Andrea Edwards

Jax wearing the shirt he selected at his birthday party last weekend The other day Steve was out with the boys and Jax (our four year old) saw some “blue fire Crocs” and said “Dad, I want them, Sparsh has them.” Steve said no mate, you don’t NEED any more Crocs and I’m not going to get them just because your friend Sparsh has them. Oh the hullabaloo – he carried on for a good 15 minutes before he passed out in the car – asleep I may add. Then the other day he saw something his mate Vinayak had (can’t remember what it was, but think it was shoes again) and demanded that he must have them because Vinayak does. So I said “darling just because your friends have things doesn’t mean you have to have the same things. Be an individual babe, that’s the best way to be.” But no, Vinayak has them and he wants them too. He hasn’t got them yet. He’s four and I have to say I am absolutely shocked that we are facing peer group pressure already. Maybe other parents’ face this much younger, especially those with girls, but I asked Steve last night – when exactly did this start? We agreed it’s a new thing and it’s really blown us away. We just weren’t expecting it, and I suppose it’s only a matter of time until iPads, iPhones and other expensive items feature on the “want” list because their friends have them… The thing is: we’ve never experienced this with Lex. He doesn’t seem to care too much about what other’s have. Don’t get me wrong – he knows exactly what HE wants – but he’s never expressed a desire after seeing another friend with it. Perhaps we just got lucky there? Both boys are incredibly strong-willed when it comes to knowing what they want and how they want to dress. As a recent example, I took Jax shopping for a party shirt the other day, as I like them to have new clothes for special occasions. I’m a mum, so naturally I had some ideas about what I wanted to get him, but Jax is his own man. He’s actually a pain in the arse to shop with, because he takes SO long to choose, and shopping for clothes is the most tedious thing I can do with him. Anyway, he picked out a blue and black check shirt. I hate blue and black checks. I said no mate, how about this red check? Or this green check – it’s very cool? NO I want this one mum. PLEASE look at this one – oooh it’s a blue and red check? Nope this one. In the end, I had to say OK mate, it’s your body, your choice. I am one of those parents’ determined to give my children their choice whenever possible and realistic, especially when it comes to clothing because I want them to care. However, I have to say it was definitely testing buying him something I hated. He looked good though and is very proud of himself every time he wears his new shirt, so c’est la vie I guess. One thing I know for sure, this mothering malarkey is never dull – I get new surprises every day. Anyone else have these experiences with their kids? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

And I reckon we’ve got some honouring to do. I was reading Mamamia’s post and they recognised a lot of the women who should be honoured, except the great Egyptian women are Hatshepsut and Nefertiti – then again, Nefertiti was a bit weird. She was, however, a key part in the early global movement towards a single God – whether that’s a good or a bad thing is another discussion – it’s a significant contribution none-the-less. Hatshepsut was amazing and the only Egyptian Queen (or Pharaoh) in her own right, she is also the only female with a tomb near (not in) the Valley of the Kings. Quite an achievement back in those days. Cleopatra should be third in my view… Somaly Mam is also honoured because she is amazing, but so should all of the amazing men and women who are working to stop the scourge of sexual slavery in our world. Please read Somaly’s book if you haven’t yet. It’s one of the most brutal but important biographies ever written. There are many great leaders, politicians, activists, actors, writers, poets, intellectuals, inventors, fashion designers, rock stars and more on the list, all of which I agree with (except Lisa Simpson?), but there are many missing (forgive any duplication)… Emmeline Pankhurst (an early Suffragette) and her girls, Catherine of Sienna, Eva Peron, Catherine the Great, Isabelle I of Spain, Mary Queen of Scotts, Elizabeth the First, Golda Meir, Mary Magdalene, Eleanor Roosevelt, Marie Curie, Maude Gonne McBride, Billie Holiday, Anais Nin, Diana Ross for breaking the rules, Suzie Q for rocking it, Joan Jett, Blondie, Gloria Steinman, Nina Simone, The GREAT Aretha Franklin, Janis Joplin, Yoko Ono, and the warrior Queen – Boadicea – although she’s only one of many Warrior Queens in history. We’ve got Tina Turner to honour, Madeline Albright and Condoleezza Rice. Helen Mirren, Fatimah bint Muhammad, Queen Vishpala, Queen Zenobia, Hua Mulan and Tomoe Gozen. If you think Asia women have been