Andrea Edwards

Boys and Orifices

So it was Jax’s turn to have something removed from his ear this week, after deciding it would be a terrific idea to insert Blu Tack (which, incidentally, he picked off the sole of his shoe) inside this orifice. Why it was a good idea in his mind is completely beyond me, but apparently, not an unusual thing for boys (in particular) to do.

To be completely transparent, he actually did it about a week ago, but because it was soft and not causing any pain, we weren’t in a rush to get medical assistance, hoping olive oil would do the trick. It didn’t.

Jax’s first unsuccessful attempt at extraction
We know this lack of rush is directly attributable to our recent experience with Lex. About six months ago, he decided to put a plastic pearl in his ear and that little exercise cost us well over $4,000. At that time, the doctor managed to get Steve into such a panic, he felt there was no choice but to rush ahead with surgery. Definitely a lesson learned and definitely a case of “stupid tax” – something not uncommon in this part of the world.

Naturally, anytime your child does something like this and you share it with those around you, people regale you with their stories. I always remember my older brother, Paul, being inclined towards insertion, with a huge marble removed from his nose. My younger brother Mark was less focused on insertion into his orifices, but always managed to do things that caused injuries and sores on his face. There’s barely a school photo without a facial injury.

Our friends in Sydney – The Boltons – had a situation where one of their daughters snorted a piece of sponge into her sinus cavity. It was the smell that gave it away, as it eventually started to rot – UGH!

But how’s this? One of Steve’s colleagues in the US empathized with our situation, and then told him her son once had 19 tiny pebbles removed from his ear. NINETEEN???

Every bloke I speak with seems to have an orifice story of some description. Naturally, you wonder why? Why is there such a strong compulsion to explore their bodies in this way? Why does it feel like a good idea? What does that sensation feel like?

I can’t come to terms with the why, but I do appreciate the need to explore one’s body when young, and of course, boys grow into men and it’s all about sticking things into things, so I can only draw a very lose conclusion that it’s got something to do with that. Or maybe not.
Who knows? The good news is this adventure only cost us a touch shy of $500, no surgery was required, all up the experience wasn’t too harrowing, and Jax now has a Blu Tack-free ear. In some ways I wish the experience was just a little bit more uncomfortable, because it might actually turn him off doing it again?

We definitely work hard to ensure the boys don’t have to suffer unnecessarily in medical situations if we have options, because we don’t want them terrified for the rest of their lives. But maybe we’re not really doing them a favor? If it’s all too nice and lovely an experience, the lessons may not be learned?

Anyone else have stories of children sticking stuff into ears and noses you’d like to share?

And with that, bloody kids, why the hell did we have them again?

Yours, without the bollocks

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