Andrea Edwards

Well it’s over for another year and what a cracking year it’s been. As always, my favourites went out early, but at least Haley made it through to number three. That’s democracy in action for you, and while many talk conspiracies, I think it’s more about the diversity of the viewing public. For example the opinion of a 50+ year old American mid-Western Mum, versus a 15 year old boy living in the country, versus a 23 year old city-living-socialite are always gunna bring mixed results. But this year, the standards were so incredibly high, and the diversity of performers (and guests) made it a fantastic show every week – no matter who got voted out. For those who have given up watching it from past-season disappointments, I seriously recommend getting back into it again. The finale was awesome, and you’ll be pleased to know Lady Gaga is in my good books. She’s pushing all the boundaries and I love having people like her in the world. I reckon we get too wrapped up in “rules” about what is and isn’t appropriate and people like her are saying, who says your way is the right way? Being made to think is very cool by me. Some feedback for the producers (‘cos they’re definitely going to read this) Every results show needs to feature an American Idol alumni – I wanna see Daughtry, Melinda Doolittle, and Adam Lambert (more than once,) as well as all of the other great kids that have been on this show. I appreciate that performers are lining up to get gigs on this global stage, but it is the alumni that will really make the show special Jimmy Levine did an awesome job and I have no doubt the quality of the performances this year was mostly down to the work he did. Additionally, as the show progressed, he got better and more humane, so he grew on me. But get the stars back to do the mentoring as well – it added some pizzazz So no more Idol to look forward to, which is a shame, but maybe I can start swimming those two nights a week instead? It’s really been a blast, and if we thought the show couldn’t go on after Simon Cowell, well they’ve definitely proved it can. It was the nicer, gentler approach of the judges that really hit the spot for me this year, and probably meant better talent was found. Right, that’s it – I suppose I’ve got the World Cup Rugby to look forward to – all those lovely big men with meaty thighs to perv at? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I can’t eat McDonalds, KFC or Burger King – it makes my skin itch and about an hour after eating it, I start feeling depressed. Pre-packaged sauces and spices make me jittery, soy sauce and all its derivatives make my legs irritated and MSG makes my heart race, gives me a headache and usually sees me rushing to the toilet. OK I get it, additives and preservatives and I are not friends, and they’re not friends with my boys either. Actually Steve has a rough time on them too but until he met me, he didn’t notice. So to give us the best chance of living a happy and balanced life, we eat as pure as we can because we have to. Essentially we’ve come to the point where there’s no option if we want to sleep at night and if we want to have emotional balance in our lives. As far as I’m concerned, the shit in the food chain screws with your emotions if you pay attention. Anyways, in the last month or so, I’ve had three occasions where I said screw it – let’s just eat whatever tonight. One night Steve convinced me we should order Canadian 2 for 1 pizza because it was just one of those nights and every delivery option was quoting one and a half hours…. Another night we had homemade tortillas BUT the bad thing about the meal was in the wraps – they had preservative 282 in them – something else I can’t cope with. And then just this Sunday we had gourmet pizza because we hadn’t had a pizza night for quite some time. The gourmet pizza night has meant that I haven’t been able to sleep for two nights now. I am hot, uncomfortable and the only thing I can attribute this reaction to is the pizza – maybe the tomatoe sauce base? I’m bummed about that, because it wasn’t even the crappy cheap pizza that I usually do anything to avoid. However, this isn’t just about me – for two days now, the boys have been absolute emotional TURDS and that is the main reason I want shit food out of our house. This is not scientific research but I would be very interested in your perspective? Do foods screw with your emotions to the point it can make you fearful, anxious and feel out of control? Does our current food chain crisis impact people in this way, and if it does, that’s some serious shit playing around with our human potential don’t you think? You see, as a result of the other two nights – the one with 282 in the meal and the other Canadian 2 for 1 – I had trouble sleeping, but all of my pre-sleep thoughts were about horrible fearful situations – you know, the type where you’re falling, or the boys are being hurt, or Steve dies, I’m in a horrendous car crash, or something else as bloody horrible…. We all have our fearful days, we all have our anxious days, and while there are some people who never confront this shit, I think most of us do at some point in our lives. But this stuff was vivid and powerful and totally out of synch with how I’m feeling about life right now. So it made me think – is it the preservatives and additives in our food that cause this reaction? And if it is, what does it mean for all of us being subjected to this crap everyday? I would love to hear what people think on the issue, and in the meantime, I’m just going to keep things as pure as pure as can be. I need the sleep. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I think one of the biggest challenges I’m finding since becoming a parent is seeing my boys in pain. Not physical pain – emotional pain. The sort of pain that comes with being hurt, embarrassed, let down, disappointed, or just ignored by people they love or adore. The people who do it, usually kids, have no idea the impact they are having, but my sensitive little lads get hurt all the same and mummy is always watching. At this point in their development, when these moments happen, they take it out on Mum, and that usually means me getting smacked or yelled at. It is hugely challenging for me, because when they hurt, I hurt, and all I want to do is take the pain away from them, but I can’t protect them from the world and their character and moral fibre is being created by these moments, so I know it’s important – it just isn’t easy. All I can do is love them and give them a cuddle when they let me, and continually speak to them about how they’re feeling, and as their communications skills develop, encourage them to speak about how they’re feeling, rather than reacting with anger or violence. It’s a bloody tough road to travel and it’s hard not to respond with anger when they hurt me, but it’s also heart breaking to see their pain. The amount of times Steve and I are both close to tears watching them react in situations is increasing all the time, but there is no greater cuddle than the cuddle that helps them through their heart ache. Their bodies completely relax into you and they cry until they feel safe again. After that, they’re ready to take on the world again. Sometimes I wonder why we choose this parenting malarkey, it is so challenging sometimes, and seeing them get hurt is one of the worst parts of it – and it’s only going to happen more. But I wouldn’t be without my vibrant, adventurous and cheeky little lads for a minute, because watching them grow into the amazing men they will become one day is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever experienced. In the meantime, I reckon it’s my job to wrap them up in love, give them a safe place to be themselves and try to help them have a healthy relationship with their emotions – the good and the bad. But crikey, it’s not bloody easy! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I just realised I missed my blogs first birthday by a couple of days, and thought it can’t go unrecognised. What a wild and wonderful journey it’s been and I absolutely wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you to everyone who has been reading my ramblings and supporting what I’ve been doing here. Back in the day – when I launched with “The Ghost Who Tried to Shag Me” – I’ve got to admit it’s been a funny old ride – one of excitement and anxiety mixed together. To be completely honest, I haven’t found it easy doing this – putting my head out in the public domain for all to see. On the other hand, it has been incredibly cathartic for me having a platform to channel all of the thoughts and ideas that rattle around in my head every day, the best bit, you seem interested in reading it – amazing. There is one other bonus in doing this blog, because, in many ways, it’s actually helped to make me a calmer person… that’s something special huh? I suppose it’s probably because it’s all part of a broader goal I’m working towards and the commitment to this blog is keeping me focused on achieving that – getting books published one day. In case you’re interested, I wrote another blog recently for our professional blog and it’s about all of the lessons I’ve learnt from blogging, so if you’re interested in taking this path, for whatever reason, check it out. It might give you a head start, rather than learning everything I’ve already had to learn! So as I come to my year end and look ahead to the new one, it’s a chance to ask – what do you want me to write about? The vagina blogs certainly garnered lots of attention, as did the political ones when I pushed them out a big harder than normal, but so have the spiritual type blogs and the family perspectives…. so what to focus on? Or do I just keep it a mesh of all things? It’s your chance to contribute to the “Without the Bollocks editorial calendar” and I’d be appreciative of any feedback. But thank you thank you thank you for all of the support, appreciation and laughs. I feel loved. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

In an effort to continually try things I’ve never done before, including reading books by authors I’ve avoided, I picked up Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within.” Anthony was well off my radar, as are most American life coaches, because it’s all a bit awesome and cool and high five for me. But I’ve got to say, this is great stuff and there are a lot of “actionable” suggestions to follow. I’m going to do a few of them for sure, as there’s definitely nothing wrong with getting focused on the good stuff in life. A couple of things have captured my imagination so far and the first is the chapter on life’s metaphors. I’ve never really thought about this, just lived it. He talks about the good and bad metaphors most of us apply – usually without knowing it – to life. For example, good metaphors include “life is a dance” or “life is a game” and then the not so positive metaphors include “life is tough and it ends with death” or ‘life is war.” Naturally, based on what metaphors you apply consciously or unconsciously, so your life shall be. I reckon my main metaphor has to be “life is a great big adventure and who knows what’s around the corner.” I think that’s where my passion for travel comes from and why I can’t settle back into a quiet life, where nothing significantly different happens on any given day. But that’s just me. I love being in Singapore and Asia because every day I just don’t know what’s going to happen. I never know who I’m going to meet or where they’re going to come from. In the last few days I’ve had amazing conversations with some great people: a Muslim taxi driver who really made me think about parenting in a different way; a Polish lady whose philosophies on life made me stop and think; or an Indian friend who talked about the challenges of being Indian in the world today. Sure there are shit days in the mix, but a true adventure wouldn’t be complete without shit days – as we all know, it’s how you deal with them that counts.  So I suppose my main metaphor is ultimately positive and by recognising it consciously, I reckon it can help shape the way I live my life a little better. The other thing Anthony offers is a challenge to be positive and in a happy state for 10 days straight. Easy right? During this challenge, every time you find a negative thought or emotion cropping up, you’ve got two minutes to say bollocks to that and get happy and positive again. If you don’t achieve that, you start your 10 day challenge over. I decided to start it on Thursday morning, but then the boys were a pain in the arse getting them out the door and off to school, and Steve was a grumpy bastard during a pre-meeting preparation frenzy. So I started again Friday and then I had a big night with a great friend Saturday, so the resulting hang-over on Sunday meant I wasn’t happy, happy, happy, and while I didn’t get into a negative state, I reckon it means I’ve got to start again today. Thus I am back on day one and for the next 10 days I will work very hard at maintaining a happy and positive internal equilibrium. The funny thing is challenging yourself to be happy is pretty good. It’s not that I’m a miserable bitch or anything (although I have my days) but I would definitely like to be more “joyous” every day for the rest of my life, and less caught up in “life is a bit of a grind.” I reckon this is a great way to start, as it takes 10 days to create a habit after all. So what’s your life metaphor? Are you the sort of person who goes to work thinking “time to put my nose to the grindstone” or are you excited and challenged by what the day will bring? Will you go home to “the old hag” otherwise known as your wife or “the most beautiful woman in the world,” “your soul mate,” “your better half,” or “your lover?” Are you “at the end of your rope” or “at a cross roads in life” or are you “floating on air” most of the time or perhaps “as happy as a lark?” I’d be curious to know what your metaphor/s is/are – for anything in your life? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Steve didn’t realise it was Mother’s Day until 3pm on Friday. He found out when he collected the boys from school and they presented him with Mummy’s special handmade cards – shite! That night, as not a word in relation to the big day had been uttered, I said to Steve, “you do realise it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday right?” Steve replied “I just found out today!” I said “you don’t have to go nuts you know?” He said, “you sure?” I said, “I’m sure.” I meant “let’s just have a really lovely day and please, there’s no need to rush off to Tiffanys, Cartier, or Georg Jensen, but perhaps a nice spot of lunch or afternoon tea?” He heard “we don’t have to do anything or celebrate it in anyway.” Doh! I think the highlight was volunteering to take Lex out to a pet shop, because he loves cats and this shop has cats meandering all over the place, so it’s a lovely thing to do with him. However the pet shop is on a street of lovely restaurants and boutique speciality shops, where everyone was enjoying Mother’s Day brunches, or Dad’s were out with their kids buying mum a little special something…. Steve is Mr. Thoughtful, but at the moment he has A LOT on his mind, and world events have been pretty intense in recent weeks… Not to mention our TV is dominated by two little blondies + he’s a bit apathetic when it comes to modern day communication vehicles, like Facebook. He certainly couldn’t have missed Mother’s Day if he’d been spending time on Facebook that’s for sure. Steve also doesn’t do any shopping anymore, as we have Noemi to do that now, so he wasn’t even subjected to the barrage of retail marketing. It might not make sense to everyone, but the truth is, he just missed it this year. With all that said, I’ve got very mixed feelings about Mother’s Day, as Steve well knows. As a child, Mother’s Day was always full of great expectation and usually ended it tears – I couldn’t say it was ever a happy time. I’ve always put Mother’s Day alongside other bollocks “holidays” like Valentine’s Day – which still is a bollocks holiday in my mind. But then I became a mother and you know what, being a mother is a bloody intense occupation. It is hard and relentless and unrewarding and exhausting and it screws around with your body. But it is also wonderful and amazing and gratifying and special and there is nothing like watching your children growing up everyday into the amazing adults they will become and feeling a little bit responsible for that. On my first Mother’s Day, I had absolutely no idea how I would feel. In Steve’s usual style, he went nuts and got me a Tiffany’s necklace with Lex’s name engraved on it, as well as lots of other special and thoughtful stuff. He knows how to spoil me and always has. Lex was about six months old, Jax was newly on the way, and suffice to say, I was a pathetic emotional mess – as is any pregnant woman’s right. From that moment I knew Mother’s Day would be important for me, not because of the jewellery, but because I was being honoured in a way I hadn’t experienced before. I was deeply touched by the whole experience and what it meant to finally be a mum. So I went from being one of the world’s great cynics about Mother’s Day to being someone who understood why it was important to celebrate this one day of the year – it is a chance to say thanks Mums, you’re really doing a worthy job. Mother’s know what they give 24 hours a day to their children and most of us do it with love. Sure there are a lot of shit moments and days in the mix, but most Mum’s I know wouldn’t have it any other way… although a few more sleeps ins would be nice. Most of the time, I am thrilled at the prospect of my boys “needing” me for the next couple of decades, but sometimes just the thought of it exhausts me. No matter what though, I will give my boys my all because they deserve that and while I won’t have a spring in my step every morning, I’ll try hard to find it most days. Let’s face it, having two boys 15 months apart means it’s not easy right now. They are both going through extremely intense and demanding phases, but they’re growing up and pushing the boundaries, so I spend a lot of time trying to give them the space they need to grow, but I’m always ready to back them up with cuddles when the boundaries come crashing down. Life beyond Mum (and Dad) isn’t always pleasant after all. Therefore, having just one day a year dedicated to saying thanks mum, you’re ace… well it’s a nice tradition and one that I am finally able to embrace. Steve has definitely learnt that too… In the meantime, when Steve hears “you don’t have to go nuts right?” he’ll understand a special day is in order, but not in a gift giving sense. Steve is the most sensitive and thoughtful man on the planet, but yesterday he “missed” for the first time in seven years. He knows that I don’t need diamonds or rubies or extravagance, but a day where my boys pay just a little bit of extra attention to Mum; well that’s what it’s about right? Making each other feel special sometimes. Steve’s greatest crime is the high standards he set, so when he did nothing, it came as a bit of a shock. We don’t have a relationship built on not doing the special stuff. That’s never been who we are and we both 100 per cent know that. It was definitely a lesson learnt. But I do have

I wanted to write something yesterday and I put this blog together, but my content reviewer, Steve, said no, it’s all too fresh and too hot – don’t enter into a battle with words on something so contentious. But that’s what this blog is about right? A platform to offer “my” opinions, whether they are right or wrong, because we all have ideas about things and by launching this blog, I decided to declare mine to the world. So I’ve been thinking about what Steve said long and hard, but I still want to write this. I don’t think I’m right here, I just want to share a point of view and would be very pleased to hear what others think – not just about what I think, but about what YOU think. Discussion is what keeps me going. On Sunday, I really did appreciate that many in the US needed to “celebrate” the news of Osama’s demise. I missed being in WTC1 by the skin of my teeth, cancelling a meeting there the night before – so I do understand the emotion wrapped around that day. Walking the streets of NYC in the aftermath of 9/11 will stay with me forever, especially all of the photos on the Battery building. It was very powerful and very very sad. But it’s not just 9/11 that we link his face to. It’s linked to all the bad that has befallen not just America, but the world in recent decades – London, Spain, Bali, Africa, Yemen, India, Pakistan, and everywhere else a bomb has killed innocent people, as well as the excuse for Iraq and Afghanistan + its aftermath – where tens of thousands have been killed (estimates go from 90,000+ to over one million by the way.) Some people have suffered tremendously, losing loved ones, becoming maimed, having their way of life become a living terror, being orphaned and so much more – but it’s not just “the Christian nations” that have suffered. Thousands of Muslims all over the world continue to suffer at the hands of terrorists, but they also suffer through our ignorance and racism. Muslims are linked to this man and his ideals because they share the same religion, but that is all they share. Ask any Muslim and most will tell you he is not one of us. I asked a Muslim on Sunday how he felt about the news? He said, I feel great but Osama wasn’t one of us. He was something separate – he doesn’t represent me or my Islam. I didn’t ask him because I considered him linked to Osama because of his religion, I asked him because I wanted to know how a Muslim was responding to the news and the way it was being “celebrated.” He said he wasn’t comfortable with the celebrating and that it would potentially create even more problems. Well we all know that right? I really believe that now is a chance to take the moral high ground, because how this is handled now can improve things or make things worse – because one thing is for sure, nothing is going to change because Osama bin Laden is dead. If anything, I believe it will get worse, unless we wake up and really see the opportunity we have. Am I pleased Osama is dead? I don’t know if pleased is the right word. Does it make me sad that people like him exist in the world, hurting millions in their lifetime – absolutely, but then, it’s not about an individual, but about the world we live in creating opportunities for people like him to exist. That is the crux of the issue for me. How do people like him even exist? Well because people are doing bad things in his part of the world and eventually, when enough bad shit happens, people like him rise up and start fighting back. That’s the part of the story we seem oblivious to. While we’ve all been focused on this “War on Terror,” one question still hasn’t been answered and that is the why? Why do people like bin Laden do what they do? What motivates them? When September 11th hit, many of my American friends said “why do they hate us so much?” and I said: “ you really don’t know what your government and other European governments, along with your big corporations have been doing in that part of the world for 100’s of years? Really?” To this day, people are still not asking THAT question and most are unable to appreciate that there is ALWAYS another side to a story. The Christian World has plundered and disrespected the “Muslim” world for over 1,000 years and people in that region are pissed off. They’ve had enough and they have valid reasons for feeling this way. Let’s go back a couple of thousands years briefly (or not so briefly) and try and understand where it’s all coming from. These bullets are directly attributable to J.W. Smith, who wrote “The World’s Wasted Wealth II.” While I appreciate that this is long, if you even read three bullets, you’ll get a great sense of why we are going through all of this bullshit today! • “The Roman, Byzantine, Spanish, Portuguese, Dutch, French, English, and Ottoman empires all demanded tribute from their outlying provinces and continually consumed this wealth-and eventually wealth from the center-defending against encroachment by competing empires • The Romans extended their empire around the entire Mediterranean Sea and part of the Bible is the record of battles resisting subjugation in the peripheral province of Israel. After 300 years of persecution, during the 4th century A.D., Emperors Constantine and Theodosius made Christianity the state religion and “forbade the worship of ancient pagan gods” • Over the next 1,100 years, as the Roman Empire in the West was overwhelmed by barbarians, the people of Turkestan – who had a long history of conquest and defeat, back and forth, with China, Mongolia,

“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

A friend, who’s a bit of a spiritual, hippy, mother-earth type (hi Erica) pushed me towards a Website that delivers emails five days a week to help you become a better parent. Anyone who has been reading my blog knows that my boys do have a tendency to drive me NUTS, so I subscribed and it’s fantastic – it really can change my whole day. I’ve cut and pasted a few of the recent ones I liked, and if you like it, you can go to Enjoy Parenting and subscribe. I rarely get things in my inbox that I look forward to and this email has quickly become a favourite of my day. It’s short, easy to digest and well, it can change my mood for an entire day. So as the love was shared with me, it behoves me to pass it on. Hope you enjoy it. Hopefully I’ve done enough attributions to have not broken any copywrite laws… Excerpts from THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle “I’d Rather Feel Good!” “We’ve been conditioned by the agents of our culture — parents, teachers, the media, etc. — to believe that our success and happiness depend on being “right.” “Today, let’s question that… “When you argue with your child, you may be “right,” but do you feel happy? “When you criticize your partner, you may be “right,” but do you feel love? “When you berate yourself for making a mistake, you get to be “right” about your wrongness! Are we having fun yet??? “If you feel stress today — even mild tension – ask yourself if you’re trying to be “right” about something, and consider the potential relief of simply letting it go. “Just breathe… and tell yourself, “I’d rather feel good than be right!” Copyright (c) 2011 by Scott Noelle A good reminder huh? “Unadulterated Fun “When parents take their jobs too seriously, they cease to appreciate their children’s childlike innocence. They start to care more about being right than having fun. They think they’re being “adult,” but really they’re being “adulterated.” 🙂 “Childlike” is not the same as “childish,” which is when a child behaves like a caricature of an adulterated adult. Childlike adults seek unadulterated fun: responsible but light-hearted and playful. “Today, let your child’s commitment to fun inspire you to relax and be more childlike. And when you’re tempted to take parenting too seriously – to “adulterate” — just tell yourself, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” ;-)” Copyright (c) 2011 by Scott Noelle I think this is a favourite. I hate being too bloody serious all the time! “Boycott That Thought! “Conscientious parents often boycott companies whose products and practices undermine children’s well-being. Today, let’s play with the idea of boycotting *thoughts* that undermine your parenting vision. “The human mind is like a marketplace of thoughts, and *attention* is the currency with which you “buy into” a thought… or not. You boycott a thought by paying no attention to it — by focusing on a better, more empowering thought instead. “A conventional boycott is only effective if large numbers of consumers participate. But there’s only ONE consumer in your thought market: YOU. So when you boycott a thought, that thought’s “market share” goes to zero percent and it goes “out of business.” “When you feel bad about your parenting or your child, it means you’re buying into some negative thought or perspective. For example, a thought like “I suck as a parent” closes your heart and undermines your creativity, so… “BOYCOTT THAT THOUGHT! “…and give your attention to encouraging thoughts like “I don’t have to be perfect… My parenting is gradually improving… I’m finding my way.” Copyright (c) 2011 by Scott Noelle Good huh? Obviously I like it. But if it resonates with you, check it out. I’ve really found it can change my whole mood for a day, which means I’m calmer, more accepting, and more loving to my wee lads. It’s definitely made a difference, and pretty quickly to boot. Right, time to log off and start enjoying “The Wedding” build up. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Please help me because I’m not feeling very “in the know” these days! I’ve been having an ongoing disagreement with Steve about the meaning of LoL and I actually think he’s right. I don’t have an issue with him being right BTW (which means “by the way”) I’m just at the point where I’d really like to know so I can use it confidently, and it’d also be good to understand if anyone else is a little bewildered by all the online “speak” doing the rounds these days? So LoL – is it “Laugh out Loud” or “Lots of Love?” The problem is, in 95 percent of cases both work, but in the other five percent of cases, I have to admit that laugh out loud wins. So now I’m wondering if my beloved husband is right… Does anyone know? And are there any other sweet little acronyms that have gotten you confused? I do worry that future generations are not only going to write in this language, but speak in it as well! In the meantime, LoL… and I mean lots of love! Yours, WTBAndrea