held back – here’s a sampling of leaders and deputies in this region: Bangladesh – Sheikh Hasina and Khaleda Zia, Philippines – Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and Corazon Aquino, Pakistan – Benazir Bhutto,  South Korea – Han Myeong-sook, Sri Lanka – Chandrika Bandaranaike Kumaratunga, Sirimavo Ratwatte Dias Bandaranaike, and Sirimavo Ratwatte Dias Bandaranaike (the first woman in the world to hold the office of Prime Minister), Indonesia – Megawati Sukarnoputri, India – Pratibha Patil and Indira Ghandi, Mongolia – Suhbaataryn Yanjmaa, and Tuvinian People’s Republic – Khertek Amyrbitovna Anchimaa-Toka. I could go on and on and on all day adding amazing women throughout history to my list, but why is it important to honour these women? Because they give us dreams. They show us anything is possible. It doesn’t even matter if you like them or agree with their politics, or views or opinions or even what they did or do – they are inspiring because they changed something. I’ve been inspired by many women, but I’ve also never believed that being female made me any less – why would I? I was lucky where I was born. I had opportunities many women in this world can never dream of. In my home country of Australia and in many modern nations around the world, this day is about the continuing fight for equality – pay, justice, rights. In most other parts of the world, it’s about their very survival and as a result, the future of our world. I wrote a blog about a book called “Half the Sky – How to Change the World,” by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn. This book sums up for me what it’s all about. If we make sure women have rights all over the world and access to what they need to flourish, then the world changes for the better for ALL of us. It’s that important, and that’s why I wanted to honour International Women’s Day – not for me, but for every single man, woman and child on this planet. It’s time for us all to come together in harmony at long last. That’s what I reckon anyway. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I’ve just finished reading “The Story of Beautiful Girl” by Rachel Simon, and wow, what an amazing book – I’m thrilled it’s achieved the New York Times Bestseller list, because these stories should be told. It’s about two characters locked up in asylums in the 60s, as well as a couple of characters also in their lives (one directly, one indirectly) and the story spans four decades. In fact, I don’t need to summarise it, because here’s the back cover pre-amble… “It is 1968. Lynnie, a young white woman with a developmental disability, and Homan, an African American deaf man, are locked away in an institution, the School for the Incurable and Feebleminded, and have been left to languish in the institution, forgotten. Deeply in love, they escape, and find refuge in the farmhouse of Martha, a retired schoolteacher and widow. But the couple is not alone-Lynnie has just given birth to a baby girl. When the authorities catch up to them that same night, Homan escapes into the darkness, and Lynnie is caught. Before she is forced back into the institution, she whispers two words to Martha: “Hide her.” And so begins the 40-year epic journey of Lynnie, Homan, Martha, and baby Julia-lives divided by seemingly insurmountable obstacles, yet drawn together by a secret pact and extraordinary love.” It really hit a nerve with me, because as a very young girl, I was lucky to be exposed to this community, as my brass and concert bands regularly played at homes for the intellectually and physically disabled, as well as at retirement homes. I remember doing a tour of May Day Hills (a paranormal tourist attraction now?) in Beechworthwhen it was still in operation, getting a firsthand view into how people had to live, and it was frightening and an eye opener for a youngster to see. I’ll never forget it. Now the institutions are closed down, and they manage this situation very differently, but there was a time disabled people were treated little better than animals – which is also discussed in the book. In some ways, it’s a reflection of how humanity has evolved, because we now care for the “imperfect” amongst us. My exposure to this community got much more intense in my early teens, as my Dad decided to take on a job as an instructor at the Murray Valley Centre in Wodonga. This is also where he met his wife Janet. Both of them did a fantastic job with their students, contributing so much to making their lives better. Dad often tells me how proud he is of me with what I’ve done in my life, but whenever I saw him or Janet working with their students, I would often feel ashamed of what I was doing. Spending most of my life in PR and marketing felt very soulless and insignificant next to the contributions they were making in their student’s lives. I eventually found my peace, as I contribute in other ways