Andrea Edwards

My boys It should come as no surprise to my faithful readers that this motherhood malarkey has not been exactly smooth sailing for moi. Many has been the moment, when the boys are doing my head in, that I find myself metaphorically screaming to the world: “WHEN, EXACTLY, does this mothering job actually become fun?” I never did get an answer. However, I can tell you one thing. When people have seen my expression and decided to say: “oh it goes so fast, try and enjoy it” – what? Why? IDIOT! These people really had no idea how close they were to the end of their lives. It hasn’t gone fast, not gone fast at all. So in future, can I suggest one thing to people inclined to say “it goes so fast” to a parent on the edge? How about giving this a go: “I am totally with you sister (or brother), it’s completely shithouse isn’t it? And guess what, it never gets better!” That, at least, would stand a chance of getting a smile out of me in my moment of anguish. Rarely has a fellow parent reached out to me like that. In fact, I don’t think they ever have. I’ve done it though, because I know how much it’s needed sometimes. I suppose we still live in a world where Mum’s just don’t admit to this stuff… but for me, that’s not healthy. Parenting has been the hardest, most frustrating, most grueling, most exhausting, most overwhelming experience I’ve ever had. So sister, if you find yourself screaming to the universe when your kids are doing your nut in, know I am with you and will never be stupid enough to say “it goes so fast” – I promise. I’ve loved my little guys with an intense passion since the day they were born. I’ve also done everything I could to give them a life of love, safety and happiness. But it just hasn’t been a lot of fun much of the time. It’s been a day-in-day-out grind, and that is not what I was expecting motherhood to be. Then again, I had no expectations of motherhood at all, because how can you know this stuff in advance? Obviously having a child that couldn’t speak or understand me for much of that time didn’t help; but even then, one of them could speak and understand, so it’s not all that. My gorgeous family However in recent months, both of my boys are blossoming into independent, chatty, funny little guys. They’ve chilled out spectacularly (except when they go through growth spurts and boy they get emotional don’t they?) and spending time with them is becoming much more of a pleasure for everyone. It’s less random, less chaotic. There are even periods when they sit still and chill out. It’s awesome. I also love the conversations we have. I love their observations of the world. I love watching them grow into really caring, loving young men, with impeccable manners to boot. And we never insisted on the manners thing. I didn’t want to be one of those parents whispering in their ear telling them to say thank you all the time. Sure I do it sometimes, but mostly, they say thank you because they want to. Or they hold doors open for ladies because their Dad has told them “ladies first.” I’m brewing up two lovely gentlemen it seems – sweet. That’ll get ‘em the ladies when they grow up a bit. But they’re cooler now and that means we’re cooler, but it all means that Steve and I are finally enjoying being parents. We like enjoying it. It’s all we’ve ever wanted really. Bloody kids. I have no idea why we had them, I’d never send them back, and while it’s been one hell of a bumpy journey so far, it’s so worth it! My little dudes are chilling out and that is AWESOME. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea 

Permit me to have a little rant please. So Gwyneth and Chris have taken a rather unusual approach in their public announcement of the “separation of their union.” Calling it conscious uncoupling, one would think they’ve just destroyed half the world and infected the rest of the children with some bloody hideous disease. SHIT people! I mean the fact they even have to make some sort of announcement is bloody ridiculous, but of course, the world demands stars owe us explanations, and they gave us one – one I actually thought was rather sweet and charming, but I obviously don’t have too much company thinking that. However there’s a couple of things that piss me off about the media frenzy. See below the announcement attributed to both Gwyneth AND Chris. Not just Gwyneth, both of them – see Chris’ name? – so why the hell does the world go balls out after the woman? Seriously, that’s the sort of shit that completely does my head in. When people decide to go their separate ways, there are two people involved, but anyone would think it’s just Gwyneth looking at the way the media have grabbed onto this little baby. I won’t even go into the rumor mill spewing out bollocks today…. Secondly, and this is what really pissed me off – I read this article in Slate today, written by a woman – and fuck me Jessica, but sorry, do you really think a comment by an old school mate i.e. “Even people who don’t know Gwyneth measure themselves against her success. … Gwyneth makes us feel extremely lame” is worth sharing? Old school pals are SUCH good references for the stars after all. But what the hell has Gwyneth done other than be completely gorgeous, talented, and well, just salt of the earth material? Seriously, she doesn’t deserve this shit. She’s hurting no one out there. All up, she seems like a pretty nice person. I don’t get it! Yeah she’s a Hollywood superstar, but why the hell do we need to tear her down and rip her apart? Has she really done anything to deserve that, other than be female and succeed? Anyway, I think this couple has done something pretty wonderful today. They’ve said we still love each other but have agreed it’s time to move on. I did that with a long term partner once. It still remains unusual to this day. Hatred is so much better isn’t it? That’s where Gwyneth AND Chris got it wrong! A lesbian fling Gwyneth – that would have been better – hello! Or one of you a heroin addict blowing all your money? Maybe domestic violence? Or even a religious nutter that one of you had to run away from? We seem to be able to accept that stuff, ‘cos then we have someone to feel sorry for. Maybe, just maybe, your message to the world today won’t be a bad thing in the long term. Moving on – with love continuing – is not a bad thing to do. We don’t need to get to the point where we rip each other apart do we? So I say good on you. Nice work. You did something today that was nothing short of classy. But Gwyneth, seriously, you must wonder what you have to do to get “it right.” Then again, you’ve been around long enough to know you never will. Sorry about that. I can only wish you and your family the very best. This divorce stuff ain’t easy for anyone. Anyway my rant is over, but beware ONLY mentioning Gwyneth in my vicinity, because I might just bitch slap you! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Lex got lots of love from his Pop and Nan I recently returned from a really beautiful five days in Australia with my little love, Lex. It’s the first time we’ve split the family in two, but I knew it was important for all of us to have some time apart, so we could remember to appreciate each other when we got back together. The boys missed each other painfully, but I was thrilled to share my Dad’s 70th with my lovely son, although we both missed Jax and Steve. I have to send a special shout out to Dad, Janet, Anna, Brett, Hamish, Angus and Jen – thank you all for giving my little dude so much love, and by default, helping build his confidence. That’s what it’s all about with Lex and I appreciate it more than you could ever know. Big kisses and hugs to all of you. Anyways, I get off the plane Tuesday night and decide to check my emails – stupid idea. The first email I read was from the school we’ve been hoping to get Lex into and they said he didn’t match their “profile.” What the fuck does that mean? Well we’ve had some back and forth and from what I can tell, it doesn’t mean bloody anything. The Awesome Elliot Clan! But we’re stumped, because the reality is, we feel like we’re out of options. This was a school – designed exactly for someone like Lex – and it would have given us a good staging ground to move him up into the same school as Jax within a year or two. Alas it’s not to be, and while initially I said to Steve: “don’t worry about it love. Let’s detach from the outcome and wait and see what happens. We know he’s fine, but perhaps there’s a better option around the corner, but we just can’t see it yet?” Then it started sinking in and last night I tossed and turned and tossed and turned, stewing, stewing, stewing, because the reality is, there is no other place I can see for Lex right now. The mainstream or “normal” international education system seems to have an exclusionary policy when it comes to any child with any challenge what-so-ever. The special needs system is perfect for kids with long-term special needs, but for kids who have challenges in-the-meantime, I just don’t believe it’s the right environment – wait let me clarify – I don’t believe it’s the right environment for Lex. I can’t speak for other parents. Long ago I came to a conclusion that children today seemed to be defined into two buckets – “normal” kids and “special” kids. But you know what, in the middle of those two categories are a whole host of other bloody kids that fit neither left nor right, up nor down, but they’re still awesome and just need the education system to give them a bloody break and make space for them to grow in a way that suits THEM. I mean, we’re even willing to pay for that. Many simply cannot or it’s just not available to them. Aunty Jen instructing in Marshmallow Roasting Techniques I can’t tell you how much it concerns me where the world is going in regards to how we’re assessing children today. I know that sometimes it’s completely relevant to assess a child to ensure you are able to provide the support they need. But when you have a child where an assessment is not label-able it is very challenging. Oh and if you’re wondering, Lex has been assessed multiple times and has no definable issue other than needing time to catch up – just in case you were wondering. The one thing that does help me – and also helps me detach from the outcome – is a supreme confidence that when Lex is all grown up into a hunky man, he will be the best at whatever it is he chooses to do – because Lex has magic in him. The challenge is we just can’t seem to get anyone in the education system to see it, because he’s not ticking all of the “normal” boxes, and yet, neither is he ticking the “special” boxes. He’s in undefined territory – SHITE how do you deal with that? Well you don’t, you just reject them. A pre-flight boarding selfie So we sit and contemplate, with no idea what to do next. Steve and I know we have to continue on our prolonged journey of heartbreak (it’s really hard when your child is rejected let me tell you) and the only thing that keeps us going is a supreme belief that our little man is awesome now and he’s going to be crack-a-lacking as a man. It’s just very hard to stay detached from the outcome right now… Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Steve arrived home Sunday morning after nearly two weeks away in the US. It’s a tough trip for all of us when he’s away that long (especially the US) because he’s asleep when the boys are up – apart from the morning chaos when we’re all scrambling to get out the door – but equally, Steve is always flat-out, in meetings, entertaining customers and partners, etc… While he’s doing that I’m also juggling the boys, work, meetings, AND keeping my love informed throughout the day so he feels connected to home. It’s bloody intense. However, more than anything, when Steve is away for a long time our little guys really miss him – and it’s getting more intense. As such, I always do everything I can to be there for them to ensure their emotional needs are being met. I don’t go out, don’t make any plans, don’t do anything really – as my number one goal during this time is to give them a ton of cuddles to make them feel valued and loved, and to do things that make them feel happy. Steve is the same when I’m away. It’s just really important to us to do that and make them feel super special, whether they’re with one or both parents. However, when Steve gets home (always exhausted), it’s like my whole body collapses because I can finally relax and share the emotional load again. I carry the tension differently every time, and this time I carried it in my jaw. When Sunday came around, I was finally able to let the clenching go – which was handy, because it was getting rather painful. The only comparison that makes any sense is when you go on holidays. After a few days you finally relax and BAM, you’re sick as a dog for the rest of your vacation. It’s the same when Steve gets home – I can relax and with that, everything I’ve been carrying within kicks me in the arse and knocks me on my back. I don’t often get sick, but one thing I do feel is a whole bunch of muscles unravelling, which usually requires a visit to the osteo to get everything back in order. I can feel my back and neck muscles all mushed up right now – it’s pleasant. This parenting malarkey definitely wears me out, but I really couldn’t be without my little dudes. They seem to take so much from us, but the magic in our life is more profound since their entry into our world. I know I don’t mind what it takes out of me, because I just believe that what I’m doing right now is too important for their futures – and that’s what parenting is all about right? More than all of that, I’m just really pleased to have my man home – I really missed him this trip. Equally, I am reminded again of how much I admire (and take my hat off to) single parents every day. When I go through periods where I am one, I seriously want to get down and kiss their feet – remarkable and tough stuff single parenting. I’m glad I get to share that ride – most of the time at least. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

A little while ago, I wrote a blog about synthetic oestrogen and hormones in beauty products. I was specifically concerned about the impact on my state of mind due to the daily slathering of my entire body with these concoctions. It’s hard to find conclusive evidence about impact, but I decided to take no chances and went on the hunt for natural alternatives. As anyone who has done this knows, it’s enormously challenging, because you need a bloody PHD in Physics to understand all of the code names for chemicals on bottles. Additionally, you need to remember your glasses so you can actually read those labels grrrrrr. So I looked and read and pondered and tried stuff and looked and read and pondered, and the only conclusion I could come to was Coconut Oil. When I first started using it, it was a bit weird. I smelt like a Pina Colada first thing in the morning – a little weird! Initially I only used it on my feet, but then decided to use it everywhere, and I reckon it’s a very good alternative to the chemical infused products I was entertaining before. It frustrates me that we just don’t know what this stuff is doing, and the beauty industry takes no responsibility. Coconut oil certainly reads like a miracle oil when you look into it. It’s great for your hair and skin, helps maintain cholesterol levels, and it helps with weight loss. It’s great for immunity, digestion, metabolism, and some claim it supports all sorts of other serious stuff, including kidney and liver problems, heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and cancer. It’s good for stress and bone strength, and many even suggest it’s reversing Alzheimer’s symptoms. Why? Because it contains lauric, capric and caprylic acid. I don’t know about all of that, I just use it on my skin, as well as in a little bit of cooking, but potentially it’s worth more research so I can maximize its benefits. Thankfully, there’s 1,000s of resources on coconut oil, with a few links here, here, here, here, and here. With that said, not everyone supports it and some disagree with the claims made. You can check some alternative views hereand here to make your own mind up. Another thing that worries me about coconut oil is environmental impact, as well as the impact on local communities where it is abundant. For example, while we’re all enjoying the benefits of Quinoa, the Andeans who have been growing it for more than 7,000 years are not able to afford the staple and it’s having a significant impact in this region. Regarding coconut oil, I found this discussion and this article on sustainability. We all need to make decisions about where we source our products and accept responsibility for the impact right? So far, coconut oil doesn’t look hideous from that point of view. Another thing I recently did was start using Magnesium Oil. I read about it here when someone shared it on Facebook and thought, good for sleep and stress – let me give that baby a go. I took ages hunting around Singapore for magnesium flakes and do you think I could find it? THEN I discovered a big bag of magnesium flakes, sitting by my bathtub, unused for years DOH! I still have no idea where to buy it in Singapore. This linkhas the recipe for making your own and it’s really simple. You boil it with distilled water, dissolve the flakes, cool it down, put it in a spray bottle, and every morning after your shower (and before your coconut oil) give yourself a spray all over and you’re done. Don’t use it at night though, it makes your skin itch! Oh and it certainly does give you a zing when you spray it on. More information is here, here, here and here. I couldn’t find any negatives, only to avoid synthetically produced magnesium. Anyhoo, apparently most of us are deficient in magnesium, a mineral we need for all sorts of stuff – including healthy teeth. But the main reason I thought it looked good was for improved sleep -I’ll have some of that. However, if you’re one of those lucky people that can get in the ocean every day, you’re probably not depleted, so no need to do this. Also, if you’re able to eat vegetables and fruit from magnesium-rich soil, you won’t need it either – but apparently that is not so common anymore…. There you go, another part of my daily rituals and thought it worth a share, as others may be concerned about the crap available in the shops today. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Today most of us are faced with a constant and fast moving stream of information, ideas, motivation and the less-than-savory-aspects of humankind as we share our lives on social channels. It’s a torrent that is becoming harder and harder to manage, but it’s our new digital reality and it’s fundamentally changing the world in ways we can’t even imagine right now. In the meantime, we’re all working out how WE want to live within the context of this new world and I personally think it’s a fascinating time for humankind. I always have hope we will achieve our best selves in the mix of whatever we face – eventually at least. Sometimes people send out stuff that makes you think, some challenge your ideas or beliefs, and some people share stuff that pisses you off because you are just not in the right frame of mind to hear that bullshit TODAY! Tomorrow might be a completely different situation and the spiritual bollocks of one day becomes the inspiration that gets you through the next. It’s pretty interesting. Anyhoo, one thing that really stood out to me recently – something I have long since lost in the bowels of my Facebook history – was this. A picture of our beautiful world from space. At the top it said: “Rubbish.” At the bottom it said: “There is no away.” That’s it really. Nothing more to be said. It’s really simple and it completely struck a chord with me. But are we getting the message? Do we really understand what we’re dealing with? I mean really? I don’t think so. Recently I was doing some research on the airline industry for work and I came across a story on CNN World, featuring Kishore Mahbubani, who is Dean of the Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy at the National University of Singapore and a member of the World Economic Forum. He said: the “explosion of Asia’s middle class, which was named by the World Economic Forum’s Agenda Council as one of the ten most significant trends for 2014, is stunning.” In this article, he states that the middle class in Asia is estimated to be at 500 million people today, but that number is expected to reach 1.75 billion by 2020 – a three-fold increase in just seven years. This prediction is considered one of the biggest seismic shifts in human history – with close to two billion middle class predicted for Asia – or 30 per cent of the world’s middle class – all based in my neighborhood. My mind boggles at this number, especially as I’m already feeling the influx of the new middle class today. Like any middle class demographic anywhere in the world, we can only expect this growing community to have the same expectations the West has enjoyed for the last half century. But the West has not done a good job of growing and caring for the environment at the same time. We have not set a good example. So how do we survive nearly two billion new people consuming at the rate we consume within a very short timeframe? Demanding more luxury goods, cupboards full of clothes and shoes, more cars, more white goods, more TVs than a family needs, more space at home, and more plastic shit toys that break within 24 hours of buying them? And then what about food? This is Asia, so one luxury is Shark Fin soup. But another luxury is lobsters – the poor bloody lobsters. Is there any way we can cater for more demand and expect our marine life to survive?  Even perfume! I saw a documentary recently and the future of the perfume industry is catering to a new customer with different tastes – pungent versus delicate. My fragrances of choice may no longer be available because my market will shrink to irrelevancy within the mix of this expected growth. Of course, there are many more things that can be included here, but the fundamental thing that will change is energy requirements – we’re going to need more, a lot more! How can we do it? Well we can’t do it based on our current approach, we know that. We live in a world where there is NO AWAY. It’s dramatic, really dramatic, and we need to change things now, right now, or we’re all screwed. I think this guy really did get it right in his video: “One Guy With A Marker Just Made The Global Warming Debate Completely Obsolete”. I certainly hope we don’t have to live through a Day After Tomorrowscenario before we get the bloody message. With all that said, I know I’m not doing enough and could do a lot more – you? Without the bollocks Andrea

A brand new Jax rocks our world February 13th 2008 When I speak with like-minded Mums – the variety who don’t wax lyrical about the wonders of motherhood and tend to be more open to conversations around the grueling aspects of the early years – one thing that always comes up from Mums with older kids is this: “it gets good from about the age of seven. You’ll enjoy it more then.” When Mum’s started telling me this years ago I wondered how I’d ever make it through the chaos and craziness of the coming years. Then (well, still really) I was dealing with the discovery of children starting fires IN the house, the sitting down at the end of a day thinking “shit, they didn’t die today that’s good”, and the cleaning up of blood thinking how the hell did we avoid a visit to the hospital?  Grueling, and more often than not, Mum and Dad weren’t always having a whole lot of fun. But today, I am pleased to say IT’S ONLY ONE MORE YEAR and both boys will be seven, because today it is Jax’s 6thbirthday. I bloody love this kid. He is a gutsy, charming little dude and he is going to be alright in this life. However, he’s also a massive, argumentative pain in the arse – I mean who knew a five (now six) year old knew so much? “Mum are there toilets on buses?” “Yes love, some buses have toilets – the ones for long distance travel.” “No they don’t Mum. Buses don’t have toilets.” End of discussion. “Dad – what did you say to that man.” “I just told him he was a silly driver.” “No you didn’t – you used the bloody-fucking word, and that’s naughty.” “You’re right Jax, I was naughty.” First Halloween approx nine months “Dad, don’t use the bloody-fucking word. If you use the bloody-fucking word you’ll have no more toys. I don’t use the bloody-fucking word because it’s really naughty, so you shouldn’t use the bloody-fucking word. People who use the bloody-fucking word are soooo naughty, that’s why I don’t use the bloody-fucking word…” (insert eight more uses of the bloody-fucking word whilst claiming innocence here). Please note: if you’ve been reading my blog, the above might sound familiar. It continues to this day. Anyhoo, Lex turned seven in November, and while he continues to be a pain in the arse, we have definitely seen a cooling down of craziness, and well, he just seems a lot more mature. Fire remains an interest area though… grrrrrr. Now six, I’ve definitely noticed Jax becoming a more mature, independent and confident little man in recent months, but we still have the unreasonableness, belligerence and inability-to-reason cropping up now and again. It’s a lot of lot of fun let me tell you. But we’re close, really close. Maximum one more year, hooray! Our little man today Jax is a great little puddin’. He’s easy to hang out with and bloody hilarious. Truth to tell, Steve and I have really enjoyed watching both of the boys grow and come into their own. They’re incredibly different, but equally fantastic, and this world better watch out when they’re unleashed upon it – especially the girls as far as Jax is concerned. He’s going to get a lot of action. So happy birthday my love. This has not been an easy ride for your old Mum and Dad, but we really wouldn’t have you any other way – well maybe a little less argumentative! We love you mate. Yours without the bollocks Andrea 

I follow Chris Brogan– a blogger who got famous for blogging, then wrote books, then did/does all sorts of other stuff, and I like him because he speaks my kind of language – be it life or business. Anyway, he’d probably hate being introduced this way, and I know he’s a lot more, but he wrote a blog about his three words for the year and it caught my imagination. I like the idea of single words encapsulating a lot more than a list of goals – i.e. do more exercise, lose weight, etc… Those sorts of lists just ain’t my thing, and I see positive change as constant evolution. My ‘Fuck it Enough’ Crusade – now officially in its second year – is very much about evolution (inside and outside) and if you’re wondering, FIE continues and will do so until the day I die. My three words are now part of it. The one thing I know for sure is that life changes and then it changes and then it changes again. That constant change typically doesn’t bother me, although sometimes the rollercoaster gets a bit old. However, I also know that if I’m too still for too long, my feet get twitchy! Sometimes change results in the need to take drastic action quickly – aka the re-steering of one’s life back on course. We all get off track. We all get side-swiped by stuff. I’ve been in that boat many times and just think the important thing is being able to recognize when things aren’t going the way you want, because let’s face it, sometimes it’s really hard to see our own lives – even when everyone around us can see it. We’re confusing us humans. Anyways I’ve already written loads about that, and will write more, but I was inspired by Chris’ idea and have come up with my three words: Move, Laugh, Now. Move – that’s all about making movement part of my life, whenever possible. It can be as simple as getting up and stretching (which I do) or taking a break at work and stretching (which I don’t). It’s about walking rather than driving, and my recent addition, riding my bike to work – which I’m loving. I’m a sweaty bitch upon arrival, but I can cope with that, although I can’t speak for my colleagues. Laugh – obvious right, but there are many times I don’t when I should, so seeking more joy across the board is one of my words. Spending time with funny people will help. Now – living in the moment, not stressing about the future, leaving the past where it is, no fear, etc… This is probably my biggest challenge, as I do spend a lot of time in the future, so really hope I can succeed on this one. It took me a wee while to come up with these, so when you have a moment, perhaps you’d like to share your three words if you are equally inspired by the idea? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea