The hardest thing about going back into a fulltime job – apart from getting ready in the morning and out the door on time – is the brutal treatment I’m getting from my six year old son, Lex. He is NOT happy with Mummy at the moment, not happy at all. He’s been lucky to have Mum working from home and always available since the day he was born, so the lack of accessibility is something he is struggling with. I get it. We’re peas in a pod and he’s “lost” his greatest ally.
But he’s ready for me to do this. He needs to find his own wings. He needs to push himself beyond his Mum. I know this. It’s just going to take a bit of time for him to work that out for himself.
Coming home every night – usually about 30 minutes before they go to bed – Lex won’t even look at me. Jax will give me a flying hug and is stoked to have me home, but not Lex – cold should is all I get. He warms up after a while, but the atmosphere is intensely chilly in the first instance.
The other day I came back on the train with a colleague. She directed me to a different train, and because I didn’t know where the hell I was doing, I didn’t realise I was on the wrong train until I got to a station where I had to change lines. When reading the map, I realised I’d come the wrong way and was on the long train home. I was feeling a tad emotional at that point, just wanting to get home to see my boys, but thankfully found a seat in a corner, where I could hide my tears.
An hour and a half later – it’s typically about a 30-40 minute exercise – I came up from the station, and there was Steve and Jax to collect me. Jax came running towards me, giving me a huge flying hug, nearly knocking me over, and I burst into tears. But Lex wasn’t there. He didn’t want to come and get Mummy, the brutal little bastard. It was a bit of an emotional car ride home (which Jax wasn’t happy about), with the reception frosty once again. All I want to say to Lex is – dagger in the heart buddy, dagger in the heart.
It’s not easy getting back into the swing of corporate life – although I really am enjoying it – but I’ve got to say the emotional intensity on the home front makes it all a little harder to bear. With Steve going away tomorrow for two weeks to the US, it’s going to be even harder.
Bloody kids I tell you.
Yours, without the bollocks