Andrea Edwards

Lex is a remarkable little lad for many reasons, but one of the things I love about him is he really loves and cares for his toys. While most kids trash everything they’re given, Lex is actually quite precious about his stuff and if you accidentally throw one of his favourite toys in the water or break it, hang on tight, because he ain’t gunna be happy. Lightening McQueen is prized most of all… On Saturday we had a birthday party for him – he’s a big boy of four now. The party started in the pool and when all the kids seemed sufficiently shagged, we gathered everyone up and headed back home for pizza. Within a very short time, the house was strewn with toys, but remarkably, all of the kids spread out and played, pretty much leaving each other alone. It was relatively peaceful for quite some time, much to the surprise of all the “grown ups” in attendance. However Lex’s reaction to the violation of his toys was to stand back and quietly observe. He wasn’t happy about everyone hooking in, but he also didn’t carry on either, which was a relief. Most four year old birthdays I’ve been too end in tears, so we were proud of our little man for being so mature about it all. As the party waned and little people got tired, Lex handed out ‘the goodie bags,’ thanked everyone for coming and sent them on their way. However, before final cuddles and kisses were dispatched, Lex checked them out top to bottom, patted them down, removed any toy belonging to him, put it away and then came back before saying his final farewells. Building goggles were removed from two heads, a tape measure clipped off one child’s t-shirt, pockets were checked and once satisfied, Lex said goodbye and quickly closed the door behind them. It was actually quite amazing watching Lex over his birthday weekend. Before his operation, he would have been totally blown away by such a gathering and the noise of it would have been too much for him to cope with. In his life pre-grommets we would have found Lex far away from the action, hiding somewhere, playing in isolation or with Jax, if he wasn’t clinging to us. It seemed that compressed ear drums made “mass kiddie noise” too overwhelming for our little man. We have no idea “what” he heard and often wonder how horrible school must have been for him, especially when everyone was inside on a rainy day. Poor love. But now he’s that new kid everyone told us we’d get after surgery. He’s confident, speaking more and more, in the middle rather than on the outskirts, he’s not as shy, and he’s getting funnier every day in a Benny Hill kind of way. The cap on his development seems to be this past weekend. We honestly think his b’day celebrations have really helped Lex gain a tremendous amount of confidence because, for three days, everywhere he looked, there were people who really love him, all there to honour him on his special day. It’s been an awesome time. Watching your kids grow up and mature into their character and spirit is a pretty special thing for any parent to witness. We have known all along that Lex is a sweet, sensitive and an ambitious little man, so the past few months where everyone has been suggesting he might have a problem, even after we found out about his ears, has been pretty tedious. We’ve had aspergers, autism, and a bunch of other comments thrown at us by people inexperienced to comment, but all along, Steve and I knew it was not the case. It’s hard though, because you can’t ignore people making these comments, especially as it’s not coming from just one person. You can’t help but doubt yourself, because when it starts, it becomes a torrent. But I stood resolute. I have known that little man from the day he was born and I knew he was OK – he just needed to hear. Now the teachers at his new school, who do seem to know what they’re talking about, say he’s great, nothing that can’t be trained out of him like most kids his age. My word a burden has been lifted! Imagine if we weren’t as strong and confident in our child? Who knows how we would have tackled this situation? And you know what, the other thing that really shits me is the schools are motivated to get kids diagnosed because then the government provides free teachers and that means free extra support…. it’s not right what’s going on out there, it’s really not! As we always knew, our darling boy is great. He’s going to have a very interesting life because he’s an intense fella, but we just love watching him grow up and the relief that we can now communicate with him is tremendous… We’re not there yet, but it’s a big improvement from a month or two ago. I tell you this parenting malarkey sure does get intense sometimes! Yours without the bollocksAndrea

We went to Australia Zoo today. It’s Lex’s 4th birthday so we thought, what better way to celebrate it than go there, especially as it’s just up the road? We went for the first time about six months ago and it really is a beautiful zoo. Everyone you interact with around the animals is so passionate and that is one aspect that makes it special. But of course, the thing that makes it really special for me was a magnificent human being – you might know of him? Steve Irwin. When the news came out that he died, I cried and cried, and then I kept on crying for three days. And every now and again I’ll still get choked up about it… Steve (my hubby) was a little bit shocked by my reaction to the news (in fact, I was a little bit shocked,) because I felt such a deep sense of loss when it happened, and it felt like a really mortal blow for mankind – is that too dramatic? But then, I know I’m not alone in how I feel. The reality is I just loved him. He was so passionate and excited and dorky – he was beautiful! For me Steve (and a few others) represented balance in a world where we seem to almost accept anger and hatred. Every time you turn on the news people are hurting each other on both a large and a small scale – in fact people hurt those closest to them every day and that causes me an element of despair, because if we can’t even get on with those we love, or loved once, what’s the chance of ever seeing world peace? I just felt that Steve Irwin contributed to giving our world balance, by showing people that there was another way to live. Steve showed the world that it is great to feel true passion for something, no matter the critics, and while we aren’t all built to be wild life warriors, imagine if you found your “thing” and lived and breathed it every day in a way that really contributed to the betterment of the world? It doesn’t even need to be much, but living your life with passion, waking up every day excited to get going… that’s one of the gifts he gave us. A lot of people write about this stuff in self help books, but Steve was a living embodiment of it every day of his life. He was a special man. On both visits to the zoo, it’s hard to ignore Steve. Everywhere you go there are pictures, images, words and reminders of the great man. I have to admit that a few times today (and the last time) I got pretty choked up, realising that I still miss him and can’t help continuing to feel that the world lost someone truly great the day he died. I wish his family well in pushing on with his legacy. It’s definitely not going to be an easy road to travel, but the kids are working hard at it and I truly do wish them the best. Thanks for the hope you gave Steve. Many remain inspired by you and every day I work hard to keep hold of my passions and remain committed to never ever doing anything that doesn’t make me spring out of bed every morning with a big smile on my face. There’s no point to that now is there? We had a great day today. The boys loved it and there’s a little bit of magic at work in the world when you have the opportunity to watch children wrapped up in the wonder of seeing and interacting with animals. The ice cream treat was pretty special too – especially the stress levels of English Grandma and Grandpa struggling with the messiness factor… Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Oh terrific, Conan is back from the wilderness and doing another late night show – AWESOME. So it’s back to what it was and once again we have Letterman, Leno or Conan to choose from. Well I choose sleep because when faced with American late night shows, I’d rather slash my wrists than waste another second of my life on them. Isn’t anyone else tired of the shit? I mean they stand on stage and talk bollocks for too long AND they’re not even funny – not forgeting the drum roles and cymbal crashes PUUUURLEASE!!! All the while promoting these fantastic guests that are coming on, and about 10 ad breaks later, the reason you watched the show in the first place appears for about 10 seconds of nothingness and then you’ve got another 10 ad breaks before anyone else interesting appears. I don’t think I’m much of a fan to be honest…. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Dear Streets Ice-cream C/o Unliver I write to express some concerns over the packaging of your new Magnum Ice cream – Magnum Temptation Chocolate. I recently purchased this for my husband, as he is a fan of brownies in ice cream. Let’s start with a positive. I would like to report that on the taste test, it passed with flying colours. There was some initial trepidation about the reduction in size – being approximately half way between a normal magnum and a mini – however Steve reported it was just right, as it was already very rich and the normal size magnum would have been “too much” – although I’m sure he’d have managed. When presenting my husband with said ice cream, we both thought that the design of the packaging was quite beautiful – along the lines of a nice box of Swiss chocolates – and we were impressed with the design effort that must have gone into it. We also appreciated that differentiating oneself in the ice-cream market must be quite challenging, so were in total agreement that you have certainly “outdone” yourselves this time round. However, we bring you back to your corporate responsibility and ask you to reconsider using such excessive packaging for your ice-creams. While beautiful, I cannot imagine how long it would take to break down with all that foil and shiny coating on its surface. How many oxygen providing trees will be shredded to meet your box demands and how much land will be ripped apart to extract aluminium to make it all so shiny? Come on, it’s time to save the planet, not do more damage and it starts with you Unilever, the giants in the business. You people have children and grand children don’t you? Wouldn’t you like them to be able to breathe fresh air and go outside to get some Vitamin D without getting 3rd degree burns? On another point, as Magnum Temptation Chocolate clearly states in the “healthy” section on the front of its packaging, a single ice-cream provides 11% of one’s daily energy needs. This means that if you had 10 Magnum Temptation Chocolate ice-creams in one day you should have excessive energy to get through the day. However, please turn the box over, because:  One ice-cream provides 19% of your daily total fat needs – so 10 would mean 200% One ice-cream provides 43% of your daily saturated fat needs – which means in excess of 400% of your daily needs Carbohydrates – specifically sugars – account for 25% – so that’s 300% of your daily needs All in all an extra 2 kilos would be consumed if you ate 10 magnums a day, 14 KGs a week….  Not that anyone would – would they? Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Here you go (click on title for link to the story) – the number of government funded operations in Australia to reduce the size of a woman’s vag has trebled in a decade – wot bloody next? Bound feet, removing a lower rib to reduce waist size…. it’s bloody ridiculous girls!!! Get it done if you really need it sure, but young girls? What is happening out there? Shit like this makes me really really mad! Anyone agree? Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I’ve got to say that I’ve never been interested in Gordon Ramsay. He comes across as a total prick on TV and if I was going to watch any celebrity chefs it would be Jamie Oliver and Curtis Stone – they just seem like decent human beings with good hearts. But bloody hell, aren’t the knives out for Gordon at the moment? Firstly two suicides have been placed at his feet. I mean if you can’t stand the heat and you’re capable of going the suicide route, certainly stay out of Ramsay’s bloody kitchen! He’s also sacked his brother-in-law as his financial manager, so he’s obviously not a very loyal man, but who knows the story? I expect the brother-in-law will pursue the traditional route with a full ‘warts and all’ account of life with Gordon in a soon to be published book, so no skin off his nose ultimately huh? I certainly won’t be buying it though. By all accounts, being a celebrity seems to have screwed him up and his priorities seem all over the place, but then, can you imagine what life in his body and head would be like? First your Dad tells you you’re a poof for becoming a chef and then you spend the rest of your life trying to prove him wrong… can’t be too nice being him I reckon. I can’t understand the man and therefore encourage the media to report on worthwhile shit, as opposed to the goings on of a celebrity chef gone bad. All I know is I’ll never watch his stuff anyway, because I just don’t like people who make people feel bad. But he’s made squillions doing it, so now we wait and see if his candle will still shine bright. The verdict is it’s being snuffed out as we speak. A final point: does it strike anyone else as moronic that we live in a world where you can become a huge success by being a prick? Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

For anyone interested, Mum made it home and didn’t get lost in Europe. She’s home a couple of weeks early because she ran out of money, but she had a lovely time at Mary McKillops’ canonisation (“never felt more proud to be Australian”) and thought the holy land was truly amazing – couldn’t agree with her more there. No place on earth like Israel that’s for sure. Interpol you’re off the hook again. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

A little while ago I posted a blog on Billy Idol, where I mentioned the quality of mates my older brother had growing up, and I think this needs some elaboration. As any teenage girl with an older brother would expect, big bros mates should be the first opportunity for cherry popping right? Sadly not for me. I remember two of them, Malcolm and his brother, who used to come over and hang out all the time. A various assortment of others would come by, but these two made up the main posse and they were the ones who we think stole Mum’s engagement ring. You could always tell when they were in the house, because about 15 feet from the living room you would walk in to a wall of body odour so intense, it nearly made you puke. All the lads would sit around on the lounge, smoking, eating and watching Chuck Norris-esque movies, talking bollocks, scratching their balls, farting and where they sat would stink for hours afterwards. Apart from being unwashed with greasy hair, they were also rather unattractive by my definition. I usually just got the hell out whenever they were around. It’s important to note that my brother was never smelly, in fact he is almost obsessive with his cleanliness. If you walk towards Paul the chances are you’ll be swamped with French aftershave – Channel has been an enduring favourite. Paul has always had nose issues and thus, he can’t smell very well so he makes up for it with excessive aftershave use, but I’d always prefer that to bad body odour. I could imagine Pauls’ mates bedrooms – unwashed sheets, jocks sticking to the walls, piles of leftover food, dirty washing, tissues dabbled around the room, black curtains, dim lighting, dust on every surface… you get the picture. You can almost smell it. YUK! I never understood how young guys could live this way, but they do. I haven’t met Paul’s recent bunch of mates, but I don’t expect much improvement. The shit hit the fan a little while back when they robbed Mum’s house, called Mum and threatened to rape her (nice huh?), and hung around threatening both of them, making general pains in the arse of themselves. The cops got involved and I’m still not sure what it was all about or if anything legal ever happened to these guys. I think there was a sexual misdemeanour that finally put one in a cage. Oh the quality. I don’t know why Paul attracts such useless twats into his life, but he certainly has a gift for it. I often wonder how many of his past friends have spent time in jail – because it certainly has to be the majority. He’s an interesting fella my big brother Paul and he’s got a heart of gold. Most don’t get him, many deride him, but his heart is usually in the right place and that’s what’s important right? Hey he’s my brother and in a strange kind of way, he’s been a great and very interesting part of my life. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

There’s a lot of stuff I could comment on regarding the tedious shit a parent endures, especially in these toddler/pre-school years, because there really is just a lot of tedious shit to endure. BUT I think the thing I hate the most is the standing around… wait a minute, maybe it’s not the thing I hate most, because of course there is whining and nagging… Anyways, I’m at an indoor playroom with the boys right now, and most of the time I bring some work to keep me sane, while also playing with the boys throughout the time we’re here, although more often than not my role is to stop them doing something dangerous. Don’t get me wrong, I love playing with the boys, but seven days a week/365 days a year my imagination and enthusiasm is certainly lacking a lot of the time, probably because I HAVE to do it and almost certainly because they woke me up at 5am! The other factor that makes it challenging is a lack of focus. It’s getting better, but the only activities that keep my lads focused are swimming, climbing, running, throwing rocks and of course, TV. Trains, trucks, cars., bikes, scooters and balls are getting a longer run too – so it’s getting better, slowly, very slowly. But most of the time I am at playgrounds, or by rivers, or anywhere really, just standing around making sure the boys don’t get into trouble. Sometimes they actually want me to participate in their activities, but a lot of the time they just want to do what they want to do and would prefer it if mum just pissed off. You feel so valued let me tell you. I came to the conclusion, quite some time ago, that I’m not a children’s entertainer. I play with the boys every day, but I don’t enjoy entertaining them – I figure that’s something they should be sorting out for themselves. I know a lot of mums who feel the same. For the last 18 months or so, I’ve done a lot of standing around by myself, especially with Steve away so much. Even in Singapore I didn’t join any mothers groups (which was probably a mistake) and I don’t know many people where we’re living now, so most of the time it’s just me and the lads, doing stuff and I’m completely bored out of my brain. I see gangs of mum’s hanging out together while their kids play, and others with family around helping out. I don’t have any of that and it’s really hard sometimes, but the hardest part of all for me is the mind numbingness of it all. I know I have to be active up top l’est I go mad, but maybe it’s already too late and I have gone mad? I adore my boys and love nothing better than being inspired to play with them, but most of the time I’m just getting through. Right now I have to discipline Lex for being a turd to his grandma. Finally I have someone around for a few weeks and the boys want nothing to do with their English grandparents (yet,) constantly being horrible little shits – cool. People keep telling me that it will get better, and it already has, but bloody hell, I don’t think anyone could have forewarned me about how tedious a lot of this time could be. And I’m not even talking about meal times, cleaning up toys and mess, boggy nappies, nap times, etc, etc, etc… I know I’m a good mum but I honestly couldn’t say I enjoy it all the time. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I don’t like to get too opinionated about the rules of other nations in regards to women, because we can never truly understand the culture they live in and therefore, our standards can hardly be applied, but I thought this was a little interesting. In order that women don’t engage with “unrelated men,” the Kingdom’s Governing Body of Clerics has issued a Fatwa against women working as check out chicks. This is a country where women are at almost 30 per cent unemployment and a country with a future post-oil that is looking bleak. I like this statement “It is necessary to keep away from places where men congregate. Women should look for decent work that does not make it possible for them to attract men or be attracted by men.” Maybe they can all join a convent? I’m so glad I wasn’t born in a place like this and my heart goes out to any woman trying to have more freedom. Keep up the fight girls. Us girls in the West have kind of made it after years of heartache – although we’ve still got a lot to do. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea