Andrea T Edwards

Guts in my Mouth Stuff

It’s been a pretty intense couple of weeks – well couple of months really, no, no, no, let’s be honest now – couple of years. And that is why my beloved Without the Bollocks is languishing, unloved and lonely. I love this blog more than anything else I do, but I’ve had to throw my hands up and say, it’s OK. You’ve been consistent since 2009, but during this small window of time in your life, you aren’t doing half the stuff you need to do, so BE AT PEACE. Alas, I’m not very good at listening to myself either… 

But if my readers love me, they’ll be back when I am…. Right? Please say yes!! Although all evidence points to no. C’est la vie.

So what have I been doing, I hear you ask? Well it’s all mostly work related, but one little addition is an elevation in getting out there and speaking to people – both opportunities I’ve created, as well as getting invited to speak at industry events. Wonderful opportunities all, the thing is, sometimes in the hours preceding these opportunities, my bowels turn to water and I’m a bloody nightmare to be around! Steve will verify this point. The smaller, intimate affairs are much easier, but those big industry ones – my word!! This is especially the case when I haven’t had a chance to test my message first. It can only get easier right?

It’s not that I have a fear of public speaking. That’s never been an issue for me and I’ve never understood why it’s one of those top fears for us humans. However throughout my career, I’ve usually had to do it on a smaller scale, where most of the people listening to me actually know me, know what I stand for, and understand my passion for the subject I’m discussing. Change that to a room of 150 strangers, presenting content I haven’t taken beyond my business circle, well that’s a whole new world of anxiousness.

The thing is, I’ve never had this great desire to be centre stage. Even as a youngster I spent a lot of time on stage, but my favorite memories are always when I was part of something much bigger. I know people think I’m gregarious and can only imagine that being on stage is exactly all I’ve ever dreamed about, but the reality is, it’s not.

What I DO have a yearning desire to do, however, is help people achieve more, be more, succeed more, and hopefully make the world a better place while I’m at it. I’ve gathered some pretty handy knowledge over the years, as well as insights, which I believe are pretty useful for others. The opportunity to share what I know is a wonderful thing to do, and I always love it when these sessions go well and people walk away inspired to make a change that will help them be more successful. That feels good and it makes me happy.

However the build-up is excruciating, but equally, so is the vulnerability of it all. I didn’t like being vulnerable when I was a youngster, and managed to develop a tough nut persona in my teens. That isn’t a healthy place though, so I put in the hard work on that side of me and re-vulnerabalized myself in the last couple of decades. I like being vulnerable, it makes me more human and a gentler person.

But fucking it up on stage, making a fool of myself, slipping in an accidental fuck in a business meeting, and all of that other stuff…. Well it’s squirm material for me. But ‘they say’ to grow you have to face your fears head on and do it anyway. I am doing it anyway. Just wish that feeling in my guts would go away.

And with that, I sign off for a two week holiday with my three loves to Vietnam. We haven’t had a two week holiday in more than a decade and I can’t tell you how excited I am that we can get away and see a new place. I also love seeing the world through my boys’ eyes – that’s magic for me. I know they are going to bloody love it and grow a little more as people.

So stay tuned for Adventures from Nam. Hopefully I’ll have some time for reflection, while trying to disengage from life for a short time.

Yours, without the bollocks

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