May 2, 2013

I was sitting in Soho with my fabulous cousin-in-law Caroline (aka Winks pictured) last Saturday, and off in the distance this man came into view. He was incredibly tall, had bright blue trousers and a very long umbrella. Thinking back on this moment, the only accessory missing was a bowler hat – it would have been perfect. He was not a handsome man by most definitions (although certainly regal), and he stood out because amidst the frantic pace of humanity rushing to and fro, he just strolled amongst us – there wasn’t a hurried or harried moment in him. He was really quite superb and it made me stop in my tracks and think: “you know what, I’ve got to remember to stroll.” Winks agreed. We then watched everyone else, and all we could see was fast walking, stressed brows, along with panicked dodging and ducking through the crowds… well except for the bucks’ parties who were wasted and carrying each other through the streets. I wondered what the rush was all about considering it was a Saturday? But us humans are on overdrive these days, and if we could all only slow down a little. The truth is, I know I am a hurried walker most of the time – I do everything a million miles an hour, and I rarely remember to just stroll and take in the moment. My Dad is a stroller and he never hurries his pace, no matter what goes on around him, Steve’s a bit of a stroller too, but it was my blue pant man in London that gave me a great reminder to take on board – a reminder to smell the proverbial roses from time to time. I’m definitely better at going slower these days, but he personified it in a way that had a real impact on me. Not to mention the fact I noticed him in the melee shows me I’m paying attention too! Going into the month of April I didn’t have too many goals, mainly continuing to focus on my photography project – this time “Singapore Workers.” But I didn’t do that and instead took lots of pics of other great stuff, including fabulous people and buildings in London (see a smoking penguin and ancient reflections in modern architecture). I also aimed not to bitch or moan for the month at all, which I succeeded at about 75 percent of the time. Then again, I had a few big obstacles to contend with, which included thinking I was dying and finding out my five year old  needed eight fillings because he has compressed molars – the last of which is a tough nut for me to swallow. Looking ahead, I’m back in Singapore most of the month, and my goal for May is to be kind to myself. I realized last month that I am bloody brutal with myself. I criticize everything about me, and it’s just got to stop. Why the hell would I do it anyway? I’m a good person, with a good heart, and yet I rip myself to shreds every day. So every time I think I’m ugly, I’ve got to replace it with you’re foxy, when I think I’m turning into a middle aged bag, I’ve got to say you’re young, vibrant and gorgeous, every time I think I’m stupid, I’ve got to say you’re smart, in-tune with people and got a lot to offer, etc… You get the gist. It’s always been that way and I don’t know why it started, but it did start and it’s time to stop. I know my husband would definitely appreciate it. If I can stop the self-criticism I know I can really move forward into an even more loving and kind place, because we’ve got to be kind to ourselves first if we want to share the love with those around us. My FIE crusade is all about getting to the happiest place I can achieve, and step-by-step I do believe it is possible BUT it’s definitely not easy. Falling back on old, negative programming – the stuff most of us aren’t even aware we carry – is so easy to do. Breaking out of it and rising above it, now that is a challenge worth pursuing, and I’m in fast pursuit that’s for sure. The thing I’m really learning going through this process, though, is that it is much easier to stay where you are, rather than pushing through and being greater. Interesting that. April has been a great month on many levels, but this month of May is going to be even better – I’m expecting awesomeness every day I wake up, maybe with a couple of shabby days in the mix if I want to be realistic. Then again, it’s started pretty shabbily with a big flu kicking me in the arse… Anyone else in hot pursuit of more happiness? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea