December 2013

Returning from the jungle About 10 years ago, my awesome friends Carl and Lorna came to visit us in Singapore after a long and relaxing holiday in Thailand. Their boys – Ike and Archie, who were approximately six and two at the time – arrived late into Singapore (wine tasting in the airport distracted them apparently so we waited for ages, went home thinking they missed their plane, only to have to come back and get them, hello!) and I looked at them and said “shit guys, you look completely knackered.” Carl looked at me, pointed at the kids and nothing more was needed. The message was clear. A relaxing holiday in Thailand it was not. Dancing with the elephant Wind the clock forward by a decade and I TOTALLY get what they mean. After only five days on Bintan, Steve and I are sitting on the ferry, heading back to Singapore on The South China Sea, and we are completely rooted – completely. The first root-able part of the experience was losing an hour, so not only did they wake up like clockwork, we had a 6am start every morning. The kids’ club had absolutely zero potential to keep our loves engaged for any longer than five minutes – although five would be pushing it – so it was 14 hours of intense “mum I want, mum Lex/Jax hit me, mum I’m tired, mum I’m hungry, mum I want to go on [insert most dangerous option available for kids], mum I’ve already done this activity, this activity and this activity, but if I can’t do this additional activity I’m going to scream, mum can I have an ice cream/chips/chocolate/sugar-of-any-description-or-better-yet-chips-covered-in-really-bad-flavourings-and-additives-that-make-me-crazy, mum, mum, mum…. It was long days keeping them moving and entertained… Robin Hood x 3 But to top it all off, Steve had great hopes of Mummy and Daddy time in the mix?! Yeah right love. Every night we’d lie in a stupor on the bed, deliriously exhausted, ready for another bone aching sleep on our really REALLY uncomfortable bed, knowing one of us had to do the early morning rise/distraction to keep the boys quiet just a little bit longer so we could sleep – and I should note, Steve let me have the lie-in every morning, thanks love – before doing it all again. Mummy and Daddy time was definitely NOT on the cards. Seriously how do people manage four or more kids? Some serious concentration and he was awesome With all that said, we had some really lovely experiences. The boys tried archery and shooting for the first time, got over their fear of elephants and went for a ride in the jungle with the Mahouts alone, Lex danced with an elephant in front of a crowd (bless), Jax played a number game with another elephant, they learnt how to do somersaults on trampolines, went jellyfish hunting on the beach, enjoyed excessive amounts of sugar at the breakfast buffet (they could finally eat Honey Stars), and spent a whole lot of time just swimming and hanging out with Mum and Dad – something they seem to enjoy doing?! As was Lex – crack shot! So it was a good but wearing adventure and it ain’t going to stop us doing more. After a couple of days at home, we’re going to head off into Malaysia for a bit of a road trip to Malacca – one of our favorite cities in Asia. We haven’t done a road trip with the boys yet, so we are expecting it to be interesting, but Lego Land and a few other adventure parks might keep them satisfied? Nah, what are we thinking. It’s still all about them. Anyone else knackered from kiddie holidays? I swear it’s easier being at work! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea My favorite pic

The boys are having a bit of a fear-fest around witches. It’s been growing in momentum for some time, but recent viewings of “Scooby Doo” have left my little loves quite fearful. Awesome. I’m really loving that. Being a very traditional Mother, I’ve decided to take a slightly different approach in discussions, suggesting that “Witches are nothing to be scared of my darlings because I’m a witch and Aunty Vick’s a witch. In fact, we know lots of witches.” The Wand my Dad bought me many years ago – it’s one of my treasures Even though my personal idea of witchcraft is essentially being attuned with all that IS in the world – especially oneself – I must say, that statement got a significant response last night. Jax: “Mum you are not a witch, you are just a Mummy.” Lex: “Can you turn me into a train? No, turn me into a frog?” Of course, I then had to explain that there are different kinds of witches and my personal power is not of the zapping variety. I said it’s all about making things happen with my mind, and that if you have positive feelings and ideas, good things happen and life is happier.” I lost them at that point. So I showed them my wand (a gift from my Dad many years ago and something I adore) as well as my crystal ball (both pictured). “See guys, I’m a witch! I’ve got all the tools.” But Jax was having none of his Mum being a witch – with a very firm “Mum, you are NOT a witch.” However, this goes a little bit deeper for me. I actually feel quite pissed off with how witchescontinue to be reflected in the media and storytelling today, and of course, historically. I also feel even more disappointed that my loves are picking up these stereotypes and carrying on the message. I love crystals and recently got myself a crystal ball I did a lot of research into this years ago and could share lots of thoughts and ideas, but briefly, my conclusions are along the lines of the history of witches is about the subjugation of women, wrapped around the growth of modern day monotheisticreligions –  pure and simple. It’s about killing what was and replacing it with something new – but examples had to be made of the old, with these examples almost exclusively and barbarically focused on women. Witch comes from Wit which actually meant traditional medicine woman (think Shaman), and of course, for many reasons, that was wiped out and women in this field were burnt at the stake, terrorized and a lot more. It’s obviously linked to the growth of modern day religion and the killing off of the ‘Goddess,’ and we are still seeing women defiled for this and many other reasons today. I don’t want my boys growing up with historical or modern-day misconceptions around women. I don’t want them wrapped up in how the media portrays women and seeing that as “normal” or “right.” My husband gets a kicking when he uses phrases like “you throw like a girl” (I’m a great thrower after all) or similar – even if he does says those things to wind me up. Using that as a criticism or motivation to be better at something is not OK, because let’s face it, the boys obviously aren’t that good, come on! Maybe I’m fighting a lost cause, but damn it, my boys are going to grow into very self-enlightened men when it comes to women. My husband has had nearly 11 years training in Andrea’s course on “how to detect bollocks in the media and society when it comes to gals” and he’s coming along well (although I must say he started off ahead of the curve). He does, however, occasionally deliver the odd slip – he is human after all – but fortunately, I get to offer this course to the boys from the beginning, so perhaps I’ll succeed? All I hope is that one day, some future women (if, of course, they choose women as their partners) is going to be very appreciative of my efforts. So yes, I’m a witch, and I’m proud of it. Anyone else a witch? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

My little Lex (seven) told me he was playing kiss chasey yesterday. I was absolutely delighted to hear it, because I have some very fond memories of kiss chasey myself. He told me this girl – with a big big big brother in a green shirt – was chasing him all around one of Singapore’s indoor playrooms and he kept hiding in a train. It sounded quite stressful for my little love, but equally, you could tell he loved it! I actually saw him kissing our friend’s daughter at his birthday party recently, so something has definitely shifted in our little man. I was about five when my kissing adventures began. I remember to this day a dream boat, named Lars – who was a much older six – always targeting me for kisses. I have to be honest. I never tried too hard to run away… Then up until about 12, when innocence still ruled supreme, my Dad used to drag us all over the country to do his various hobbies, often late into the evening. I remember dark nights in abandoned fields, with all of the kids running free of parental eyes or control, playing kiss chasey for hours on end. I also remember most of the other girls being VERY good hiders, often not being found until it was home time. I was surprisingly easy to find, because I didn’t mind the odd slathering kiss from the boys. Once puberty kicks in it all becomes rather awkward, with everyone being aware of other potential assets at play, so the kiss chasing stops and you find yourself circling each other for the next few years until you work out exactly what it is you should be doing. So yes, I’m delighted Lex has started playing kiss chasey, but when Jaxey starts, hang on to your hats! Although it’ll be when they’re teenagers we’ll be recommending our friends lock up their daughters. Anyone else with lovely kiss chasey memories? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Like most people, I’ve been having lots of conversations about Mandela today. I feel as if there’s a big, beautiful feeling engulfing the world right now, one that is reflective of the impact a truly loving and magnificent person had on all of us. I reckon we should all just wrap ourselves up in this beautiful somber mood, because what a rare treat we’re experiencing today. We’re celebrating the best of the human spirit. I know people are sad he has left us, but I just don’t feel that way. I feel joyful that I had the privilege to be alive when he was here. My boys won’t remember Mandela, and that’s a shame, but I got to have him in my life, and I am so grateful I was able to see what is possible when one is connected to their heart. I believe Mandela showed us all that a single person can create positive change in the midst of real ugliness. He showed us that peace is possible, no matter the obstacles. He also gave us an understanding of how bright the human spirit can shine, no matter the circumstances one faces. What a legacy. I’d be the happiest person in the world if I got to leave a legacy like that! A colleague said to me today: “what are we going to do now without him leading us?” I just don’t think that way. He showed us it can be done, so we don’t need a leader, we all need to be Mandela. We all need to find peace and love in our hearts, every day, in every situation. We need to be kind towards everyone and acknowledge the humanness in all those around us – no matter who they are or where they fit on the social hierarchy. We just all need to embrace the magnificent qualities we admired in him, because what a world we’d have if we did that huh? So I’m not sorrowful, I’m not sad, I’m just truly grateful that I got to live in the time of Mandela. There’s so much ugliness around the world every day, but we had the privilege of experiencing his shining light, and that is just bloody awesome I reckon. Enjoy the feeling my friends. It’s truly a remarkable moment in history and we’ll celebrate him for another 95 years at least. In the meantime, let’s all get focused on leaving an equally awesome legacy! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea