Andrea Edwards

You know, if all of my mates on Facebook checked out my blog right now, I would finally pass the 50,000 readership mark! It took forever to get to 10,000, then 20,000 flashed by, but the build up to 50,000 has felt like a long time coming. I don’t know if I’ll ever be one of those people who attract hundreds of thousands to my blog, but I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who takes the time out of their days to read my ramblings. I obviously love it and plan to keep going, so here’s to the next 50,000. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Something happened to me when I turned 40 – I started thinking about death, as well as getting old – which isn’t too hard when your bones ache and your vision gets worse overnight! It’s been a bit of a spin-out thinking about this stuff, but it is what it is – I’m only going to get older and die at some point after all. However, one of the things I’ve been thinking about specifically, is how do I ensure I get old with a smile on my face – if I do indeed get old – rather than turn into a cantankerous old bitch who no one wants to spend any time with? We’ve all met these people, because life can be shit, and the result can often be a cranky pants. How do I make sure I never become like that? A good starting point is I’m a pretty optimistic person – so I think that’s good. However, the last few years have been pretty tough and simple things – like smiling – haven’t been coming as easy as it used to. I’m also a heady-kinda-person, who spends too much time inside my own head thinking about everything (and I mean everything), and that can make it harder to be joyful. Just being, loving and living to the full is all that’s necessary after all, right? I love being around people who understand what life is all about and ARE living it. Bravo to you, you lucky buggers. But I decided to come up with some ideas on how to ensure I don’t go down a negative path, and my shower time in recent weeks has been spent coming up with this list… Disappointment – it’s one of those things everyone experiences at some point, and sometimes the disappointment is very very deep. It’s never nice when it happens and it can be a case of people disappointing you, your body disappointing you, or the greater world disappointing you. I believe the only thing that matters is how you deal with it, because that alone makes all the difference. You can’t let it destroy or lessen you, and for me, it’s about always taking on the lesson I was given and growing in a positive way. Additionally, if another person is involved or is the cause – I know I need to silently thank them for teaching me a valuable lesson and never ever feel hatred towards them, because they really did give me a gift. Hate = cranky old bitch for sure. Sometimes you’ve got to walk away from people, but sometimes you just need to forgive and forget – it all depends on the circumstances. I do believe that embracing all experiences as a gift – the good and the bad – and taking the lessons on board (without any resentment towards anyone or thing) is a BIG part of a future containing lots of purple hats. Victim or Champion? – which leads nicely into being a victim. I have definitely gone through the “why-me?” victim periods – it’s part of being human right? I usually wake up at some point and think: well that’s been a waste of bloody time because I am responsible for my life, I am responsible for what has happened to me and what I’ve allowed in, and I am responsible for my happiness. Everything else in ancillary to that – because I am responsible – so how can I blame anyone or anything else? Now I’m talking about me here. A kid being sexually abused, or a person starving to death in a famine, or Muslims being hacked to death in Burma, or the Palestinian and Israeli families being bombed in their own homes as I write… – they are certainly victims, but I am not. I have endless opportunities; I’ve just got to make sure I embrace them every day no matter what and never, EVER, blame anyone or anything else for any of my shortcomings or failings. That’s my fault entirely. Non-judgement – this is an easy one for me as I hate judgement and am often the boring person at a dinner party picking people up for being judgemental and hoping to get them to see something in a different way. I firmly believe that we just don’t know what anyone is really going through – even those closest to us – so when people’s behaviour offends me or mystifies me, I always try to understand why if I can (the underlying reason), and if their actions are hurting me or those I love, then I step away. Obviously if I CAN help – great. If I can’t help, I recognise it and move on, because who says I’m the person they need right now? I sincerely believe that we can never ever know anyone else’s story, and therefore, we should never judge. Compassion is a quality that seems to be losing strength in our world, and I hope it comes back as something valued and important. Also self-judgement is of equal importance here, which leads me nicely on to… Be gentle with myself – I’ve always always always been VERY self-critical about myself – not others, just me. I don’t know why, but I know I never give myself a break and I need to change that. Essentially I’ve got to get better at accepting me for who I am, with all of my faults, and even though it sounds a bit corny, a bit of self-love wouldn’t go astray. I know I’m a good person, so that should be enough right? Be silly – I’ve always been a pretty silly person, but I haven’t been these last few years – things just got too serious and stressful. But silliness is awesome and when I took the boys for a fish spa (a first for all of us) I giggled like a five year old girl and the boys thought it was brilliant seeing Mum

In the not too distant future, we are all going to be inundated with pictures of the perfect Christmas trees our friends have created and then we’ll really know the race towards the festive season has commenced. Since the advent of Facebook, and other social media channels, our lives have changed dramatically, and a significant change for me has been the collective sharing of photos around special annual  events – First Day of School, Thanksgiving feasts, 40th b’day parties, kids birthday parties, birth photos, annual holidays, Halloween costumes, etc, etc, etc… I love it as I feel more connected to all of the wonderful people I’ve met around the world and it makes me feel I’m still a part of their lives. However, the Christmas tree sharing season gives me the chills. Firstly, it means the end of another year has come too quickly, and secondly, I’m about as good at decorating a Christmas tree as I am at decorating a bloody birthday cake! Another feminine quality I missed along the way… But the Christmas festivities have moved to centre stage in our home, because Lex was absolutely DEVASTATED when we took the Christmas tree down last January. Our little man cried and cried, ‘cos he just loved it and took on 100 per cent responsibility for light management. Dealing with these intense emotions, we said to him that as soon as his birthday was over, we’ll put the Christmas tree up. Well his birthday was November the 12th, and that meant the tree had to go up on November the 13th. We’d made him a promise and he did not let us forget it. So here it is – the first social sharing of a Christmas tree within my community and also my first ever sharing of a self-decorated Christmas tree, because I cannot compete with the decorators I know and love! However did you notice how I only captured a small segment of the tree – showing off my signature colour red? Yes? Well that’s because as a total image, it looks like shit, and I know this, because very soon my friends will share magnificent trees, with brand new decorations brought just for this years’ tree, all colour themed, with decorations perfectly placed because symmetry is important, but more than that, it will be featured in a beautiful place in the house, with loads of space around it, everyone will go awwww ain’t that pretty, and the perfection will be complete. Yeah well that ain’t my tree, which is currently bunched up between a couple of kids’ tables holding the boys car racing track and a shitty side chair we hate, but it needs to be there so the lights can reach the closest electrical socket….. It’s not perfect but my boys love it, it’s a cheery little addition to the home, and here we go again, facing yet another another lead up to Christmas – may it be a jolly time for one and all. Also from this day forth, I can promise you one thing – for the foreseeable future (i.e. until Lex is a teen and Christmas ain’t cool anymore) I won’t be sharing the prettiest Christmas tree, but I will be sharing the first! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea PS: if you’re an annual buyer of Christmas decorations, it seems IKEAhas gone for a bit of a gingham theme this year…  

When you are born, the talent genes are handed out. We all get something, but the Martha Stewart gene was definitely not added to my collection. My sister, Phillipa, got my share of that gene and not only can she cook like a master chef; she makes everything look Michelin Five star. Accepting my lack of that feminie talent long ago, I was gifted with another one and that is the “give-it-a-go-anyway-gene.” Armed only with that, yesterday I braced myself to make a surfing inspired birthday cake. Searching Google for ideas, I had nothing more than the motivation, a photo and a sceptical husband who was very doubtful it would work. Thankfully he knows that when I set my mind to something, he just needs to step out of the way and let me fail or succeed – that’s how I roll. Now I can cook, and I can definitely make a very nice cake, but my challenge is the making-it-look-pretty bit. I am definitely more of a cook for 20 people kind-of-person, with a preference for placing big pots of food in the centre of the table and everyone can just tuck in at their pleasure. In fact, a dream job would be a stint as a cook on a working boat – where everyone needs lots of sustenance – ‘cos I reckon I could do that well. One day maybe. Thus, with great apprehension, I approached the making of Lex’s surfing inspired birthday cake and here it is. Steve had to contribute of course, and he decided a Wicked Weasel on one of the dolls was required. Now if you don’t know this brand, the tagline line is “Micro bikinis, barely covering girls since 1994.” I do have a classy husband. The boys had to add some sea creatures as well, but most of it is mine. The original plan included a BIG surfing wave – and this is where most of the doubts came in – especially from my engineering husband. He couldn’t see how an icing wave could be structurally sound, and in the end, he was right. I ended up doing a mini-wave, however when driving to the birthday party with the cake in my lap, I looked down and said “Steve, it looks like a very big blue penis with a massive set of balls!” Apparently he had already thought the same but decided not to mention it – he’s wise too. It didn’t matter, the cake was destroyed within moments, it got enough of an impressed reaction from the other mums who (like me) would outsource this aspect of the party, and the cake was tasty as promised. I definitely have a strong preference for buying the cake – as there are some VERY talented people in this city offering these services – but disorganised me ran out of time to even order an ice-cream cake from Svensens, and thus I knew I had to knuckle down and deliver. It was fun and I’m glad I did it. I’m not sure I’ll do it again, but hey, I have made three kids birthday cakes now, which is a good effort for someone without the Martha Stewart gene. And with that I wish my beautiful little boy, Lex, a very very happy 6thbirthday today. He is a magnificent, big hearted and compassionate little fella, and while we’ve had some tough times along the way, I love my little man with all my heart. And the reason for the surfing inspiration? A little video of my lad in action:   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I did something really shocking last week. I went away for five whole days (on my own) to Phuket to celebrate a great friends’ special birthday. The break from normal life was much needed, as it had been 13 months since I’ve had any real time to myself, or any kind of holiday at all. One needs to take care of themselves in the midst of this life malarkey after all. After a lovely girlie long weekend I returned home on Monday, tired but happy, to the loving embrace of my two mini-lads. But that sheer joy at having Mummy home lasted all of five minutes. However, with that said, Jax has been extra attentive and cuddly since I returned. He obviously missed him Mum and is taking every chance he gets to be with me physically – it’s like he needs the reassurance that I’m home and staying. This includes nightly visits – which have been going on for months now due to the emergence of night terrors – and this means having a constant wriggler in the bed who likes to knead me with his feet. As such, this Mum ain’t been getting much of the sleep required to sustain one’s sanity – but that’s nothing new these past nine months.   No it’s Lex who is punishing me. From the minute he sees me in the morning until I close his door at night he does things he knows will drive me nuts. Any attention is attention after all, and he’s definitely going for my attention in whatever way he can get it. When Steve comes home, Lex punishes him by ignoring him. When I come home, he punishes me by bringing me into a world of naughtiness, belligerence and rebellion, leaving me with my head in my hands wondering what the hell I can do to sort this out. Lex has had more time outs this week than for the last six months – and he hates time outs. But I have no choice but to leave him in his room to calm down and then I eventually go in, tell him how much I love him and that I’m on his side. I have no bloody idea at all if he understands a word I say, but I can’t think of anything else to do and maybe, just maybe it’ll seep in that his Mum loves him, believes in him, and understands that his feelings are hurt because I went away. I get it buddy. I definitely understand his need to punish me – because I am his rock in the world – but enough already. And Jax, will you just bloody let me sleep? Please sweetheart, I really don’t enjoy waking up a grumpy bitch. Suffice to say it feels like a long time ago I was sitting in the back of that Tuk Tuk. Anyone else get punished by their kids when they dare to go away? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

 Dear Americans, As an Australian living in Singapore, who had the pleasure of living in your fine country for two and a half fantastic years, I just wanted to say thank you for voting Obama back in. I woke up a bloody mess this morning at the possibility that Romney might get in – truth be told, it frightened the shit out of me! Now I know many of you probably can’t see why the rest of us care, but many of us do, we really really do. Photo care of www.stuff.co.nz The change in laws for women’s reproductive rights proposed throughout the Republican’s campaign was top of my list. You see if your country makes this decision, other countries will follow – it gives religious extremists around the world the upper hand. All I could see was poor women dying of backyard abortions, or children born unwanted into destitution, and so the social problems in your country go on and on – because it is not the rich who suffer under these laws. Heck they just fly to another country to sort their “problem” out.   I believe a woman’s body is her own, and no politician has the right to take away her access to what she needs to live her life as she sees fit. It seems the voice of America’s women was heard today, with 70 per cent of single women voting in favour of Obama because of the threat to reproductive rights. Nice one girls – good to know your vote counts huh?   Although I must say, as a country that claims its’ politics as independent of the Church, a shit load of the arguments during this campaign were God-based! And I’m not even going anywhere near the absolute bollocks I heard on rape and the “gift” of a child from rape – who are these people? What planet are they from exactly? There were many other aspects that worried me, but the major point for me is that under Obama I feel we can move forward from a humanity perspective. Under Romney, I saw no humanity – and I’m talking on a global scale here. If the Republicans were in office this last four years, I absolutely believe we would already be at war with Iran – and I say we, because my country – Australia – consistently follows America into war. That’s another reason why I really care. I know Obama isn’t an angel and please Barrack, can you sort out that drone activity in Pakistan? It’s not good, not good at all – but at least he gives diplomacy a chance. No fiery war rhetoric like George W – ugh that man still makes me feel sick. How exactly did he get in for two terms? Anyway, I could say so much, but I only want to say thank you. I am feeling very happy, because I care and I want to live in a better world. I feel it’s possible under Obama and I wouldn’t feel this way if the Republicans won today. Let’s hope both parties now focus on working together for the next four years to sort your country out – because let’s face it, the rest of the world needs that to happen as well. It’s quite a responsibility being the world’s most powerful country, no? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

So Brad is the new face of Chanel No.5 and it’s creating a sensation – but maybe not what Chanel had in mind? Before sharing a few of the highlights, I personally think it is a brilliant move by Chanel to feature a bloke like Brad Pitt as the face of Chanel No. 5. As a long-term and very loyal fan of the fragrance (except in Singapore where it just doesn’t seem to smell right in this humidity) I applaud them for making the current “face” a man. As a general rule, sexy and ageless Brad will definitely appeal across the female age spectrum as the majority of gals think he’s hot. So I like it – even if it is completely corny, but so what? However what has followed as a result of the ad has captured my attention more. Just in case you haven’t seen it, here’s the advert It’s a bit corny and squirmy don’t you think? I mean he looks uncomfortable and that makes me feel uncomfortable when I watch it. With that said, I LIKE it. The media do not agree with me and here are some media highlights. The Daily Mail reckon it’s really an underlying message about Ang and Jen – really? They also claim it’s an outdated perfume brand – really REALLY? The Guardian was unrelenting in its criticism, as well as towards those who’ve done it before – especially “Our” Nicole. The “Celebrity Fix” NineMSN really did leave the verdict up in the air, although a TV host said it’s put her off her favourite. We are talking about Chanel No. 5 right Lisa? You don’t just go off it – unless you move to Singapore. And finally eOnline is a publication that got it right, claiming it’s “Crazy Genius.” Since launch, the campaign has taken a different turn to Chanel’s normal marketing campaigns, going viral in a very different way than I’m sure they expected. Here are some of my favourite spoofs Kim Jong Il (aka Team America) has to go on top just because“Oh hi Hans Brix. Have you any idea how fucken busy I am.”   I love this guys’ beard. I’m presuming this is a lad from Melbourne (a self-proclaimed Lebo Wog) – I like him.   I found the eye focus of this version appropriate.   A “fat” Englishman’s interpretation – a charmer. A Scottish version – obviously for alcohol.   And of course, I had to include a Singapore-version, because this made me really laugh – it’s perfect.   Now that you’ve seen seven, it’s probably enough. It does get tedious after a while, so anyone thinking of contributing in future has to be sensational or those YouTube hits just ain’t going to happen. Overall, I do think it’s crazy genius, because Chanel No. 5 has built brand awareness far around the globe with this baby and not in a negative way – in a funny way. You can’t plan for that. Chanel have done some great stuff here – they picked Brad Pitt, they’ve put a man as their “face” of the brand for the first time, it’s somehow managed to go viral, and they are inadvertently entertaining people like me. Also I reckon Brad and Ang are probably hanging out on the couch with their tablets having a right ol’ laugh at everyone’s interpretation, because let’s face a fact – Brad Pitt can do no wrong, and he will only benefit from this – especially because he can laugh at himself. Suffice to say, I think it’s gold. What do you think? Anyone got any favourite spoofs to share? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

My Aunt Bernie sent me through this Daily Mail article that has been going viral in various social media platforms recently – although according to one comment, it’s been around for 20 years. Bernie thought I could add a dimension to the discussion (post first year) after my recent hair-tearing incidents with my mini-loves.  Some highlights include: Test 4: Dressing Small Children 1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.   2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hangout. Time Allowed: 5 minutes. Test 5: Cars 1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon. 2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. 3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player. 4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat. 5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. Test 9: Feeding a 1 year-old 1. Hollow out a melon 2. Make a small hole in the side 3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side 4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an airplane. 5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone. 6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor Test 11: Mess Can you stand the mess children make? To find out: 1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains 2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. 3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look? 4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5. 5. Drag randomly items from one room to another room and leave them there But it got me thinking in a different direction. You see I don’t think you can ever really know what it is like to become a parent 24x7x365 until you’re in the midst of it. OK OK OK before you bitch slap me as a non-parent who says you DO know, let me rephrase that – I (as in me, singular, not anyone else) could NEVER EVER have known what it was like and how it would impact me BEFORE I had kids. I honestly had no idea and can see now that I was unable to “hear” much of what was said to me before my parental responsibilities actually commenced. In this article, some of the parents responded in the comments section saying they didn’t have a single moment like this and thought it was all tosh, but many agreed. Although I’m sure others could respond saying is that it? And then list out a million more scenarios an adult considering taking the path of parenthood could experiment with. However, this is where my thinking went. Yes all of that stuff is true – to an extent – depending on your child and whether or not you give them peanut butter sandwiches, but it all comes in stages, it’s often over before you even realise it’s pissed you off,  and then something else rears its head and kicks you in the arse. But you get through it. You get through every single incident or long-term annoying behaviour, or weeks of being a screaming hag, or intense annoyance at the lack of control over your environment on a daily basis, or you get the hell out of there and hand the responsibility over to someone else, or you go to a spa for a day and dream of sleeping in, or you are lucky and drop the kids at the grandparents for a weekend and escape your reality for a little bit, or you don’t have that luxury because you live in another country and are too bloody guilty to leave your children with the “hired help” so you blog about it, or you have absolutely no guilt and piss off to the Maldives or Bali whenever you get a chance because you know that you’re important in the mix too, or you don’t cope at all, or you just do it every day with joy in your heart because you made this decision to have kids but you’re not perfect and you often feel guilty about that but sometimes you wake up and realise that it’s ok not to be perfect so stop beating yourself up and find love and peace in your heart for your kids today, and tomorrow if there’s enough left in the tank. And you do any of the above or a million different things, because you love these little buggers. You love them in a way you can never explain to anyone else, even other parents, because you love them so intimately, and no one else in the world knows them the way you do. One day you won’t know them, because they’ll stop letting you in, but for now, you do and you are their EVERYTHING, even when you don’t deserve to be. From the day they come into your life, you feel wonder at their very existence (or you don’t) and consider the possibility that magic really does exist (or you don’t). You marvel at their every achievement in their first year (or you don’t), and after that, they make you laugh with pure pleasure because of how they look at the world and make sense of the stuff you forgot to pay attention to long ago (or you don’t!). You feel an intense duty to nourish your child – body, mind and soul (or you don’t and just want someone else to take over, or don’t even give it a second thought) – and it is this incredible sense of responsibility you feel towards them that makes you want to be better for your

For the first time I’ve read a book, getting all the way through to the end, without knowing what the bloody hell was going on – but I loved it anyway. The book is ‘Gods Without Men’by Hari Kunzru. What is brilliant about this book is the incredibly deep insight Hari brings to the most diverse bunch of characters you could ever come across – over about a 300 year period – from a Priest of some description in the 1700’s, to a bloke called Jaz, who was brought up within a Sikh community in Baltimore, experiencing all of the cultural, familial and social challenges that comes with it.     When I read the book, apart from the author’s name, I didn’t know where Hari came from – probably Indian, but maybe Middle Eastern? So I looked him up and he’s not even bloody American – he’s an English Indian novelist, of Kashmiri Pandit origin from his Dad’s side, and Caucasian Anglican Christian origin from his Mum’s side – so how the hell does he have the insight into the American characters he’s created in ‘Gods Without Men’? I don’t know, but he definitely understands people and their motivations. Based around the story of an autistic boy who gets lost in the desert, the book explores cults and how alluring they are to young people with nowhere else to go. It looks at people who get lost along the road of life and find their way back – kind of. It discusses the intense challenges for both the mother and father of an autistic boy and how the child’s challenges impact them both and their marriage. It discusses the insidiousness of the global banking industry. It discusses American Indian culture, including the white man trying to understand that culture, as well as the white man trying to squash that culture. It looks into the intense challenges of a young Indian lad growing up in America within a traditional Sikh family that does all it can to keep America outside, while holding on to Indian values – values the kids struggle to understand or connect with, because on the only visit to the ‘Motherland’ they found it weird, disconcerting, and had absolutely no connection to this place their parents’ hold so dear. Their life experiences in America are also inconsistent with their parents’ views of it – definitely an interesting perspective. Then there’s the druggy rock star from England trying to make a record in the US, with dismal results – and he’s a character I love but have no idea why he was in it. The Iraqi brother and sister, living with the aunt and uncle (who loves everything about America) and the sister is trying to find her way in this new world after experiencing intense tragedy in Iraq – where her mother remains as she’s unable to leave. But when she gets a job on a US military site, pretending to be an Iraqi villager in a typical Iraqi town for war training exercises  – well it’s all just a little bit out there but all the more wonderful for it. There are so many stories within this book, and if you want to read something that will flip your mind upside down and back to front, this book is awesome. Like I said, I don’t know what it was about at the end of the day, and the spaceships and intergalactic communication was very quirky, but I loved it because it was a discussion on the complexity of the societies we live in today and how we can never really know what someone else has been through or is going through. I just love books where authors really understand people at the end of the day and Hari Kunzru definitely does. I definitely recommend it if you want to enjoy a good yarn and a head-spin, however for a much better review than mine, check out Douglas Coupland’s perspective in the NYT. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I wanted to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who responded to my blog yesterday, whether to give me an idea or just let me know I’m not alone. Knowing you’re not alone is half the challenge of parenting I reckon – well it is for me. Writing blogs about my moments, experiences and thoughts is extremely cathartic and often just the process of putting the words together helps me to dig deep and look at things in different ways. But so does everyone responding – in whatever way they feel appropriate. The advice I got from several people is to stop, talk quietly, take deep breaths, find my stillness, etc.. which is all spot on, because when I do this, the results are ALWAYS amazing. It’s just hard to remember when you’re in the middle of emotional fireworks. But this morning I also found a more structured answer in a book I’m reading – ‘Search Inside Yourself’ by Chade-Meng Tan.  It won’t be for everyone, but I figured the other parents who feel like me might enjoy knowing this, and I’d definitely recommend the book because there’s a lot more to it than this section. Meng is an engineer with Google, and he co-created (with some of the greatest minds in the world) the Search Inside Yourself program within Google. I bought the book because I was intrigued how one of the world’s greatest companies has implemented something many would consider ‘a bit out there’ – especially in corporate America. How inspiring that a company has taken these ideas to heart. I’m not done with it yet, but it’s a brilliant book, with lots of guidance and practical tips, written in a language anyone can understand (but especially engineers) and it’s all about emotional intelligence, being present or mindful, as well as being choc ’o’ block full of really practical ways to meditate and control the mind, plus not let your emotions control you. The bit that got my attention this morning is how to deal with emotional triggers, and in my case, that’s being ignored by my little lads. Meng and Google entitle this “Siberian North Railroad,” with the five aspects including: Stop Breathe Notice Reflect Respond The first two I try to do when I can remember, but my interpretation of the five steps are: Stop First and foremost stop whenever you feel triggered emotionally. We all know that ain’t easy with kids, but stopping for just a moment to experience “the sacred pause” is step one. Breathe Then you’ve got to breathe, which reinforces the scared pause, but additionally, breathing calms the body and mind. Notice Now you’ve got to pay attention to your body. What does the emotion feel like in the body and where is it? When I get angry with the boys, I feel it swirling around in my chest. He also suggests noticing where the tension is and if there is a temperature change – yep, I certainly get hotter. The important point here is to experience the emotion and its impact, all the while observing that it is not a case of – “I am angry.” It is a case of – “I am experiencing anger in my body.” This concept is explained in more detail in another section, because learning to recognise that we are not our emotions helps us to control them. Reflect When we reflect we’ve got to seek to understand where the emotion is coming from and the history behind it. I think in my case it’s six years of frustration that I haven’t been able to effectively communicate with one of my children and the enormous impact this has had on all of our lives. It’s also contributed extensively to the fact I haven’t been able to do what I want to do with my life, so when you throw that in the mix, my own personal frustration doesn’t help. When anger arises, because another person is involved, Meng suggests considering these statements as part of the reflect stage: “Everybody wants to be happy “This person thinks acting this way will make him happy, in some way” We then need to bring perspective and not judge anything as right or wrong – it just is. Respond And then we respond, trying to do it in a way that will bring a positive outcome. He suggests you don’t actually have to do it but “just imagine the kindest, most positive response. What would that feel like?” A lot to remember, but practise makes perfect, so I’m going to work hard to do it and keep my cool. I’m not an angel, as the boys’ push buttons I never knew I had, but I want them to grow up in a happy home, and just found this structured approach really positive – ‘cos it’s the outcome I want anyway. I know I’m the responsible party here as the grown up, so let’s see if this works. Also if you buy the book, this section is followed up by a structured meditation, where you can go through your emotional triggers step by step. So for other parents out there tearing their hair out, perhaps this might help if these ideas are your cup of tea? I certainly read it at the right time in my life, and they say you get the thoughts you need at the time you need them. Thanks Meng – right on time AND I’m also ready to hear it, so a double bonus. Not to mention, it’s awesome to know there is a big corporate company embracing such ideas. I’ve never ever had the pleasure of working for a company like this and reckon it would be a pretty amazing experience to have at some point – working in a place where employee happiness is valued more than anything else. Nice one Google. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea