the big issues of our time. The Facebook Group hasn’t been launched yet, but you can follow me on Twitter here, Instagram here, YouTube here, and Facebook too – although this Facebook page will soon be retired! Here’s to making the world a better place xxxxx
The problem with casual criticism and how it diminishes us all Read More »
A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog – Kids don’t grow up fast, they grow up suddenly. Well the growing up bit has been off the charts during this pandemic. Total skyrocket growth and it’s been wonderful to witness it! I’m expecting to be shocked when I see their class mates, as I expect other parent’s to be shocked when they see our boys. Because tomorrow, they are back at school. HALLELUJAH!!!! Jax!! They haven’t been on campus since Feb/Mar 2020. An amazing period of time for kids this age, and it’s definitely a relief to get them back to school, something they really want as well. They miss the structure of school days… Let’s see how long that lasts, huh? It’s also nice to know they’re returning to school at a time when there has been no COVID infections in the community for nearly three months. Relief!! If there’s one lesson I’ve learnt as a parent on this lockdown journey, it is this: go easy on your parenting skills and qualities during this time. Yes the boys have spent more time on devices, and more time being idle, but you know, as the months rolled on, we lost our energy to keep on top of it every day. None of us parents can do it all. None. Not to forget we are also trying to manage ourselves – our thoughts, emotions, scattered brains, fears for the future… Definitely not an easy time to be a parent. But the boys didn’t exactly enjoy being stationary either. Especially Lex. He’s got ants in his pants that one. Thankfully, we had the amazing opportunity to travel in the North of Thailand, then Phi Phi Island in the last few weeks. That helped get us out of lockdown stupor – a change of scene was brilliant after so many months immobile. Lex is now nicknamed Shaggy Change, change, change Getting back to their growth. Both boys have gone through significant physical changes in quarantine. Muscles are growing, strength too, which means flexing biceps in the mirror is a common sight 😊 😊. Lex’s voice is now officially broken and you can definitely expect a very low baritone next time you speak to him. Jax won’t be too far behind on that front either. Lex is also significantly taller than me now and catching up to Steve, and it won’t be long until Jax towers over me too. Soon I will be the family midget, although thankfully, Vick is still with us to take on that title. And their hands and feet – my word! Men are on the horizon. We took them to play tennis a month ago, and their brand new shoes (which they hadn’t put on since quarantine began) were too small!! Other things changed too. Screen time is a huge issue for families who can afford technology, but it’s not all bad. What we’ve noticed is, they are going on independent educational journeys into all sorts of topics, digging deeper and learning new facts. Lex has found his own news channel Inside Edition – a boy after my heart – and it’s been really lovely having the opportunity to talk about the information and news he’s interested in. Cold case murders are definitely something that fascinate him. Pop culture too. Today he wanted to talk about the Ellen DeGeneres news. Another hot topic for Lex right now is drugs – not the drugs themselves – but the entire story around drugs, including the cartels, violence and more. His questions are outstanding. Jax is more focused on mastering digital communication. He is working out how to connect with the world, and I’m pretty impressed with how he tells stories, as well as the quality of imagery he captures. He’s got some talent there and I loved doing my first Instagram Live with him a while back. Actually, before we did the video, I was teaching him how to use hashtags. Let me just say, it’s so nice having a combined passion for social media and storytelling with one of my boys – can you imagine? Not to mention, he is OK learning from his mum about these things too. Well so far… Jax also really embraced cooking and seems to love it, while Lex is still more interested in mastering the staples – that boy knows how to cook an egg. Either way, I’m stoked, because being able to cook is so important!!! They also released a song Money (Heist of the Century) – by Lexy Dope and Jazzy Boy. Huge appreciation to the team at Phuket Academy of Performing Arts. The boys are absolutely stoked and LOVED that camp – the words you want to hear, let me tell you. It was a relief that music lessons could continue throughout lock down, and with singing, drama and dance at VK Theater Works too, the boys continue to get a well-rounded arts education. Jax’s new travel look Qualities in quarantine One of my surprises during quarantine is both boys have been super affectionate – especially with me. I was getting cuddles and they were telling me they loved me every day. I suppose that was their way of getting reassurance during an uncertain time in the world? Regardless, it was lovely. Steve didn’t get this as much, especially with so much testosterone in the air, which meant there’s been a fair bit of fronting up going on. This is to be expected and was definitely more of a frustrating issue in the early quarantine months. I just wanted to run away!! Ugh. However, even that started to lessen as time went on. Which meant the boys had real opportunities to
Our boys have grown up during COVID19, it’s been mind-blowing Read More »
We’re celebrating Father’s Day today. It’s not Father’s Day for my dad, as he’s in Australia, and I’m not even sure if it’s Father’s Day here in Thailand! However, regardless, we have embraced it and today, I want to honour and say thank you to the father of our two beautiful boys – Steve Johnson. From the day we met, I knew I was a lucky gal. Steve was the guy I always hoped to have by my side. And then, when we became parents together, well… you’re looking at a whole new dimension to a relationship! One definite highlight of becoming parents is the deeper love that forms as you enter this new stage of life – for your children and for each other. But it can also be enormously challenging, as parenting styles come in many dimensions, and often, you have no idea of these differences until the kids actually arrive. Not long now Steve 🙂 That was a surprise for us, because we had been totally aligned on everything before then – #BloodyKids I tell ya! We recognised early on that we were at either end of the parenting philosophies spectrum, and thankfully, rather than one saying my way or the highway, we have constantly worked hard to move towards the center, closer to each other, rather than letting it tear us apart. We each had to compromise a little, to ensure we could be the parents we wanted to be, without giving in to the other’s style 100 per cent. That has worked well for us, even if we disagree sometimes. There is no doubt about it, it’s definitely an interesting life journey this parenting stuff, and today, I want to say thank you to Steve. For being all-in Since those little tackers arrived in our lives, you’ve been all-in. A totally present dad, who was in it from the start, in all-ways, every day. When you traveled for work, you constantly stayed in touch and when you came home, those boys were the center of your attention – regardless of how weary you were. But I was too, always the center of your attention. Your devotion to your family and those you love is something I admire greatly my darling. You have no hang-ups about loving bravely and fiercely – what a role model you are for our lads! Another bonus is you always honoured the work I needed to do. You understood that my sanity relied on fulfilling my destiny too, and you always created space for that, taking the boys out so I could have some cherished time. Something you continue to do today. Thank you. For being our protector The Protector, with Shrek ears When we first met, I pushed back so hard on you being a protector, because I could take care of myself thank you very much. But you didn’t care, that is who you are. Your big heart and strength combined mean you are The Protector. When we went into quarantine facing a global pandemic, you had a few weeks of struggle, because of course you did. How could you not be worried with so much uncertainty? When you could finally speak to me about it, you said you’d been stewing on the questions – were we safe in Phuket? Should we go somewhere else? How can I keep my family safe? Big questions that needed to be shared, and I’m glad you eventually did, because you were a bit annoying when it was all stewing inside. After the decision to stay or go was taken away when the airports closed, you got us sorted – we had a wad of cash for emergencies, a tank full of petrol, and chocolate, lots of chocolate. I fully appreciated the impact this time has had on you. It’s not easy to be a man in a time of great uncertainty and unknown risk. But I’m glad we did it together, not to mention, we had some bloody funny nights together in quarantine!! For raising gentlemen When I was a young, angry teenager, if a man opened a door for me, I wanted to smash him in the face, because I could do it myself!! Thankfully I grew up, stopped being angry and realised gentlemen are not an enemy and their actions do not diminish me, instead it is a way of giving respect to each other. So by the time we met, I loved the fact you were a gentleman and I love it even more that you are raising our boys to be gentlemen too. And they get such beautiful responses to it. No angry girls wanting to smash them in the face, just delighted people taken aback to be treated with respect by two young boys. Long may it continue, although, I will help them understand how to handle the angry girls… For teaching them to be men of their word One of the things that always tied us together was our commitment to being people of our word – a lost art in a fast moving world. It’s something so intrinsically important to both of us, and now, something we are passing onto our boys. But you don’t do it with words, you do it with action. And there is no better teacher than action. I love seeing them embrace it. Virtual quiz night, Bond-style For your work ethic Another quality we’ve always been aligned on is work ethic. We work hard but we play hard too – because what is the point otherwise! That’s a great lesson for the boys too. I hope they embrace it, and also the unconventional opportunities available for a life well lived. There are many paths to success, and success has definitely never been about stature or money for us. It’s a smile on your face, or a great adventure to speak about for years to come, or about making an impact that makes the world a better place. As a role model
Years ago, I made a wish for a dad for my future children, and it came true Read More »
It’s our 8th week of lock down, and as I’ve watched the protests against containment measures, I wonder if people are reading and watching what I am?Â
Week seven was a bit grim, here’s to week eight Read More »
I know many are overwhelmed, so by collecting the best and most insightful of what I read, I’m hoping to help those feeling frazzled by the amount of information feel, well, less frazzled.
Knowledge is power. My reading list from the last few months Read More »
I love Dolly Parton. Love love LOVE HER! She is an amazing and magnificent human, a blessing in our world
What Dolly Parton taught me about judgement and self-awareness Read More »
I recently returned from five amazing weeks traveling around Europe, with a side-trip to the US. As someone passionate about the environment
Our European adventure and attempt to reduce environmental impact Read More »
Everyone told me I was mad. Don’t do it they said. Don’t go to Europe with the boys alone. It’ll be hell.
Traveling Europe with preteen boys alone… a few thoughts Read More »
If you’ve ever done meditation, mindfulness, yoga or anything similar, there’s a strong chance you’ve been asked to breath in love, breath out hate
The power of the mantra – breath in love, breath out hate Read More »