My mate Tash posted a blog about a recent online dating experience she had entitled: “Close Encounters of a Turd Kind.” He was a real charmer – claiming he’d “had” 628 women – one can only presume he meant shags – what a legend!! Anyways Tash is back in the game, hoping to find her love at last but experiences like this can be a bit of a kick in the teeth. It’s a hard and lonely place in single-land most of the time and I admire Tash for being willing to share this experience with her followers.
I never did the online dating thing. I just couldn’t believe that I’d ever find anyone who’d suit me. I mean how would I advertise myself? If you’re looking for a charming, sweet lady to introduce to your mum, I’m probably not it. Or if you don’t mind a gal who swears like a trooper, loves being physically strong, lives life hard, is adventurous, speaks her mind, has strong ideas… then give me a call. I’m not against online dating, I just knew it wasn’t for me.
I was single from 24 to 33. During that time I had a lot of fun, travelled a lot, enjoyed my work, and met a tonne of great people, but the whole time I was forever hopeful that one day, I would meet my love. Life is a hell of a lot better when you’ve got someone to share it all with don’t you think? But I only believe it’s great when you find the RIGHT one.
Nine years later I found him. I was 33 and the love of my life finally came along. His name is Steve and he continues to be everything I hoped for and a lot lot more. Steve is my perfect match – kind of a male version of me (as I am a female version of him) and when we met and fell in love, I realised the idea that opposites attract might be bullshit – at least for us. It was our similarities that really bound us tightly together and we are two very happy little bunnies.
When I introduced Steve to my mates, many of them said he’s exactly what you said you always wanted. One gorgeous friend Kirsti said it’s amazing, he is exactly what you’ve talked about for all these years, and you’ve found him. She said she’d spent her time thinking about what she didn’t want and, guess what? She always attracted that type of person – dickheads. So it got me thinking, was it my focus on what I wanted that helped find him?
Then the Law of Attraction, manifesting your life, and all of that stuff hit the world, and I realised it could be true – I was a living embodiment of it after all. During those years I never stopped thinking about the man I wanted in my life, and all through that lean time, those thoughts were always foremost in my mind. I really believed that one day he’d walk through my door – I believed it so deeply, it kept me going when I too had “encounters of a turd kind.” All single people can talk about turd times. They are mega kicks in the nuts or snatch when they happen because all you want is to find someone nice, and it feels so impossible when you meet idiots.
So that is what I’m sharing here. It is the focus on what you want in your life that will result in getting what you want. I do believe it worked for me in regards to love (but for many other areas of my life too) so be patient with me here, because if it helps one person, that would be awesome.
My recipe for finding true love is really simple. Focus on what you want – all aspects – and keep this in your mind and heart every chance you get to daydream about your future. Any time you start thinking of an arsehole or bitch you’ve encountered along the way, shut that thinking down immediately, and redirect it to your ideal partner. Remember the law of attraction is absolute – if you allow yourself to think about what you don’t want, guess what, you’ll get exactly that.
Let your imagination soar and live this ideal relationship in your head and heart. Imagine how being with them will make you feel, the smile you’ll see on your face, how much you are going to laugh and all of the wonderful things you’re going to do together. Live it and believe it. Naturally your logical side will kick in and tell you what a bunch of bullshit. You’ve got to ignore that and say “fuck off logic – why can’t I fantasize about this with no rules attached?” That’s the great thing about imagination – there are no rules.
Picture your ideal partner, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I say physically because hey, you’ve got to like looking at them too. Being attracted is important whether people admit it or not, but chemistry is chemistry, so while your spunk may not be my spunk, they’re still a spunk. For example, I love men with big thighs and big shoulders and that’s exactly Steve. I went weak at the knees when I saw those thighs and shoulders for the first time seven years ago. In my world, a man’s gotta be a man but we’ve all got different ideas about that. So think about how they look if that’s important to you.
But you’ve got to go deep. I needed someone with the same or similar values. I needed to know that even if something wasn’t important to them, they’d respect when something was important to me. I needed someone who laughed at the same stupid shit and who thought I was the dogs bollocks. I needed someone who wasn’t intimidated or scared of the sort of woman I was – something I had encountered a lot because I’m a pretty strong bird I suppose. I needed an adventurer and someone who wasn’t scared of living life to the full. I needed someone who wasn’t scared of love and was capable of giving their heart and soul in a relationship.
My word is really important to me – when I give it I don’t break it. I can accept that not everyone is the same as me, but I couldn’t accept this in my partner. They had to be true to their word always. They had to be honest, integrity had to be important to them, they had to be a hard worker, they had to know the balance between living, working, and loving, and they had to relish in having a woman like me by their side. Hey if someone was looking for a wall flower, they weren’t going to find it in me were they?
As you can see, I went deep in my thinking, but I never gave up, never accepted anything else, because I truly believed that this person was out there, we just needed to find each other. As I said to my mate Tash, focus on what you want, believe that you will find it, and when someone sees the magic in you and you see the magic in them, well it’s the most amazing experience you’ll ever have. It’s definitely well worth the wait, but I hope you don’t have to wait nine years. Oh, and don’t let anyone tell you you’re being too fussy. The most important thing to be fussy about is the person that’s going to be by your side, so make sure you’re fussy until the day they come along. And they will. You’ve just got to believe it.
Even if the law of attraction, manifestation, etc.. is all a croc of shit (which I don’t believe but some do) just by simply focussing on what you do want, well you’re not going to accept anything else are you?
So get focused, believe, don’t think about anything you don’t want, have as much fun as you can, accept that sometimes it gets lonely, also that sometimes you’re going to meet a lot of turds who bring you down, but you will get there and the important thing is to never ever give up the belief in what you want.
I am someone who understands what it’s like to be single for a long time, I know how lonely and depressing it can be, but if you really want someone great in your life, you will find them, I promise. I wish all the single people out there much success on their journey and hope it isn’t too bumpy – let me know how it goes OK? Soon you’ll be seeking marriage advice and then babies….
Yours, without the bollocks