Fuck it Enough

One of my most cherished friendships of the last few years is Reema and Gautam. We are now oceans apart, with them living between Australia and India, with plans to move elsewhere, and all I want to say is: please come back to Singapore? Anyway, in 2009 they came to visit us when living in Phuket – at a time when we were trying to work out what the hell to do with our lives. We weren’t in a good place back then, because we had absolutely no idea what the future held, and we’d already agreed Phuket definitely wasn’t for us at that stage in the boys’ lives. One night, while drinking copious amounts of booze and having a huge giggle, Gautam decided to tell us a story. Gataum’s one of those people that’s a natural story teller and can bring any story to life – he’d definitely be great around a campfire. However, if you read this Gautam, I apologize ‘cos I know I won’t do your story-telling justice. Hopefully I won’t screw it up too much and can at least get the essence across. So the story goes, in ancient times (India I always presumed) a great King called his wisest advisors into the throne room and asked them to come up with a piece of advice that would cover every eventuality. The advisors said (well words to that effect): “but my Lord, you are the richest, noblest and most powerful King in all the land, why do you need such a thing?” He didn’t explain his motives and again insisted they give him wise words to carry him through any situation he might face.   All of the advisors went away, discussing the King’s request, arguing over what to respond with, and it went on for many days. Eventually the oldest and wisest advisors knew the answer and wrote it down on a piece of paper (although I’m sure it wasn’t paper back then?) and gave it to the King. The King put these words in his pocket unread. Many years later, war had been raging, the Kingdom in ruins, the Army defeated and in retreat, with the enemy over the next hill ready to annihilate them all. He understood that this was the time to read the words of his wisest counselor  and when he opened the page, all it said was: “this too shall pass.” And it did. Many years after this time, the King gained his Kingdom back and entered his City upon an elephant in a triumphant victory parade, with his subjects cheering and throwing flowers to their beloved King. It was a magnificent day, his ego was enormous, and he felt invincible – but he decided to read the words again “this too shall pass.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought of those words these last few years, nor can I tell you how many times I’ve both said them and had them said to me. They are so right, and while hindsight is a bitch, no matter how good or bad things might be right now, always remember: “this too shall pass.” When you keep that front of mind, there is only one conclusion to draw every day – have a bloody great time right now, and enjoy every now at every moment in your life, because now is all there is after all. Thanks Gautam – you’re a legend. We’ve carried your words with us more than you know. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Some of the activities I find uncomfortable include getting a root canal, a titanium implant, a colonoscopy and a 24 hour bus ride in a developing country while suffering from the travelers’  shits with no access to a toilet. All of these are unpleasant experiences and I can very easily add to that – starting a new job. The awkwardness, the confusion, the information overload, the fact everyone else is so much more intelligent than you, and just not knowing who anyone is, or what they’re responsible for, or who can help you, or where the toilet is, or which coffee mug you can use, or or or…. It’s always ALWAYS intense and challenging. Mix into this a complete change in lifestyle, as the mini-human alarm clocks are replaced with electric or battery operated ones, and from the moment those dulcet tones crash you out of lurid dreams, you need to leap out of bed, shower, eat breakfast, get dressed, consume as much coffee as your body can take, dry your hair, put make-up on, pack your bag, cuddle your kids, be pleasant to your husband, and then get out the door to an office on the other side of town somehow, to be there on time, only not knowing where anyone is for the meeting scheduled, and walking around aimlessly for an hour or more, wondering what the hell I do right now? Yes that has been my first few days in my new job – confused, awkward, bamboozled, overwhelmed and stupid. During these last two days I have had to ingest so much information and most of it is sitting in my brain, in a big knowledge quagmire, and it’s too soon to identify any threads of knowledge I can slowly extract and use to focus on getting something done. I know when the first thread comes loose, I will be ecstatic to sit down and actually get cracking on something useful. But until it becomes apparent what it actually is I can get started on, I remain hopelessly lost and confused. The good news is I think I’ve identified some things I can start doing next week, because once that happens, I know the flow will begin. A moment I will always remember from my very first day is finishing up a day of meetings, catching the elevator downstairs and standing in the lobby thinking – how the hell do I get home? I’d already worked out how to get to the office, but hadn’t quite gotten as far as the other important bit – getting home. I was also wearing heels – something I haven’t had to do in a very long time – so my feet were aching and I just wanted to put my fitflops on, definitely something I will be packing and taking to work with me from now on. Yes the days of comfortable shoes are upon me. But I still hadn’t worked out how to get home and I’m standing there, feet pulsing, and I look at the taxi queue, concluding (almost tearfully) there was no escape down that path as it had been raining all day and Singapore + rain = no chance in hell of a taxi. Right what else? A sign to the SMRT station – Singapore’s train system. Awesome, the only problem is I never catch the train – something that is obviously going to change. So I follow the signs, along with thousands of other people briskly heading home from work, realising that I somehow need to find love in my heart again for the human-transport-rat-race, squeezing and shoving onto the jam packed train, there are no seats available (so no foot relief in sight), and all the while I’m trying to work out which stop I need to go to, where I need to change trains en-route, getting thrown around as I can’t quite reach a hand hold through the throng of humanity, walking a long way between platforms, somehow working out how to get the next train and thankfully, falling into Steve’s loving embrace before he whisked me home, only 30 minutes before the boys went to bed, and Lex, in particular, was very unhappy with Mummy for not being around for him that day. There was anger, tears, a couple of slaps, but most importantly, lots and lots of cuddles ‘cos he just missed him Mum. Bless him.    Ironically, our little Lex always wakes up on the dot at 7am or earlier. He is the most consistent sleeper/waker-upperer I’ve ever known and for the first time EVER he slept in ‘til 8am. I had to say goodbye to him in bed, so I gave him a kiss and was out the door before he surfaced. I think waking up to a house with no Mummy in it, and then not seeing her again ‘til 30 minutes before bedtime, was just too much for my little man that day. Jax, on the other hand, was woken up at the same time as us, as he was nestled in our bed as usual. I reckon if anything is going to cure him of needing to sleep in Mum and Dad’s bed, it’s definitely going to be a daily aggressive alarm clock! So there you have it. I’m so glad it was only two days to get through in the first week, as I can now reflect and work out how to best approach each day, to ensure all of my time is maximized to meet all of my needs, as well as the families, and it’s given the boys a short taste of their new life with a lot less Mummy time. Phew, I’m definitely a bit blown away by it all. A lot of adjustments for everyone to make, but now that the initial stupid time is over, I’m looking forward to getting stuck into next week and working out where and how I can make a positive contribution and move forward quickly.

My littlest pudding, Jax, is five today and He’s the Man. He knows everything and has absolutely no problem arguing with anyone who contradicts him. He’s completely charming and nothing upsets him more than not being able to wrap people around his little finger – especially the ladies. He’s very cheeky and spends a large part of his day practising funny faces and multiple accents – however, based on his two best mates and 1st girlfriend originally coming from India, that’s his signature accent, although American is in there too.  There’s no doubt about it – he’s definitely picked up his Dad’s talent for accents. Overall Jax is annoying, argumentative, cantankerous and a big pain in my arse. But life without Jax would be very dull indeed. He makes me laugh every day, because he has a cracking sense of humour and I love it when he shares his dreams with me. I have great admiration for his strength of character, and while sometimes he’s a cranky bastard, he is such a strong little dude, who stands up for himself and for those he loves. His big brother drives him nuts and when Jaxie’s blood boils, man can he go wild. But if anyone else messes with Lex, he’s at his brother’s side 100 per cent, ‘cos no one has that right. It also appears Dad is not immune to Jax’s chivalry. During a recent pool-tussle between Mum and Dad, Jax took it on himself to beat his Dad up, because no one messes with his Mum either…. It’s pretty impressive having three lads who’ve got my back. Jax is magic and marvelous – I bloody love him. He’s got such an amazing future ahead of him – if we don’t screw him up along the way of course. He’s smart, curious, gentle, loving, charming, funny, strong and resilient. He knows who he is, what he likes (and Lightening McQueen remains top of the pops), and has a strong sense of justice. He also “knows” things, and so we’ve nicknamed him the prophet. It’s amazing how much our little man predicts and comes true – definitely one to listen to. My only wish for him is that he sleeps in his own bloody bed… I know it won’t last forever, as I’m sure he won’t be visiting us once puberty kicks in, but it’s been a long year of nightly interruptions… Jax you’re a terrific kid my love, and while I acknowledge that I’m biased, I figure that’s a Mother’s privilege. Happy 5thbirthday my love – you’re a cracker. Right, let the spoiling begin. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Today I have a question for you – would you consider yourself an optimist or a pessimist? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, because it would have been very easy for me to slip into pessimistic thinking these last few years, so I feel quite pleased with myself that I retained my optimism – although some days / weeks / months were shaky. The reality is, I was born optimistic and I hope my boys are too – although I’ll love them if they’re pessimists equally, I just hope they’re not. With that said, while I am definitely an optimist, I don’t think being a pessimist is a bad thing, it’s just not what I choose to be. Typically, a pessimist is a person who expects the worst – or the “wrong” outcome – but they are excited when proven wrong. An optimist will expect the “right” outcome and of course, are devastated when it doesn’t turn out as planned. If you look through the meaning of both words, there are various aspects that contribute to us being one or the other, and of course, many people sit somewhere in the middle, or switch during the journey we call life. So I’m an optimist. My glass is pretty much always half-full, and even when life gets hard, I still hold onto my optimistic tendency. I know I can be annoyingly optimistic, but I like living my life expecting the best of everyone and everything. It’s a good mindset for me. For example, everyone I meet gets the benefit of the doubt, and if they prove to be a dick along the way, that can be disappointing but it is what it is. I’m also rarely surprised when people are dicks. It’s important for me to always start from a place of liking people, trusting that we can make a connection, because ultimately, I believe everyone is good. I find it challenging when I meet people who demand that I earn their trust first, mainly because it’s not the way I operate, so it’s hard not to be offended when it happens. Most of the time I seem to pass the pessimists “test” and when I don’t, I move on. I know who I am and that’s life – you can’t get on with everyone. I also believe that things work out for the best, and while I don’t always appreciate the “best” that eventuates, I have a tendency to go with the flow (usually after having it’s a not fair tantrum) and focus on improving my lot from there. The idea that every aspect of my life is as it’s meant to be appeals to me. As such, even when stuff gets really shithouse, I dig deep, trying to understand what it is I’m supposed to learn so I can move forward and change my reality. That’s just the way I see things. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but we’re all so different. Reading up on optimists and pessimists while writing this blog, I found this great link with lots of insightful quotes on both. It appears that some pessimists believe optimists are stupid, and vice versa. You know, we are who we are and I choose to be an optimist when all of the evidence points otherwise. I’ve seen and experienced lots of bad stuff, but I still prefer to be an optimist, because, as a general rule, I reckon life is bloody great. I see optimism as a very clear choice and definitely not an indication of stupidity. In fact, considering some of the horrendous stuff I’ve witnessed around our world, it’s amazing I choose to remain an optimist, but it sits well “within” me. So which one are you and why? Or have you been one and then became the other because something happened? I just find it an interesting question and I’d love to know how you see yourself? But please, let’s not bag each other. We’re all such deep and complex creatures, each with our own experiences and interpretations of those experiences (that others are never able to understand), so can I ask that we be sweet to each other – pretty please? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea PS: if you’re interested, I found this test “Are you a Defensive Pessimist?” Check it out and see if you are…

Big news in the Without the Bollocks household – I’ve been offered a position within an IT companies’ APJ communications team and I’m going for it. To say I’m excited is an understatement, but I’m also terrified as well – heck I’ve been out of the traditional workforce since 2006, enjoying everything that comes with running my own business. It’s time though. I need to get my teeth into something bigger than me. I need to push my brain to its limits. I need to be part of a team that is working together to achieve some great stuff. But I’m most excited about working for this particular company. I’ve worked with it many times throughout my career, and have always been impressed by the level of passion and intelligence of its employees – not sucking up, just how I’ve always seen it. It’s also a company at such an interesting stage of its evolution, and I’m super excited to be part of that. It’s definitely a great move for me. The funny thing is, as most people in my age-group are looking to escape the corporate rat-race, I’ve decided it’s time to get back on board. But this is a different path for me. When I left the Australian Army in 1993, I joined an aerospace company and I LOVED that job. Since then, I’ve always been on the agency/consultancy side, and the bit that excites me the most about this role is it’s inside a corporation, not on the outside. The learning curve is going to be steep but I’m ready – very ready! My heart is torn over one key aspect though – my little loves. For the first time in their lives, I’m not going to be accessible to them. Working from home, if Mum is needed – even when someone else is taking care of them – I am on tap, and that is going to be a big adjustment for all of us to make. But they need less of me and to be honest, I need a little less of them too. I’ve given them my all in their important early days, and while I can’t say I’ve loved every minute of it, I’ve always willingly dropped everything when they’ve called. But Lex is now six, Jax five next week, and they’re becoming big boys, with their own lives, own friends, and own interests. It’s time for all of us to make this move. It won’t be easy though and I know I’ll need to wrap them up in love when I see them after work every day. Steve might get a cuddle too. So there you go – a significant life change for me, a great one too, and a goal for my FIE Crusade – to get back in it again. But I start NEXT WEEK – CRIKEY – I need to go shopping. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Hi, my name’s Andrea and I’m obsessed with sleep and tiredness. I’m obsessed with getting enough of it and not getting enough of it, and I spend a LOT of time thinking about being tired. I know exactly when this started – it was 1985, I was 15 years old and my parent’s decided it was a good time to start going through a very messy divorce. That resulted in my first bout of insomnia – which was hardly surprising considering I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders back then. Insomnia has kicked my arse a few times since (usually lasting 2-3 months at a time), but the worst was after Jax was born. I couldn’t believe I was being cursed with insomnia after having a baby! I’d go to bed, with Jax all nestled up in the crib next to me, and then I’d toss and turn all night, finally getting to sleep somewhere between 4-5am, only to be woken at 6am by a little man requiring a feed. It was a brutal time and as I’d been diagnosed with pre-natal depression, it made sense that it was now post-natal depression, as insomnia is an indication of this. I haven’t talked about this a lot to date, but that’s because I’ve just been trying to work my way out of it and it’s not an easy thing to do. Anyway, I have identified this as a significant and often crippling thought habit that I need to eradicate. I watch Steve, who often gets the same amount of sleep, but most of the time, he’s able to just get up and embrace his day. He doesn’t think about it. Yes he didn’t get enough sleep, yes he’s feeling a bit weary, but he gets on with it and doesn’t obsess over it like I do. He often finds my way of dealing with it quite perplexing, as he learnt at a young age it was his mind that was in control, and so he chose to think positively about sleep. I never learnt that lesson and so I wake up thinking about sleep, with the first thought usually wrapped around how bad my sleep was or how tired I’m going to be today. It sets the tone for the whole day… and obviously that’s not a good tone. The thing is, this thought habit does not diminish my ability to work or play, and I still work harder and live fuller than most people do. That’s not the issue because it doesn’t impact my productivity. What it does impact is my joy. Because I spend so much time thinking about it, those times in between living and working are typically wrapped up in thoughts about sleeping and exhaustion. It really messes with my mind! So how do I eradicate it, especially as I still have two little fellas disturbing my sleep? Well apparently I’ve got to get my thinking sorted out. I’ve asked many people about this and those I’d consider specialists have told me to just stop thinking about it and replace the thoughts with something positive. Easy, right? Not at all! When you are feeling exhausted down to your very bones, it is very very challenging to say to yourself “I feel awesome, let’s rock this day.” The reality is, when you try to do that with yourself, you just want to reply with a “fuck off you bloody idiot, it’s all bullshit because I am tired.” Since the age of 15 I’ve read many books about sleep and obviously I do everything I can to ensure a good night’s sleep – although I’m not perfect. I don’t drink coffee after mid-day, because it’s not a good idea for me. I try to avoid all additives and preservatives that can affect my ability to sleep. I try to get to bed at a reasonable time. I try to ensure the ambience in the room is right for good sleep, such as a dark room, no flashing lights, etc… I try to exercise to ensure I’m tired enough.  And there are many other things I do. With that said, across the board, I could do much better – like taking all electrical appliances out of my room, including the Wi-Fi connection, electric clock, etc… and not eating any chocolate after 8pm would be a good idea too. There is definitely improvements to be made, and I will get there, but in the meantime I have something far more important to achieve. I need to stop thinking about it. I need to replace tired thinking with energized thinking. I need to be excited by my life every day because then I won’t feel tired because I’m too busy being excited by what I’m doing that day. I need to be super busy. I need to remember that lack of sleep isn’t going to kill me, but thinking about it and stewing over it probably will. I just need to get rid of this obsession because I waste too many valuable thoughts on it when I could be applying those thoughts in a much more positive direction. I’m tired, so what. Keep going. I also don’t want to be a tired parent for my boys, influencing them to be like that in their lives. If they only ever hear “I’m tired” from their Mum – the chances are they will be too. I would be very sad if that was the legacy I left them. I want them to be excited and passionate every day of their lives, but to help them achieve that, I need to embody it. So that is my main goal this month – re-programming my mind and seeing if I really can change this life-time mind-set to change my reality. The power of the mind is amazing – and we still know so little about it – so I’ve decided it’s time to see if I can really make a big difference

Doing a crusade like FIE forces you to reflect across all aspects of your life, helping you to really see what needs to change to ensure you’re better and healthier in every way. The significant thing I know that doesn’t serve me, are the habitual thoughts I entertain, which are either negative or limiting for me in some way. I personally believe you can’t just change your actions to change your life, because it is the unhelpful thought-habits we develop over a lifetime that are the biggest culprit of living a life half-lived. So I’m spending a lot of time “inside,” making sure I identify what those habits are, and then I’m acting to change them (or re-programming my mind to more positive thoughts) to ensure the changes I want to make can be permanent. I see this as vital to my success. It’s not an easy thing to do – being honest with yourself to identify the thought patterns that no longer serve you. Limiting thoughts develop over many years, so shaking them off and embracing new patterns can be extremely difficult, as it’s too easy to fall back on the old. But I knew this wouldn’t be easy and I’m OK with that. Challenging myself is something I’ve always been very happy to do, and a lot of new things came up for me this last month, with a few real stand-outs. So February is the month I’m choosing to tackle them. The things I plan to change… Actions Wheat free with two cheat days – I’m going to stick with wheat free because I think the discipline of it, more than anything else, is good for me. I am forcing myself to make eating choices, rather than just grabbing the easiest thing available – which in my case, is always wheat. I’m convinced wheat free is better for me, so will keep it going with two cheat days in the mix – allowing myself to eat wheat. This will also help Steve stick to it, as he certainly finds it harder than me Swimming 3KM a Week – I’d love to swim 1KM every day, but it’s not realistic right now, and it’s something to work towards. I typically swim 1KM every time I do laps, so this month I will swim at least three times a week to achieve that goal. Of course, I need to be careful because if I push myself too hard in the pool, I will aggravate my rotator cuff injuries – something I don’t want to do. Doing laps with flippers on seems to take the pressure off my shoulders, so that should help ensure I’m not aggravating old injuries But my main Action focus this month is liquid Firstly I’m going to drink three litres of water a day. I’m pretty good on water anyway – ‘cos you’ve just got to be in the tropics – but I’m not drinking three litres. I know this won’t be easy, but I’m going to do it. Here is one article on water and another – neither are 100% convincing on the argument, but I plan to give it a go anyway – although I’m definitely not looking forward to the constant need to pee – ugh! It’s been a long day already I’m also going to drink two cups of green tea a day – an antioxidant and something my friends rave about. The feedback on its benefits are consistent, so why the hell not. Again, here are two articles on the benefits of green tea here and here, but once again, the research is not conclusive I also started today off with a hot cup of water with lemon and fresh ginger in it – something I want to include in my life as the first thing that enters my body every day. Some friends swear by it and apparently it’s a terrific antioxidant too – so that has begun as well Thoughts Gratitude – I’m going to spend the month reflecting on all that I am grateful for, so bear with me on gratefulness blogs. Many many people, far wiser than I, suggest that if you can truly be grateful for your life, no matter what situation you are in, you have a much greater chance of being really contented with your lot. So I am focused on being grateful this month and hopefully beyond Sleep and tiredness – I am obsessed with sleep – getting enough of it, not getting enough of it – and I spend a LOT of time thinking about being tired. I know exactly when this started and why, but I need to see if I can harness the power of my mind and completely change my thinking about it. I know I wake up and the first thing I think of is how bad my sleep was or how tired I’m going to be today. It definitely sets the tone for the whole day. I am going to work hard at eradicating that thinking – something I see as my greatest challenge this month There you go, my “Fuck it, Enough” plan of attack for February – a shorter month, but some things to focus on, as well as retaining the habits I developed last month. Anyone else setting themselves any action or thought goals this coming month? Please share share share!! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

So it’s January the 31st which  means I’ve been focused on my personal “Fuck it, Enough” crusade (or changing my life one step at a time) for a month, and I have to say, it feels good. Many of the things I’m doing have been on my list of things I’ve wanted to change for such a long time, so putting my stake in the ground and going for it has felt very empowering. As such, I’ve had a really positive month, where I’m excited about the future, and while I have no doubt that some of the things I’ve done could have contributed to an overall improvement in my feeling of wellness, I think it’s my determination to do this that has had the biggest impact on my mindset. I’ve also had some incredibly supportive comments and conversations with people all over the world (some of whom are going through or have been through some horrendous shit) and they are also launching their own “Fuck it, Enough” crusades – which is incredibly awesome. Most people have something they want to change in their lives, whether it’s losing a bit of weight or changing a crippling mindset they’ve identified that limits them. The reality is, every day I talk to people who want to change something, but for some reason, it’s really hard to do – which was exactly me before January 1st2013. It’s hard making changes, because it’s so easy to keep going as you are, but I can assure you (with my month’s experience behind me J) if you are able to focus on changing the things you’ve been wanting to change – no matter how small – it feels brilliant. Like I said when I launched my FIE crusade, there is much I can’t change that is doing my head in, but while I’m working on those challenges, it’s nice to be in control of the things I can change. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking in the last month, and obviously before that, but the one thing I’ve known for a long time is us humans are really terrific at lying to ourselves every day. We tell ourselves we’re alright when we’re not – we often need a big health crisis before we make a change. Many of us ignore symptoms that creep up on us and get used to feeling lethargic or uninspired. We just accept it. Taking life by the balls is not easy to do, it takes real resolve and then a lot of discipline, so I’m just pleased I’ve been able to cross over from accepting the status quo that wasn’t making me smile, to taking control of the things I can change and being committed to it. I’m obviously in this for the long haul – which is why I went public with FIE – really working to change habits and mindsets that I believe stop me from reaching my full potential. That’s all I want to do – be the very best me I can be in every way. So I wanted to share my focus areas for January and what I’ve thought and achieved so far. Actions Wheat free for one month – the start of the month was a bit of a scramble working out exactly what was and what wasn’t wheat free. You think it’s obvious, but wheat is a sneaky little bugger and it turns up everywhere. But once the scramble was over and I worked out what was good to go, it has been relatively easy for me. As a result of going wheat free, I feel lighter, I’m never full (or heavy) after meals – even Indian – and I lost a few kilos to boot. I had one cheat night for our anniversary dinner, but otherwise it’s been 100% wheat free and I like it. There are many many symptoms associated with eating wheat, some consider it the worst GMO you can ingest, the arguments for going wheat free are really significant, and I’m committed now. I thought it would be harder, but the best bit is: it makes you think about what you’re eating and you plan more in advance. Steve is also OK with going wheat free now and he wasn’t keen on the idea at all. The good thing is we found a gluten free pizza base, so as long as he can have pizza once a week, he’s happy. His challenge has been business dinners. He turned up for a meeting recently and there was a table full of dim sum – no chance there. He’s worked hard to stay wheat free though and I’m so pleased to have his support on that. He thinks it’s good for him too. If you’re interested, here’s the blog I wrote about my reasons for going wheat free  Stretch in the morning, walk in the evening – my goal is to build my strength again, before I really start pushing myself as I like to do. It’s been good to re-commit to the morning stretches ‘cos it really is a great way to wake up and start the day. If you want to do this, put a yoga mat by the bed and as soon as your feet hit the ground, make yourself do it – it’s only five minutes of your whole day and makes a massive difference. I also remembered Thymus Thumping which I’ve added to my morning stretch routine. In addition, Steve and I started going for a walk in the evening and this has been AWESOME! The best bit is doing it with Steve, because it’s the highest quality talking time we’ve had since the boys came along, so we really get an additional benefit from it – it’s real togetherness. I’ve also enjoyed the feeling of moving again, and as we have some good hills in the area, it definitely feels like a great workout for both of us See an Osteo – OK I

Driving seems to bring out the worst in people, and it doesn’t matter which country you live in, the case is pretty much the same. Steve and I do not believe we are alone reacting the way we do when someone cuts us off – with the typical “you fucking bloody idiot, what do you think you’re doing!” escaping our lips. However, we’ve got two very impressionable little loves sitting in the back seat these days, and after Jax said one too many fucks at school, his extremely religious teacher had a little word with us – ooops. We needed to change our ways… well a little. The thing is, I’m not much of a screamer when it comes to dealing with idiots on the road, but if they’re putting my mini-men’s lives at risk, I do have a tendency to explode. My husband, on the other hand, is definitely a screamer. When we first met, it was constant, and then I explained that the only person impacted by his rants was me, so why bother?  He toned it down, but as a super protective husband and Dad, he can’t always control himself. However, a solution was required and we decided that blowing kisses to bad drivers was a terrific way to deal with the situation. When we do it we feel better and immediately calmer, it’s a bit tongue-in-cheek so we laugh, and the boys are learning that when someone is driving like an arsehole, the best thing to do is blow them a kiss. Cool – we like that one. But then you get off the roads and blowing kisses to rude arseholes can look a bit weird, so I took on board Deepak Chopra’s lesson of giving people silent gifts of love and joy – I just decided to apply it in a different way. My tactic is this – if someone is rude to me, ungracious, pushy, ignorant, or just plain horrible, I picture a big ball of white light in my heart and send that ball of light to their heart, picturing that ball where their heart is ,and then I silently wish them love and joy always. It’s simple, effective and it works for me. Some people believe this action is a direct energy transfer and if more of us did it, the world would be a better place. The belief is that if we all offer the silent gift of love and joy (or abundance or wealth, or success, or whatever) to everyone we interact with every day, we can raise the energy levels in our world up to a higher and more peaceful frequency. That’s a very good thing right? I have absolutely no idea if this is true, but I feel that it could be. However, the one thing I do know is this: when I offer the silent gift of love and joy to horrible people, I immediately feel better. I don’t go where they are, I don’t return the aggression, and as such, negative experiences leave me feeling peaceful, happy and calm. So my conclusion is: if it makes me feel better then that is a good enough reason to do it. As such I wanted to share it as people seem to enjoy my blogs on this sort of stuff. Now if someone was verbally bitch-slapping my kids, I wouldn’t be sending them love and joy, ‘cos that’s when the protective Mumma comes out, but that’s another blog. Anyone else do this? Or have another strategy that works for them? You know I’d love to know right? Also if you decide to give it a go, let me know if it makes you feel better? That’s the purpose of doing it after-all. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

In recent months I’ve been doing a fair bit of home-schooling with my lads. This is not something I ever dreamed of doing and I have to say – it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done! I definitely have new-found respect for home-schooling parents that’s for sure. However, with Lex’s speech delay we are also dealing with education delay, and I just want to make sure he’s caught up in all areas of his life so he can fly. He’s also hit that age where kids can be cruel and I don’t want him picked on or called stupid – ‘cos he’s certainly not stupid! In the process of doing this, I’ve had an epiphany. Many many times I’ve literally had to stop the words in my mouth from coming out, as I can feel a negative motivation coming out that is supposed to inspire them positively. That’s not me, but I think many of us were raised this way – ‘if you don’t work hard at school you’ll be collecting the garbage’, or ‘if you don’t get good grades you’ll be cleaning the streets’ or ‘you’re burning the candles at both ends’ (like that’s a bad thing) – but this is NOT how I want to raise my boys. I want to raise them with passion and enthusiasm for life, and have recognised I’ve got some old programs running in my head that were put there when I was a kid. This means when nothing else comes to mind, they just want to pop out. So I have decided to re-program my mind and come up with motivations that are positive and should exceed the desired outcome – for my boys to be great, passionate, kind men that are chasing dreams no one else but them thinks is possible. If I can do that as a parent, then I will have achieved something really magnificent – because I definitely don’t want them to be limited by any of the things I say. Before I start, I’d really LOVE to know what positive motivations other parents use? I’m planning on sticking a list on my bathroom mirror to really make them stick and would love some feedback – the more the merrier! 1.       Anything is possible – Reach for the stars my love, the view is awesome from there 2.       Love of learning – Learning is the greatest gift of life, it takes you to places of magic 3.       Dreams are yours to make – Work hard at school my love, because what you do today will ensure that every dream you have will be possible 4.       Focus on self – Don’t worry about anyone else – what they say or what they do – just always be the best You you can be 5.       Winning– Winning is the greatest feeling buds, so go for it and be a winner. BUT if you don’t win, that’s OK too, as long as you gave it your all. Remember to always ALWAYS shake the hand of anyone who beats you – because they also gave it their all too 6.       Winning (from a movie) – You don’t have to like it when you don’t win, so always remember to use it as fuel to drive you harder next time 7.       Self-belief– The sun shines out of your eyes my love, don’t let anyone else take that sunshine away 8.       Anger– Don’t waste time being angry – anger makes your body feel all yucky inside. Everyone makes mistakes, so forgive and forget, smile and move on 9.       More for anger – When people are angry towards you, most of the time it’s because they are hurting inside. Be kind towards angry people, because they often need it the most 10.   Bullies and compassion – Stand up for yourself and the people you love, but more importantly, stand up for anything or anyone who can’t stand up for themselves. There are bullies in this world, so if you stand up for yourself, they’ll leave you alone. If you stand up for others, they’ll leave them alone too. BUT talk to the bully – find out why they’re hurting ‘cos maybe you can help. There is nothing more important than compassion 11.   Kindness– Be kind to everyone and everything – the world needs more kind men 12.   Living life at full speed – Live life to the max my love. Take every opportunity to master the things you’re passionate about, laugh from the depths of your belly, dance in the rain, climb mountains, fear nothing, be open to everyone, treat life as the greatest teacher, love easily, respect everyone, and life will be awesome 13.   Be true to your word – when you give someone your word, honour it. If you just can’t, tell the person why and be honest. Many people have forgotten to honour their word, so be an example to everyone of what it means – because you can lift people up if you do 14.   Coping with disappointment – Disappointments will happen in your life – people will let you down, opportunities you are excited about won’t come to pass. Don’t worry. You’ve been given a gift, a lesson to learn, so learn the lesson and stay excited about the future. All is as it’s meant to be, and I bet you something better will come your way 15.   One I saw on Pinterest recently as a way to live – Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep There you go, I spent 30 minutes in a taxi this morning putting this together and of course, many are inspired by the things I read. I know I could refine them and add a million others, but it’s a good start to re-programming my mind. Right, now it’s your turn – any little gems you use to positively motivate and inspire your kids? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea Join me on Facebook at Withoutthebollocks