April 2012

For my friends around the world, you might have noticed a little more activity on social media from your Aussie and Kiwi mates as we all acknowledge (probably) our most important day of the year – ANZAC Day – which stands for Australian and New Zealand Army Corp.  More than a Mel Gibson movie, it commemorates the day our troops landed in Gallipoli on the other side of the world way back in 1915, and has become part of the national psyche of both countries. It’s something we definitely pay serious attention to. People visiting are often blown away by how solemn the ceremonies are, but also by the fact that people of every age participate and honour the dead (and the living) who have fought in our wars. It’s a good day, it’s a worthy day, because we’re saying to people who went out and fought – we honour you and we thank you. It doesn’t matter if we agree with the war that was (or is being) fought, it only matters that we honour those who went – that’s how I’ve always seen it anyway. I’ve always loved ANZAC Day and from the youngest age had the privilege of participating in the march, first with Wodonga Citizens Brass Band, then later in Melbourne with Preston Brass Band, and finally, with the Australian Army Band. It was such an amazing thing to be part of, especially doing the march in Melbourne with the Australian Army Band – very powerful. Although I’ll never forget the Dawn Service one year – 1993 I think? We had to play God Save the Queen in the dark – our old national anthem. For some reason, every musician in the band forgot it (not good) and as we couldn’t see the music, we botched it up BIG time. Did we get a shellacking back at the barracks after that… ooops. As a young girl I always remember watching the old soldiers, marching so proudly (some in wheelchairs or on the back of cars), being honoured for their contribution. It was powerful stuff to me and even thinking about these times, tears well up in my eyes. I also used to enjoy seeing the nurses marching right alongside the men, although now women participate equally, as more and more take on the mantle of combat. If I was a young gal back in those days, I would’ve gone to war as a nurse too. Very admirable women – including my Aunt Merl. She’ll be getting drunk today. ANZAC Day changed in my youth, from being very Australian, to including soldiers from all over the world marching right alongside our own – it was brilliant. If there was a community from anywhere in the world that wanted their soldiers to march, it seemed they were welcome. As a young kid I remember watching the Vietnamese soldiers (our allies I presume) march the first year  – and it stood out because the soldiers looked so completely different to anyone I’d ever seen before (my town was very Caucasian/white in those days) but also because that war wasn’t long finished. There was a strange silence as we all watched them march by, in the different green of their uniforms, with the strangeness of their faces – witnessing this as a young girl, the memory has always stayed with me. Of course, once the parades and ceremonies are over, it’s time to get pissed and play two-up – the only legal way you used to be able to gamble in Australia, and ANZAC Day was the only day it was officially permitted. Now you can gamble bloody everywhere but two-up is still fun, and I wish my fellow Aussie and Kiwi friends a great day today as you honour our fallen and celebrate being alive. What’s the point of putting our countries through wars if we forget to have a bloody good time as well? This article seems to suggest the mood is changing – for once, I agree with Julia. They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them Lest we forget Andrea

I’ve always had a lot of internal self belief – it’s something I know and appreciate within myself – and while I’ve never seen it as an arrogant thing, I’m sure it could come across that way sometimes. But I know it’s not, because it’s my fuel, my driving force, and I just like to give life a go and believe in my ability to achieve whatever it is I set my mind to. If things don’t work out, I pick myself up, shake myself off, learn the lesson and start again. A couple of months ago my self-belief took a hammering, when I realised I was bitterly disappointed that some promising opportunities were not happening, no matter how strongly I believed they would. Now I understand that if a door closes, another one opens and all is as it’s meant to be, but in the last few years it’s felt like a lot more doors have slammed than opened – and truth be told, I’m getting pretty exhausted by it. This disappointment that kicked me in the arse a couple of months ago quickly turned into feeling like a failure, and when I finally shook that shit off, it became a very deep soul searching time – one I’m still trying to come out of. I regularly go into deep navel gazing periods and I never mind it when it happens – even if it’s painful sometimes – because it’s how I face myself and come out the other side a little wiser, more content, and most importantly, happier. But this recent soul searching expedition has been a doozy and the longest I can remember. I’m not at the end of it yet, but I do feel like it’s close to completion. I hope so. I value these times, but Steve wants me back, and while he understands that I need to go there, it’s hard being married to someone who’s living inside their head when they are with you – present but un-present. I’m coming back my love, I promise, just be patient, I need to do this. You’ll get a better me at the end! The thing I have learnt during this introspective time is I am not a failure! Good! Best to get that shit