right? Regardless, I am in awe of people who work in this field. A strong memory for me, as a young teenager (and my best mate Dunny should remember this as I used to drag her along) is attending the monthly Murray Valley Centre fundraising discos. I remember being terrified of the HUGE men chasing me around, begging my Dad for permission to marry me – and of course, Dad always said yes. There was this one guy Phil, at well over six foot tall and with bi-focal glasses, who scared the shit out of me. I’d run so fast, and he always ran after me with a big smile on his face. One day Dad said turn around and run after him! So I did and he ran away from me – hooray. Phil also used to get a bit of attention around town, wolf whistling at school girls from the bus Dad drove. One day, Dad pulled the bus over and asked the girls to go and speak to Phil. When they came up to the window, Phil was nowhere to be soon. He was just a big pussy cat, who happened to like girls. Once I understood I could control the situations, I was able to see that the attention was always from a good place, and any time I visited Dad at the school, I was surrounded by beautiful people who just wanted to hold my hand, ask me to marry them or tell me how pretty I was. It was very sweet, and I always believe I got a great gift having this community in my life. They are the only people I’ve ever met who are completely in-synch with their hearts and emotions. They don’t have the ability to hide their feelings or to lie, and for me that makes them remarkable. We could all learn a lot from them. So this book was powerful for me, because I had the opportunity to know these people. The writer, Rachel Simon, lived it on a much deeper level, as she grew up with an intellectually disabled sister. However, while she wasn’t exposed to the asylums – because her parents wanted to keep her sister at home – she has the experience to talk about this time in such a sensitive way, but with a depth of understanding that really shows what this time was like. I am just thankful it is no more. An amazing book and a brave story, which I believe is written for everyone, but especially if you’d like to understand a little more about a group of people in our society who didn’t have a voice for so long. It’s a really beautiful story and I promise you’ll get choked up just a little bit… or maybe a lot. It’s not brutal or sadistic though, so it’s not hard to read – I promise. While the lives of the disabled are not perfect by any stretch of the immagination, it’s a hell of

I obviously cropped this from the American Idol Website – sites really need to host free photo downloads for bloggers Put your hand up if you’re watching it? If you know me, you won’t be surprised that I am over-the-moon to have the distraction of American Idol back in my life, and I must say, this year is looking sensational – especially the boys. I can only presume the credibility of the show has increased significantly over its 11 year history, because it’s now attracting really cracking talent consistently. Or maybe people like the fact the judges are nicer? Either way, it’s great for us viewers. American Idol is a show that’s full of heart and about people chasing their dreams. Watching anyone chase a dream makes me happy. Every year I’ve done predictions for American Idol… well alright, I’ve done these predictions in the privacy of my own home until last year, as this blog hasn’t been around forever – but I am pleased to jam my flag in the ground with my second year of predictions J. With that said, my predictions are like a curse on contestants, as they never ever come true, which usually causes a lot of heart ache at home. Then again, I put my lack of success down to a simple fact – I am not in tune with the Tween demographic. Hey, what can I say? I’m an old bag now.   Today, a lot of contestants get cut and I won’t see the show until 8pm tonight Singapore time, so please don’t tell me the results!! I know it’s already happened, but not for me yet. Without further ado, here are my predictions – starting with the boys. I have to say, they are phenomenal this year. There is so much talent, but the absolute stand outs for me are Joshua Ledet (a singing sensation), Aaron Marcellus (very cool), Colton Dixon (he’s the rocker this year, but there’s more to him), Creighton Fraker (although might be a bit too weird for America?) and Reed Grimm – how quirky, and lovely, and talented is he? But Philip Phillips is one of my absolute favourites – check out his leg and facial expressions when he sings! I also love Hee Jun Han and while he didn’t do an amazing job this week, what a bloody funny man! If you haven’t noticed how amusing he is, just watch him, he’s a hoot. Jeremy Rosado is all heart and he has a beautiful voice, but will he make it? I hope so. Not enough room for all of my favourites though… Jermaine Jones, the big