Andrea Edwards

When you have a significant sinus infection, the thing you reach for is Sudafed or Zyrtec D – job done! Well I can’t do that, at night anyway. If I take it in the day time it leaves me all discombobulated, but I can cope with that. However, at night it turns me into a tossing and turning mess, with excessive anxiety-laden dreams and when I wake up, I feel like I’ve been punched in the face! The problem is, if you can’t sort out your sinus, you can’t sleep. If you can’t sleep, you can’t get better. So it’s a catch-22 that does my head in every time. When I feel a sinus infection coming on, I immediately turn into the biggest moaning, unhappy bitch on the planet, because I know there is NOTHING I can do about it. I just want it over – right now, this very minute and that is all. Every time a sinus infection crops up, I scan the Island for possible options to help me out. I’ve tried every natural remedy available, and I’ve also tried the medicines that do not have pseudoephedrine included – the doctors always assure me they are exactly the same. BOLLOCKS. They are not the same. And when pseudoephedrine isn’t even breaking through the road block, the alternative options don’t stand a chance. Trust me, I know. But then I consider what it was like in the days before we had so many drugs to choose from. Can you imagine having some of the illnesses we regularly encounter today even 100 years ago – with no central heating available (not that this is an issue in Singapore) – where you either got over it or the most simple of maladies quite simply killed you? I am glad to be alive today that’s for sure, even if it means suffering a pseudoephedrine hell-night occasionally… It could be much worse after all. So I sit here teary-eyed and itchy-nosed, with little expectation of a good night tonight, and I have a silent hope the antibiotics  kick in quickly – because that’s the only way I can get rid of sinus infections – always reminding myself that life is pretty great, there’s nothing worth moaning about because I am a lucky gal, and perhaps slowing down a little bit for a couple of days won’t be a bad thing for me to do after all? I just wish I wasn’t so bloody sensitive to today’s drugs and chemicals. Life would be a lot easier if I didn’t have so much to avoid. With that, any suggestions to share minus pseudoephedrine? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I was sitting in Soho with my fabulous cousin-in-law Caroline (aka Winks pictured) last Saturday, and off in the distance this man came into view. He was incredibly tall, had bright blue trousers and a very long umbrella. Thinking back on this moment, the only accessory missing was a bowler hat – it would have been perfect. He was not a handsome man by most definitions (although certainly regal), and he stood out because amidst the frantic pace of humanity rushing to and fro, he just strolled amongst us – there wasn’t a hurried or harried moment in him. He was really quite superb and it made me stop in my tracks and think: “you know what, I’ve got to remember to stroll.” Winks agreed. We then watched everyone else, and all we could see was fast walking, stressed brows, along with panicked dodging and ducking through the crowds… well except for the bucks’ parties who were wasted and carrying each other through the streets. I wondered what the rush was all about considering it was a Saturday? But us humans are on overdrive these days, and if we could all only slow down a little. The truth is, I know I am a hurried walker most of the time – I do everything a million miles an hour, and I rarely remember to just stroll and take in the moment. My Dad is a stroller and he never hurries his pace, no matter what goes on around him, Steve’s a bit of a stroller too, but it was my blue pant man in London that gave me a great reminder to take on board – a reminder to smell the proverbial roses from time to time. I’m definitely better at going slower these days, but he personified it in a way that had a real impact on me. Not to mention the fact I noticed him in the melee shows me I’m paying attention too! Going into the month of April I didn’t have too many goals, mainly continuing to focus on my photography project – this time “Singapore Workers.” But I didn’t do that and instead took lots of pics of other great stuff, including fabulous people and buildings in London (see a smoking penguin and ancient reflections in modern architecture). I also aimed not to bitch or moan for the month at all, which I succeeded at about 75 percent of the time. Then again, I had a few big obstacles to contend with, which included thinking I was dying and finding out my five year old  needed eight fillings because he has compressed molars – the last of which is a tough nut for me to swallow. Looking ahead, I’m back in Singapore most of the month, and my goal for May is to be kind to myself. I realized last month that I am bloody brutal with myself. I criticize everything about me, and it’s just got to stop. Why the hell would I do it anyway? I’m a good person, with a good heart, and yet I rip myself to shreds every day. So every time I think I’m ugly, I’ve got to replace it with you’re foxy, when I think I’m turning into a middle aged bag, I’ve got to say you’re young, vibrant and gorgeous, every time I think I’m stupid, I’ve got to say you’re smart, in-tune with people and got a lot to offer, etc… You get the gist. It’s always been that way and I don’t know why it started, but it did start and it’s time to stop. I know my husband would definitely appreciate it. If I can stop the self-criticism I know I can really move forward into an even more loving and kind place, because we’ve got to be kind to ourselves first if we want to share the love with those around us. My FIE crusade is all about getting to the happiest place I can achieve, and step-by-step I do believe it is possible BUT it’s definitely not easy. Falling back on old, negative programming – the stuff most of us aren’t even aware we carry – is so easy to do. Breaking out of it and rising above it, now that is a challenge worth pursuing, and I’m in fast pursuit that’s for sure. The thing I’m really learning going through this process, though, is that it is much easier to stay where you are, rather than pushing through and being greater. Interesting that. April has been a great month on many levels, but this month of May is going to be even better – I’m expecting awesomeness every day I wake up, maybe with a couple of shabby days in the mix if I want to be realistic. Then again, it’s started pretty shabbily with a big flu kicking me in the arse… Anyone else in hot pursuit of more happiness? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

When I launched my personal “Fuck it Enough” crusade back on the 1st Jan 2013, one of my core goals was to join the traditional workforce again, as opposed to working for myself. This decision was made after a lot of navel gazing led to the recognition I needed to be around really smart and inspiring people again, as well as to spend less time in the company of my own mind. I’ve done plenty of time in my head and it ain’t always pretty. With the decision made, the power of the universe seemed to go into overdrive and within weeks, I was offered a cracking position and had to start straight away. PANIC! It’s been two months since then, and to say this change has been a total spin out is an understatement. From the little stuff of getting my life sorted so I can get out the door on time, all the way to the big stuff like dealing with the boys’ emotions now that Mummy isn’t around so much, well let’s just say, it’s been an intense transition and sometimes not easy. I expected that, but then, I never do anything by halves. So amidst the early spin out, I realized I needed a confirmation – something that would ensure I was completely sold on my decision this was the right thing for everyone – but most of all for myself. And with that in mind, I went to London last week – my longest time away from the boys since they were born – to attend the global communications summit for my company. It achieved my goal 100 percent and I have to say, it was completely inspiring and motivating. I’m not the sort of person who can work for any old company, I need to believe in what it’s doing. I walked away a believer. It was also awesome to understand my place within the global context, and to meet all of the people I work with every day (who, prior to this, were just names on emails), as well as those I don’t work with directly in countries near and far, with all of us contributing to the bigger picture. Personally it was also fantastic. Working for yourself leaves you with limited external inputs and my biggest fan these last few years has been my husband – he’s a sweetheart. But last week, I was amongst more than 200 people, all working in the communications business, all of like mind (extrovert is a common trait in the comms business), and we worked hard together during the day and then partied like rock stars into the night. I can’t think of the last time I partied like a rock star… It was a lot of lot of fun and I have so many funny memories of this week, including a drunken gaggle of us hanging out in the Savoy (we brought the tone down considerably) after a dinner cruise on the Thames, dinner with my North Asian colleagues – some of the smartest and funniest people I’ve ever met, Liana from Armenia screaming to the world: “Andrea (roll the r please) you are the only person who can say fuck and it sounds so sweet” – nice, as well as singing Broadway songs in the freezing cold rain on the streets of Soho with my Eastern European and North African colleagues from 3-5am – Liana a feature again. My voice is still recovering from that. It was too much FUN and I’ve returned to Singapore, bruised and battered from my excesses, to be welcomed into the loving arms of my three lads (although my big lad pissed off an hour after I landed to fly to KL agggh! Recovery has been brutal) and I’m back in the office raring to go and eager to contribute to the story. So my goal for the week was achieved, but more importantly, my bigger desire of changing my stars significantly has also been achieved. It’s not easy managing everything within the mix of my new life, and sometimes it’s just bloody hard, but it’s great to be part of something much bigger than myself and it’s equally great to tap into my intellect and creativity in a much more powerful way. I needed that and didn’t realize how much I was missing it until I found it again. I know a lot of people don’t like doing too much change – let’s be honest, it scares the shit out of most people – including me sometimes. However, I often wonder if I like change too much, but seriously, it’s not that. I’ve been searching for something, and that is the need to be excited and inspired by what I’m doing, and if I am, I’m in. If I’m not, I will change. I just can’t become a miserable old bag disappointed by life. Nutty bag yes, bitter bag no.  I really do believe that focusing on being the best You you can be, in whatever field you are in, is a big part of ensuring the nutty bag will win in the end. So after making lots of decisions that made life challenging in recent years, it feels great to have made a really good decision. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I’ve been thinking about how I handle some friends who have been challenging other friends – people they’ve never met – on my social media pages. The thing is, for me, what I share on social media is pretty broad – some are ideas, some are opinions, and much of it is just the crazy shit going on in the world or in my head. I take full responsibility for what I share and I’m very happy to be challenged over any of it – always with the hope the challenger remembers to be kind. However, when people attack other people for sharing their thoughts and ideas with me, I’m not feeling so comfortable anymore. Have a go at me – no problem. Have a go at others – we could have a problem. The thing is, people feel and think things for a whole variety of reasons. I believe we can never know another’s story, or the thoughts that rattle around in their heads, and that it’s impossible to understand how another’s experiences have impacted or shaped who they are. When we think we know how another feels, we are still only interpreting this from our own experience, not theirs, because we are not them and they are not us. I believe that even those closest to us remain a mystery. This is one of the reasons I try never to judge anyone and feel uncomfortable around judgmental people, which ironically, is a judgment right? Anyhoo, social media is a channel for us all to celebrate the big and small things in our lives with our closest community or complete strangers. My Facebook community is my friends and family – people I know and care about. Ninety nine percent of my friends on Facebook are people I value having in my life. The other 1% are connected to me through other’s I know. My other social networks are different – these are colleagues (past and present), strangers or peers relevant to my life, so it’s about being connected to people interested in me and me in them – for whatever reason – work, blogging, etc…. That lack of personal connection usually sees interactions as being pretty straight. Therefore, with my Facebook page in particular, I feel that my friends and family should be able to share their celebrations with me (as I’m part of their community) without being criticized by someone they don’t know. I also believe how they live and celebrate should not be judged by strangers, because how we each live our lives is relevant within the context of our own cultures. Let’s also not forget that celebrating one’s life is important too, because what’s the point of living if we forget to have a good time while we’re at it? There’s enough misery in the world already.   My friend community is very broad, and this is something that gives me enormous pleasure. I have friends who have more money than Donald Trump – well maybe not that much – and equally I have friends who grew up in refugee camps, surviving on cockroaches. I have friends who have witnessed unbelievable brutality, and I have friends who haven’t had a bad day in their life. Almost every country, race and religion is in my community, and I cherish the diversity of experiences that are shared on Facebook. It makes social media a wonderfully vibrant medium in my life.  My Facebook feed is my own little United Nations – it’s very cool. But with that contrast of lives, there are vast differences too – which is where the challenge comes in, especially as a lot of the people I hold dear are very passionate people as well. In my travels, I have seen that the majority of the world’s population does not enjoy the privileges many enjoy and take for granted. I’ve really grappled with this, however I’ve come to the conclusion that the majority of people contribute to making the world a better place in their own way. I’ve had the privilege of living and spending time in some of the poorest communities in the world and equally, the richest. I can tell you that my heart has regularly been broken by the unfairness I see in the world. I completely understand how people struggle with disparities – comparing the haves with the have-nots – it IS really hard to reconcile the two, but those of us considered better off can’t live in guilt for living our lives, because the reality is, no matter who you are, where you are, or how rich or poor you are – there are shitty aspects in your life as well. Wealth and physical abundance is not the only measure of success or happiness. Community and loving support should also be factored into this equation, and the “poor” of the world often have that in abundance. One of my greatest epiphanies when travelling was the ability to look beyond the poverty and see the really important things these communities had – things the West lost long ago. Mother Theresa was famous for her quote of all that she had witnessed in the world, the saddest was the loneliness she saw in the West. No one has it right, all societies have room for improvement, but rather than judging each other, let’s continue working together so everyone has enough. That’s all that matters. I believe I see both sides as much as I am able to see them, and I just want to ask – please be kind to my friends and family? Everyone I am connected with I value for a whole host of reasons. Everyone I am connected with has enhanced my life in magical ways. I feel incredibly privileged by the diverse people that are in my life, but some of them are a bit crazy. Some of them have out of this world ideas. Some are conservative. Some are content with really nice and beautiful lives.

So a few weeks back, I’m sitting on the toilet (as you do) and my arms went all tingly and my hands felt weak. I thought, well that’s a bit weird, but forgot about it. Then last Friday the exact same thing happened and this time, it freaked me out. I call the doctor, make an appointment and in I go – shitting myself about what it could be. I know that women have heart attacks differently to men, but surely it couldn’t be that, ‘cos I’m too young and haven’t gone through menopause? Well it wasn’t ruled out, and a check of my heart, vital signs, and everything else was done. All clear, but we’d better get you in to see a Cardiologist to be sure. So my Saturday sleep-in was replaced with nearly two hours at a cardiologist’s office, checking my heart, doing the treadmill test, an ultrasound, etc… EVERYTHING was perfectly normal and I have a very strong heart. Phew. The arm thing happens again on Sunday, so I go into the docs on Monday, they withdraw a liter or so of blood, and all sorts of tests are carried out. They didn’t call Tuesday, they didn’t call Wednesday, so I thought OK, I’ll call you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me – nothing at all. And only $2,000 later… it’s great to know it for sure. So what the hell is going on? One potential is a pinched nerve somewhere in my body. That makes sense ‘cos I’m long overdue an osteo appointment and have one booked on Saturday. What else? Stress or over-excitement resulting in elevated CO2 levels? I am working really hard, there’s a lot going on, I am still in the completely overwhelmed stage BUT in many ways, I’ve never felt more relaxed. Over-excitement? Well of course, that’s a constant in my life and I don’t want to change. But definitely a reminder to chill baby, chill. However, as a result of all of these shenanigans, a few things raised their ugly head this last week. The first is facing one’s own mortality, which is connected to 2nd thing – the bloody aging process. The doctor has been divine, but it was due to my age that all of these other things had to happen, ‘cos I’m no longer a spring chicken in the medical professions’ eyes and they couldn’t rule anything out. I have to admit, I bloody hate being poked and prodded by doctors. I hate it to the point I could very easily ignore what is going on within, rather than facing the poking and prodding. But I didn’t this time. I went in and faced up to it (thankfully getting great news at the end), so I consider myself a VERY good girl. But it was a rather miserable five or so days to get through, although I think Steve had a much shittier time than me. It also made me even more committed to my “Fuck it Enough” crusade, because I just don’t want to spend anytime hanging around hospitals, unless absolutely necessary. Who knows what the bloody hell is going on, because my body responds to all sorts of weird stuff going on in the cosmos, so I’m just glad it’s nothing significant to contend with right now. Obviously, if anyone has any ideas – no matter how nuts – happy to hear? I remain forever open to all possibilities. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

So in my month of “it’s all good, nothing is gunna bother me” we got some really bad news for us. Jax has to go in next week and have an operation on his teeth, because all of the big molars have compacted and bacteria has built up, which means cavities. BUMMER! The reason it’s an operation is because we don’t want him terrified of the dentist for the rest of his life, so the plan is to knock him out and get it done. Also, with the kid next door screaming “Mummy make it stop” while Steve was with Jax during his recent appointment, neither of us consider it a bad investment in his future. However, I’m exceptionally bummed about this because I have been super anal about the boy’s diet since they were born, because I didn’t want them having the same dental issues I have. Soft drink and juices in a box – no bloody way. Candy/lollies/sweeties, go for your life at birthday parties, but otherwise no, and old aunties offering them sweets around town – piss off. Packaged food – not in their diet. Fast food – equally no way. Keeping them away from grandparents who want to spoil them by feeding them sweet crap – something else we’ve been able to achieve. Their teeth are brushed twice a day and all in all, Steve and I have been completely aligned in this element of strictness. We’re relaxed about much with their behaviour, but not about their diet – especially at this time in their life when we can control it. Not to mention, bad food turns them into turds – annoying, erratic, hyperactive turds – so apart from giving them the best start in life, we’re also trying to give ourselves as much peace as possible. The truth is, I don’t want them getting a taste for crap, and the longer we’ve been able to control input, it’s pretty amazing how much crap they don’t actually like. Lex, in particular, is great at self-control around food. He won’t even eat crappy chocolate – awesome. Anyway, apparently the teeth issue is a genetic thing. The way his teeth have formed has meant it’s pretty much inevitable – which probably explains my early dental experiences and subsequent terrors – and all the while I thought it was my parents’ obsession with soft drink. The dentist said his teeth have obviously had excellent care and no, there really was nothing else we could do. It’s just one of those things. So next Friday, I have to brace myself to – once again – hold my child while they put him to sleep, and then walk out watching him being laid out on the chopping block. The reality is, I have to do that bit and Steve knows it. I’m not going to enjoy it, expecting both Steve and I to be bloody messes, but that’s life huh? While really bad news for us, it’s not even on the bad news spectrum of what many parents face with their kids, so we’re really grateful for our strong, healthy boys. Also on the bright side, we’re doing something that will save Jax’s teeth in the long run. A morning to get through – nothing more, although it’s going to be bloody hard keeping him away from all food and liquids that day. Hang on a minute, there’s another benefit – he might be quiet for an hour or so… that’ll be something special, as well as taking him on his brave-boy-present shop. It’ll be well deserved. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea