Andrea Edwards

My mate Tash posted a blog about a recent online dating experience she had entitled: “Close Encounters of a Turd Kind.” He was a real charmer – claiming he’d “had” 628 women – one can only presume he meant shags – what a legend!! Anyways Tash is back in the game, hoping to find her love at last but experiences like this can be a bit of a kick in the teeth. It’s a hard and lonely place in single-land most of the time and I admire Tash for being willing to share this experience with her followers. I never did the online dating thing. I just couldn’t believe that I’d ever find anyone who’d suit me. I mean how would I advertise myself? If you’re looking for a charming, sweet lady to introduce to your mum, I’m probably not it. Or if you don’t mind a gal who swears like a trooper, loves being physically strong, lives life hard, is adventurous, speaks her mind, has strong ideas… then give me a call. I’m not against online dating, I just knew it wasn’t for me. I was single from 24 to 33. During that time I had a lot of fun, travelled a lot, enjoyed my work, and met a tonne of great people, but the whole time I was forever hopeful that one day, I would meet my love. Life is a hell of a lot better when you’ve got someone to share it all with don’t you think? But I only believe it’s great when you find the RIGHT one. Nine years later I found him. I was 33 and the love of my life finally came along. His name is Steve and he continues to be everything I hoped for and a lot lot more. Steve is my perfect match – kind of a male version of me (as I am a female version of him) and when we met and fell in love, I realised the idea that opposites attract might be bullshit – at least for us. It was our similarities that really bound us tightly together and we are two very happy little bunnies. When I introduced Steve to my mates, many of them said he’s exactly what you said you always wanted. One gorgeous friend Kirsti said it’s amazing, he is exactly what you’ve talked about for all these years, and you’ve found him. She said she’d spent her time thinking about what she didn’t want and, guess what? She always attracted that type of person – dickheads. So it got me thinking, was it my focus on what I wanted that helped find him? Then the Law of Attraction, manifesting your life, and all of that stuff hit the world, and I realised it could be true – I was a living embodiment of it after all. During those years I never stopped thinking about the man I wanted in my life, and all through that lean time, those thoughts were always foremost in my mind. I really believed that one day he’d walk through my door – I believed it so deeply, it kept me going when I too had “encounters of a turd kind.” All single people can talk about turd times. They are mega kicks in the nuts or snatch when they happen because all you want is to find someone nice, and it feels so impossible when you meet idiots. So that is what I’m sharing here. It is the focus on what you want in your life that will result in getting what you want. I do believe it worked for me in regards to love (but for many other areas of my life too) so be patient with me here, because if it helps one person, that would be awesome. My recipe for finding true love is really simple. Focus on what you want – all aspects – and keep this in your mind and heart every chance you get to daydream about your future. Any time you start thinking of an arsehole or bitch you’ve encountered along the way, shut that thinking down immediately, and redirect it to your ideal partner. Remember the law of attraction is absolute – if you allow yourself to think about what you don’t want, guess what, you’ll get exactly that. Let your imagination soar and live this ideal relationship in your head and heart. Imagine how being with them will make you feel, the smile you’ll see on your face, how much you are going to laugh and all of the wonderful things you’re going to do together. Live it and believe it. Naturally your logical side will kick in and tell you what a bunch of bullshit. You’ve got to ignore that and say “fuck off logic – why can’t I fantasize about this with no rules attached?” That’s the great thing about imagination – there are no rules. Picture your ideal partner, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I say physically because hey, you’ve got to like looking at them too. Being attracted is important whether people admit it or not, but chemistry is chemistry, so while your spunk may not be my spunk, they’re still a spunk. For example, I love men with big thighs and big shoulders and that’s exactly Steve. I went weak at the knees when I saw those thighs and shoulders for the first time seven years ago. In my world, a man’s gotta be a man but we’ve all got different ideas about that. So think about how they look if that’s important to you. But you’ve got to go deep. I needed someone with the same or similar values. I needed to know that even if something wasn’t important to them, they’d respect when something was important to me. I needed someone who laughed at the same stupid shit and who thought I was the dogs bollocks. I needed someone who wasn’t intimidated or scared of the sort of woman I

Have you ever been in a situation where someone asks your opinion or feelings about something and you tell them? We all have huh? My point? Many times the asker of the question repeats what you said, the only problem is, it’s not what you said. Naturally, when this happens, most of us say ‘no I didn’t mean that, I meant this.’ Again, they say sure, you said this….. And on it goes. This isn’t based on something that happened to me recently. It’s just a thought that’s been rattling around in my head from many of these experiences in my life and I’ve been thinking about it – for whatever reason I think about this stuff. When I was younger and this happened to me, I’d almost fight, trying to make people understand what I was trying to say. In the end, I would often give up because I wasn’t getting through, and sometimes they’d give up, because I was obviously pissing them off not letting it drop. As I get older, I give it a go once, maybe twice if it’s important to me, but usually, I just let it go. People hear what they hear. I find it a curious example of how us humans listen to things within the context of our own values and opinions. We hear what others say, but we interpret from our own experiences. Therefore it doesn’t matter what we say, our listener hears what they hear. I’ve learnt it’s easier if we just accept this human phenomenon and don’t fight it – not always easy I know. Most of us do this. Most of us are guilty of it. I think it’s just part of the human condition and most of the time we wouldn’t even know we were doing it. I’m sure I’ve done it a million times! We’ve all heard cases where 10 people witness an accident and when the police interview the witnesses, every story is different. Or the psychology team at university run an experiment with 12 people running naked across a field wearing different hats and everyone who sees them is asked what they saw. Everyone saw something different. Why? It’s because we’re all different. We all have different values, we all have different beliefs, we all see the world in our own way – it’s what makes life beautiful because that’s diversity. We’ve all had different upbringings with different types of parents and some of us have shaken off our parental influence and opinions, while some of us hold on tight and become an advocate for those beliefs. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes it’s a bad thing – say if you had really racist parents and you grow into a racist yourself. Stepping away from your foundational beliefs and questioning what you’ve learnt – from your parents, school, church, friends… it ain’t always easy. Then you meet people from other cultures and religions and sometimes, you’ve got no synergy at all, because your foundations are so different, there seems to be no middle line where you can reach each other. That’s why we’ve still got wars right – it’s got to be? We don’t make sense to each other. What we value is just too different. Age can be a big part of it. Many people get freer the older they get – breaking away from any “mind shackles” they have been trapped in. But some get more committed to their beliefs as they get older. The scars of life are often contributors to this, as real heart break can send us off the path, or it can get us more firmly entrenched on it – we just don’t know. Some “tests” can be very harsh and all I hope is that I am able to come out freer, happier and more accepting – but there could be tests I wouldn’t be able to survive mentally. I suppose it’s all about how we deal with the shit storms that can strike any of us throughout our lives… I definitely find this a curious aspect of being human and I suppose I just try to listen harder without putting my own opinions or ideas on people’s comments and hope everyone does the same for me. I don’t know if I am successful doing this though, because how can I know? No matter what, my world exists from the perspective I place on it, I suppose I’ve just got to make sure that’s a good perspective, but that’s still a perspective. What do you reckon it’s all about then? Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Have you ever read a book that you enjoyed so much, not only did you feel disappointed when you finished it, but you couldn’t pick up another book for a few days because you wanted to relish in the story a little longer? I just finished one – “The Help” by Kathryn Stocket. I decided I had to blog about it (even though my book blogs rarely get a response) because it is one of the best reads I’ve enjoyed in a long time and I read A LOT!. Based in early 60s Mississippi, it’s a story based around one white woman and two “coloured” maids and their perspectives of life in that time. If you think back to the early 60s, it was the era of Kennedy, Dr. Martin Luther King, segregation, the KKK, lynching’s, the events the movie “Mississippi Burning” is based upon, and the time white women went to college to find husbands – aka Julia Robert’s movie “Mona Lisa Smile.” Definitely a colourful period of time to be writing about and, hopefully, a time no more. I’m not going to tell you too much about it l’est I spoil it, but Skeeter, the white woman, is a typical Southerner – as far as I know – wealthy and everyone’s goal is for her to be married to a rich, nice, white man. Unfortunately she’s tall and not considered traditionally pretty. She’s friends with the local society ladies though and she plays bridge every week, tennis at the club, and life isn’t about questioning too many things. The difference is Skeeter had an amazing maid called Constantine who raised her and she loved this woman. But Constantine is gone from her life and she misses her. Constantine was fired when she was at college and no one will tell her why she’s gone – not even her mother. When she starts asking Aibileen – her friend’s maid – the reaction