baritone voiced mamma’s boy, was brought back onto the show this week, and while I was really happy for him, he’s just not in my top choices. Adam Brock is a definite sweetheart and he did a terrific ‘white chocolate’ version of the Great Aretha, but I just don’t think he’s as good as the other guys – not this year. However, there’s a good chance he will go far by winning the white American professional vote – you just never know? Chase Likens, what can I say? I’m just not a huge country fan and he wasn’t amazing for me this week. The Tween votes will definitely be with Deandre Brackensick and Eben Franckewitz. Eben shouldn’t make it, but his Bieber look is certainly going to make young hearts flutter, and Deandre is a very interesting little dude indeed – like a male Sade. I think I want him to stay, and I do agree with the judges he’s incredibly unique, although just not my style. Steve thinks he’s a Terence Trent D’arby try-hard… With that said, I think he will definitely stay in the competition. Order of preference Joshua Ledet, Philip Phillips and Reed Grimm Aaron Marcellus, Colton Dixon, Creighton Fraker and Deandre Brackensic  Jeremy Rosado Hee Jun Han and Adam Brock Chase Likens, Jermaine Jones and Eben Franckewitz The girls weren’t looking as promising as the boys early ion n the competition, but there were some amazing performances last night, as well as some pretty shabby ones. My top girls are sexy voiced Elsie Testone (I hope she does some Bonnie Tyler this year), Erika Van Pelt (awesome rock chick voice), Hollie Cavanagh (did you hear her this week – crikey!), Jessica Sanchez (the tiniest performer of them all but what a voice), and my absolute favourite girl – Jen Hirsh, a beautiful, sexy, bluesy voice. However, a HUGE standout for me with the girls is Skylar Laine. Now as I said, I’m not a huge country music fan, but Skylar was an absolute sensation this week. She’s also a great kid, adoringly naive, and obviously as sweet as hell, so I definitely think she deserves a place in the top 10. She’s an exciting performer and I am excited to see her again. Shanon Magrane will probably make it and she has an AMAZING voice for a 16 year old, but she’s just not in my favourites section and I think she’ll get boring. Brielle Von Hugel is an interesting bird, and I wonder if her perkiness will go against her more than anything else? She has a good chance of making it, but she is annoying – as is her Mother! Hallie Day is also a great talent, but she’ll be voted out because she doesn’t smile enough (no matter what Simon used to say, it IS a popularity contest too) and I have to say, there’s definitely something deep and mysterious about this girl. My bottom girls are Bailey Brown (a very beautiful girl, but she just didn’t cut it), another country-girl Chelsea Sea Sorrell (I just found her performance incredibly boring), and unfortunately Haley Johnsen, who I think is awesome but she didn’t succeed with Annie Lennox’s “Sweet Dreams.” Order of preference Jen Hirsh, Skylar Laine and Elsie Testone Erika Van Pelt and Hollie Cavanagh Jessica Sanchez Shanon Magrane, Brielle Von Hugel

I was chatting with one of the school mum’s at a birthday party yesterday. She’s from China and incredibly sweet. I told her I backpacked solo around China in 1995, and while one of my most rewarding trips; it was also incredibly difficult back then – especially when you got off the beaten track. A different place now right? She said I must go back and I have, but it was on business, so that’s a whole new world of travel. Hey five star luxury has its merits right? Then I asked her something – have they started to address the issue of putting walls and doors up in public toilets to give the user some privacy? She thought I was hilarious and so I told her a story. One thing is definite, my personal toilet stories from around the globe could fill a book, but there is one story in China I will never EVER forget. It was the day in 1995 I visited Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City. While wandering around the Square – trying to capture an essence of what had happened only a few years before – that feeling came over me, the feeling of you need to go to the toilet and you need to go NOW. Hey, I was travelling, and sometimes you eat the most curious things, and those curious things often need to get out fast…. need I say more? So I ran – and I have done this desperate dash many times in many countries, and I can tell you one thing, it is not a pleasant experience. Thankfully there were toilets on the edge of the Square and after scrambling in my bag to pay the small fee and probably paying more because I couldn’t be arsed looking for change, I was in. But then about 20 women followed me in and here I was desperate, with an audience, yet resigned to the fact nothing could get in the way of my need. The problem was the “toilet” was a long channel with no walls or doors. We were required to squat over said channel, in full view of each other, and the 20 women who followed me in were not there for their own personal ablutions – they were there to check out the funny white girl. I squatted, closed my eyes, resigned to the fact that even in this most intimate of acts I was a curiosity, and could hear the girls giggling as I did my business. I opened my eyes and ahead of me five girls were squatting and smiling at me, a couple bending down to get a better “look,” and behind more were doing the same – not a nice view. The rest were just standing there looking at me with big smiles on their faces. Before I travelled, the prudish me could never have imagined being in a situation like this, but since then I’ve learnt to live and let live – because in hindsight they are always hilarious situations and let’s face it, good conversation fodder for a night in the pub. In those days in China, the majority of people never left the country, and someone like me was just too different to be ignored. However, their curiosity was always gentle, and most of the time it was very welcome. I just would have preferred some privacy on the bog. Any worthy toilet stories to share? I could go on all day! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

This is me at almost 18. Frocked up for my High School graduationI thought I was fat and hideous – a waste of energy Punch myself in the face or shake my hand? That is the question “Dr. Harry” of BBC’s “Silent Witness” asked “Dr. Nicky,” and I thought it was a terrific question. If I met my 19 year old self, I’d just want to give her a very very big hug and say everything is going to be OK and your life will be amazing. I’d say I know you’re feeling angry and confused, I know you’re finding it hard to work out where you fit in the world since your family unit self-destructed, and I know you’re really struggling with self acceptance, but I can promise you one thing – it’s all going to be AMAZING, but you’ve got a few more confusing years ahead of you before you work that out. Then I’d grab both of her shoulders, look her squarely in the eyes and say: But I’m not going to tell you anything else specific about your future, because it is the decisions you make today, the people you meet today, and the experiences you have today that are going to lead you on a wild and wonderful adventure, where you live in multiple countries, visit the world’s most amazing cities, and your feet will walk the Wonders of the World. She’ll like that. Then I’d say it’s all good, and besides, if I gave you any advice, you’d tell me to piss off anyway, because you’re a stubborn bloody bitch who takes your own counsel very seriously – and for good reason. While many in your life will tell you this is not a good quality, and some will even resent you for it, it will always serve you well. But do pay attention to the teachers along the way – they come in many forms those life teachers. The only way your strength and self belief is detrimental is that people don’t always see when you need a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes you will find this extremely challenging to deal with, because all you’ll want is for your friends to “see” you, but you don’t know how to ask for help, so be gentle on those who don’t see it. They really don’t grasp your anguish because you are very good at hiding it – your future husband will get it, don’t you worry. But if you want help, learn how to ask for it – there’s no weakness in that and your friends will appreciate it more than you know. Then I’d tell her that she has some pretty strong opinions on things right now, but life will provide her with a lot of experiences, and many of the ideas she is fixed on now will change significantly. If I told her what some of the opinions she’d change were, she would say NEVER, but I know it to be true. I’d tell her to learn how to live in the moment and get to work on quieting her mind now – something she will never find easy to do – suggesting maybe she looks into meditation at this time in her life, rather than much much later. I’d tell her to let go of any bullshit in her life quickly, and when people take too much from her, to let them go too. But at the same time to never resist accepting the diversity of people in her life, because that is where she will find the most joy. When she gets to her 40s, she will feel extremely blessed by the vast community of very different and wonderful people who have touched her life and remain in it – mostly from afar – to this day. This will be her greatest sense of achievement – the relationships she’s built with people and the deep understanding of life she has gained from this. Right now I’ll tell her it’s her openness to people and experiences that will be her greatest gift to herself. So always be open, put yourself out there (even when it’s scary to do so) and always expect the unexpected. I’d tell her she would have some very lonely times ahead, and while she is in the middle of these times – sometimes close to despair – that she shouldn’t worry. Everything comes good in the end. I’d tell her these times – especially when she is travelling alone for months at a time to far flung places in the Middle East, Europe, Asia and the Americas – are the best investment she can ever make in her own personal growth, even if it’s not particularly pleasant at the time. It is these experiences more than any other, where she will face herself, question everything she’s ever heard or known, and expose herself to deep introspection, and as a result, she will grow the most. She’ll learn that judgement of others is never welcome because none of us can ever know anyone else’s story, and she’ll shake off a lot of the bullshit that will no longer serve her or be relevant to who she is. She’ll enjoy this chat. It will give her a lot of hope. It will help her to keep her convictions even when others are trying to bring her down, and it will make her excited – because right now, all she wants to do is get out and travel this big wide world. The only specific event I’d talk about is this: just before Christmas 1994, when she visits her lifelong friend Emma, and her baby girl Ruby, I’d tell her to make sure she gives Emma a very very big hug when she says goodbye. I won’t tell her that this is the last time she’ll see Emma – as she dies in a motorcycle accident a few days later – because it will be a grief too big

I’ve just returned from taking Lex to yet another specialist appointment – this time a paediatric specialist, who I was told is “the Miracle Man” – someone who could really help us understand what we are dealing with. As far as Miracle People are concerned, I have noticed a lack of specialists who seem to have any idea about the challenges parents face when dealing with a speech delayed child – but that’s another story. After a discussion and examination, he said Lex was neurologically fine, physically strong, and that intensive speech, OT and behavioural therapy are the most important things we can do right now – which is what we are doing. He said the main need is to focus on his speech, and with OT and behavioural therapy we can help him manage his emotions – in particular his frustration when he is not understood or struggling to achieve milestones. So that’s all good and what I’ve known all along. However, I went there today hoping he could help us understand why Lex’s behaviour can change so dramatically for a day, a week or a month. This dramatic change in behaviour (while challenging to deal with and the cause of a lot of problems, especially in the school environment) seems to precede a growth spurt or language development spurt I’ve noticed. The doctor agreed, saying he’s trying to integrate new learnings and abilities, but this can cause a lot of frustration and challenges for a child. The conclusion? Lex needs time and intensive therapy, after which the doctor said he’ll probably catch up in 6-12 months. We see him making amazing progress every day, so we know he’s going to be fine – albeit a pain in our arse at times. At the end of the appointment, he said: “your son is obviously intelligent, curious and maybe a little more active than “normal,” but keep doing what you’re doing, because I expect he will be fine.” Thank you doctor. For once I met a really nice guy who didn’t seem to feel the need to put a label on my son, and who actually listened to what I had to say. However I’ve come back feeling annoyed because I knew this all along and my time is precious. But I also feel vindicated because at least a specialist has supported what I’ve always believed to be the case. Finally I feel frustrated, because I know my son – I deeply know and understand him – but schools and other institutions will only take the advice of a specialist, who may spend a total of 30 minutes with them, providing a prognosis that may or may not be correct, and that is more valid than five years of day-to-day exposure to a child? I appreciate that some parents wear rose coloured glasses where their children are concerned. I’m not one of them. I want him to be OK desperately, but I also want to know what is going on so I can help him in the best possible way, so maybe, just maybe, the parents’ point of view is valid in these scenarios too? There’s a crazy thought huh? As I’ve said before, ALL I can do is believe in Lex and do everything it takes to help him catch up and move a little bit closer to “normal” by societies standards, because then I hope his life can be a little bit smoother. However let me be clear – I definitely don’t want Lex to be “normal” because why would I? I want him to be, in fact I encourage him to be, exceptional, in whatever way his heart desires. But fitting in a little bit sure does make life easier. And so what do we do now? We continue loving, supporting and believing in our son, while also feeling grateful that we can actually afford the therapy he needs right now. My heart goes out to parents dealing with a similar situation without the means to support their children’s additional needs financially. That makes me/us some of the lucky ones. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

