About a month ago, Steve had a nightmare that Jax fell off something very high and then he woke up. After sharing that little horror with me, I started having similar dreams. Heights and I aren’t friends. At the age of 25, crossing a log in Nepal over a creek (it wasn’t even high), I seized up in the middle, terrified and that was it, I’ve had a shocking thing with heights ever since. It’s been a pain in the arse, because before that, I was a cliff-climbing, bridge-jumping lunatic.
|The glass lift to Marble Mountain, Vietnam|
Today, being up high can give me vertigo – whether it’s standing on a balcony in a skyscraper, or climbing the steps to a water-slide in Bali – I am a mess. If I think about crossing the string bridges on the Annapurna trek in Nepal now (which I did before the log incidence) it leaves me gasping for breath as I try to go to sleep.
So with this inherited nightmare, I was convinced something terrible was going to happen when we were in Vietnam. It got off to a great start in the first week in Halong Bay. We were having a night swim and Jax thought it would be a good idea to run around the slippery edge of an infinity pool with a two story drop the other side. Steve and I screamed in unison: “get in the bloody pool mate and don’t do that again!” Jax got the message.
I didn’t sleep well that night. Anxiety dreams filled my head as the rest of the family snored in peace. However, I was hoping that the dreams would go now. The first week was done, with no falls, so perhaps I could relax a little? Not likely.
|I got him, don’t worry love|
As we were driving from Hue to Hoi An, we drove past Marble Mountain, and way off into the distance, we could see this glass elevator scaling the side of a cliff – that was how you got up there. I said to Steve no way we’re doing that. He knew how many anxiety attacks I was having and agreed that we’d give it a skip.
But then we had a day in Denang, with our mates Sam and Dave. I hadn’t shared my nightmare with them and they had no idea I was feeling this way. We had big hopes of Denang being a knock out city, but alas, it is one of those places I never expect to return to. However, we had plenty of time to fill that day, and as we drove back to Hoi An, the car took a right at the entrance to Marble Mountain. SHITE!!
Steve looked at me and knew exactly how I was feeling. “You stay in the car love. I’ll take them and I promise I won’t let Jax out of my sight.”
No bloody way was I staying put. Not because I didn’t trust Steve (I do with every inch of my being), I just couldn’t sit in the car, anxiously waiting for them to return, not knowing what was going on.
We went up the mountain, and it was bloody AMAZING. We also kept a VERY close eye on Jax, with most of the photos showing one of us holding tight to our little man. Naturally, they regularly ran off, forcing Steve or I to scramble after them, banging our knees and hips on the impossibly steep marble stairs. But it’s well worth a visit. Incredible that something so beautiful was built so high in a mountain. Humans are amazing.
By the time we got to the bottom, I can’t tell you how relieved I was that nothing terrible happened. And then when I got back to work, I found this Huffpost article – Why Nightmares Might Actually Be Good For You – perhaps it’s right and it’s just my brains’ way of putting my fears behind me?
|Holding onto his shirt|
I don’t know. I don’t feel completely relaxed about Jax going out adventuring yet, but as he’s the more cautious one, I’ve just got to believe he’ll be OK. Bloody kids I tell ya!
In the meantime, Steve is NOT allowed to share those nightmares with me again.
Yours, without the bollocks