Fuck it Enough

If you’re hoping I’m going to criticize Hillary Clinton, you may as well stop reading now. I couldn’t admire a woman more. So I suggest moving on if you don’t want a positive perspective. Why could I never be like her? I can hardly compare myself, but a few years ago, I was working for a company and had to run a couple of big events. I took a completely different approach to what had been done before, and for the first one, I had colleagues get so shitty with me, they didn’t talk to me for weeks afterwards. It was very upsetting, especially as I was just asking people to step up and deliver the best possible content for the audience.   After the first one, I wanted to quit. It got ugly and I got confused. Asking for the best of everyone shouldn’t have attracted such ugliness, but it did. However, the feedback from the first one demonstrated that I was on the right path, and so a few months later, I did the second one – and it was much bigger and considerably more high profile. The feedback spoke again. “Best ever” and “thank you so much for giving us such a valuable experience.” I’ve always believed that the worst thing I could ever do is waste people’s time. Knowing I didn’t means a lot to me. A few months after both were over, I was on holiday with the family, trying to switch off from work. I’m not very good at that, but every night I had nightmares about doing this event again the next year and the dreams were brutal. More than that, the stress I put myself through with both events had physical ramifications. I ground my teeth so much in the night, I cracked three of my back molars, resulting in two root canals and one tooth extraction. It made me wonder, why the hell would I put myself through that again? Yeah I helped to create change. I steered the ship in a new direction. I built my credibility. I delivered something that was valued and I changed perceptions. But is that what life is about? Well yes, but it has to be for something you really believe in too right? Not just work, which is ultimately about making other people richer – which is fine too, as I have no issue with people making money. I’m definitely a fighter, always have been, but this experience showed me how ugly being a fighter can be. It also made me think about what is worth fighting for – because it creates distance from the family too. It has to. If I’m going to spend less time with my boys, lose teeth and face massive dentist bills, wouldn’t I prefer to do it on something more meaningful? Or is it just who I am? What I’m made of? I still think about that experience often, and while it will never take the fight out of me, it’s definitely made me wiser, because I learnt the biggest lesson of them all – people really do not like change, despite all the talk about being dynamic and agile. I love change. Always have and always will. I don’t understand fear of change, because change makes the world a better place, and right now, our world is changing at its fastest pace in all of human history. Bring it on I say. So then I look to Hillary Clinton. For 30 years this woman has been a fighter and right now, she’s fighting for the right to rule her country. And yet at every single step of the way she has been ripped apart. She is the one who has copped the flack for Bill’s philandering, as well as Monica Lewisnky of course. That is bloody shameful. Women are responsible for a man not being able to keep his cock in his pants? That’s a familiar discourse, yes? Every speech she comes out most truthful and Trump is opposite in the extreme, and yet she is the one who isn’t trusted? Her emails, Benghazi, she’s manipulative, she’s on death’s door, her dodgy philanthropy, and on it goes. She didn’t get a life-sized painting of herself done, and then paid for it through her charity! I mean, who gets a life-sized painting done of themselves these days anyway? I don’t get why anyone thinks Trump is a better option. I just don’t. You want something different – I get that. You’ve had enough of typical politics. I get that too. This next Presidential cycle has to be about changing the system, but you can’t do it with Trump at the helm. He is nothing but an ugly-hearted, narcissistic, lying, sensationalist, moron. And if you think your lot in life is bad now – it’s going to get a whole lot worse if he gets in. Basically the whole world will be fucked. Trust me. That’s the only outcome if he wins in November. Getting back to Hillary. I sit here and think bloody hell woman. Is it worth it? Do you love America and its promise so much you’ll endure all of that vitriol? Do you really want to lead a country that is so judgmental of you personally? Do you think you can ever be successful with that attitude constantly swirling around you? Man, you’re tough, so bloody tough! I would’ve stepped out long ago. I would’ve said screw you to every asshole who ever said a bad word about me. I would’ve said no way, nothing is worth this shit. But you never have. You’re standing strong. You’re fighting. You believe this is important. You don’t want to win for yourself. You want to win because you know you’ve got what it takes for this time in our world’s history. And I reckon you do too. I know we’ll look back on your presidency and say it was the best ever. Many don’t agree with

I went to see The Vagina Monologues in Singapore last night. It was wonderful to see my great friend Anna in the show, as well as a cast of truly fabulous women. I saw it for the first time in Boston more than 15 years ago, and had the privilege of seeing Eve Ensler deliver the monologues. It had a big impact on me then, and it had a big impact on me again last night. A fabulous cast This is a very powerful show and it’s not just for women, but for men too. We are a global society where shame and disgust is intrinsically linked to the human body, but sexual shame lies deepest in women. For me, this show unlocks the discussion in a very funny and devastatingly sad way. It’s such important work and I wish everyone in the world experienced it. Last night, I was super happy Steve agreed to come and see it with me. One of very few men in attendance, I know how important it is for him to understand this discussion. As a husband, he sees first-hand the impact on me after years of societal programming, and last night, I hoped it helped him understand just a little bit more. I was proud of him for coming. We were 10 women and one man, and he did the male gender proud last night. But of course, the reason I married Steve is because he is comfortable enough in his own maleness to be present at something like this. He also has enormous respect for women. It doesn’t frighten Steve to face up to the truth, and vaginas don’t scare him either. I know I am a lucky gal with him by my side. As with the last time I saw it, there are two monologues I find devastatingly powerful. The first is the story of a 72-year-old woman who experiences massive shame as a young lady when she gets asked out by the man of her dreams – or ‘the great catch’ in town at the time. Getting overly excited on her first date, she talks of a flood coming out of her vagina and the man treats her with complete disdain. He is repulsed. What impacts me about this story is she closed shop ‘down there’ for the rest of her life. The thought that one moment of passion could close off opportunities to be loved, to be cared for and to know true and beautiful intimacy, is something that devastates me. I know many many women have suffered this same fate, which is why The Vagina Monologues is so important. Perhaps audience members over the years have healed after hearing her story? No one should close shop down there and lose out on so much life offers due to shame! No one! I just find her story unbearably sad. And of course, the story of the Bosnian rape victims is the other devastating story. This monologue is a lady speaking of the beauty of her vagina before the war – a beautiful field, clean water, vibrant, alive, pure – and then after the war – a barren waste land, poisoned, bloody, filthy, puss, and so on… This lady was raped by seven men over a week, with rifles and other objects as well. It’s a terrible story about the truth of rape in war and it’s a very important conversation. Rape happens in war and outside of war, and continues to not get the attention and punishment it deserves. Rape is violence not sex. The Vagina Monologues makes me laugh out loud and it makes me cry unashamedly. The topics discussed are core issues that can be overcome and the world will be a better place if we achieve that. Sex, sexuality and vaginas should never be something we are ashamed of. Religion is a massive part of the dialogue that created shame around sex and the body, but if there really is a god that created us, why the hell would she give us the ability to enjoy pleasure and make us ashamed of it? Another reason I wish the world was without organized religion. The ladies in Singapore were fabulous last night. What I found even more fabulous was the diversity of women on stage. Almost every country on the planet has double standards around female sexuality and it was great to hear the unified voices of women from across the world. Really terrific stuff. If you’re in Singapore 22, 23 or 24th of September, go and see Finally She Spoke. Sangeeta Nambiar, who directed The Vagina Monologues last night, is the brainchild behind this new show. It’s the result of talks with women from across the world, highlighting important conversations we need to have around domestic violence, sex trafficking, female genital mutilation, sex, breast chronicles, incest and feminism in films. I won’t be in town at the time, but will definitely see it when I can. Thank you for an amazing night ladies. It always leaves me in a deeply reflective state. Oh and if I could dress my vagina, I think I’d go for black leather and silver studs. Yeah. Power baby, power. Anyone else seen it? Care to share your feelings or insights from the show? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea BTW I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too, if you’re interested in the other stuff I share. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know will be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do xxxxx

A few years ago, we were walking through a shopping mall in Singapore and this Caucasian guy (or ang mohas we’re called here) jumped in front of me and poured moisturizer into my hand. I was so surprised this happened to me, I actually had to stop and listen to his sales pitch. This was definitely not a normal occurrence.   He was selling facial products (Oro Gold) and this dude was unbelievably pushy, I mean seriouslypushy. I managed to get away without a purchase but I was surprised – this sort of tactic just didn’t happen in Singapore. Steve was also pounced on and he was bloody furious about it. It was a brief encounter, but this sales guy definitely made an impact.   So as a sales technique, is it a good thing or a bad thing?   Well I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s a bad thing, because those shops and their aggressive sales people are popping up everywhere. We got it again today.   Taking the boys to watch the new Ghostbusters movie (bloody brilliant by the way and it was great to watch a laugh-out-loud movie) we walked through a section in Suntec City Mall with two shops selling the same products close to each other. Once again we encountered it – two businesses deploying the exact same in-your-face sales techniques.   It felt like we were under attack. Loud voices, pushy pushy pushy, trying to get the product on us without our permission, standing in front of us so we have to walk around them, and the worst bit – waving stuff right in my face. Can’t tell you how much I hate that…   Let’s just say that one of the things I’ve never enjoyed about having kids is how much stuff they put in my face!! Kids have no bloody sense of how annoying it is, and on a regular basis, I get ‘faced’ by the boys. I don’t like it at all. Not at all. While extremely annoying when kids do this, I do not expect adults to do it. I also don’t expect sales people to do it.   But it’s all just left me wondering – who is teaching them this technique? The fact that it is consistent across competing brands, in the same field, tells me it is a technique being taught. But how can they be successful?   Are the loud voices supposed to embarrass people into buying, because culturally in Asia, no one wants to be put on public display when doing nothing other than minding their own business?   Is the pushiness and idea of getting the product literally into our hands being taught as a winning strategy that people can’t say no to?   I don’t know, but I’ll tell you one thing. These people are pissing me off and the next person who invades my space and puts something right up in my face is going to get a tongue lashing. I’ve had enough.   Has anyone else had the same experience? And if you’re not in Singapore, are you seeing the same businesses with the same techniques cropping up in your country? If you are, I’d love to work out who the people are that are teaching this. I think they’re in for a good kicking and I’d be happy to oblige.   Let me know?   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea   Stop hand courtesy of Shutterstock.   BTW I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too, if you’re interested in the other stuff I share. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know will be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do xxxxx

Recently I was invited to speak on a panel at a great event called SheSays Singapore. Run by some cracking ladies I know, the audience was full of inspired and passionate professional women all hoping for that little titbit of wisdom backing up what they already knew deep down inside. It was awesome being part of it and I made some great new pals that evening.   Lucid Dreaming photo courtesy of Shutterstock   Anyhoo if there was one thing I hoped to get across that night, it was helping anyone who wasn’t quite there to believe in whatever dream they had for themselves. It’s so easy to get side-tracked from our dreams, because too many people will tell us why we can’t do something (their fear), but more than anything, it’s the little voice in our head that is relentless and loves telling us why we can’t achieve something.   Shutting that voice off is one of the hardest things you can do. I know. My inner voice is a complete bitch.   But equally with dreams, I find we often limit them and convince ourselves that “I could never achieve that, so I’ll pare it down and dream towards this.”   For some reason, we accept a logical idea of how far we can go and dream with limitations attached. It’s a self-belief issue which I believe is often due to societies expectations of us – being female, being male, cultural norms, the Imposter Syndrome, upbringing, education levels, etc, etc, etc…    We will often look at those people who have become the super stars of their field and we don’t see it as possible for us. And I want to say why not?   Why not dream to be a super star in your field if you really REALLY want to be that? Especially if you have a voice, deep down in your heart, yearning for it daily. Why not admit it to yourself and never give up until you get there? Because you can get there if every fiber of your being believes you can. I really believe that.   I also know it’s not easy. It is also rarely quick! But no one can stop you if you really believe it’s possible. Of course if you just can’t sing and want to be bigger than Lady Gaga, that might not happen… I have seen delusion in dreams too.   The challenge with dreaming is we let our inner dialogue drown it out. We are telling ourselves every hour of every day that we are not good enough. It won’t happen. Why would anyone buy us?   I was chatting to a mate the other night and she is going through the same thing. Looking for a new job, her inner voice is brutal and she’s going into fear every second of every day, believing that she won’t be successful. Everyone else knows she will be successful, including me, but that bitch of a voice is relentless.   I told her my strategy for that and it’s really simple. Every time my voice starts having a go at me I tell it to fuck off and get back to visualizing my dreams. That’s my strategy, which is all about drowning out the voice that doesn’t serve me – the fear voice. Fear is only useful when you are faced with a big black bear right? Screw it.   Of course I’ve been in a cycle of fear / fuck off / fear / fuck off for a few months now, as I am about to put myself out there in a big way again. I’m launching my own business and I’m both terrified and excited.   You see, this isn’t the first time I’ve done it and last time I “failed.” But do you ever really fail? No, I don’t believe so, I believe you learn, and one thing I learnt was timing. I was far too early with the business I launched a decade ago (along with some other mix-ups along the way, oh and a couple of pregnancies in the mix didn’t help) but now the timing is right. Perfect. So it’s time to step of the precipice and do it again.   Shit shit shit. Fuck OFF!   I’ve been saying to Steve for a while now that I don’t want to play small anymore – which may surprise those who know me, because my life is generally anything but small. But for a few years now they way I’ve been living my life hasn’t been right. I have loved the work I’ve done and the people I’ve worked with. The experiences have been amazing.   But I need to work for me. I also need to be free. Freedom has always been my biggest priority.   So I’m gunna do it and it’s going to be intense but awesome too. It’s time and I’m ready. If you’re interested, I read/watched two things this week that really resonated. First was – Almost everyone who is unhappy with life is unhappy for the same reasons – check it out. I found it really inspiring.   I also watched this TED Talk. I think Steve needs to watch this and then he’ll understand that we are sitting on the opposite side of the fence sometimes. It might help us face the future together if we understand these key differences. So my friends, why don’t we all listen to the whisper of our souls, identify the truth of our dreams and then go out there and chase them with every fibre of our being. I believe this is how we can be happy and if you decide to do it, I will be there to cheer you on I promise.    There’s nothing better than seeing people reach for the stars and get there. I’m hoping to get there. Join me?   Yours without the bollocks Andrea BTW I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too, if you’re interested in the other stuff I share. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know

This blog has been languishing on my PC while I’ve attempted to survive the utter chaos of the last couple of weeks. Crikey it’s been busy, and I don’t use that word lightly. Busy at work and busy having fun… it’s been a survival fiesta.   My chaotic surge of activity commenced a couple of weeks ago with a five-day escape to Sydney. My reason for going? Ali and Johnny’s annual fancy dress party. The last time I attended this party was in 2002 (before I moved to Singapore) and this year I said screw it, I gotta go. I reckon Ali and Johnny host the best party in the world – no question. Pure funniness, amazing people and excellent costumes. But equally, as a couple, they are a sheer delight and bless this world with their magic.   Tash, Kirsti and the lovely Libbs One thing I’ve learnt from two decades of a wandering life, is sometimes you’ve just got to get on a plane and invest in the brilliant friendships you’ve made around the world. I’m well overdue trips to Europe, the UK and the US for the same reason, but Sydney ain’t such a hike from Singapore, so perhaps 2016 is the year for the other three?   You’ve definitely got to make investments in friendship and love, ‘cos in this shitty, hate-filled, fearful world we’re living in right now, one that seems to be spiraling out of control with anger, prejudice, ignorance and media/political driven bollocks on a scale we haven’t seen for decades, the only thing that matters is celebrating this glorious life we all get to live. Especially those of us privileged enough to grow up in countries where it’s been relatively peaceful for half a century.   No matter what we’re fighting for, the only reason we ever fight is to hold on to our right to smile, love, and have a laugh after all yeah? It’s not complicated. But it’s amazing how the global discourse continues to head down a nasty sewer. It’s also amazing how we’re all getting sucked into it too. Why do we let ‘them’ own this? Let’s take the discussion back from the fearful arseholes huh?   Carlos, Ike and Archie – awesome boys As with most civilized people, it’s obvious I don’t like what’s going on in the media, politics and social media right now. But beyond the global cocks dominating the media landscape, there are people in my community sharing shite too. I’ve never been an un-friender, but a couple got booted recently. I just found what they were saying made me too upset and I couldn’t stand reading it every day. I’ve always adopted the thinking that maybe I can spread a message of love, happiness, humanity and humor, potentially influencing them along the way? But it doesn’t seem to be working and some people think they have permission to spew forth shit. Well I don’t have to read it.   The magnificent Wahlin sisters But with all of the shite going on, I know we can do better as a human race – much much better. I also know that if we can bring ourselves through this time with love and happiness versus hatred and fear, then we have the opportunity to elevate all of humanity above anything it’s known before. But we’ve got to do it together. Equally, the lovers need to become the majority voice and that doesn’t seem to be happening right now. Want to help me get the rest over the line into the majority? Let’s spread love, but it can’t just be that. We’ve got to say “no, that’s not an OK thing to say!” We’ve got to fight too, but you can fight in a nice way, otherwise we’re the same.   I know some people think it’s the time to spread love and joy only. But history has always proved that standing back, being silent and ignoring the fuckers doesn’t work. We’ve got to call people out. We’ve got to say no bloody way. We’ve got to stand up and be counted for. We don’t have to be arseholes when we do it, but silence is not a good strategy right now while you’re thinking positive thoughts. We’ve got to be counted. Are you with me?   My time in Sydney was amazing. We shared stories of our lives. The good times, the great times and the hard times. We laughed about stupid shit that no one else gets and we celebrated some amazing victories and successes in each other’s lives. These guys make me feel enriched, inspired, loved and really bloody happy. One day I will move back to Sydney. We’re just not sure when yet….   All nighter survivers Snogs going out to Carl, Lorna, Gav, Libbs, Jussy, Willie, Ali, Johnny, Kirsti, Christian, Evelyn, Pete (yay you were in town), Tash, Kieran (congrats on bubba), Amanda, Jo, Ike, Arch, Ash, Suzie and all of the other crazy cats in that community. I love you guys. BUT a special shout out to my mate Jen – you graduated – congrats woman. You rock. Who’s with me on taking back the global conversation, but equally, on taking part in a global love and laughter fest? Come on, we need it now more than ever.         Yours, without the bollocks Andrea BTW I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too, if you’re interested in the other stuff I share. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know will be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do xxxxx

In 2013, when the haze went well over 700 PSI in Singapore, the region was in uproar and we moaned a lot. It was awful. We had a right to moan. But I educated myself too. I looked into what caused the haze and made some significant changes in our home, understanding that I was contributing to the haze. I had personal responsibility.   The haze is AWFUL!! I bloggedabout it too, trying to do my part to raise awareness. I knew those not immediately impacted didn’t have the reasons to care as much as those of us living in SE Asia, but I also knew I had to spread the word, because this was a global issue. We had to act. Two years later, we’re still not acting.   After it was over – done and dusted within two weeks – everyone did a clean aired sigh of relief and went back to their lives. I couldn’t do that. Every chance I got, I asked people what have you changed? What don’t you buy anymore? The best I got were blank looks. People didn’t care. They didn’t know. I got depressed.   Apathy is the worst quality I know. It is what allows bad shit to happen. It is what will destroy the world.   Then recently my friend Avi wrote this blog on LinkedIn titled “Thank You Haze, Please Stay” and I thought, you know what, he’s right. We needed this long, hideous haze. We needed the outrage that comes with it. We needed a massive kick in the arse to wake up and take on board the environmental carnage that is taking place. Now we need to change. Really change.   Another article I came across this week – The guilty secrets of palm oil: Are you unwittingly contributing to the devastation of the rain forests? – was featured in the Independent. While focused on palm oil in the UK, this is an awesome piece of writing and well worth a read. He nails it! Thankyou Martin Hickman. Your voice is bigger than mine.   But just in case it’s too long to read, I’m highlighting the key points/stats from this article: If the rainforests go, 90 per cent of the wildlife goes too – which includes orangutans, tigers, sun bears, bearded pigs and other endangered species. The indigenous tribes also have no place to go Palm oil plantations are dead zones for wild life It is confirmed or suspected that 43 of Britain’s 100 bestselling grocery brands (£6bn of the UKs £16bn annual shopping bill) contain palm oil. Take out drinks, pet food and household goods, it’s 32 out of 62 Palm oil is in bread, Flora and Clover, Special K, Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, Mr Kipling Cakes, McVitie’s Digestives and Goodfella’s pizza. It’s in KitKat, Galaxy, Dairy Milk and Wrigley’s chewing gum. It’s in Persil washing powder, Comfort fabric softener and Dove soap. It’s also in Milkybar, Jordan’s Country Crisp and Utterly Butterly. Naturally, it’s a cheaper oil, so it’s also in the supermarket own brands too. Apparently none of the manufacturers listed here can prove their supply is “sustainable” I loved this paragraph: “What, then, is “unsustainable” palm oil? Step one: log a forest and remove the most valuable species for furniture. Step two: chainsaw or burn the remaining wood releasing huge quantities of greenhouse gas. Step three: plant a palm-oil plantation. Step four: make oil from the fruit and kernels. Step five: add it to biscuits, chocolate, margarine, soaps, moisturisers and washing powder. At breakfast, when millions of us are munching toast, we’re eating a small slice of the rainforest.” Here’s how palm oil is listed. Put it in your wallet and cross check when you’re shopping please Continuing with the facts from this article Satellite pics show logging has now encroached on 90 per cent of Borneo’s national parks According to the United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP): “New estimates suggest 98 per cent of [Indonesia’s] forest may be destroyed by 2022, the lowland forest much sooner.” Since 1990, the amount of land used for palm-oil production has increased by 43 per cent Major food manufacturers using palm oil include Kellogg’s, Procter & Gamble, Unilever, Cadbury, Mars, Kraft, Unilever, Premier Foods, Northern Foods and Associated British Foods (ABF) No multinational can vouch that its supply is sustainable Junaida Payne, WWF Malaysia says palm oil plantations are “biological deserts” – they should know, Malaysia is full of them Only 4 per cent of global supply of palm oil (1.5m tonnes) is currently certified as sustainable Most companies – including Cadbury, Kellogg’s, Nestlé, Mars and Heinz, have given no commitment to switch to an RSPO-certified supply Greenpeace calculated that the burning of South-east Asia’s peat forests – largely for palm-oil plantations – spewed 1.8bn tonnes of greenhouse gas into the atmosphere: 4 per cent of global climate-change emissions from 0.1 per cent of Earth’s land Deforestation causes 18 per cent of Co2 emissions 90 per cent of Sumatra’s orangutan population has disappeared since 1900. They now face extinction The article references that “demand is rising at between 6-10 per cent a year. China’s billion-plus population is the biggest consumer, importing 18 per cent of global supply. About 16 per cent arrives in the EU.” OK the China stat frightens the shit out of me and I want to highlight why. Kishore Mahbubani, (Dean of the Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy at the National University of Singaporeand a member of the World Economic Forum) said: the “explosion of Asia’s middle class, which was named this week by the World Economic Forum’s Agenda Council as one of the ten most significant trends for 2014, is stunning.” Referencing the World Economic Forum Global Agenda 2014 report, it stated that the middle class in Asia is estimated at 500 million people today, but that number is expected to reach 1.75 billion by 2020 – a three-fold increase in just seven years. This prediction is considered one of the

It’s been more than a week of haze and last night the pollution index passed 200 in Singapore – that’s really really unhealthy and it’s horrible to live in it. I hate the haze. I went through the worst in Singapore’s recorded history back in 2013, when it went well over 700 – which meant acrid, orange smoke everywhere. I was a miserable cow during that time and I was also scared. I didn’t understand how this would impact us until a friend from India explained it’s like this regularly in his hometown of Delhi. That helped me to chill a bit. While still not pleasant, it was short-term and it made me sick to think that much of the world’s population live in these conditions all year round. Back in 2013 I looked more deeply into what caused it and why. Quite simply, bushfires in Indonesia (Borneo and Sumatra), caused by the burning of native forests so they can plant palm trees for palm oil production. Why do we need palm oil? For cooking obviously, but it’s also a core product in household goods like soaps, chocolate and more. That inspired me to write this blog, pleading with the world to stop buying products containing palm oil. We have so many options that don’t contain it, but more importantly, if we don’t stop, not only does it mean this region has to suffer the haze every year, but every person on earth will be responsible for the extinction of the Orangutans and the Sumatran Tigers. We don’t have long until this becomes a reality. Are you happy to have these two magnificent creatures go extinct on your watch? And it’s not just these two – many species are at risk due to the illegal slashing and burning. I’m not happy about this threat and the blogs I write are my way of trying to make a difference. So please, I beg you, next time you go shopping, look at your shopping basket. What are you buying? Are you buying extinction? If you are, please can you stop? Just do a little research and understand the situation we’re in, because if everyone made conscious buying decisions we can make an impact. We can also speak to the corporations and force them to stop using palm oil. We have power and we can change things by being conscious buyers. The other reason it’s so important right now, is if we can stop the use of illegal palm oil, we can stop it before it really gets out of control. With much of Asia experiencing rising incomes, it means billions of people will soon be able to afford the products we’ve taken for granted for decades. The sheer scale of demand guarantees that our world will be fucked, and we must do something before this happens. But I am getting frustrated. Is anyone listening? Do we appreciate that we all have to take responsibility? Do we know we are the change needed? I don’t know but I’ll keep writing about it. I don’t know what else to do. I just wish more people started to care. In the meantime, my eyes are itchy, puffy and weepy, my head is aching, and the entire family feels like shit. The good thing is none of us suffers from asthma, so it’s uncomfortable but not deadly for us. However, many of my friends living here are having a much worse time of it. Then of course, I cannot forget that much of the world’s population live in these appalling conditions all year round – not because of bush-fires in Sumatra and Borneo, but because of horrible pollution. It’s revolting. It’s changed my mind about living in India one day. I just couldn’t cope with it. If you’re in this region, and suffering, I send my love (Pamela and Sheona I’m thinking of you). If you’re not in this region and wondering what we’re all carrying on about, come and see it for yourself – we’ve got another week of it scheduled. I’m sure the flights are cheap. It’s truly horrendous. But whether you come and see if for yourself or not, please, make a difference. You can. You just need to think that little bit more about what you buy. The problem is most of my community are already conscious consumers. We think about what we buy and its impact on the world. So we all need to take the conversation beyond us. We need to help those who don’t see the light. Many people I speak with are completely oblivious to the idea of conscious buying. Can you help me speak to them? This bloghad a lot of research if it helps. In the meantime, I’m looking forward to the haze being over, but we’ve got another week of it, so we’ll have to get through it. Then again, I’m sure the government is doing everything in its power to sort this out before the Singapore Grand Prix. This dazzling city can’t be blanketed in haze when the world turns its attention on it right? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Since I launched this blog five years ago, there’s one thing you could be assured of – I’d be blogging at least twice a week no matter what! My mind and soul needed it. But about five weeks ago, I get a phone call from my love and he thinks he’s having a heart attack.  Everything in my life immediately goes on hold. We rush to the hospital. They thought he was having a heart attack. Tests, scans, MRIs, shaking heads, blood tests, confused looks, etc… and finally, after three days, we definitely knew Steve wasn’t having a heart attack, but instead, had a nice bout of pleurisy AND had managed to pick up a virus that had attached itself to the outside wall of his heart. Kept his sense of humor, and yes, I did manage a little shop too  Three days in hospital, lots of drugs, he comes home and gets straight to work, planning for a series of important meetings in Sydney the next week. He jumps on the plane Sunday morning, then Tuesday I get an obscure SMS, which I later found out meant the pain was back and he’d checked himself into hospital in Sydney – via taxi with all of his luggage. I think that experience was the real kicker for Steve. He thought he was better, he was feeling confident, and yet here he was on his arse again. He was also there and I was here. It wasn’t fun. It was definitely a wake-up call and he realized he needed to stop completely, rest and get that bloody virus out of his system. We’ve since headed back to the cardiologist, and while he’s a nice bloke, we don’t really know what’s going on, we just know that if it does get worse, there are steps that can be taken – including injections into his heart – so we just wait, hoping it doesn’t happen. For Steve all of this has been a huge blow. He’s a big, strong, confident fella my darling man, so to feel weak and dependent is not good for him. It’s especially not good for him over a long-ish period of time. The drugs he’s taking aren’t helping his state of mind either. He desperately wants to get better and be strong again, but the pain has only just started to ease, and while I know he wants to feel hopeful again, he can’t until he’s sure his heart is chugging along OK. For me it’s been a different experience. For days, weeks, I thought I was going to lose him – lying next to him at night wondering if he’d make it through he was in so much pain. It’s been bloody awful. How can I be without my love? He’s everything to me and the boys. But equally, I’ve had to be strong and find the strength (aka patience) to cope with his dark days too – the days he couldn’t find any hope. It sucks being sick right? Naturally, the boys are a big part of it too and I must be there for them, because I know if I’m not here, Steve can’t help himself but step in. But he needed to stop. He needed to be dependent. He needed to let me be the strong one. That’s not easy for a fella to do – even one who married me! You can’t do a poo in that! I am behind in my life right now. Much more than usual. We have both been consumed with this awful time, wondering if all is going to be OK again. Of course, I KNOW he is going to be OK, but wow, what a time to go through. And then we think of those who are not having such a lucky time, bravely facing every day, so we know we’re lucky, ‘cos we got each other and he’s going to be good really soon. The boys haven’t really known what was going on. There was no point telling them and Steve definitely didn’t want them seeing him in hospital. So I shared a few photos of their Dad in a blue dress and the only real concern is how does Dad do a pooh in that bottle? Get strong again my love. We all need you. We all adore you. We’re all with you. And I need to get my blogging mojo back! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea 

You will rarely hear me talking about products designed to make me prettier, mainly because it’s a boring topic. However, maybe I can make it un-boring today? For my loyal male readership, feel free to switch off right now, then again, this is potentially good knowledge to help you become better partners/spouses/brothers/fathers/etc…? My recent purchases… Here’s the thing. I’m 45. Based on this, I have approximately 30 years’ experience in the purchasing and wearing of lipstick. From the cheap offerings at Target as a teenager, all the way through to now; I’ve tried ‘em all, and no longer drop everything to try the latest shiny ‘thing’ because I know exactly what I want. My lipstick choice has been refined down to two. Number one is MAC, and 2ndis Bobbi Brown – a recent entrant, when, once again, MAC let me down. What do I look for in a lipstick? Very simple. It must be a moisturising matt. I have three colours: red for night; plus two day tones – a reddy brown and a purply brown. These three selections match my clothes and the simplicity of choice suits me. Once I worked out my brand and colours, life has been pretty simple on the lipstick front. I have one place to go and it’s done and dusted – important as I do not enjoy shopping. As Singapore is quite a travel oriented place, all of my make-up buys are at Changi Airport. I don’t know if it’s any cheaper duty free, and I don’t care, I just like the convenience and it fills in the time waiting for flights. However MAChas been very disappointing of late, never having the colours I need. They told me the high street shops definitely have them (which has not been the case), so about 12 months ago, after yet another disappointment at MAC, I wandered over to Bobbi and bought my first lipstick there. It’s good enough – a bit “wet” – but it’s had reliable stocks and that’s important. Until January 2015. Not only did MAC have absolutely no stock of my lipstick – recently it had no stock at all – neither did Bobbi! Oh my god, #firstworldproblems. But here’s where it gets annoying. I find the lovely ladies selling cosmetics sweet but generally useless when it comes to giving advice on what lipstick does meet my very clear requirements – i.e. moisturising matt. I mean, how silly of me to expect a sales person to understand their products! Equally, they represent one brand, not all brands, so even though they’re not all that good on their own brand, it gets a whole lot worse when asking about other brands. Mix this in with being at an airport, with a short timeframe to work within (so no time to explore all of the different options) and you’re pretty stumped. Buying at airports means sales advice is critical because you’re inevitably in a rush! Unfortunately, good advice is not happening and I recently got very annoyed by the whole thing. I don’t get annoyed very often really. In cases like this it’s because it’s just not important in the big scheme of things. It’s not life and death right? It’s bloody lipstick. BUT it is an inconvenience I’ve been dealing with for more than a year. A not happy Jan moment. Because I couldn’t get help, I now have a selection (about a $300-400 investment that is completely useless to me – Mum should be happy when I hand them over) but at least I can offer a critique for others seeking new options in the lipstick game of life: NARS – the new lipstick on the block and the cause of much excitement with the make-up ladies. They sold it to me so well, I bought two, even though the colours were completely wrong! But hey, excitement is excitement right? The verdict, it feels like you’re walking around with sandpaper on your lips all day, and by the end of the business day, it’s  all patchy and revolting after a few touch ups NARS reminded me of my Versace experience with lipstick a few years back. Beautiful packaging, but my word, almost ripped my lips off it was so dry! Burberry – who knew they did lipstick? And guess what, it’s pretty good. Like Bobbi, a bit wet, but it does the job MAC – the ladies convinced me to try the Materialize Rich Lipstick and from a stay-on-one’s-lips-all-day capacity – my only real requirement when puckering up – it is completely USELESS Chanel – this is a good evening lipstick, so I like it. But my real need is daytime work choices and by the end of the day after a few top ups, it tends to leave chunks of dry lipstick on your mouth – annoying! So there you go, a little lipstick story and I would LOVE guidance on potential lipstick choices that do meet my requirements???? Anyone??? One caveat. It needs to be an international brand, as that is the world I live in.   As a final point. Has anyone else noticed the wonderful things they are doing with magnets in lipsticks these days? It’s quite an art form. No idea what I’m talking about? Go and waste $300-400 on lipstick and you’ll see. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

On this day last year I posted a blog – One More Year – in honour of my little man’s 6th b’day. So yes, you can safely conclude that today Jax is a very big boy of seven. He also seems to have woken up with the attitude to match – crikey! Even though Jax is the pain in the arse child who never puts his shoes away, drops his clothes where he takes them off, loses toys, dumps his school bag where I trip over it, leaves his scooter blocking the door, etc, etc, etc, I have to say, I bloody love this kid. I also admire him. He’s got balls. However for me the journey of motherhood has largely been a whole lot of tediousness. I definitely adore them and wouldn’t be without them, plus we have had a LOT of fun as a family, but my word, the grinding days of emotional outbursts, chaos, mess, dangers, and arguments has been nothing short of fucking hard! “When, exactly, does this get fun Steve?” has been a common question in our house, one which never has an answer. In the early years, when the chaos emerged full force, I finally decided to be brave and ask other parents who might appreciate where I was coming from. However, the challenge in speaking about kids in anything but a bright and shiny way tends to put yourself at risk of a lecture – “it goes so fast” or “you’ll regret these days if you don’t enjoy them now.” I didn’t need to hear that, because I KNOW it. I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with screaming at the world sometimes too – because parenting is not always bright and shiny! So I braved the question – with people who had the potential to be like-minded – and the good news (and consistent answer) was seven. Seven is the magic year. Seven is when the kids start pulling themselves together emotionally, get more mature generally, seek more independence, and just don’t rely on you so much anymore. I know it will hurt when they pull away (it’s already started), but at the same time I’m super cool about more space being there between us. It’s time. When people told me seven, it seemed like an eternity and I had absolutely no idea how I’d get through the years until we hit thatmagic number, but today, we’ve done it. However Jax is already changing. Sure he can still argue with the best of them (which I expect will be a lifelong skill), but he’s now maturing and emerging into the little man he is destined to become. My greatest concern for Jax is that as he gets older, his incredible self-confidence will be challenged, and he will need to learn to soften it, or be accused of being arrogant. He’s definitely not arrogant, and that big loving heart of his will always shine through, but I can see this potentially coming up in his future – Steve and I are ready. The other good thing he has on his side is a bloody wicked sense of humour. People who make people laugh always seem to get on better in this world and he is an absolute cack! His faces and accents are superb. I know he’s going to be better than great and I can’t wait to see what he does in this life. It’ll be different to his brother (I can see Lex being a war photographer or something adventurous) and I wouldn’t be surprised if Jax is a super successful businessman (marketing or sales) or an academic that wants to know everything he can about a topic he’s passionate about. The only thing I hope is passion is the driving force for his life. That’s all that matters. So there you go, we did it. We made it through both of their first seven years and I hope this is it – fun, fun, fun all the way from now on, with a few emotional needs in the mix, because life is like that. Steve and I are just hoping on a bit more calmness now. It’s been super intense these last few years – mainly with Lex – so we’re ready to be those jolly parents that hang out in the background, cheering our kids on, but loving our own lives too. Let’s see what happens. Jax happy birthday my darling boy. You are an amazing little dude and I couldn’t love you more, even if you are a huge pain in my arse more often than not. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea PS: if you feel inclined to share with me the fact that the real chaos is only beginning, I politely request for you to put a sock in it. For today at least. Steve and I are feeling pretty good about this milestone….