out of one’s head – because what the hell does being a failure mean anyway? I don’t believe anyone is a failure, so why allow myself to go there? The second thing I’ve appreciated is my self-belief is an ally, and while this time has been extremely testing as far as that’s concerned, it’s helped me to realign and re-focus on what my dreams are and my commitment to making them happen. As an example, in recent months, people have suggested I consider a different direction, because what I’m trying to do obviously isn’t happening the way I planned, and I’ve seriously considered this. But in considering it, it’s brought me full circle to the realization that if I change track now, when I’m so close, I’ll be so very disappointed in myself, and it will mean putting my dreams on hold again. I don’t want to do that, I really don’t. Steve supports me in that as well, even though it’s making our life a little harder than it needs to be right now. But if I give up now, how close am I to the top of the hill where success lies? I’ll never know. I’ve faced a lot of stumbling blocks in recent years. I find the mother/wife/work/writing/me juggle hard to manage most days. I’ve found the challenges we’ve faced with Lex so distressing it’s hard to put into words sometimes, and the impact has been huge – that’s another self-belief being hammered, my belief in Lex. I’ve found our “unsettled-ness” hard to cope with because the solution is not so obvious to us – we are not as certain as most people about where they want to be, because let’s face it, the road less travelled does not have a lot of sign posts. We’re definitely trying to do life differently. There’s a lot more in the mix, BUT I have to hold onto my self-belief no matter which way the currents in life take me. It’s not bloody easy, because it feels like the walls are closing in all around us, but if I stay my path, well then, that’s where true happiness lies right? I believe so, and that’s all part of my self-belief. I am a believer. I believe the life you live is the life you dream. I believe the only limitations are the ones I allow myself to believe in. And I believe I can be seriously happy and content. I’m not at my pinnacle yet, I may never get there completely, but shit, I won’t give up half way on the journey – that’s for sure. Can anyone else relate? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I started playing around on Pinterest a couple of months ago, and I have to say: it’s MY cup of tea. I didn’t think any new social media platform could get my interest these days – with the plethora of latest and greatest competing for my attention – but this one definitely has. Considering how much time most of us already spend on social media, I am very impressed that it got my buy-in at all – and that really says a lot, because time is a valuable commodity in my life right now. One of the reasons I think it works for me – and its huge female demographic – is it’s a visual rather than text based platform. But I don’t know the science behind it, I just know I like it. I won’t go into the intricacies of how it works, and if you want to know, I can suggest this link, this linkand this linkto provide all of the suitable background to get going. Additionally, this linkwill give you some recent insight into the stats of Pinterest and with anywhere from 60-87 percent of the users female (the stats vary broadly), and more than 10 million users since 2010, it’s now the third most popular social media platform in the world. I’d suggest it’s definitely worth a look in, whether you are a participator or a voyeur. The simple fact is, go to www.pinterest.com, check it out, if you like the look of it, apply for an invitation and within a few days you’ll be going. However what I wanted to talk about today is the why and who – because some of my friends would really benefit from this, but it’s also an awesome platform for bloggers. On Sunday, I published “Some Crazy Stuff” about photo doctoring of the stars, and for the first time ever, I got more than 600 hits in one day on my blog – that’s a lot for me – and the majority came through Pinterest. So with ambitions to spread my blog to a wider audience, I can say it’s definitely helping me achieve my goal. BUT you must put a photo on every blog you want to pin – something you must do anyway if you want your blog to succeed. Getting into the specifics and hoping to save you some time, I’ve come up with a starting list of who will like it – here goes: If you’re a blogger (as I said above) and you want to share your words with a broader audience, then this is a great platform to do so If you’re in online publishing – in any industry – set yourself up on Pinterest. I’m seeing a rush in this field If you’re in the education field, check it out – apparently this is quite a hit with teachers – I’m not a teacher, so don’t understand exactly how, but worth looking into if you are a teacher. Here’s a link and another to give you some insight Babies, families, etc… there’s lots here for those in that category If you love fashion and being inspired by others’ ideas – male or female – it’s gold. Shoes, clothes, makeup, jewellery, gowns, hair, etc… A bit of a DIY junkie or love craft? That alone is one of the biggest reasons people use the site If you are a photographer or selling photography services – get going, but #tag your location if selling a service A very large part of Pinterest is focused on the Wedding industry – dresses, bridesmaid’s frocks, engagement rings, cakes, etc… definitely not for me, but lots of people do love this fairytale stuff If you love your books, music and movies, recommendations abound. The sci-fi/fantasy  books industry seems to be getting a lot of attention on Pinterest, which makes me happy If you’re into home renovations, want to make your home beautiful, spend time dreaming about your ideal home, or you’re an interior decorator – professional or amateur – it’s for you Anyone who loves food, cooking, recipes and setting a lovely table Travel and dreams – some will go, some will spend their life dreaming of going – either way, a perfect place to plan or dream Inspirational stuff – it abounds with quotes and cutesy images – in fact, most of the ones doing the rounds on Facebook these days must come from Pinterest. Humour, love, education, family, business – you name it, you’ll find a quote to suit your state of mind Art – whether you enjoy looking at it or enjoy doing it, this section is brilliant – in fact if you’re an artist, share your art on Pinterest and spread the word. Also if you’re looking for a new tattoo design, perfect place for ideas If you are a heterosexual woman or a gay man, there is plenty of eye candy to enjoy – feel free to follow my Hot Blokes pin. Straight boys and gay women, same can be said for hot women If you’re into spirituality or religion, and want to share your wisdom or contribute to the story, this is a great opportunity to influence beyond your circle A lot of the images inspire wonderful memories from life – for me it’s specific moments in time, especially around travel and I get to add my memories to someone else’s photo or image – that’s pretty sweet If you’re into architecture or design, this is for you If you want to be inspired to get off your arse and exercise – there’s plenty of hot and healthy bods to perv at, and ideas to get motivated If you like cute and cuddly or exotic animals – plenty to see here too Cars and motorbikes, gardening, history, prints & posters, technology, sports or products – there are sections on all I could go on and on and on…. Finally, the business opportunities on Pinterest are gradually being understood and there is advice

Many years ago I watched the movie “Rob Roy” and from that day I hoped I could find a man who was manly in all of the beautiful ways a man is manly, but capable of loving me with an open heart and strong enough to be my equal – because it certainly takes strength for a man to allow a woman to be his equal. It was a dream I held on to and believed in for many many years and I never gave up on the possibility, even when it looked like I’d be a spinster forever! On July 12th 2003, I walked into BQ Bar on Boat Quay, Singapore, and there he was at last. It was a magical night and it’s been magical ever since… with a couple of hiccups along the way. Our whirlwind romance was quickly followed with us agreeing to get married in Delhi 2004, an amazing and crazy wedding in Koh Samui, Thailand in 2005, two magnificent and exciting lads (2006 and 2008), three international moves (2009-2010), job security and job insecurity, challenges, laughs, and more adventures and life experiences than most people get in a lifetime – phew, it’s been exhausting! But it hasn’t all been smooth sailing and yet we remain happy as two pigs in shit most of the time. The reason I love Steve the most is because of his courage. Many years ago I understood that this is the quality I admire the most in people and it was essential in my future partner. I’m not talking about male warrior type of courage (although Steve has that in abundance) – I’m talking about heart courage. The courage to love deeply and with abandon. The courage to admire and respect the person you are with, because it is the togetherness and equality that brings out the best in both of you. The courage to laugh all the way from your boots, and to fight in the same way, with the ability to say sorry quickly and enjoy making up. The courage to be who you are, when all around you others struggle with their identity. The courage to love your children deeply, to be willing to sacrifice everything because their well-being is what matters most, and to show them that sensitivity in a man is absolutely fine. The courage to love and serve those important to you. The courage to be strong when the world seems to be beating you down. And the courage to be open to new ideas, new ways of thinking and the courage to forgive. Steve is that and more. He has taught me so much too – especially about love. He is an amazing person. He is an amazing husband. And the boys are so lucky to have such a beautiful Dad. Every day I feel grateful that I waited for my love and soul mate to arrive, because it is so special being married to such a beautiful, loving, caring, sensitive and masculine man. It is also very special parenting with a man of his qualities. On that soppy note, I want to wish my North, my South, my East, my West a VERY happy birthday, and I hope this year and all the ones that follow continue to be happy, content, peaceful and stress free – with a lot of abundance in the mix! I really am looking forward to walking along the beach when we’re old – you with your nut bra and me with my jugs banging against my knees. There’s an image! Do you know how fine you are to me Steve? With love and without the bollocks Andy

We all know that doctoring photos (or photo shopping) is part and parcel of the beauty industry. It’s been going on not only since the beginning of photography, but since the beginning of art and will continue to be a part of life, because it’s about fantasy and the unattainable. I get that side of it, I really do, but when Mamamia published these photos of models and other famous people, as well as these supermodel shots, I was really quite shocked by how far it is taken. I mean look at the supermodels in their swimsuits? Look at everyone’s blotchy and freckly skin – see nothing to be ashamed of if you’re freckly! Boobs and cleavages are much bigger – or smaller – than reality. Madonna thankfully looks her age. Twiggy’s photo is just dishonest. Cameron looks great before and after so why change it? Then look at Kim Kardashians’ significantly smaller waist? And why the hell would they reduce Jennifer Love Hewitts’ very sexy and impressive boobs? That’s just criminal. Is there something wrong with having sexy, big boobs? Doctoring photos to perfection isn’t going away – you just have to witness the poisonous vitriol that comes as a result of +size model shows – people don’t want to see imperfection. Not to mention those +size models are typically sizes 10-12 anyway – if anyone can tell me on what parallel universe that’s considered +size, I’d love to know!! The reality is we want to see perfection in our stars. When we look at photos of our idols or those we admire, we don’t want to see that they’re just like us. The problem with this culture is consequences – millions of women (and men) all over the world destroying their bodies and their lives to achieve something that is obviously unattainable. I wonder if humanity will ever progress beyond this point? I wonder if humanity as a whole will ever discover that beauty truly is within? Many a time I am without hope as we continue to live in a cage of myth! Happy Sunday my beauties. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I’ve just finished reading “A Dance with Dragons” and, like the previous books in the series, it was brilliant – gritty, devious, heroic, fantastical, compelling, page-turning, crude, sexy… you get the gist. No one does fantasy quite like you, that’s for sure. It was also nice to have Tyrion back in the story, as well as Jon, Daenerys and the little updates on Bran (who I’m most curious about), as well as a host of other great characters. A sign of a truly great fantasy is missing the characters after you finish the book and I miss them dearly. This is why I wanted to write to you. WHEN is the next book coming out? When youfinished “A Feast for Crows” in 2005, you promised we’d get our fix of the rest of the characters next year – which I took to be 2006. Well here we are in 2012 and I’ve just read it. Now I appreciate it was published in 2011, but I actually waited until the soft copy came out, because I’d waited so long already, why rush out to purchase the hard cover version, which is painful to read? When I read hard cover books, it hurts my wrists holding the big tomes open, and my body as the sharp corners poke into my skin when reading in bed. Now you are an author of a calibre that I always buy in hard cover – pain and all – but not for this one… maybe for the next? Depends on when you publish it I suppose. Understand that I am not being critical here, because I appreciate you have been a very busy man creating HBO’s “Game of Thrones” and well done on that. Not only have you given me an interpretation of the story different to my own imagination – and luckily I like your interpretation – but you have made fantasy appealing to a much broader demographic than before. I’ve been banging on at people for years about getting into fantasy, and every time I twist someone’s arm and they indulge, they are forever grateful I got them onto it – my husband is on that grateful list. So I believe you have done this on a much broader scale, which is a wonderful thing for writers of fantasy, and I’m also hoping it will create new fantasy writing talent for all of us to enjoy. I am an avid fantasy reader, often consuming book after book after book for months on end. Sometimes I have to force myself to take a break and read something more “serious,” but it’s not long before I re-indulge in my fantasy addiction – hey, there are worse things I could be addicted to? My Dad got me onto fantasy more than 30 years ago, and I see it as one of his great gifts in my life – I love it and I love how it drives my imagination. Suffice to say I am a huge fan of your work and you are definitely one of my favourite fantasy writers. But please, all I ask is don’t take too long to publish the next book? I don’t want to forget the story by the time it comes out – as I did with the last one and I had to re-read “A Feast for Crows” but I forgot the story before that too… One day I’ll read them all again. In closing off, I felt compelled to ask you, on behalf of your adoring fans who have been with you since the beginning, please get that next bloody book out ASAP OK? Have we got a deal? Keep up the amazing work. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

So after more than a month of having both boys at home, it was Jax’s turn to start his new school today – it’s attached to Lex’s so they can continue to be together. The decision to move Jax to a new school has honestly been the hardest we’ve ever had to make, because he was so happy at his old one. He adored his teacher, had a gaggle of best mates, a couple of girlfriends, and it was never a problem dropping him off – he loved it. On another level, the decision was also hard because I worry this could be the one to knock that beautiful, swaggering confidence out of him… a quality we treasure because it is essential armour for taking on the world. Everyone says kids are adaptable, kids love change, etc, etc, etc… and I see it with my boys all the time – they’re much cooler than Mum and Dad when it comes to taking on new challenges. But it didn’t make it easy today; handing him over into new hands and having him cling because he was feeling “shy.” Bless his cotton socks. There are some practical reasons for making this decision – for example dropping them off at two schools on opposite sides of the island would have been impossible, but we would have done it. However, the reason we had to do it is because when a school gives up on one child, how can you trust them with your other child’s welfare? We tried to get our mindset back into a trusting mode, but we just couldn’t with the management of the previous school. How long until Jax was also “too much trouble?” No, it could never be the same again and that is why we had to make the decision to change his school as well. When we dropped Lex off last week I was able to hold it together until he went in. With Jax I was a mess before I even said goodbye – Steve at least waited until after we left. It was awful seeing him so uncomfortable, but there is one thing I know for sure. At 3pm today, when I go and collect him, he will have been absolutely cool as a cucumber, charming the teacher, making new friends, and finding his groove – because that is what Jax does. He’s an amazing little man, we absolutely adore him, and now I’m just really looking forward to giving our lads a few uninterrupted years of peace and hopefully, minimal change. That is our greatest desire right now – peace and serenity for all of us. Ahhh seriously, kids – cost you a fortune and break your heart as Steve likes to say! We often wonder why we did it, but life wouldn’t be as bright without my little lads in it, because they are brilliant kids. With that said, I can honestly say I never knew it was going to be so hard! Since bringing them into the world, it feels like my heart is ripped out of my body everyday as I endure every second of their pain… As you can imagine, I’m expecting a glum day until I can see their smiling faces again at 3pm. I know they’ll be fine, I know we’ll be fine, I just wish all of us could find our groove again, and resume living with lighter hearts. That’s really all we want. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea 

Steve and I are back from dropping Lex off at his new school – Excelerate – and our little love walked in without even turning back – which was a relief – but it still left Steve and I in tears. It’s emotionally intense stuff this parenting job, but especially so when you have a little lad with special needs right now and a traditional education system that doesn’t want to support those needs. When Lex was kicked out of his school and we started our school hunt, we were left with two choices – mainstream, where we’d probably face the same shite again, or pure special needs, something we know would make Lex intensely unhappy. He’s not a special needs kids, he’s just got some special needs right now, and those needs are very specific. We think we’ve found it – the only place in Singapore run by speech and occupational therapists – designed to help kids like Lex catch up with their speech, learn how to manage their emotions in an appropriate way, and at the end of it, he graduates and there’s no more bollocks going into mainstream. He’ll just be like any other five year old kid having a bad day sometimes. The last few months have been intensely challenging, because we wanted to find a place that was going to work for him but everywhere we went, we knew it wasn’t right. We needed an option in the middle and somehow (thanks to Google) we came across Excelerate and knew this was our middle ground. It’s a system that helps each child individually, with the aim that when they graduate, they’re ready for mainstream education. We know Lex is going to thrive – he’s working so bloody hard to speak, and his emotional outbursts are less and less – so now we just hope he enjoys it enough to want to go every day. We need this to work. We want to be able to talk to our darling boy and hear what he has to say. We need to be able to reason with him and we can’t do that if he doesn’t understand us. We need him to fit into the normal world as much as he can and not suffer any more bollocks. We need him to be able to communicate verbally because the world is not designed for people who communicate in any other way. We need him to be happy and confident in himself so he can get out there and take on the world. We need him to catch up now because soon kids his age will start laughing at him, and our sensitive little man will take that to heart – we need to protect him from that and the only way we can is to help him to speak. We just need him to be OK and happy and confident. That’s all we want. This chapter in Lex’s life has been so bloody hard. He’s such a sweetheart, and in the long run, we know he’s going to be absolutely fine, but having faced so many setbacks along the way (Lex and us as a family)we have everything crossed that this is it. The problem is it’s hard having confidence in your decisions when it comes to kids like Lex because, 1. so many of the decisions we’ve made don’t appear to be the “right” ones, and 2. There’s no one to give you any decent guidance to help you make the right choices. Oh there are plenty of people who have opinions, but no one who really knows what we’re dealing with.  So today we hope this is the right decision – the decision that is going to help him move forward and as a result, give our whole family some peace of mind. We’ve just got everything crossed that this is it, because I don’t know how much more disruption and change we can deal with, and I certainly cannot take another rejection when it comes to Lex. I know he hasn’t been easy, but all he needs is time and patience now – please let this be the right decision? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea