Andrea Edwards

You know I love my boys right? I mean I’m their mum and therefore, they’re amazing. Naturally you might not agree with me that my kids are amazing, but if you’ve got your own kids, you’ll at least think they’re amazing. It’s one of those irrational qualities parents have and it’s probably a handy human trait – otherwise I think we’d all be abandoning our kids and running for the hills, because bloody hell, they can be challenging little turds at times. No this isn’t a climbing frame So, we were at the British Club on Sunday, and both of the boys were being pains in the arse for whatever reason – both of them are going through belligerent stages. On this particular day, Steve had had enough of them and I was in a more accepting mood – we do tend to take it in turns. There was a point when all three boys were engaged, so I had an opportunity to observe other parents dealing with their kids – around the same age as ours – who were also being pains in the arse but for different reasons – such as being sooks (or sulking for the non-Aussies,) throwing temper tantrums, or whatever. Later on Steve said: “I just wish our lads could be quiet and compliant, just some of the time.” While I agree with him, the reality is, all kids are a pain in the arse at some point and in some ways, and compliant or not, no one’s got it any easier. Kids are just being kids, finding their way and figuring out who they are right? My boys don’t have temper tantrums and they’re not sooks, but they don’t listen and they stretch the boundaries of safe play every day, which is turning Steve grey and making me more haggard, but they’re great little buggers too. The other day, when I was hanging out with them at an indoor playground (and as they couldn’t give two shits if I was there or not,) I decided to take some notes on the things they do that absolutely shit me to tears. A favorite for Lex And here they are… 1.    Dressing – getting kids dressed from the day they are born goes from being a fun activity to a big pain in the arse very, very quickly. When the boys were little, Steve used to describe the process as not dissimilar to wrestling a bucket full of eels covered in KY Jelly….. Despite the slipperiness, in the early days it was relatively controllable. Now you’ve got to get them to stand in one place, face you and participate in the getting dressed activities – not that they want a bar of dressing themselves of course, they’re too busy eyeing up the next challenge. Our boys are independent in many ways, but dressing themselves holds zero interest. OH, and let’s not forget my two fashion conscious tykes actually want to choose their own clothes now…. awesome, another 40 minutes added to the morning rush process!!! Getting shoes on and off is also another annoying part of getting dressed and I am just very thankful for Crocs, as well as for living in a warm climate where not too much clothing or accessories are required 2.    Brushing teeth – as a general rule, I would rather eat l’escargot than brush Jax’s teeth – since five months old, he has been a complete pain in the arse when it comes to brushing – my word he carries on, but naturally, it stops as soon as the brushing stops, so it can’t be that bad? Anyone would think we were torturing him. On another level, we hope never to be told he has a tender gum issue, otherwise we’re going to feel like complete arseholes! Thankfully, Lex is a dream with teeth brushing 3.    Car antics – getting them in and out of the car – what a bloody sideshow we must look like every time we turn up somewhere!! They’ve recently started hanging their heads out the window while the car is moving, they spend a lot of time on the back parcel shelf, on the floor where it’s difficult to get them, they love to climb on top of the car (yes the roof but only when the car is stationary thank god,) and constantly want to turn on every light, press every button, open every compartment, lock the doors, etc, etc… “Just get out of the bloody car” is my usual response to the situation and let’s not forget we are living in a steamy place, so stuffing around is exacerbated by being stuck in a hot, airless car park. I have to admit that the only time I come close to panic is when I am stuck in a hot, airless environment, so I’m not a happy camper with these antics in particular This always ends up a mud bath      4.      Public loos – anything to do with public toilets! I know how clean the toilets are at home, but public toilets I do not, and my ever curious chaps are into EVERYTHING. “Do not touch the blue box, it is full of used sanitary napkins” – “do not touch any part of the toilet bowl it is covered in pee” – “do not touch the toilet floor or let your clothes touch the toilet floor because it is filthy” – “do not touch the rubbish bin because it’s a rubbish bin” – and Steve’s favourite (which I have not been able to witness) is “don’t touch the deodorizers in the urinals please.” I can only imagine what the neighbouring pee-ers think when they hear me carrying on in a public toilet. I absolutely hate going anywhere near them with my boys, because in some cases, the toilets aren’t high enough for Jax and he can’t help but touch it 5.    Nagging and being ignored – being a bloody nag and not

Being a bit of a voracious reader, I enjoy the opportunity to blog about my most recent reads, and this week I’ve gone from rock stars to leadership. This time it’s “The Leader Who Had No Title” by Robin Sharma. I’ve read one other book by Robin – “The Monk who Sold His Ferrari” and I have to admit that I find his style of writing extremely corny BUT the message contained within is very powerful, so he’s not to be underestimated. I definitely think there is method to his madness, because he is conveying some very complex stuff in a simple way, so as a result, folks that wouldn’t normally read these types of books can gain the benefit of his insight. His aim is simple – to get every human being on the planet working at their very best, across all aspects of their lives, and being a leader in their field, no matter what they are doing. So as the book says, if you’re a street sweeper, be the Michelangelo of street sweepers. Robin Sharma is a change and leadership expert and he consults the biggest companies in the world. He is obviously respected, and the one thing he believes is companies need to empower all employees to be leaders, no matter what level they are at – be it a janitor or the CEO. It certainly makes a lot of sense. But it’s not just about leadership in the workplace, it’s about personal leadership, plus it’s also full of good life reminders and a collection of awesome quotes from famous people – some alive and some long gone – that are “nourishing.” Personally, it makes a lot of sense to me right now. Since reading it, I have definitely started to wake up in the morning and rather than think “ahhh I want more sleep,” I quickly change my mindset and think more about how can I be the best in all that I do – with myself, my work, my boys and my man. So it’s been a really good thing for me right now when life feels a little bit arduous. One of the early parts of the book that I thought was worth sharing is “The 10 Human Regrets.” So even if you don’t read it, I reckon this stuff is good and ALWAYS worth keeping front and centre. “The 10 Human Regrets 1.       You reach your last day with the brilliant song that your life was meant to sing still silent within you 2.      You reach your last day without ever having experienced the natural power that inhabits you to do great work and achieve great things 3.      You reach your last day realizing that you never inspired anyone else by the example that you set 4.      You reach your last day full of pain at the realisation that you never took any bold risks and so you never received any bright rewards 5.      You reach your last day understanding that you missed the opportunity to catch a glimpse of mastery because you bought into the lie that you had to be resigned to mediocrity 6.      You reach your last day and feel heartbroken that you never learned the skill of transforming adversity into victory and lead into gold 7.      You reach your last day regretting that you forgot that work is about being radically helpful to others rather than being helpful only to yourself 8.      You reach your last day with the awareness that you ended up living the life that society trained you to want versus leading the life you truly wanted to have 9.      You reach your last day and awaken to the fact that you never realised your absolute best nor touched the special genius that you were built to become 10.   You reach your last day and discover you could have been a leader and left this world so much better than you found it. But you refused to accept that mission because you were just too scared. And so you failed. And wasted a life” Good reminders don’t you think? I definitely know I don’t I have too many regrets because I’ve always been focused on living life to the full, but if I look at this list, the most work I have to do is on nine and 10, although we’re close to achieving six right now, and we won’t give up until we do. For me, 10 is about creating the opportunities I want to create so that I can leave this world better than I found it, and I believe that, no matter how small, I can make a difference. Nine I’m really focused on this now, and this blog is definitely part of that bigger dream towards reaching my “special” genius. It’s my focus because I know I am yet to reach my absolute best – I’ve done really well in a lot of areas, but my absolute best – not yet. I will though. I’m determined. So if you need a kick in the arse, want to get more focused, are sick of being a victim or find yourself blaming everyone and everything for your failures, or just know that sometimes a good reminder is all you need to get refocused, then you can do a lot worse than read this book. I think Robin is doing something admirable here and his Robin Sharma blog is good too if you want to check it out – definitely not as corny. Robin didn’t just write a book, he’s starting a movement, so check it out if this sort of stuff is your bag. I might buy it for a few people. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Wot-eva!! Yeah I know, age is a state of mind and all that, but one can never ignore the physical and mental things that happen when the years start ticking by. Number 10 on my list happened recently, and it got me thinking, as I am known to do. As such, here you have my top 10 things either I hate (or friends have said they hate) about getting old. Maybe you could add your insights and least favourite bits? Here we go: You finally get the opportunity to sleep for 10 hours straight and your body says, fuck you, no-can-do, because your body aches so much, you can’t stay in bed even when you want to. It’s definitely time to make that osteo/physio/chiro appointment a priority huh? You start getting a little bit forgetful, even forgetting what you were saying in the middle of saying it, although that could be a post-pregnancy thing… Somewhere along the way your toenails start getting a little bit thicker and harder to chop – but never your fingernails, oh no – they’re still thin and flaky thank you very much Your skins starts taking on a more crêpey texture, especially your hands, your chest, neck, and of course, your face…. I’ve also noticed that, for some people, this is the time when liver spots start appearing on their hands, and all that sun damage starts showing up too – with brown sun spots suddenly appearing everywhere A great friend once told me that her pubes were going grey… I can’t attest to this as a fact, but if I could, it should definitely be on this list, as well as head hair and other body hair going grey – again, not one of my challenges in the aging process at this point in my life You start hearing yourself saying things like “the young people today don’t know how good they’ve got it” and “when I was young…” – remember how it annoyed the shit out of you when your parent’s said stuff like that? Any bad habits you’ve been hanging onto start playing havoc with the mind, because you now start facing your own mortality and recognise that it’s probably a good time to clean up your act before it is too late You hit an age where regular doctor’s appointments must be made to check up on things that have more of a chance of biting you in the arse. You may recall my blog post about my first mammogram? Other examples include men getting their prostates checked more thoroughly; colonoscopies suggested more readily; blood tests becoming the norm; and so on. You know, shit like that? People start discussing the desire to undertake huge physical challenges, like doing the Everest Base Camp trek before you’re 50 (Sujay) or competing in an Iron man competition, or maybe even just a simple triathlon – we want to know we’ve still got it right? And the shittiest aspect of aging, and one I experienced recently – you lose your “Bar Presence” a.k.a. one’s ability to get the barman’s attention. This is a poignant time in your life as you jostle for attention against all of the young, fresh faced beauties you are competing with, and while good on them, I just want a drink please? Not to mention, older people usually have more money and tip better, so bar staff, think of your wallet and not your penis. Besides, I know a few older broads who could teach you a trick or two in the sack anyway! There you go. Anything else to add on this lovely Friday afternoon? We could have some fun. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

If you’re in need of a good yarn to read, one that will curl your toes and leave you wincing at times, then I can highly recommend Steven Tyler’s “Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?” I picked it up because I needed a break from the serious stuff I’ve been devouring of late, but I’ve got to say, it wasn’t much of a break. In fact, it’s a bit of a heart racer – I mean can any human really do that many drugs and live? And he doesn’t apologize for it – it was what is was back in the day, and I’m just pleased he’s still around to tell his tale. I think a lot of people renewed their love affair with Steven Tyler when he became American Idol’s favourite judge this year, and he was indeed a sweetheart – “beautiful, just beautiful.” His autobiography was amazing for many reasons. I loved the story behind his musical passion, starting with a boyhood sitting under his Dad’s grand piano listening to Debussy, to his family’s Italian band dynasty, all the way through to his passion behind rock ’n’ roll and how & why he wrote what he wrote. I loved the insight into what it really takes to be a rock star and how he developed his “image.” The story of his mother was gorgeous and she was one hell of a woman – an inspiration. The women in his life, the groupies and the sex – I don’t know he kept it up. Then there were his kids, whom he adores, but obviously the regrets are deep because you don’t get much time at home when you’re a rock star – definitely a passionate Dad. When he takes you through a day in the life of a rock star, you wonder why anyone would choose it? Furthermore, who knew that being a rock star, prancing around the stage for 40 years could play such havoc on your body, especially your feet? And the “marriage” with his band members – my word there were some shit times. Then we have the wives and their impact on the band – some were particularly nasty. The managers, and everyone else involved in running a mega band like Aerosmith – so much betrayal. The media and the sensationalism – crikey that would be intense. And of course, the drugs and the addictions, which magnified all of the other negative situations – phew, it was exhausting just reading about it. But the best thing about this book? I don’t think I’ve ever read something written quite this way before. Steven Tyler certainly has a way with words, which was apparent on American Idol this year and in the lyrics to his songs, and I am probably a fan of the book for this reason above all others. I love crudity and it comes spilling out of him in droves. There’s not too much PC’ness in here – awesome. Some of my favourite lines – but there are millions more – include: “Now the blues is, was, and always has been the bitch’s brew of the tormented soul.” “I can’t think of that girl’s name now, but god, she was the skinniest, cutest little trollop.” “Did I want to get that song out with its head crowning out of the vagina of the music? YES!” In regards to Pamela Anderson “I’d drink a gallon of her piss just to see where it comes from.” And some words of wisdom at the end “Along with everything else that’s happened, life is good. And I’ve learnt that if I shoot an arrow of truth, I must first dip its point in honey. I’ve learned the ancient lesson of apology – OWN IT. It puts out every fire you may have walked through in life. People, too, often miss the silver lining because they were expecting gold. I’ve seen the sun go down, only to be swallowed by the ocean! Only to rise again in the morning.” A self-confessed ADD, I’m glad he wasn’t born today because he would’ve been put on Ritalin to calm down that manic head and body, and then we wouldn’t have the Steven Tyler we have today. I have to admit that I’ve never been an Aerosmith fan, but of Steven Tyler, a fan I now am. He is also an inspiration that you can reach your 60s and still be cool. Well worth a read, but if you’re a prude, you might not enjoy it as much as I did. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I’ve never been scared of confronting my own head. In fact, I first started doing it unconsciously when I backpacked for months at a time on my own. It’s amazing what can go on “upstairs” when you’ve got no one else to talk to. I found those times very therapeutic, as it gave me the opportunity to look deep within, challenge my thinking on deeply entrenched or fixed ideas, as well as the opportunity to contrast everything I thought I knew, with some of the wonderful and not so wonderful things I was seeing on my travels. Because I was able to do this, I shook a lot of the “life shit” away that I didn’t even know I was carrying until I had this chance to confront myself. Roll forward to nearly five years ago and I become a mum. There’s no question I love and adore my lads, but in many ways, I’ve found the whole transition into motherhood pretty challenging and felt quite lost in it for a while. Essentially I didn’t know how to be me, while doing the best job I could and loving the boys with my whole heart. As a result, the boys won – as they always came first – but I was finding myself getting pretty unhappy with the whole package that was my life. So a couple of years ago, I decided to go really hard and challenge my head and heart at a whole new level. As always, I started reading. I read spiritual books, religious books, non-spiritual books and anti-religious books, books by contentious conspiracy theorists, history books, as well as biographies by great people I respected. All of them gave me things to think about and I decided my quest was to understand the universe – how it all goes together, what it all means, and develop a much deeper understanding of what life is all about. I know that I will never get there (in this physical life anyway,) but I enjoy the challenge of always striving towards it, because what if some of the ideas out there are true? I’d have to say that no single book has ever won me over completely , although there’s definitely a few I’ve enjoyed immensely. The reality is, I’m not looking for a belief system, nor do I want to follow something already created. It’s just not me. I’ve always preferred taking a whole bunch of different opinions and mashing them together so I can come up with my own ideas because all ideas are valid to me…. that’s my preferred way of absorbing information and beliefs anyway. I’ve had one guide on this journey so far, Peter Hoddle in Australia, and he taught me to meditate – which felt like such a miracle for the crazy-headed me, but he also took me on my first past life regression, and since then, I’ve managed to do a few on my own. Very cool. I loved working with Peter and hope I can meet others that can give me some new ideas, because that’s what it’s all about I reckon –finding others on a questioning path and seeing where they are and why. I think more and more people are doing this now for sure.   One of things I’ve discovered is as you dig and probe and question and reassess your values and decide you’re going to believe in the law of attraction or manifestation or whatever and then accept that all is as it’s meant to be and that there is a larger purpose at play in the universe and that your path is defined to give you challenges to learn even though the learning can be quite painful sometimes and and and AND – well sometimes you get a bit worn out by it all. The other thing is when you strip yourself bare, before you can come screaming back to the light, you get REALLY bloody down. I’ve heard that the process of enlightenment can never be quick because we are not capable of handling it, so you’ve got to go in stages, and every time you meld a new understanding into your being, it leaves you ready to explore the next stage. Which means you go down again, take it in, come up feeling new and shiny, before heading on to the next stage. It’s been about two years now, and I’ve loved the evolution of my thinking and my values, but I’d like a little break now to relax and breathe. The problem is my head won’t let me. It seems that when you start this process you’ve got to be in it ‘til the end. But then, can it ever end? I love it and hate it at the same time, because it ain’t easy at all… but the emotional highs are a pure high, so it’s not all bad. I know I won’t stop, because I can’t – I’m laid fully open now, and once opened, it doesn’t seem that you can close up again, but maybe I can just have a little holiday from it? I’m curious to know if any of my dear readers are going through the same thing? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

National Geographic ran a cracking article a couple of months ago – “Opium Wars” – in relation to what’s going down in Afghanistan. It was a tough article because it seems no one is winning there – well apart from the drug lords and the corrupt officials of course. The local police and officials are being bombed, maimed, killed and terrorised The local growers, just trying to feed their families, are starving whenever their crops get slashed by the officials, so quite rightly, they’re getting pissed off and supporting “the bad guys” all the while continuing to grow poppies no matter what International troops trying to manage this situation are being attacked, injured and killed The Taliban is getting billions of dollars to fund their war on whoever is pissing them off today, or innocents just getting in the way Suffice to say, it’s a fucked situation and the drug is still making its way to market and screwing up even more lives. More of a worry though is that the supply has increased, driving prices down, which means more is available, so more are getting hooked, but what does that mean for the “end-user?” Dealers are cutting the drugs with dangerous substances to make more money. It’s a vicious chain of events, destroying entre generations…. Here’s an idea of how big the drug issue is in Afghanistan according to Wikipedia, and interestingly, it’s grown since the Taliban have been overthrown: “Afghanistan is, as of March, 2010, the greatest illicit opium producer in the entire world, ahead of Burma (Myanmar) and the “Golden Triangle.” Afghanistan is the main producer of opium in “Golden Crescent.” Opium production in Afghanistan has been on the rise since U.S. occupation started in 2001. Based on UNODC data, there has been more opium poppy cultivation in each of the past four growing seasons (2004–2007) than in any one year during Taliban rule. Also, more land is now used for opium in Afghanistan than for coca cultivation in Latin America. In 2007, 92% of the opiates on the world market originated in Afghanistan. This amounts to an export value of about $4 billion, with a quarter being earned by opium farmers and the rest going to district officials, insurgents, warlords, drug traffickers. In the seven years (1994–2000) prior to a Taliban opium ban, the Afghan farmers’ share of gross income from opium was divided among 200,000 families. In addition to opiates, Afghanistan is also the largest producer of hashish in the world.” Then this week AVAAZ announced that, as a result of their petition presented to the UN, along with the support of Richard Branson (nice one Sir,) “UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has decided to create a task force to look at new solutions to the problem of drugs.” Apparently “any debate around ending the war on drugs has been quashed. In official circles, it’s “taboo” to talk the about regulation or decriminalisation” and many have lost their jobs when trying to get discussions going. So the “War on Drugs,” which is expected to cost the US government alone US$23.44 billion in 2011 and has seen trillions make its way into organised crime, and only now they’ve decided it’s time to “talk” about it? Does that strike anyone else as completely insane? But look at the figures – the export value out of Afghanistan is US$4 billion, and the cost of the war on drugs is US$23.44 billion, and while I appreciate that this figure is global (and that the US is also dealing with drug issues closer to home in South and Central America,) the farmers in Afghanistan, who are growing the opium, get US$1 billion for their work. And that brings me to a hopeful point, as maybe there is a solution – provided by a complete stranger living in the UK. Mike Davis, from Cheltenham in England, wrote a letter to the editor of National Geographic this month and he said “why don’t we buy the crops ourselves and turn it not into heroin but into medical morphine, for which there is a great demand?” Brilliant. Simple. Brilliant. Pay the families in Afghanistan more than the drug lords for the crop, their families get to eat and become our “friends,” we get a constant supply of morphine or whatever drug can be created to help humanity, and everyone wins, except the shitty guys selling it up the illegal drug chain + the addicts who ain’t gunna be too happy, but hey, there’ll be more morphine available? Simple is usually the best approach right? But what would I know…. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

“Go the Fuck to Sleep” has become a global sensation. It went viral, Samuel L. Jackson did the voiceover (although strangely I can’t access it in Singapore) AND now it’s got a publishing deal + pissed off some family advocacy groups. Well done – I love stories like this. The only problem is, getting my kids off to sleep has never been an issue (getting them to sleep long enough is,) but equally frustrating, getting them to stop touching stuff my remains a constant ball ache, so I’ve decided to write my own children’s book for your viewing pleasure. All I need now is an illustrator, then for it to go viral, get Angelina Jolie to do a voiceover and bam, world domination…. Well hardly, but in an effort to entertain my dear followers, here goes: Please, Just Leave it the Fuck Alone By Andrea Edwards (with some ideas from Steve Johnson) Dedicated to my sons, Lex and Jax Johnson. If it wasn’t for you, life would be more peaceful and we’d have a lot more money and sleep BUT it would be dull and empty of all the wondrous moments you give us everyday. My darling you’re crawling around now I’m so proud of you moving on your own No don’t touch the $20,000 Bose stereo love Please, just leave it the fuck alone It’s lovely seeing you toddling around dear I know you like my brand new Vertu diamond encrusted phone Instead of putting it in the microwave sweetheart Please, just leave it the fuck alone You’re 18 months and into everything now Even munching on the poor doggies’ bone But that Cartier necklace cost Daddy loads my love Please, just leave it the fuck alone You’re two today, happy birthday my beauty You’ve really worked out how to atone But it doesn’t stop you munching on the poo brush does it? Please, just leave it the fuck alone Mummy’s cosmetics are obviously intriguing for you Even Mummy’s rare Ivory handled comb But I draw the line at decorating with my lipsticks darls Please, just leave it the fuck alone It’s your 4th birthday today, hooray my treasure What an explorer you’ve been in the home You’ve finally found Mummy and Daddy’s “special draw,” great Please, just leave it the fuck alone PS: for anyone thinking of robbing me, I do not have a $20,000 Bose stereo, nor do I have a Vertu diamond encrusted phone, a Cartier necklace or an Ivory handled comb – because I abhor the killing of elephants or any living creature for any reason, except when it comes to a good steak. We also don’t have a dog, and mind your own business about our “special draw.” I could go on and on and on because my boys remain dedicated to getting into EVERYTHING and NOTHING is sacred! And for those who don’t think women/mothers can write this sort of shit, HELLO!! I’ve got books of this stuff – in my head at least. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Watching your kids grow up is definitely a fascinating experience, but over the last few days, Jax has blown us away. Jax is the grand old age of three years four months, and up until now, this kid has had balls of brass and is always the most confident and charming kid in the room. While Lex tends to hang back at the edge of the circle, Jax is in the middle, shaking things up. He’s a bloody hoot and we adore him. Since birth, Jax has never been particularly sensitive – he just shakes shit off and moves on. However, about four days ago, I walked into our bedroom and Jax is sitting on the floor having a sit down protest. I say “mate what’s going on?” He replies “I’m angry.” “Angry, oh dear, what are you angry about love?” Well he couldn’t quite encapsulate what he was feeling, but when offered a cuddle, he took it gladly and the moment was over. Since then, he’s taken himself off a few times, sat down in a huff and when gently asked what’s going on, has told us he’s angry, sad, annoyed and once, that Lex is lucky and he isn’t. I don’t know where the bloody hell he gets this stuff from, but one thing for sure, he doesn’t miss a trick. We try very hard to treat both boys equally, praising both, loving both, laughing with both, acknowledging both – but when he said Lex was lucky and he wasn’t, we both said WHAT? I never EVER want either boy to feel less loved, less adored, less treasured, but it’s a balancing act isn’t it? Lex automatically requires more attention – mainly due to his speech challenges – so is Jax picking up on that? I don’t know. In some ways, as he’s the easier one to deal with and speak to, I sometimes wonder if he gets “more” love, or may Lex thinks he does? Ahhhhh bloody kids I tell ya. All I know is I want to help my boys grow in to emotionally mature men, and while I have no idea “how” to do that, I am constantly seeking ways that I can help them talk and open up about their feelings, rather than reacting physically. I mean, that’s what we’ve got to get them to do, talk and feel safe about expressing themselves? Right? Who knows, this parenting malarkey is a bit of a gamble, and for now, I just want to be attentive enough to always notice when my lads need a bit of one-on-one time, a chat, some silent company or just a cuddle to let them know everything is alright. Jax is an incredibly articulate little man, he understands very complex stuff, and now that he is really communicating this stuff – mainly in regards to his feelings – it feels like we’re entering a whole new and lovely dimension to his character. I have no doubt both of my boys will grow into lovely, charming men, so I suppose I’ve just got to stay really aware of their needs for as long as mum is required. I have to admit that’s a job I’m really happy to have. In the meantime, I’m enjoying my new, sensitive little man. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Five months ago we landed back in Singapore on a wing and a prayer, and I’ve got to say, these five months have been extremely challenging. We came back because we needed to be happier with our life, and that comes from a few different elements for both of us. The most significant thing missing for me was work opportunities. I need to work. I love working. It gives me a thrill being out there, I enjoy interacting with smart people, and I love the creative process when I pick up professional writing assignments – or even better, when I get to create the words a company uses to describe itself. Steve also needs to work and be excited about what he’s doing, he needs to stretch himself and he needs to work with like-minded people beyond the world of Geosynthetics. He’s now doing that and he picked up two contracts last week. He’s a clever man. But as I said in my earlier blogpost – Gaining Time – we also need to have time for each other AND most importantly, time for our boys. We know we could never have it all in Australia. It’s just not designed for that, especially with no family help around the corner, so we came to the understanding that we needed to be in a place where we could have help, even if we had to pay for it. This help means we can rely on everything being taken care of in the home so we can just get on with living and working… just the way we want it. In the last week, I can honestly say, I think we’re there. It’s been a hard grind. There’s been a lot of disappointment. People have said they’d follow-up and we’ve heard nothing. Things haven’t worked out how we thought they would. Business hasn’t come through when we were told it would. We’ve stressed and strained over paying rent and school fees. There have been days, weeks… well it’s just been all consuming at times… But as we’ve moved through this cycle, we’ve had a chance to see where the business opportunities really are and we’ve reshaped what we offer to more closely reflect a need. We’ve had a few angels step in along the way to help us out or make sure we’re getting a chance to meet the right people. And we’ve persisted, remained positive and hopeful, put ourselves out there at every opportunity, we’ve worked out how to have fun in the midst of the stress, and when we gotten down we’ve kicked ourselves (or each other) in the arse and said “feeling like this doesn’t serve us, it only makes the situation worse, so perk up sweetlips and focus on the future – it’s going to happen.” It’s happening, and while we’re not in comfortable-land by a long shot, we’re heading there and moving towards the life we want. A life where we’re all happy and relatively content. The next chapter definitely has to have more ease in it – not something I’ve ever really sought on my life journey to date. No idea why I haven’t taken the easy roads… However, based on these last few months, I’ve got to say, believing in something and staying true to your direction is not an easy thing to do. Most people don’t move countries with a family and no back-up or job – but we just had to, we were unhappy. Making massive changes is something we know how to do (hey we’ve both done it a lot) but it’s never without good reason – I mean I can’t think of anything more important than being happy, being professionally satisfied, spending time with my love and giving our boys every chance we can to help them become amazing men? It’s been the right choice. A hard choice, but the right choice. Many have questioned our choices and decisions. Some ask us openly, others don’t but we know they want to. Some look at us and wonder what the bloody hell our decision making parameters are? I was asked again on Saturday why we’ve moved around so much and most of the time, I can’t give an answer that makes sense to everyone. The reality is we made a decision that we would keep shaking things up until we were happy, and while we’ve gone through a lot of ball ache in the process, returning to where we left, we’ve always been prepared to do whatever it takes to find what we want. Sometimes you’ve got to go through these times to really appreciate what you value and we will never regret the last two years – oh the life lessons! BUT I can tell you something for sure – we won’t be moving countries again in the short term. In fact, we figure we’ll be here for a long time. It’s definitely home. We’re in the right place. We’ve got an amazing community of friends around us and Singapore is buzzing, vibrant and dynamic right now. It’s awesome. The other wonderful thing is the boys absolutely love it here. They have a constant community of children to run around with, and Lex has a renewed faith in his school environment after the horribleness he experienced in Australia. A psychologist told us that experience may come back to kick him in the arse when he’s around six or seven, so we’ll be bracing ourselves for that. But he is absolutely overjoyed to go to school these days and that alone has been worth all the heartache of the year so far. Not to mention, he’s talking. Not 100% at his level yet, but he’s getting there. It’s so cool – I love hearing what that little man has to say. What about Jax? He’d be happy anywhere – he’s just a dude and already the most popular boy in school. That kid I tell ya! There you go. I thought you’d be

Four and a half years into this mothering malarkey and I am still beside myself with sleep deprivation. I dream of the day I can arise feeling refreshed and ready to embrace the day and all it offers…. In one area we are lucky – the boys go off to bed beautifully every night. They love bedtime reading and chatting time, but come 4am, 5am, 6am, they’re up, bright as a button and ready for the day. The problem is they haven’t had enough bloody sleep, so the brightness wears off quickly and we have two emotional, unreasonable, demanding little turds to contend with and if they just bloody slept for long enough, it wouldn’t have to be that way. As you can probably guess, we’re back into an early rising cycle. Neither child is responsible, they take it in turns, bless. Every night we say to them “if it’s still dark outside, go back to sleep. If you can’t go back to sleep, come and wake up Mummy (but preferably Daddy) or jump in to bed with us until the sun comes up.” “OK Mumma” they say, but do they ever follow those instructions? Oh no, the early riser for that day wakes the other one (because they can’t be without each other,) and they either a.) raid the fridge for chocolate and if there’s enough chocolate, eat it until they spew (although that only really happened once – almost burning down the house was another awesome morning) or b.) they go and hang off the balcony, throwing toys and thinking it’s a hoot. As such, we can’t languish in bed, because c.) they might fall off the balcony and die or d.) we want them to have great teeth so eating chocolate in great quantities is a no no. In the meantime, Steve and I have trouble sleeping because we are listening out for every noise, mainly concerned that they’re going to fall off the balcony and die, so we never get any peace of mind in this whole parenting shebang! To think a significant reason for moving countries AGAIN was to enjoy the Singapore 365 days a year 7am sunrise/7pm sunset – because the 4am Queensland sunrise/Kookaburra chorus was killing us – and yet still we do not have consistency. The good news is it’s not as bad as Australia was… And so many parents said “it’ll get better from about four. At four, they become independent and just get up, turn on the TV and chill until you wake up” – ummm really? I dream of the day I get up around 9am, come out to two peaceful lads hanging on the couch, being responsible, sorting their own healthy breakfast, not doing any death defying stunts, and being QUIET….. That is what I dream about now, when I can get to sleep of course. I’ve heard many times that tiredness is a state of mind and you just have to decide not to be tired anymore. For those who think like that, I challenge you to come and take care of my boys for a few months and see if you still believe it’s a state of mind. Yours, without the bollocks A weary, Andrea