I’ve Got Some Thinking to Do

I wrote about life metaphors when I was about half way through Anthony Robbins, “Awaken the Giant Within” and I’ve finally finished it. I can’t remember taking a month to read a book for a long while, but it was a thoroughly enjoyable and incredibly powerful read. No one is more surprised than I. I’m not sure what I liked most about it – it explores so many aspects of “us” – what makes us tick, how to change habits, how to refocus, how to shake off past shit– definitely a good thing for me to read right now.

I’m going to go back and do a lot of the things he suggested, because all of it can make my life better, but I reckon the most interesting thing was the chapter on personal values. He lists love, success, freedom, intimacy, security, adventure, power, passion, comfort and health (in no particular order) as the top values most people come up with in his seminars. He then asks the reader to put these values in priority order.

So I came up with:
  1. Passion
  2. Love
  3. Freedom
  4. Intimacy
  5. Adventure
  6. Health
  7. Success
  8. Comfort
  9. Security
  10. Power

But then I thought about it and wondered if that order was more about what I think I should value, or what I do value? So then I came up with:

  1. Passion, freedom, adventure
  2. Love and success
  3. Intimacy
  4. Health
  5. Comfort
  6. Security
  7. Power
You see, passion, freedom and adventure have been my primary driving forces all of my adult life, BUT those values can be pretty challenging when one is no longer single and able to put a backpack on and just go. So it made me think, perhaps that’s why I’ve found the wife/family transition hard – pretty much a constant battle and cause of frustration within? Perhaps that’s why I’ve never found the real joy and peace many women seem to experience when they enter the world of motherhood?

It’s certainly not that I haven’t loved and adored my boys, it’s not that I haven’t done everything I can to make them happy – but I have done all of it at the expense of my own happiness and satisfaction, and that’s what I’ve been trying to resolve these last few years – one way or another. Accept it as is or change it to benefit all. I suppose the main question I constantly ask is how can we all be happy and satisfied within this family mix?

Coming back to Singapore has DEFINITELY helped get more balance in our lives and I’m so much happier with the mix of professional achievement, while having real quality time to spend with all three of my boys. But the internal work is not complete (it never is really,) and one of my priorities now is to reassess and come up with a new list of values. Once I know what they are, I’m going to bed them down firmly in my heart, I’m going to live them every day of my life, and I really do believe this is going to help me find some peace within my family unit.

However, in order to ensure this doesn’t just benefit me, I’m going to do it with Steve, because if we are out of synch with our values, I don’t think we can enjoy a happy and healthy marriage. Luckily, Steve is really keen to do it, although I’m sure intimacy will have a high placement on his list – men!

If you’re in a bit of a bind, confused, wondering what it’s all about, have no clear idea where you’re going, can’t really think of anything to live for, just feeling “blah” about life…. or all of the other stuff many of us feel everyday of our lives, you could do a lot worse than read this book I reckon.

Yours, without the bollocks


5 Responses

  1. Always love you openess and honesty this was wonderfully refreshing. Also whilst on the list making trip why not give this a try. Love and Fear. list your positive beliefs/traits under Love and you neagatives under Fear and check out where you spend most of your day it can be a wonderful eye opener xxxx

    PS By the way I know heaps of people hate to use the word negative, but that's what these traits are if they keep you in Fear

  2. Love Anthony Robins; have had that book for years. My dad uses these quotes often "I do not see failure as failure but as an opportunity to better myself" (very true in motherhood) and my all time favourite from Dad is "If we did everything we are capable of doing we would absolutely astound ourselves".

    Love your thoughts!! See you soon


  3. I think this is your best entry to date. From beginning to end, you've obviously been thinking about this a lot and taken a lot from this book (may have to give it ago myself!), a lot of planning in this blog entry.

    It was a great read!

  4. ps. you make a wonderful mother and I think you should be told this every day (even if its just you reminding yourself!)

    And here's a reminder from me: you're an amazing women whom I adore and appreciate. I hope to never hurt you and only show you the love that you have given me. Love you x

  5. Ahhh Jen, you are a sweet thing! How could you ever hurt me?? Thanks for always reading the blog. Naomi, looking forward to a catch-up – happy resettling! And Adrienne, as always, you are such an amazing light in the world. I've done a lot on fear and work a lot not to live it in – especially since becoming a Mum because it certainly becomes pronounced then i.e. fear of losing your kids, etc… but it creeps in for sure. Big kisses to all three of you – amazing women all xxxxx

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