I was driving along with Steve the other day and said there are people I just don’t know well enough asking me what operation I had. I mean if it was something to do with my girly bits, what do I say? Or perhaps I had a colonoscopy – do I tell them ‘I had a camera shoved up my arse?’
The problem is, I know I do it myself. You can’t help but ask. I don’t believe it’s essentially a nosy thing, I think we’re all just looking to understand the seriousness of what has happened to someone so we can offer the appropriate level of reassurance to their situation. Or maybe I’m over-complicating things? Maybe we are nosy? Maybe nothing is sacred anymore?
When people tell me they’ve had an operation, I often find the words spilling out of my mouth “what happened? What did you get done?” But I always, always stop and say: “I am so sorry! Of course you don’t need to answer that question. You might have gone through something incredibly private or you just don’t want to tell me. I’m sorry for asking.”
When that happens, people have an opportunity to respond to the initial question if they want to, or they can say thanks for giving me a get out clause.
It’s not dissimilar to the question: “when’s the baby due?” Always a question you regret asking, especially when the person says: “I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat.” Doh! Don’t ask that question ever, ever again, unless you’re 100 percent sure the person IS pregnant OK? That is my rule.
I often find it interesting that there are just a few, small, situations, where a perfectly normal person – who typically engages their mind and heart before they open their mouth – finds that whatever mechanism is in place to stop them asking the inappropriate questions, seems to get bypassed. What operation have you had is one of those questions.
But getting back to my conversation with Steve. He came up with a perfect response:
“It’s simple, you tell them you had your left labia sculpted into the shape of a rose” and then you leave them with that.
Can anyone top Steve’s response?
Go on, give me a laugh. It’s been a tough couple of weeks.
Yours, without the bollocks