How do you Stop your Head?

I’ve never been scared of confronting my own head. In fact, I first started doing it unconsciously when I backpacked for months at a time on my own. It’s amazing what can go on “upstairs” when you’ve got no one else to talk to. I found those times very therapeutic, as it gave me the opportunity to look deep within, challenge my thinking on deeply entrenched or fixed ideas, as well as the opportunity to contrast everything I thought I knew, with some of the wonderful and not so wonderful things I was seeing on my travels. Because I was able to do this, I shook a lot of the “life shit” away that I didn’t even know I was carrying until I had this chance to confront myself.

Roll forward to nearly five years ago and I become a mum. There’s no question I love and adore my lads, but in many ways, I’ve found the whole transition into motherhood pretty challenging and felt quite lost in it for a while. Essentially I didn’t know how to be me, while doing the best job I could and loving the boys with my whole heart. As a result, the boys won – as they always came first – but I was finding myself getting pretty unhappy with the whole package that was my life. So a couple of years ago, I decided to go really hard and challenge my head and heart at a whole new level.

As always, I started reading. I read spiritual books, religious books, non-spiritual books and anti-religious books, books by contentious conspiracy theorists, history books, as well as biographies by great people I respected. All of them gave me things to think about and I decided my quest was to understand the universe – how it all goes together, what it all means, and develop a much deeper understanding of what life is all about. I know that I will never get there (in this physical life anyway,) but I enjoy the challenge of always striving towards it, because what if some of the ideas out there are true?

I’d have to say that no single book has ever won me over completely , although there’s definitely a few I’ve enjoyed immensely. The reality is, I’m not looking for a belief system, nor do I want to follow something already created. It’s just not me. I’ve always preferred taking a whole bunch of different opinions and mashing them together so I can come up with my own ideas because all ideas are valid to me…. that’s my preferred way of absorbing information and beliefs anyway.

I’ve had one guide on this journey so far, Peter Hoddle in Australia, and he taught me to meditate – which felt like such a miracle for the crazy-headed me, but he also took me on my first past life regression, and since then, I’ve managed to do a few on my own. Very cool. I loved working with Peter and hope I can meet others that can give me some new ideas, because that’s what it’s all about I reckon –finding others on a questioning path and seeing where they are and why. I think more and more people are doing this now for sure.  

One of things I’ve discovered is as you dig and probe and question and reassess your values and decide you’re going to believe in the law of attraction or manifestation or whatever and then accept that all is as it’s meant to be and that there is a larger purpose at play in the universe and that your path is defined to give you challenges to learn even though the learning can be quite painful sometimes and and and AND – well sometimes you get a bit worn out by it all.

The other thing is when you strip yourself bare, before you can come screaming back to the light, you get REALLY bloody down. I’ve heard that the process of enlightenment can never be quick because we are not capable of handling it, so you’ve got to go in stages, and every time you meld a new understanding into your being, it leaves you ready to explore the next stage. Which means you go down again, take it in, come up feeling new and shiny, before heading on to the next stage.

It’s been about two years now, and I’ve loved the evolution of my thinking and my values, but I’d like a little break now to relax and breathe. The problem is my head won’t let me. It seems that when you start this process you’ve got to be in it ‘til the end. But then, can it ever end? I love it and hate it at the same time, because it ain’t easy at all… but the emotional highs are a pure high, so it’s not all bad. I know I won’t stop, because I can’t – I’m laid fully open now, and once opened, it doesn’t seem that you can close up again, but maybe I can just have a little holiday from it?

I’m curious to know if any of my dear readers are going through the same thing?

Yours, without the bollocks


6 Responses

  1. So I did some research on this Hoddle guy to see what you are talking about… and Eddo, I dig your spirit mate, you have a great "energy"… but there is not much going on here except the pursuit of money. I know that is what you are focused on in your life… networking, business, success… these things have value, but they can also be used to manipulate. In fact, that is what drives the thing. People must be convinced, or as the two Peter's and "The Council of Twelve" say… you must have faith. You MUST believe to make it work for you. Or in it's manipulative equivilent, for it to work for you, you MUST believe. But what is faith? You could argue that it is an aspect of humanity that has been slected by evfolution. We naturally gravitate toward it because it is a very effective tool for gathering a critical mass of people that tips a population over into a cooperative capable of withstanding events that would destroy an individual or small group. It provides a community which can assist each other with food supply, building shelter, repeling those that would take your assets and, importantly, provide genetic variance essential for successful procreation. And so, those human's with a proclivity toward faith have a greater chance of survival. And it is because it presents a warm comfy feeling that people are willing to pay "$2000, with a payment of $400 due two weeks minimum prior to each workshop". And what is he offering? an introduction to the "12 elders" and various other paths to introspection that don't cost a cent with a little bit of self-effacement and honesty. With the greatest respect, what is more likely? That "12 Elders whose sole purpose is to assist mankind" are chatting to this fellow and he also has the ability to actually pin-point and describe a "past life" or he is using fairly pedestrian (and time-honoured) techniques to turn a buck? Religion has been doing it for years. All you gotta do is have faith. Ironically, Eddo, it is complete bollocks. Karl

  2. Darls, I'm feeling in your sites and that's not a particularly safe place to be!! I appreciate that Peter's message – especially around the Council of 12 – is a bit out there, but I can assure you that he is the real deal. He's the fella I ghost wrote the book with and as part of the process, I attended one of his workshops – for free – and it was a really interesting experience. Peter is an awesome, down to earth and very wise man – he helped both of us through a pretty shit time in Aus. The reality is, spiritual people have a right to make money too and the idea that what they do is spiritual and therefore, maybe they should do it for free or cheaply, well I think that's wrong. Sometimes putting a price tag on things gives perceived value. Anyways gotta piss off and make some money, or meditate, or something, so big kisses for you, Andrea

  3. there is no way anyone will ever stop people like this making money, eddo, but I have just gotta push back against the WAY he is making money. My take on spirituality is decidedly terrestial… I play music, I surf, I wonder about the "message" I get from my subconcious when I dream, I love the bent psychoanalysis of astrology… it freaky shit man but fun and interesting, but it makes virtualy no practical sense… although I make a (tiny, little) bit of money from music. Guilty as charged. But my "guru" in these things is the late, great Carl Sagan… there is no way to prove Hoddle is not "the real deal", but what is MORE LIKELY? My take on his business, or your assurance (that is remarkably similar to his)that we should simply believe because he says it's so? I am sure he is a nice enough guy and has a lot of love to give… that's great. But past life regression will not fix a struggling business, raging hormones and the monumental task of working out how to be parents. Hey, I learnt to meditate when I was 13… I requested I go to a psychologist because I thought I was weird and I wanted to fix it. Obviously, I never fixed the weirdness (I have learnt to live with that) but he taught me to meditate. It's a process that involves slowing autonomic nervous functions within the body by steadying the mind, and cycling between the two. Nothing fancy, and it has nothing to do with 12 imaginary dudes conjured up to make an ostensibly nice guy some money. BUT… it HAS got me out of some SERIOUS crisies of the mind and soul over the years… and my parents paid the psychologist. But he never kept trying to sell me or my parents crystals and tuning forks and telling me I needed to come back to "get to a higher plane". It's an exercise that has an effect. The rest of it is money grabbing bullshit that, as you say, has no value other than what people can get tricked into perceiving. Peace be with you sisterxx

  4. I went and had a look at Peters website, I think Peter could be more believable if he introduced the 12 council metaphorically rather then creating that bogus story ("yes Moses, the bush was on fire, it spoke to you and it was the voice of god" *rolls eyes*)

    I'm not religious but those who do have faith will happy turn to their church for guidance and not expect an invoice after endless sessions; there are few physiologist or a councillors who would be willing to work for free so I don't think there is anything wrong with finding someone who you can talk to regardless of the cost.
    I am a deep believer in your "paths to introspection" but something I have struggled with over many years is learning the fine line between healthy and unhealthy self-effacement and honesty. The mind is fickle and can play terrible tricks on you,(vanity, selfishness, anger, pain, suffering, paranoia, anorexia, alcoholism, schizophrenia). Having someone to discuss your thoughts openly, who is there to listen and can give an outsiders perspective which is challenging, constructive and positive, what's wrong with that?
    The fool is someone who continues to pay but receives no benefit.

  5. Jeez, folks, all we need to do is get into the same room with a case of beer and we have a fun night of debating ahead of us! I think, Edo, Karl takes a particularly Hitchensist take on religion (and spirituality), which, frankly, I'm not in any way opposed to, but I also accept that YOU had an experience NOT KARL that helped you when you needed it. I think that's important for people at various times in their lives, and so, so be it. However, I do think we need to be very careful. While I agree that people should be able to make money and that charging gives things a perceived value (and as a former massage therapist I can vouch for that 100 times over), but the very disturbing potential for people have power over others through organised religion (or spiritual groups) is where I take issue. From the Catholic Church's ability to discommunicate believers for a percieved 'sin' to Henry VIII's creation of a whole new church just so he could get divorced and rule England without interference from a church he didn't control; from corruption in Buddhist sects to the pure drivel of Jerry Falwell, people will always find themselves in hours of need and someone rushing in to fulfill that need for a price. Why? I guess it's because it's less scary than the real answer. I don't bloody well know.

    I think that we SHOULD all look about us for answers, and you're quite right in doing so. In the end, those times when the answers seem to elude us to the most can be the most liberating, though. Scary, but liberating, because if we don't know, who's to say anyone else really does?

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