The last few weeks have been pretty shabby, for a lot of reasons, so when I’m feeling low I read and there are a couple of authors I like, because they help me to refocus and get back into the optimistic mindset I always prefer to have out of choice. Sometimes it’s not easy to achieve, sometimes it feels impossible, but I’m pretty determined to always try and get there.  I just think it’s a much nicer place to be. Anyways, one of the authors I enjoy reading is Neale Donald Walsch. He’s written a lot of stuff that has turned my thinking upside down, and he’s made me reconsider the God equation – but in a completely different way to what I was raised with. Don’t worry, I’m not getting back into religion – I’m just constantly pondering what the Universe is all about, never expecting to know, but interested to uncover what I can anyway. And Walsch is one of the few authors in this field who challenges my thinking and puts a spin on God I’ve never considered before. Famous for “Conversations with God,” he has also written a lot of other stuff, and to help shift my thinking this last week I read “When God Steps in, Miracles Happen” – a book I enjoyed a couple of months ago – and there was a passage that really caught my attention this time. “Do we really have all the answers about God? Do we really know who God is, and what God wants, and how God wants it? And are we really sure enough about all of this to kill people who do not agree with us? (And then to say that God has condemned them to everlasting damnation?) “Is it possible, just possible, that there is something we don’t know about all this, the knowing of which could change everything?” I just thought this was a really eloquent way of putting this question to all of us, because one thing I absolutely know for sure – and I don’t know much for sure – is that we sure don’t seem to know too much in the big BIG scheme of things. And with that, I am awaiting a miracle – hurry up and happen already! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

My third lesson of parenthood is DEFINITELY get yourself a great community around you – because I believe children flourish when raised in a community. I have learnt this lesson the hard way, often completely isolating myself from anything even remotely resembling a community. When Lex first came along, I spent the first six months almost totally alone. At that time, I had two groups of friends. Those without kids, not even close to contemplating my new world, and those well into parenthood with teens, happily moving on from what I was going through every day. Most of my friends were also working fulltime and as life has a way of getting very very full, I was left alone for much of the time. On top of that, with Steve off travelling for business a lot, this alone time was sometimes 24 hours a day, seven days a week – not good for my sanity that’s for sure. In many ways it was my choice. I didn’t want to join mother’s groups, because the idea just didn’t jive with me. Almost certainly a mistake, but there you go. I was also in Singapore, which meant no family network to provide support. As well as this, I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to achieve stuff other than motherhood, so running around having coffees was definitely not in the game plan as it took away potential work time, and lack of achievement meant frustration for me – yeah I was doing a lot of resisting. But probably the most significant reason is I just didn’t want to breast feed in public, so it was easier to stay at home. Since then, we’ve built great communities, and then moved countries, and then moved countries or cities again, all the time having to start from scratch on the community building front. Most of the home responsibility remained with me as well, because Steve has to travel with the sort of work he does – although he has been home this last year, which has been lovely. I have definitely found that the 24 hour a day, seven day a week responsibility for children, without any sort of break – even a decent uninterrupted nights’ sleep – is not healthy for me. So that’s why we decided to come back to Singapore. Here we have an extensive community of people now in the same boat with young families, we have really great friends we can rely on, and we have home help, which frees us up to spend time with our lads, each other, but also to work – something I need. I had already learnt this community lesson though – it just didn’t pan out. You see, about 10 years ago, a great friend (Kirsti) found out she was pregnant and going to be a single Mum. At the time she was living in Melbourne and decided to move to Sydney to start her new life. I asked her why she made this decision at this time in her life, and she said the best community to support her was in Sydney. Most women would never make such a huge decision if they found out they were up the duff and doing it alone, but Kirsti was absolutely right. She does have an amazing community around her in Sydney, everyone loves and supports her and Indi, her beautiful daughter. I know that the life they have built, focused on having a great community around them, has made the single parenthood journey that much easier for my dear friend. She’s a brave woman and I admire her tremendously. As I said, I did take this lesson on board when Kirsti told me long before I had kids, but somewhere along the way, life had a way of sorting itself out and moving me/us around so that community was the last thing we could have, but now it’s time to refocus and make sure it’s what we have – because we all need it. Great community is what being human is all about right? Living in Asia, I regularly feel very envious of the family support my friends’ enjoy. I mean Mums and Dads can go on holidays together? Or they can have a night off kids whenever they want – what a dream! Steve and I have had one night off together in the last five+ years, so we are definitely green with envy when friends’ tell us about their freedom in parenthood. Lucky bastards! With that said, I know it comes with obligations and it’s not always easy having the extended family involved in your lives – so a case of grass is always greener right? I’m not feeling sorry for myself here (well maybe a little), but I have learnt this lesson the hard way – for lots and lots of different reasons – but community, if you’re going to be a parent, get yourself some, in whatever form it takes! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

My little pudding is four today, and apparently this is the age where things start getting easier? I must admit that I have seen absolutely no evidence of this supposed transition to date, as he is a rambunctious, argumentative know-it-all, but my, oh my, how I LOVE my little man. If I was asked for one word to describe Jax, it would be charming. Jax can charm the socks off the most hardened sceptic, because he has this incredible talent for reaching people and melting their hearts. One of the things I love about him is his ability to relate to men or women. He can hold his own at a ladies tea party, not taking any crap from the bossy girls, or h can be the center of the action in a boy’s wrestling match – usually coming out on top… except with Lex, but that will change. Jax is already a beef cake, and with his mega-rugby thighs in place since birth, he is bound to be one hell of a hunky man, currently estimated to reach about six foot three-four – you know, based on that measurement you do at two and a half? He came in at 93cm. When the lads were little, they got a t-shirt saying “Lock up Your Daughters” and I can say without doubt that when Jax reaches his sexual prime, this might be sage advice for our friends’ with daughters to follow, because he is also incredibly sultry. I mean, how does a little lad already have the “look?” Seriously, he can pulse his eye-balls? I know he’s going to get laid A LOT. Jax has a terrific sense of humour, and has spent hours mastering his funny faces and practising his pick-up lines – all encouraged by his Dad. He is eloquent and determined, yet sensitive. He is Mr. Popular, but takes care of those in need. He is fiercely loyal and you better watch out if you have a go at anyone he’s thrown his towel in with, especially his brother. Jax is quick to learn and doesn’t miss a trick – especially Mummy and Daddy’s swear words… (Hey you try driving in Singapore without swearing!) I can definitely say that Jax is his own man, and that is a great thing to be when you are the second child. He never backs down in a fight, always stands his ground, and while that doesn’t make home life easy when DVD decisions are being made, it is definitely a quality I admire.  Yeah, I definitely admire Jax, I admire both of my little boys. I think they’ve both got amazing qualities that are going to help them succeed in whatever it is they want to do in life, and that’s a wonderful thing to see in your sons. While Lex is a mini-me, Jax is a mini-Steve and I just want to say Happy Happy Birthday to an amazing son. I hope I do great by you as a Mum, providing the right guidance to help you become the magnificent man I know you are destined to be. I think you’re wonderful and I enjoy sharing this life journey with you immensely. You deserve the world my love.   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea