April 2013

When I launched my personal “Fuck it Enough” crusade back on the 1st Jan 2013, one of my core goals was to join the traditional workforce again, as opposed to working for myself. This decision was made after a lot of navel gazing led to the recognition I needed to be around really smart and inspiring people again, as well as to spend less time in the company of my own mind. I’ve done plenty of time in my head and it ain’t always pretty. With the decision made, the power of the universe seemed to go into overdrive and within weeks, I was offered a cracking position and had to start straight away. PANIC! It’s been two months since then, and to say this change has been a total spin out is an understatement. From the little stuff of getting my life sorted so I can get out the door on time, all the way to the big stuff like dealing with the boys’ emotions now that Mummy isn’t around so much, well let’s just say, it’s been an intense transition and sometimes not easy. I expected that, but then, I never do anything by halves. So amidst the early spin out, I realized I needed a confirmation – something that would ensure I was completely sold on my decision this was the right thing for everyone – but most of all for myself. And with that in mind, I went to London last week – my longest time away from the boys since they were born – to attend the global communications summit for my company. It achieved my goal 100 percent and I have to say, it was completely inspiring and motivating. I’m not the sort of person who can work for any old company, I need to believe in what it’s doing. I walked away a believer. It was also awesome to understand my place within the global context, and to meet all of the people I work with every day (who, prior to this, were just names on emails), as well as those I don’t work with directly in countries near and far, with all of us contributing to the bigger picture. Personally it was also fantastic. Working for yourself leaves you with limited external inputs and my biggest fan these last few years has been my husband – he’s a sweetheart. But last week, I was amongst more than 200 people, all working in the communications business, all of like mind (extrovert is a common trait in the comms business), and we worked hard together during the day and then partied like rock stars into the night. I can’t think of the last time I partied like a rock star… It was a lot of lot of fun and I have so many funny memories of this week, including a drunken gaggle of us hanging out in the Savoy (we brought the tone down considerably) after a dinner cruise on the Thames, dinner with my North Asian colleagues – some of the smartest and funniest people I’ve ever met, Liana from Armenia screaming to the world: “Andrea (roll the r please) you are the only person who can say fuck and it sounds so sweet” – nice, as well as singing Broadway songs in the freezing cold rain on the streets of Soho with my Eastern European and North African colleagues from 3-5am – Liana a feature again. My voice is still recovering from that. It was too much FUN and I’ve returned to Singapore, bruised and battered from my excesses, to be welcomed into the loving arms of my three lads (although my big lad pissed off an hour after I landed to fly to KL agggh! Recovery has been brutal) and I’m back in the office raring to go and eager to contribute to the story. So my goal for the week was achieved, but more importantly, my bigger desire of changing my stars significantly has also been achieved. It’s not easy managing everything within the mix of my new life, and sometimes it’s just bloody hard, but it’s great to be part of something much bigger than myself and it’s equally great to tap into my intellect and creativity in a much more powerful way. I needed that and didn’t realize how much I was missing it until I found it again. I know a lot of people don’t like doing too much change – let’s be honest, it scares the shit out of most people – including me sometimes. However, I often wonder if I like change too much, but seriously, it’s not that. I’ve been searching for something, and that is the need to be excited and inspired by what I’m doing, and if I am, I’m in. If I’m not, I will change. I just can’t become a miserable old bag disappointed by life. Nutty bag yes, bitter bag no.  I really do believe that focusing on being the best You you can be, in whatever field you are in, is a big part of ensuring the nutty bag will win in the end. So after making lots of decisions that made life challenging in recent years, it feels great to have made a really good decision. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I’ve been thinking about how I handle some friends who have been challenging other friends – people they’ve never met – on my social media pages. The thing is, for me, what I share on social media is pretty broad – some are ideas, some are opinions, and much of it is just the crazy shit going on in the world or in my head. I take full responsibility for what I share and I’m very happy to be challenged over any of it – always with the hope the challenger remembers to be kind. However, when people attack other people for sharing their thoughts and ideas with me, I’m not feeling so comfortable anymore. Have a go at me – no problem. Have a go at others – we could have a problem. The thing is, people feel and think things for a whole variety of reasons. I believe we can never know another’s story, or the thoughts that rattle around in their heads, and that it’s impossible to understand how another’s experiences have impacted or shaped who they are. When we think we know how another feels, we are still only interpreting this from our own experience, not theirs, because we are not them and they are not us. I believe that even those closest to us remain a mystery. This is one of the reasons I try never to judge anyone and feel uncomfortable around judgmental people, which ironically, is a judgment right? Anyhoo, social media is a channel for us all to celebrate the big and small things in our lives with our closest community or complete strangers. My Facebook community is my friends and family – people I know and care about. Ninety nine percent of my friends on Facebook are people I value having in my life. The other 1% are connected to me through other’s I know. My other social networks are different – these are colleagues (past and present), strangers or peers relevant to my life, so it’s about being connected to people interested in me and me in them – for whatever reason – work, blogging, etc…. That lack of personal connection usually sees interactions as being pretty straight. Therefore, with my Facebook page in particular, I feel that my friends and family should be able to share their celebrations with me (as I’m part of their community) without being criticized by someone they don’t know. I also believe how they live and celebrate should not be judged by strangers, because how we each live our lives is relevant within the context of our own cultures. Let’s also not forget that celebrating one’s life is important too, because what’s the point of living if we forget to have a good time while we’re at it? There’s enough misery in the world already.   My friend community is very broad, and this is something that gives me enormous pleasure. I have friends who have more money than Donald Trump – well maybe not that much – and equally I have friends who grew up in refugee camps, surviving on cockroaches. I have friends who have witnessed unbelievable brutality, and I have friends who haven’t had a bad day in their life. Almost every country, race and religion is in my community, and I cherish the diversity of experiences that are shared on Facebook. It makes social media a wonderfully vibrant medium in my life.  My Facebook feed is my own little United Nations – it’s very cool. But with that contrast of lives, there are vast differences too – which is where the challenge comes in, especially as a lot of the people I hold dear are very passionate people as well. In my travels, I have seen that the majority of the world’s population does not enjoy the privileges many enjoy and take for granted. I’ve really grappled with this, however I’ve come to the conclusion that the majority of people contribute to making the world a better place in their own way. I’ve had the privilege of living and spending time in some of the poorest communities in the world and equally, the richest. I can tell you that my heart has regularly been broken by the unfairness I see in the world. I completely understand how people struggle with disparities – comparing the haves with the have-nots – it IS really hard to reconcile the two, but those of us considered better off can’t live in guilt for living our lives, because the reality is, no matter who you are, where you are, or how rich or poor you are – there are shitty aspects in your life as well. Wealth and physical abundance is not the only measure of success or happiness. Community and loving support should also be factored into this equation, and the “poor” of the world often have that in abundance. One of my greatest epiphanies when travelling was the ability to look beyond the poverty and see the really important things these communities had – things the West lost long ago. Mother Theresa was famous for her quote of all that she had witnessed in the world, the saddest was the loneliness she saw in the West. No one has it right, all societies have room for improvement, but rather than judging each other, let’s continue working together so everyone has enough. That’s all that matters. I believe I see both sides as much as I am able to see them, and I just want to ask – please be kind to my friends and family? Everyone I am connected with I value for a whole host of reasons. Everyone I am connected with has enhanced my life in magical ways. I feel incredibly privileged by the diverse people that are in my life, but some of them are a bit crazy. Some of them have out of this world ideas. Some are conservative. Some are content with really nice and beautiful lives.

So a few weeks back, I’m sitting on the toilet (as you do) and my arms went all tingly and my hands felt weak. I thought, well that’s a bit weird, but forgot about it. Then last Friday the exact same thing happened and this time, it freaked me out. I call the doctor, make an appointment and in I go – shitting myself about what it could be. I know that women have heart attacks differently to men, but surely it couldn’t be that, ‘cos I’m too young and haven’t gone through menopause? Well it wasn’t ruled out, and a check of my heart, vital signs, and everything else was done. All clear, but we’d better get you in to see a Cardiologist to be sure. So my Saturday sleep-in was replaced with nearly two hours at a cardiologist’s office, checking my heart, doing the treadmill test, an ultrasound, etc… EVERYTHING was perfectly normal and I have a very strong heart. Phew. The arm thing happens again on Sunday, so I go into the docs on Monday, they withdraw a liter or so of blood, and all sorts of tests are carried out. They didn’t call Tuesday, they didn’t call Wednesday, so I thought OK, I’ll call you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me – nothing at all. And only $2,000 later… it’s great to know it for sure. So what the hell is going on? One potential is a pinched nerve somewhere in my body. That makes sense ‘cos I’m long overdue an osteo appointment and have one booked on Saturday. What else? Stress or over-excitement resulting in elevated CO2 levels? I am working really hard, there’s a lot going on, I am still in the completely overwhelmed stage BUT in many ways, I’ve never felt more relaxed. Over-excitement? Well of course, that’s a constant in my life and I don’t want to change. But definitely a reminder to chill baby, chill. However, as a result of all of these shenanigans, a few things raised their ugly head this last week. The first is facing one’s own mortality, which is connected to 2nd thing – the bloody aging process. The doctor has been divine, but it was due to my age that all of these other things had to happen, ‘cos I’m no longer a spring chicken in the medical professions’ eyes and they couldn’t rule anything out. I have to admit, I bloody hate being poked and prodded by doctors. I hate it to the point I could very easily ignore what is going on within, rather than facing the poking and prodding. But I didn’t this time. I went in and faced up to it (thankfully getting great news at the end), so I consider myself a VERY good girl. But it was a rather miserable five or so days to get through, although I think Steve had a much shittier time than me. It also made me even more committed to my “Fuck it Enough” crusade, because I just don’t want to spend anytime hanging around hospitals, unless absolutely necessary. Who knows what the bloody hell is going on, because my body responds to all sorts of weird stuff going on in the cosmos, so I’m just glad it’s nothing significant to contend with right now. Obviously, if anyone has any ideas – no matter how nuts – happy to hear? I remain forever open to all possibilities. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

So in my month of “it’s all good, nothing is gunna bother me” we got some really bad news for us. Jax has to go in next week and have an operation on his teeth, because all of the big molars have compacted and bacteria has built up, which means cavities. BUMMER! The reason it’s an operation is because we don’t want him terrified of the dentist for the rest of his life, so the plan is to knock him out and get it done. Also, with the kid next door screaming “Mummy make it stop” while Steve was with Jax during his recent appointment, neither of us consider it a bad investment in his future. However, I’m exceptionally bummed about this because I have been super anal about the boy’s diet since they were born, because I didn’t want them having the same dental issues I have. Soft drink and juices in a box – no bloody way. Candy/lollies/sweeties, go for your life at birthday parties, but otherwise no, and old aunties offering them sweets around town – piss off. Packaged food – not in their diet. Fast food – equally no way. Keeping them away from grandparents who want to spoil them by feeding them sweet crap – something else we’ve been able to achieve. Their teeth are brushed twice a day and all in all, Steve and I have been completely aligned in this element of strictness. We’re relaxed about much with their behaviour, but not about their diet – especially at this time in their life when we can control it. Not to mention, bad food turns them into turds – annoying, erratic, hyperactive turds – so apart from giving them the best start in life, we’re also trying to give ourselves as much peace as possible. The truth is, I don’t want them getting a taste for crap, and the longer we’ve been able to control input, it’s pretty amazing how much crap they don’t actually like. Lex, in particular, is great at self-control around food. He won’t even eat crappy chocolate – awesome. Anyway, apparently the teeth issue is a genetic thing. The way his teeth have formed has meant it’s pretty much inevitable – which probably explains my early dental experiences and subsequent terrors – and all the while I thought it was my parents’ obsession with soft drink. The dentist said his teeth have obviously had excellent care and no, there really was nothing else we could do. It’s just one of those things. So next Friday, I have to brace myself to – once again – hold my child while they put him to sleep, and then walk out watching him being laid out on the chopping block. The reality is, I have to do that bit and Steve knows it. I’m not going to enjoy it, expecting both Steve and I to be bloody messes, but that’s life huh? While really bad news for us, it’s not even on the bad news spectrum of what many parents face with their kids, so we’re really grateful for our strong, healthy boys. Also on the bright side, we’re doing something that will save Jax’s teeth in the long run. A morning to get through – nothing more, although it’s going to be bloody hard keeping him away from all food and liquids that day. Hang on a minute, there’s another benefit – he might be quiet for an hour or so… that’ll be something special, as well as taking him on his brave-boy-present shop. It’ll be well deserved. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

The night we got to be Glamberts Best intentions are great huh? But the thing about having best intentions is not letting them get you down when you just can’t manage it in the whirlwind called life, and right now, my life is definitely a big bloody whirlwind – but in a good way… most of the time. Coming into March with my “Fuck it Enough” crusade, I was determined to keep the focus of getting life on track in every way– but especially my Action goals. It didn’t happen in March… in fact, it got worse. Leaving home around 7.30am and getting home around 7.30pm every day, well, that doesn’t leave too much time for anything really. Butit’s got to be done – I must weave exercise into my life – and no, I won’t go during office hours because I just won’t. Obviously getting up earlier is a possibility, but that means goingto bed earlier, which isn’t easy. Then again, I can do that now, because I’m getting over my early morning sleep obsession right? OK maybe not a 100% achieved goal yet.  I do love my sleep. However, this isn’t just about me – I would need to shift the sleeping habits of the whole family to achieve the getting to bed earlier so I can get up earlier goal – which wouldn’t be a bad thing – however if the boys were off to bed 30 minutes earlier, I don’t think I’d see them at all. What to do. The month of March saw me wheat free about 95 percent of the time, except when I went to Australia, because how can you not have a toasted ham and cheese sandwich when in Australia? Well you just can’t. I also (obviously) didn’t integrate some sort of physical activity every day (apart from rushing to and from the office) but I did take my “Singapore Transport” photos most days – which was a nice addition to life. My Apriltheme is “Singapore’s Workers” and I’m talking about the folk who really sweat here. Sunday is the best day for this project, as it’s their off day and I love watching the boys and girls getting around town, enjoying their one day of freedom for the week. It can be very amusing. I must say, doing a photography project has been awesome, because I do really love photography and it does force me to pay attention and be in the moment. It’s also been awesome to notice the stuff I’ve stopped looking at in Singapore. I will definitely keep it up. Thoughts Gratefulness has been a focus this month and while I got to write a few blogs about what I’m grateful for, I have so much more I want to do – so that’s an on-going project. Waking up and immediately going into a happy place – or giving myself a happy pep talk as my first thought of the day – has been an interesting challenge. At the beginning of the month I found it easy to do and it completely changed my day. Towards the end of the month it got harder – firstly because I forgot to do it, then because I was absolutely exhausted with having Steve away for so much of the month. I can’t tell you how glad I am that I’m not a single Mum – hats off to those girls. It is definitely something else I’m grateful for – sharing the journey of parenthood with Steve. But April is a new month with a new thought focus. This month I am going to try and not bitch or moan about ANYTHING! Yeah a big one huh? I have absolutely no idea if I can do it, but I reckon it’s going to be great to respond to every shitty moment with an “it’s all good” because none of it really matters right? Just living, laughing and being happy is all that matters at the end of the day. That’s what we’re here for right? So hormones included (as that usually guarantees a 24 hour period of bitch), I am going to do my best to be totally cool and contented this month. What I’m talking about here is a goal of not complaining about anything that anyone else does around me, nor am I going to moan about myself or my life. I’m not going to express frustration or dissatisfaction with others, I’m not going to bitch about anyone else (except if they fuck with my boys, then the gloves are off) and essentially, I’m not going to judge life – just be in it and flowing with it every day. I was going to have a vegetarian month too, but we have a three week visit from my in-laws happening, so that’s just not going to work. Then again, with all of the massive changes I’m coping with right now, many of which are massive, I need to be realistic and just focus on all of the new patterns already established since the start of the year. Besides the thought goal I’ve got for this month is a HUGE thing to focus on, so I’ll be happy if I can just do that. I have to say it’s off to a good start already. There you go, that’s me for April, anyone else working on changing actions or thoughts this month? Willing to share? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea