January 16, 2015

We’re in Thailand celebrating the fact we’ve been married 10 years. Yep 10 years, a decade! While most couples tend to celebrate their marriage– and all it entails – Steve and I find it impossible to move beyond remembering our truly sensational wedding in Koh Samui, 10 years ago – which is why we’re back in Thailand now. We love this country. More than 60 people braved the journey for our nuptials (from all over the world with only a couple of months’ notice) and we still laugh about it – a lot. That’s a successful wedding in my mind. This is dawn Jan 16th On our big day, there were no meringues, no bridesmaids, no groomsmen or anything weddingy really – although  we had a lot of flowers, a lot, hey it’s Thailand after all – and instead it was just a bunch of people hanging out for more than 10 days, building up to the big festivities on the 15thof January 2005. I was also very un-bride-like. Shit, I didn’t even organise it. Steve did. Definitely not much of a bride me, but then I expect it comes down to the fact I never ever thought I’d actually get married. So when I did, it had to be unconventional, it just had to be. We achieved that. The memories we talk about, apart from the people who came, are along these lines Everyone started arriving from the 9th of January and we landed on the 10th– still drunk from a brunch in Singapore. Our packing was atrocious! Each day we had new arrivals which meant new party pals every evening, always starting in the Coral Bay Bar and finishing with ridiculousness on our villa deck. New friendships were formed throughout this time, so the wedding became about all of us. I really liked that The day before the wedding, we had to meet the lovely ladies at the resort for final detail confirmation. It went SO well… “excuse me while I go vomit.” Classy. But that was the week we were having – partying into the wee small hours of the morning. Then again, Steve had organised everything anyway, may as well let him keep going while I have a heave… The bucks/hens night started with go-karting. All was going well until two cars flipped. There was silence as we all wondered what the hell was going on, and as my panic built thinking Steve was hurt because I could see his shirt from the other side of the track, it turns out our friend Tony had broken his back! FUCK!! The drama was terrible and poor Tony and Jane endured a very long hospital stay in Koh Samui. The good news is Tony was up and walking pretty soon after and is now a proud Daddy of two (with Jane). It definitely wasn’t a funny memory but we’re so glad it turned out well for them. Whose idea was it to go go-karting anyway? Crazy shit in this part of the world. Never again After the ambulance headed off, a rather sombre group split into boys and girls – except Adrian, he stayed with the girls – and after the boys had enough of being told how handsome they were and playing connect four with the local gals, we ended up merging parties and dancing up a storm. It was a cracking night, concluding in a naked duck race on our deck. I will not reveal the second naked person, but the Welsh guy we met at the bar was the first to clench a coin in his arse cheeks, all encouraged by his wife. I don’t encourage Steve to do such things Then the day arrived and our transport was an elephant, and while entertaining for everyone else, getting on that bloody thing while wearing a Kebaya, and with a fear of heights thrown in the mix, was not a lot of fun for me. Then people started handing their children to us, so here we are, shitting ourselves, and people give us responsibility for the most precious humans in their lives. Not to forget the crowd on arrival, which was not just the wedding guests. A huge crowd of strangers turned up, taking photos, and all I could focus on was this one rather rotund chap, in black speedos, with a photography vest on (and nothing else) and a rather unfortunate case of body moles. He wasn’t pretty and he took all of my focus away from the crowd. I was totally relieved to get off that bloody beast I tell ya Then we had a ceremony with eight Buddhist monks. The head honcho was awesome, but as he splashed us with water, Steve and I broke into giggles and couldn’t stop, but you know what stopped it? We had to go to each Monk and give them an offering on our knees. We did this on wooden planks and it was bloody excruciating! Yeah, we weren’t laughing then We had another ceremony after that – can’t remember why – then it was all in the ocean for a group photo and cosmos all round. At this point, we lost three people on the beach (drunk) and in hindsight, cosmopolitans may not have been the best idea, especially when drinking them by the jug. Coming back to that later Food is always important when entertaining anyone from Asia – we discovered that early when hosting our first BBQ in Singapore. The mantra is food now, drinks irrelevant. I know, different right? Steve and I were offered first place in line, but as we’d rather keep drinking, we offered first dibs to our Singaporean friends, who jumped at the offer. By the time we got there, all Suckling Pig had been devoured. Steve had a moment of remorse at that point Elspeth meets her first Lady Boy The evening entertainment was a Transvestite Cabaret. We were asked what rules we wanted – i.e. how far