is pretty strong and Skeeter knows there’s more to it. To cut a long story short, Skeeter, Aibileen and her friend Minny, eventually get together to write a book in secret about what it’s really like to work as a coloured maid for the white women of Jackson, Mississippi. There are a lot of non-starts, threats, and if they get caught they will probably be killed, but with all the risk, they go for it and the story unfolds as it goes. Aibileen is an older woman who lost her only beloved son in his early 20s in a work accident. Broken hearted by this loss, she’s a brilliant, wise old dame who quotes simple philosophies on life that make you smile. You know how some people just make life simple but there’s so much wisdom in their simplicity? That’s Aibileen and she’s the sort of character who makes you feel ashamed for being lazy. My word these women worked hard. Minny is a mother of five, with an abusive husband and her work never stops. But she’s a cantankerous woman who doesn’t take shit from no one, even though she’s lost multiple jobs because of her attitude – I loved her. She also knows how to get her own back, and she did that with one of Skeeters best friends – this awful woman called Hilly. Hilly represented everything ignorant (in my mind) of that time. Definitely a colourful character in the book. It’s an amazing book. It’s about ignorance, how human’s can unquestionably follow unwritten rules, how we accept the norm, how differences on the surface divide us and what we miss by that separation, it’s about trust or lack of trust, and it’s also about a brutal time in America’s history. I really loved it but a word of warning. If you have an exam, something you need to finish, obligations that require your attention – don’t read this now. Steve kept interrupting me and I wanted to smack him – it’s just one of those rare yarns you want to immerse yourself in. If you get it, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I have been mesmerised by a book “Half the Sky – How to Change the World,” by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn. “Half the Sky” is based on an old Chinese proverb “Women hold up half the sky” and essentially the message is we’re in it together and the empowerment of women is fundamental for the future of humanity. This book takes you through all of the major issues affecting women in the world, but also how those issues, if tackled correctly, can improve not just women’s lives, but everyone’s lives. It is an incredibly balanced book, it doesn’t judge, and probably most importantly, it doesn’t point the finger of blame at men. In fact, when relevant, it focuses on how women can be the ones responsible for truly horrendous customs (in my opinion,) like female genital mutilation. The key issues facing women around the world include things like sexual slavery, female education, maternal mortality, female infanticide, family planning, honour rapes and honour killings, AIDs and STDS, as well as lack of education, amongst many other things. But it also focuses on the amazing things being done, not by the global aid groups, but at the local level by people who understand the issues because they live the issues. It looks at microcredit and how this has enhanced everyone’s lives. It tells the story of Mukhtar Mai, a Pakistani woman gang raped as punishment for her brother’s “supposed” crime, but rather than kill herself, as she would be expected to do, she’s gone on to set up schools for women all over Pakistan. It hasn’t come without its troubles, but what an amazing woman. As they say in the book, don’t hit people with figures, tell them individual stories – that is when people act. The book talks about fistulas and the devastating impact this has on women’s lives. Fistulas were once common all over the world, but they are repaired instantly in most countries. In Africa, they destroy lives. Don’t know what a fistula is? Check out www.fistulafoundation.org who explain: “A fistula is simply a hole between an internal organ and the outside world that should not exist. There are two primary causes of fistula in women in developing countries: childbirth, causing obstetric fistula and sexual violence, causing traumatic fistula. “Obstetric fistula is the most devastating of all childbirth injuries. “An obstetric fistula develops when blood supply to the tissues of the vagina and the bladder (and/or rectum) is cut off during prolonged obstructed labor. The tissues die and a hole forms through which urine and/or faeces pass uncontrollably. Women who develop fistulas are often abandoned by their husbands, rejected by their communities, and forced to live an isolated existence.” This book talks about global aid and how some has worked brilliantly, but how the politicization of aid can essentially kill people. Sometimes it’s because of a lack of understanding of cultures, but also because of pressure at home. For example, George W. Bush cut off funding to Mary Stopes International because this organisation was helping to provide abortions in China. Naturally the conservative Christians and pro-lifers are big Bush supporters, but do you know what happened? “The funding cut forced Mary Stopes to drop a planned outreach program to help Somali and Rwandan refugees. It had to close two clinics in Kenya and to lay off eighty doctors and nurses.” Who knows how many lives were lost because of this – both mothers and babies? Doesn’t seem like a very pro-life or Christian stance to me. These women are refugees – I cannot even imagine how hard their lives are – and having given birth to two children myself, I long for a world where everyone gets a similar standard of care. Thankfully Barrack Obama resumed funding to Mary Stopes. From the book: “Driven in part by conservative Christians, Republican presidents, including both Bushes, instituted the ‘gag rule,’ barring funds to any foreign aid group that, even with other money, counselled women about abortion options or had any links to abortions. As a result, said a Ghanaian doctor, Eunice Brookman-Amissah, ‘contrary to its stated intentions, the global gag rule results in more unwanted pregnancies, more unsafe abortions, and more deaths of women and girls.” It’s a frightening world out there on many levels, but this book doesn’t leave you reeling with shock and horror, it gently informs and talks us through some pretty painful stories and how sometimes people get free of their hell. It is hopeful, simple and inspiring. I’ve wanted to do something for a long time, and this has consolidated my thoughts. I have an idea so will share it with you when I have time to formulate it. In the meantime, the book leaves us with four things we can do in the next 10 minutes that can change lives. Here they are in summary:1. Go to http://www.globalgiving.org/ or http://www.kiva.org/ and open an account. I love Kiva, but will check out globalgiving too – any money you pay goes directly to the people 2. Sponsor a girl or a woman through Plan International, Women for Women International, World Vision, or American Jewish World Service3. Sign up for email updates on http://www.womensenews.org/ – done! As well as http://www.worldpulse.com/ – done!4. Join the CARE Action Network at www.can.care.org If you want to do research into worthy aid groups, http://www.charitynavigator.org/ and http://www.givewell.net/ enable you to understand who’s doing what and where you’re money goes – so if you do not want to contribute towards paying rent for swanky offices in NYC or high salaries, these sites show you how money is being spent. Also, did you know that really basic initiatives can change lives? School uniforms mean more girls go to school If girls have sanitary napkins they’re more likely to go to school De-worming increases school attendance and attention span Iodine improves brain health – apparently tens of millions of children lose 10 IQ points because of iodine deficiency while their brains are being formed in

I took down a blog yesterday. I took it down because it hurt someone’s feelings, someone I care about. I am not in this blog game to hurt people, so it is gone. I expect people to disagree with my opinions and to even give other perspectives – which I LOVE – but hurt, nope, not me and not how I want to live my life. So apologies. It was unintentional but none of us are perfect. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Well we’re off to another tragic start in the natural disaster rankings in 2011. I found this interesting blog http://www.jesusblogspot.com/2011/01/natural-disasters-2011-recap-of-first.html so if you’re into Jesus, a good blog to follow (I’m not a potential candidate) but interestingly, it talks about the first 12 days of 2011. You’ll notice a lot of dead bird happenings going on… which I never even heard about, but of course, many think the end of days is due when birds fall out of the sky. We all believe different things right? Here is the first 12 days, according to jesusblogspot, typos and all: Earthquake magnitude 6.9 Argentina – January 1 Earthquake magnitude 5.2 – Southern XinJiang, China – January 1 Earthquake 7.1 magnitude Chile – January 2 More Than 1,000 Dead Birds Fall From Sky in Arkansas – January 2 Dead fish cover 20-mile section of Arkansas River – January 2 Uganda yellow fever outbreak kills more than 40 – January 3 Earthquake Near Japan Triggers Tsunami Warning – January 3 Powerful earthquake hits south-east Iran – January 3 Earthquake 7.0 magnitude hits northern Argentina – January 3 Hundreds of dead blackbirds found in Louisiana – January 3 10,000s of Birds found dead in Manitoba – January 3 (apparently a province in Canada) Thousands of Birds fall from the sky in South America – January 3 Major Flood in Rockhampton, Australia – January 3 Dead Birds Found In Kentucky – January 4 100 tons of dead fish wash up on Brazil’s shores – January 4 Hundreds of dead birds found in East Texas – January 5 Dead birds in Sweden, millions of dead fish in Maryland, Brazil and New Zealand -January 5 Shift of Earth’s magnetic north pole affects Tampa airport – January 5 (that’s in Florida) 40,000 crabs found dead on England beaches – January 6 Heavy floods leave at least 35 dead in Brazil – January 6 Earthquake 4.5 magnitude in California – January 12 Huge Waves Destroy Homes in E. Indonesia – January 12 Of course there’s been a lot more. Extensive flooding in Queensland (not just Rockhampton) and Victoria, Australia, but also in Sri Lanka, South Africa, Indonesia, Angola, Germany, the US and many more areas. There have been mega blizzards and record low temperatures in the Northern Hemisphere, as well as bushfires in Western Australia and a mega cyclone in North Queensland. It’s been a crazy time in nature and this isn’t even everything. To give you some perspective, according to Channel News Asia (http://www.channelnewsasia.com/) and interpreted by myself, here’s how it stands – 2010 was an exceptional year. Remember Haiti? Most of us have put the Haiti earthquake to the back of our minds, as well as the floods in Pakistan and China. But these three events killed 295,000 people and cost the insurance business US$130 billion. Apparently the last time so many people died in disasters was in 1983, when 300,000 people died, mainly due to famine in Ethiopia. But then of course in 2004 nearly 250,000 died due to the tsunami around these parts, but that didn’t get a mention in this article. Nor did the huge Pakistan Earthquake a few years back… In 2010, 950 natural disasters were recorded, making it the second worst year since 1980. The average number of events over the past 10 years is 785 – and who knows what is measured. To give you an idea of deaths last year, 222,570 people died in Haiti (with three million left homeless,) 56,000 died in a combination of heatwaves and forest fires in Russia, the earthquake in China killed 2,700, floods in Pakistan killed 1,760, and August floods in China killed another 1,470. And that’s just deaths – the ramifications for those left living are rarely quantified… The American continent suffered the most disasters – 365 in total – with 310 in Asia. A total of 120 natural disasters were recorded in Europe, 90 in Africa and 65 in Australia and Oceania. Apparently an “average” year sees 77,000 dying in natural disasters. Many of us are glued to the footage coming out of Japan, and before that we were glued to what was coming out of Christchurch and Australia. It’s completely horrifying and almost impossible to understand. I find that unless you’ve been to a place impacted, or understand the culture of the place hit, we just can’t comprehend what it is like. So we sit and watch houses being washed away, ships plummeting into bridges, collapsed buildings full of who knows how many people, cars and trucks racing from the onslaught and not making it – it’s very heart breaking. And then there’s the whole nuclear fallout coming into question. Many of us might wonder what those people were like? How did they live their days? Did they have a good heart or do they wish they could have lived a better life? What were their final thoughts? What were they doing when the waves hit? Feeding their children? Making love? Praying? How did they face that moment of their death? How terrified were they? I have friends in Japan and everyone is Facebooking them saying get out, come home! But is “home” any safer? Are we really “safe” anywhere? And why do humans cling so desperately to living anyway? Why are we like that? As most of us are aware, the world is a giant ball of energy and sometimes that energy needs to get out. We’ve inhabited this world and sometimes we’ve chosen to do so in parts that are high risk. We’ve known that for a long time and we choose to stay put. We buy land, build houses and sometimes they get knocked down and a lot of people die… is that Mother Nature’s fault? I don’t think she’s “angry” at us, she just doesn’t give a shit. She’s got a job to do, and releasing her energy is a part of it. She’s constantly evolving and balancing herself –that’s what she does. Additionally, we’re at the

Peter Hoddle, my spiritual mentor, explained to me before I left Australia (again!) that if I can live my life accepting that all is as it should be, that the “big” plan is always in motion, even when I can’t see it, then I will be a lot happier. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this concept and reading other perspectives on it, and over time I think I’ve almost fully embraced it and made it a fundamental part of how I live and think. I say almost because impatience is still one of my “qualities.” The best thing about this almost completed internal evolution is that life really is a lot better when you can look at any situation and say, it’s OK, chill bitch. By embracing the concept that “all is as it should be” I can focus on what I want and where I’m going, all the while knowing I’m going to get there. Even though it often doesn’t feel like what I want is happening right now, all I need to do is keep my eye on the prize and enjoy the journey because I’m already headed in the right direction. It might sound wishy washy to some, but it really does make a lot of sense. It also takes away that human need for predictions and assurances of the future – aka clairvoyance type experiences. I know I’ve lived my life crashing and bashing through the hurdles that have come up. I’ve always known what I’ve wanted fundamentally and seem to have spent most of my life fighting to get where I wanted to go, but in most cases, the journey has been full of stress and angst. Always, ALWAYS when I’ve said “enough, no more stressing” about any situation in my life, what I was fighting for has just “happened.” Isn’t it amazing that I’ve only recently realised that all I needed to do all along was to stop fighting against life, enjoy the journey but remain focused on the goal? Life lessons are beautiful things huh? Since I started working with Peter, hearing his wise yet simple message, I’ve stopped trying to control my life all the time. I’ve also calmed down a hell of a lot, and embraced the moments more. All I can say is it’s a much better place for me to be and you know what, I have more time because I’m not scrambling trying to make things happen anymore – bonus. For example, when I’ve pitched some new business and it isn’t going to happen – for whatever reason – I can say “it’s alright, it’s not supposed to be.” When I’m waiting on an important phone call that never comes I think “oh well, on to the next.” It doesn’t mean I sit on my arse and wait for life to come to me. It means I constantly work towards what I want, put myself out there, write, think, read, work, network and have fun, but I don’t stress about the end goal. The end goal is coming, and sometimes it’s not what I expect, but when it’s not what I expect it’s usually a hell of a lot better than what I had in mind anyway, so it’s all good. It is definitely the most liberating evolution I’ve ever undertaken, because when I’m not so focused on the end goal every minute of my day, I can step back, look at what is happening, learn the lessons as they happen (rather than in hindsight,) and change directions/focus if that is what’s best. Sometimes I’ve been so focused on my goal I’ve missed better opportunities (that’s hindsight for you,) so now that I am more open to everything, much better things and experiences are coming into my life. There you go, something I’ve learnt and wanted to share. Maybe someone out there who’s lived life at full throttle like me – and is potentially exhausted by that way of living – will read this and say, you’re right, it’s time to chill bitch! So Thanks Peter. You were someone I needed to meet on this life journey. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

In January 2003, my great friend Carlos and I sat down and drank a whole bottle of cointreau, finishing proceedings at 5am in the morning. It was a great night. Unsurprisingly when I woke up I had a headache. Then for five days after that, I had a headache. Everyone suggested that maybe I’d put my neck out and recommended a chiropractor they’d all been using and were happy with. OK I said, I’ll give it a go. The chiropractors’ name was Brett and if I saw him now, I’d probably want to rip his testicles off and shove them down his throat. Brett was your typical evangelical chiropractor with such belief in his practise that he convinced me to give it a go. So I had the X-rays and not surprising to me, he noticed I had a slight curve in my spine. It had always been there and was no big deal as far as I was concerned. Being the third child, you tend to get bundled around in baby carriers, mashing up your spine as your parents are forced to chase after more mobile older children. That’s life. Brett was completely focused on straightening me out and after a few visits I stopped going. I was in BLOODY agony and my right hip and the middle of my spine was constantly spasming and seizing up. Sleep was impossible, life was gruelling, but I couldn’t go back to a chiropractor and get it fixed. I vowed never to do it again. Then I got busy, travelling back and forth across Asia Pacific for work, partying hard on weekends, and the pain diminished but never went. I have an ability to live with pain, which is a bit silly, but there you go. It’s a gene thing. So I met Steve, had a whirlwind romance and life, and the issue came up full force when I got pregnant. By this time there was practically nothing I could do that wasn’t potentially damaging for the bubba, so I had a shit pregnancy. But it wasn’t as shit as my second pregnancy – holey moley that was a crap time! I was constantly having muscle spasms, couldn’t sleep on either side (‘cos both hips were screwed now) and it was an exhausting nightmare. My only saving grace was Julie Gledhill who did Jin Shin Juyutsu on me – hands on energy healing – and this stopped the mega pain. It didn’t fix it though, just alleviated the pain – I needed to do something pretty serious to reverse the damage. The next few years continued to be shit, because with two boys 15 months apart, a manic life, painful pregnancies, no time to address my issues, an inability to prioritize me over my little needy loves… well I didn’t do anything about it. Before leaving Singapore nearly two years ago I knew I had to do something, so I embarked on an intensive remedial massage program and while it improved my situation, the consecutive 16 moves put me back where I started… actually I was in a worse situation. Now I had rotator cough injuries and tennis elbow too. How? I don’t bloody know! In the last six months, tackling these physical issues has been a big priority for me (mainly because I’m sick of being a moaning pain in the arse) and I decided to focus on osteopathy. My early attempts failed because I ended up writing a book with the osteopath rather than sorting me out. See always putting me last. It was worth it though and helped me with some other stuff – like calming down my frantic mind. When we came back to Singapore I decided it was time to get serious. As such, for the last two months I’ve been seeing this osteopathic dude and for the first time in two years I can raise my arms above my head. AMAZING. In fact, I’ve been able to swim again – woohoo. I know I’m my own worst enemy, I also know I’ve let this stuff get worse and worse and worse, but the reality is, if I didn’t go to the chiropractor in the first place, and if I didn’t drink too much cointreau that night, I wouldn’t be where I am. So it’s all my fault. Another significant lesson I want to share is if you do take the chiropractic path – and many love it – make sure you get a massage immediately after. If they’re going to be moving bones around, then you need to make sure the muscles are being massaged to complement any bone changes. As a body builder for many years, I still have muscle density. I love having muscles and strength. Brett didn’t take this into account. A great chiropractor will and should massage you as they crack your bones. Then you’ll know you’re on to a good one. I definitely appreciate that they’re not all bad. But the chiropractic practise came out of osteopathy. The difference between the two is chiropractors were so marginalised for so long that they’ve gotten really good at marketing. Osteopaths are crap at marketing so you don’t hear much from them. After my experiences with both, I’ll tell you this much for nothing, osteopathy is where I’ll focus my efforts now. For me, chiropractors will always be representatives of evil. On I go, with a focus on being pain free, strong and nimble. That’d be lovely. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Obviously added this photo after-the-fact! Isn’t it a relief to be through Hollywood week? I mean I do love it but it also shits me, because here are these kids with an amazing opportunity and some blow it because they’re too tired, or overly emotional or just aren’t mature enough to handle themselves. It’s definitely tough stuff, but then, being a pop star is tough stuff, so when it gets too intense kids do as my husband says, eat a spoon of cement and harden the fuck up! Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun viewing but sometimes I wanna smack these Gen Y kids around the ears and say wake up, look at the opportunity you’ve got here? Then again, not everyone has the balls to realise their dreams in life and Hollywood Week is a striking example of that. If you ain’t got it, you ain’t got it, so those who have got “it” deserve all the accolades they get. Thankfully we’re beyond Hollywood Week and it’s Andrea Without the Bollocks prediction time. I shouldn’t do predictions. Anytime I make a prediction they “bomb” out – Crystal Bowersox, Adam Lambert, Melinda Doolittle, Chris Daughtry – not that any of them have faded away into obscurity or anything… But I can’t help myself because I love American Idol and this year is awesome. I reckon there are nine outstanding girls and six fantastic boys. I don’t know if the new softer more humane approach of Steven, JLo and Randy has unveiled better quality or if it’s just one of those years. One thing I do know is there are some mega stars on the show and the first night performance of the top 24 was the best quality I’ve seen yet. Only a few didn’t do well. Every year they say it’s the best talent yet, and you know what, this year it’s true. There’s a real variety of styles too, which is wonderful and some of the top picks aren’t typical. It really is cranking up to be a great year. Before I start, can I just ask one thing? For those in the US and anywhere West of Singapore, please understand that we don’t watch the show down here until 12 hours after the announcements are made, and while social media is pretty much going to screw all of us trying to avoid the news these days – PLEASE resist in telling us the results!!! There’s nothing worse than knowing before you see the show. OK already. So here you go, my armchair predictions for American Idol, Season 10 – but that’s what the show is all about right? We all get to have a say. I wonder if anyone will read this? Boys – Great Casey Abrams – number one pick, love him. Talented, funny and he plays the string bass. He’s exceptional, cheeky, interesting looking and I will always be excited to see what he does next Paul McDonald – mate how cute is he? Especially that smile when he sings? And his version of Maggie, including the moves? I absolutely adore him Jacob Lusk – this guy is crack-a-lacking – incredible voice, but will he get boring? No doubt going to make it big in the world and he’s an excitable sweetheart to boot James Durbin – have you heard this kid? Bloody hell, he goes as high as Adam Lambert, but will he get boring? No doubt he’ll be a rock star but he has some charm skills to work on if he wants the crown Clint Jun Gamboa – did a great first performance, but he was a bitch during Hollywood week and I reckon that’s going to bite him in the arse with the voters. It might be a singing competition, but being nice is really important as we’ve seen every year. Why don’t these youngsters learn? You’ve got to win the charm offensive on this show too, it’s not enough to be talented Scott McCreery – I love Scotty, he’s cute as a button and is going to be one of the big boys in country music. I hope he makes it on the show for a while because I love hearing him sing and let’s be truthful now, he’s got to have one mega set of balls on him huh?  Boys – Not so great Stefano Langone – definitely did an awesome job on stage but I’ve never really been into him. He’s got a weird eye thing going on – lovely voice tho Jordan Dorsey – this guy is talented and good looking, but what a shocking first night. Definitely might kick him in the arse. Also he’s so single minded with his ambitions, which is fine, but you’ve got to be charming too! I don’t think he’s going to make it far on the show because he’s just too cocky. He was also another bitch in Hollywood Week Brett Lowenstern… not sure about him. Got a lot of growing up to do and a big chip to knock off those shoulders. The judges praised him but I found it awkward watching him perform – not just because of the excessive hair shaking Jovany Barreto – nice guy, great abs, lovely crooney voice BUT I was a bit bored love, sorry – Italian crooners have never been my thing Robbie Rosen – I know this kid is going to go a long way, but I find him dull. Lovely voice but just doesn’t appeal to me Tim Halperin – sorry love, but you really stuffed it up, which is a shame, ‘cos I like you. If they give you a chance, you’ll be like Lee Dewyze, but you’ve got to have the chance to grow with the show first. Might not be a good year for the inexperienced? Girls – Great Naima Adedapo – I LOVE this girl – her style, her voice – she’s sensational. I’ll buy her music that’s for sure. I love how unique she is

Noemi starts working for us today. She’ll be managing every aspect of our home lives so we can get on with doing everything we need to do – hooray! It is very common in Asia to have live-in domestic help, but I do appreciate that it is a bit of a weird concept for many. Vick, our original helper, was going to come back and work for us again because she wasn’t enjoying life in the Philippines, but a few days before we flew to Singapore she emailed to tell me she was pregnant. While sad news for us, it is the most wonderful news for her because it really is a miracle. Vick deserves to be a mother more than anyone I know, and after taking care of other peoples’ kids for 18 years, we are so thrilled for her and she’ll continue to be in our lives, which is great. But it left us at square one because Vick is a hard act to follow. She was an amazing addition to our home – happy, positive, hard working, loyal, a fantastic cook, cheeky, and she was amazing with the boys. Both of the boys went through long periods where they preferred her over me, but they always come back to Mumma, so it never bothered me. While fantastic, it was the hardest thing adjusting to Vick in our lives, and I never really got comfortable with it. Every day I would do things that she “should” do and if she swore like me she probably would have said “would you just fuck off and let me do my job!” Instead she gently urged me to enjoy it and let her get on with her job. I tried really hard, but never embraced the opportunity for what it was. When we arrived in Australia all anyone asked us was how are we coping without Vick? We coped fine. You do what you have to do and we’re both busy people, so the time in Australia was busy in different ways. As time went on, we realised that what was keeping us busy wasn’t making us happy, thus one of the reasons to return to Singapore. We have dreams we’re chasing and we won’t stop until we achieve them. We’ve recognised that this is what is important to us and this time will be very different for me. It has to be, I’ve got an empire to build. So the search began in earnest when we landed, because it’s vital we have an extra set of hands. We’re not looking for someone to take care of the boys, we’re looking for someone to do everything else so we can do that AND work effectively. We found a lovely lady but her employers wouldn’t let her go. We waited for six weeks in the end, but they continued stuffing her around and we had to move on. Her employers are foreigners and have been horrible to her -more surprising because they are Christian and haven’t exactly demonstrated Christian values in how they’ve handled this situation. It makes me mad because there’s nothing I can do (without making her life worse) and most nights I had her on the phone in tears, powerless to change her life. But if it’s not easy it’s not meant to be right? Although we will help her find a new job. Then we found another lady who fit the bill – older, mature, strong personality, experienced – but as we were the first foreign employers she’d met, she wanted to meet some more families before making a decision – fair enough, but on we go. And then last Sunday we met Noemi. She’s fantastic. Extremely mature, capable, a strong personality, and lots of experience. She has three older children at home in the Philippines so is very excited to have the boys in her life and we know she’ll be strong with them so they don’t run rings around her. That’s why a strong personality is an important requirement for us. A demure girl running around after the boys just wouldn’t work. They’ve got to learn to take care of themselves so they don’t turn into spoilt little shits. So today is the day. No more washing, cooking, cleaning, etc…, however when you start out with a new “home manager” it’s always bloody awkward and challenging. But before we know it, she’ll work us out and make life easy. We are very relieved, because we’ve seriously had no help since the boys came along, other than what we’ve paid for. No one can do full time parent in solitude (with Steve travelling all the time) and keep their sanity, that’s why community is always the most important thing around families, but we’ve had none of that. It’s just the four of us – but then that’s our fault for moving so much. Most people from countries without “maids” find it weird, often sad and to some it’s almost repulsive. I find the necessity of it sad. It breaks my heart that women have to leave their homes and families to earn money to make sure their kids can have a better life. Noemi has left three children behind with her husband and all of her money goes to making sure they get an education so they can have more opportunities than she had. In fact many countries rely on people doing this sort of work. In the Philippines 65 per cent of the national income is from nationals working overseas and sending their money home. That’s unbelievable isn’t it? It’s a harsh reality in our world, but Noemi will have a great life with us. We will take excellent care of her, she will be part of our family, we will respect her and demand that everyone else does and, as often as we can, we’ll fly her home to see her family. That’s the way we do things and we hope she’s happy here.