October 2012

So Brad is the new face of Chanel No.5 and it’s creating a sensation – but maybe not what Chanel had in mind? Before sharing a few of the highlights, I personally think it is a brilliant move by Chanel to feature a bloke like Brad Pitt as the face of Chanel No. 5. As a long-term and very loyal fan of the fragrance (except in Singapore where it just doesn’t seem to smell right in this humidity) I applaud them for making the current “face” a man. As a general rule, sexy and ageless Brad will definitely appeal across the female age spectrum as the majority of gals think he’s hot. So I like it – even if it is completely corny, but so what? However what has followed as a result of the ad has captured my attention more. Just in case you haven’t seen it, here’s the advert It’s a bit corny and squirmy don’t you think? I mean he looks uncomfortable and that makes me feel uncomfortable when I watch it. With that said, I LIKE it. The media do not agree with me and here are some media highlights. The Daily Mail reckon it’s really an underlying message about Ang and Jen – really? They also claim it’s an outdated perfume brand – really REALLY? The Guardian was unrelenting in its criticism, as well as towards those who’ve done it before – especially “Our” Nicole. The “Celebrity Fix” NineMSN really did leave the verdict up in the air, although a TV host said it’s put her off her favourite. We are talking about Chanel No. 5 right Lisa? You don’t just go off it – unless you move to Singapore. And finally eOnline is a publication that got it right, claiming it’s “Crazy Genius.” Since launch, the campaign has taken a different turn to Chanel’s normal marketing campaigns, going viral in a very different way than I’m sure they expected. Here are some of my favourite spoofs Kim Jong Il (aka Team America) has to go on top just because“Oh hi Hans Brix. Have you any idea how fucken busy I am.”   I love this guys’ beard. I’m presuming this is a lad from Melbourne (a self-proclaimed Lebo Wog) – I like him.   I found the eye focus of this version appropriate.   A “fat” Englishman’s interpretation – a charmer. A Scottish version – obviously for alcohol.   And of course, I had to include a Singapore-version, because this made me really laugh – it’s perfect.   Now that you’ve seen seven, it’s probably enough. It does get tedious after a while, so anyone thinking of contributing in future has to be sensational or those YouTube hits just ain’t going to happen. Overall, I do think it’s crazy genius, because Chanel No. 5 has built brand awareness far around the globe with this baby and not in a negative way – in a funny way. You can’t plan for that. Chanel have done some great stuff here – they picked Brad Pitt, they’ve put a man as their “face” of the brand for the first time, it’s somehow managed to go viral, and they are inadvertently entertaining people like me. Also I reckon Brad and Ang are probably hanging out on the couch with their tablets having a right ol’ laugh at everyone’s interpretation, because let’s face a fact – Brad Pitt can do no wrong, and he will only benefit from this – especially because he can laugh at himself. Suffice to say, I think it’s gold. What do you think? Anyone got any favourite spoofs to share? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

My Aunt Bernie sent me through this Daily Mail article that has been going viral in various social media platforms recently – although according to one comment, it’s been around for 20 years. Bernie thought I could add a dimension to the discussion (post first year) after my recent hair-tearing incidents with my mini-loves.  Some highlights include: Test 4: Dressing Small Children 1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.   2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hangout. Time Allowed: 5 minutes. Test 5: Cars 1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon. 2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. 3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player. 4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat. 5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. Test 9: Feeding a 1 year-old 1. Hollow out a melon 2. Make a small hole in the side 3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side 4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an airplane. 5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone. 6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor Test 11: Mess Can you stand the mess children make? To find out: 1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains 2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. 3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look? 4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5. 5. Drag randomly items from one room to another room and leave them there But it got me thinking in a different direction. You see I don’t think you can ever really know what it is like to become a parent 24x7x365 until you’re in the midst of it. OK OK OK before you bitch slap me as a non-parent who says you DO know, let me rephrase that – I (as in me, singular, not anyone else) could NEVER EVER have known what it was like and how it would impact me BEFORE I had kids. I honestly had no idea and can see now that I was unable to “hear” much of what was said to me before my parental responsibilities actually commenced. In this article, some of the parents responded in the comments section saying they didn’t have a single moment like this and thought it was all tosh, but many agreed. Although I’m sure others could respond saying is that it? And then list out a million more scenarios an adult considering taking the path of parenthood could experiment with. However, this is where my thinking went. Yes all of that stuff is true – to an extent – depending on your child and whether or not you give them peanut butter sandwiches, but it all comes in stages, it’s often over before you even realise it’s pissed you off,  and then something else rears its head and kicks you in the arse. But you get through it. You get through every single incident or long-term annoying behaviour, or weeks of being a screaming hag, or intense annoyance at the lack of control over your environment on a daily basis, or you get the hell out of there and hand the responsibility over to someone else, or you go to a spa for a day and dream of sleeping in, or you are lucky and drop the kids at the grandparents for a weekend and escape your reality for a little bit, or you don’t have that luxury because you live in another country and are too bloody guilty to leave your children with the “hired help” so you blog about it, or you have absolutely no guilt and piss off to the Maldives or Bali whenever you get a chance because you know that you’re important in the mix too, or you don’t cope at all, or you just do it every day with joy in your heart because you made this decision to have kids but you’re not perfect and you often feel guilty about that but sometimes you wake up and realise that it’s ok not to be perfect so stop beating yourself up and find love and peace in your heart for your kids today, and tomorrow if there’s enough left in the tank. And you do any of the above or a million different things, because you love these little buggers. You love them in a way you can never explain to anyone else, even other parents, because you love them so intimately, and no one else in the world knows them the way you do. One day you won’t know them, because they’ll stop letting you in, but for now, you do and you are their EVERYTHING, even when you don’t deserve to be. From the day they come into your life, you feel wonder at their very existence (or you don’t) and consider the possibility that magic really does exist (or you don’t). You marvel at their every achievement in their first year (or you don’t), and after that, they make you laugh with pure pleasure because of how they look at the world and make sense of the stuff you forgot to pay attention to long ago (or you don’t!). You feel an intense duty to nourish your child – body, mind and soul (or you don’t and just want someone else to take over, or don’t even give it a second thought) – and it is this incredible sense of responsibility you feel towards them that makes you want to be better for your

For the first time I’ve read a book, getting all the way through to the end, without knowing what the bloody hell was going on – but I loved it anyway. The book is ‘Gods Without Men’by Hari Kunzru. What is brilliant about this book is the incredibly deep insight Hari brings to the most diverse bunch of characters you could ever come across – over about a 300 year period – from a Priest of some description in the 1700’s, to a bloke called Jaz, who was brought up within a Sikh community in Baltimore, experiencing all of the cultural, familial and social challenges that comes with it.     When I read the book, apart from the author’s name, I didn’t know where Hari came from – probably Indian, but maybe Middle Eastern? So I looked him up and he’s not even bloody American – he’s an English Indian novelist, of Kashmiri Pandit origin from his Dad’s side, and Caucasian Anglican Christian origin from his Mum’s side – so how the hell does he have the insight into the American characters he’s created in ‘Gods Without Men’? I don’t know, but he definitely understands people and their motivations. Based around the story of an autistic boy who gets lost in the desert, the book explores cults and how alluring they are to young people with nowhere else to go. It looks at people who get lost along the road of life and find their way back – kind of. It discusses the intense challenges for both the mother and father of an autistic boy and how the child’s challenges impact them both and their marriage. It discusses the insidiousness of the global banking industry. It discusses American Indian culture, including the white man trying to understand that culture, as well as the white man trying to squash that culture. It looks into the intense challenges of a young Indian lad growing up in America within a traditional Sikh family that does all it can to keep America outside, while holding on to Indian values – values the kids struggle to understand or connect with, because on the only visit to the ‘Motherland’ they found it weird, disconcerting, and had absolutely no connection to this place their parents’ hold so dear. Their life experiences in America are also inconsistent with their parents’ views of it – definitely an interesting perspective. Then there’s the druggy rock star from England trying to make a record in the US, with dismal results – and he’s a character I love but have no idea why he was in it. The Iraqi brother and sister, living with the aunt and uncle (who loves everything about America) and the sister is trying to find her way in this new world after experiencing intense tragedy in Iraq – where her mother remains as she’s unable to leave. But when she gets a job on a US military site, pretending to be an Iraqi villager in a typical Iraqi town for war training exercises  – well it’s all just a little bit out there but all the more wonderful for it. There are so many stories within this book, and if you want to read something that will flip your mind upside down and back to front, this book is awesome. Like I said, I don’t know what it was about at the end of the day, and the spaceships and intergalactic communication was very quirky, but I loved it because it was a discussion on the complexity of the societies we live in today and how we can never really know what someone else has been through or is going through. I just love books where authors really understand people at the end of the day and Hari Kunzru definitely does. I definitely recommend it if you want to enjoy a good yarn and a head-spin, however for a much better review than mine, check out Douglas Coupland’s perspective in the NYT. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I wanted to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who responded to my blog yesterday, whether to give me an idea or just let me know I’m not alone. Knowing you’re not alone is half the challenge of parenting I reckon – well it is for me. Writing blogs about my moments, experiences and thoughts is extremely cathartic and often just the process of putting the words together helps me to dig deep and look at things in different ways. But so does everyone responding – in whatever way they feel appropriate. The advice I got from several people is to stop, talk quietly, take deep breaths, find my stillness, etc.. which is all spot on, because when I do this, the results are ALWAYS amazing. It’s just hard to remember when you’re in the middle of emotional fireworks. But this morning I also found a more structured answer in a book I’m reading – ‘Search Inside Yourself’ by Chade-Meng Tan.  It won’t be for everyone, but I figured the other parents who feel like me might enjoy knowing this, and I’d definitely recommend the book because there’s a lot more to it than this section. Meng is an engineer with Google, and he co-created (with some of the greatest minds in the world) the Search Inside Yourself program within Google. I bought the book because I was intrigued how one of the world’s greatest companies has implemented something many would consider ‘a bit out there’ – especially in corporate America. How inspiring that a company has taken these ideas to heart. I’m not done with it yet, but it’s a brilliant book, with lots of guidance and practical tips, written in a language anyone can understand (but especially engineers) and it’s all about emotional intelligence, being present or mindful, as well as being choc ’o’ block full of really practical ways to meditate and control the mind, plus not let your emotions control you. The bit that got my attention this morning is how to deal with emotional triggers, and in my case, that’s being ignored by my little lads. Meng and Google entitle this “Siberian North Railroad,” with the five aspects including: Stop Breathe Notice Reflect Respond The first two I try to do when I can remember, but my interpretation of the five steps are: Stop First and foremost stop whenever you feel triggered emotionally. We all know that ain’t easy with kids, but stopping for just a moment to experience “the sacred pause” is step one. Breathe Then you’ve got to breathe, which reinforces the scared pause, but additionally, breathing calms the body and mind. Notice Now you’ve got to pay attention to your body. What does the emotion feel like in the body and where is it? When I get angry with the boys, I feel it swirling around in my chest. He also suggests noticing where the tension is and if there is a temperature change – yep, I certainly get hotter. The important point here is to experience the emotion and its impact, all the while observing that it is not a case of – “I am angry.” It is a case of – “I am experiencing anger in my body.” This concept is explained in more detail in another section, because learning to recognise that we are not our emotions helps us to control them. Reflect When we reflect we’ve got to seek to understand where the emotion is coming from and the history behind it. I think in my case it’s six years of frustration that I haven’t been able to effectively communicate with one of my children and the enormous impact this has had on all of our lives. It’s also contributed extensively to the fact I haven’t been able to do what I want to do with my life, so when you throw that in the mix, my own personal frustration doesn’t help. When anger arises, because another person is involved, Meng suggests considering these statements as part of the reflect stage: “Everybody wants to be happy “This person thinks acting this way will make him happy, in some way” We then need to bring perspective and not judge anything as right or wrong – it just is. Respond And then we respond, trying to do it in a way that will bring a positive outcome. He suggests you don’t actually have to do it but “just imagine the kindest, most positive response. What would that feel like?” A lot to remember, but practise makes perfect, so I’m going to work hard to do it and keep my cool. I’m not an angel, as the boys’ push buttons I never knew I had, but I want them to grow up in a happy home, and just found this structured approach really positive – ‘cos it’s the outcome I want anyway. I know I’m the responsible party here as the grown up, so let’s see if this works. Also if you buy the book, this section is followed up by a structured meditation, where you can go through your emotional triggers step by step. So for other parents out there tearing their hair out, perhaps this might help if these ideas are your cup of tea? I certainly read it at the right time in my life, and they say you get the thoughts you need at the time you need them. Thanks Meng – right on time AND I’m also ready to hear it, so a double bonus. Not to mention, it’s awesome to know there is a big corporate company embracing such ideas. I’ve never ever had the pleasure of working for a company like this and reckon it would be a pretty amazing experience to have at some point – working in a place where employee happiness is valued more than anything else. Nice one Google. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I’ve got to ask if anyone can help me make sense of my boys current behaviour, because I am honestly at my wits end. The current challenge being faced is the art of listening and doing as they are told before I turn into a screaming harpy. The problem is, the screaming harpy level seems to be the only language they understand and I just can’t live my life like that! I grew up in a shouting house and I DO NOT want my boys to experience the same. But how can it be any different if it’s the only time they listen… and that doesn’t even always work? I’ll give you a day in the life. I think it was Wednesday and I was with the boys all day. We started with them joining me for my morning swim and the pool man was working. There was a pot of chemicals and I said to Lex, as he looked over with interest, don’t go near that. Don’t go near that. DO NOT GO NEAR THAT and he went near it and smelled chlorine from a centimetre away. Have you ever smelt chlorine up close? It sends your brain into a spasm! So I asked Lex: Why did you do that? It smells like water he said. Grrrrr. Then both boys grabbed my kick board and were stepping off the side of the pool onto the board. This is not a new activity – it’s been happening for some time now. Guys please stop. If you fall and hit your head on the side of the pool you’re going to get a VERY big ouchie. So they did it again and again and again until I screamed and put them on time out at the edge of the pool for the rest of my swim. Please guys, the whole day is yours, just give me this 30 minutes to do something for myself – PLEASE. We live in an apartment so when they are not at school, we’ve got to go out and do something. Steve and I work hard at coming up with new and creative ways to spend time with them. This day I took them to a Buddhist temple. Don’t touch anything, keep your voices low and no you can’t have any of the candies that are at the front of every single temple throughout the whole bloody complex. They couldn’t resist the candies – it’s an obsession – plus an old uncle working at the Temple gave them each a fist full – grrrr – and of course, they couldn’t open them, so nagged me to open the bloody candies I didn’t want them to have anyway! They also couldn’t resist hitting the mega drum that has a sign saying DO NOT TOUCH. They couldn’t resist running in the worship halls. It was a glorious, beautiful place, but I had to give up in the end and march them out of the Temple. Naturally I was left wondering why I bother doing things like this with them. So we went to the Air Force Museum. As a general rule, they could be free, as there weren’t too many rules. But they found buttons to push – at the museum and within me. No you can’t climb over the fence onto that ledge three stories high with no railing Jax. Boys, please sit still in your seats and watch the 10 minute video. Lex please don’t run. Jax please don’t touch that. Please don’t, please don’t, please don’t, stop, stop, Stop, STOP!!! It’s so bloody intense at the moment and I’m hearing my own voice and hating it. I’m also not liking them for making me feel this way, and that is a VERY big surprise to me – I never thought I would be a parent who didn’t like my kids. The thing is, I give them so much freedom. I take them to amazing places. I think I’m a pretty good Mum overall – definitely not perfect, and often frustrated by them, by life, by wanting my achievements to be different to what they are at the moment, etc… – all of which doesn’t help my state of mind when I’m with them, because often times I would rather be doing something else. I understand how my mindset is impacting things as well. But getting back to my belligerent, conveniently deaf little turds who seem to take great pleasure from ignoring me – why do they do it? Why are they so single minded and happy to ignore me until they make me sad or angry? Are they just seeing how far they can push me? I mean it’s not like they enjoy having an unhappy Mum, so why don’t they learn? Is it a test of strength so they understand where they fit within the family mix? Do I just have two strong willed boys which is ultimately a good thing, but it makes these years a little more testing for Steve and I? Am I being too lenient? Am I being too strict? Do I give them too much of my time and attention, because I know I am not guilty of giving them too little? Is this just how it is and I’ve got to learn how to manage myself, keep them in-line, while teaching them societies’ rules so they can fit in to an extent? On a logical level, this stage just doesn’t make any sense to me, because they are pushing me every single day (and their Dad), and we are scratching our heads wondering what the hell we’ve got to do to have a calm home? The thing I always seem to come back to is I’m not enjoying time with the boys right now – not always, but a large part of our full days together. I want to enjoy time with them, but I’m not. I have a right to enjoy this time don’t I? I

I had a meeting at the Grand Copthorne Hotel this morning and ordered my usual Latte with an extra shot of coffee – because I prefer my coffee to taste like coffee rather than coffee flavoured milk. A challenge in Singapore, but it’s getting better. Anyway, I’m in a five star hotel and as such, a cup is going to set you back $7 minimum, so imagine my surprise when my first sip unveils the use of UHT milk. Hello, this is a five star hotel – you can’t afford fresh milk? I bloody HATE UHT milk.  The first time I ever had it was in 1992, when on my very first morning in Cairo sitting down for breakfast, I was given a little sachet of UHT milk to go in my tea. Having no prior experience with UHT milk, I added it to my cup and couldn’t believe how awful it tasted. Very quickly tea was off the menu in Egypt. In fact, bottled water was also off the menu, because it tasted like something had died in it. Somehow I spent two months backpacking through Egypt, Israel and Jordan sustaining myself on Fanta. I honestly don’t know how I didn’t get extremely dehydrated during that trip! Since moving to Singapore (a long time ago now), I have regularly come across the use of UHT milk in various drinks. The New Zealand Ice Creamery uses it in its milkshakes – so my boys never get a milkshake there – and it is used in coffee in too many places to count – thankfully Starbucks uses fresh milk, even if the coffee is weak. But I bloody despise it. It’s horrible horrible chemical shitty flavoured stuff, and in a place where fresh milk is available in abundance, I just don’t know why they think it’s OK to add it to drinks? I’ve got to wonder if the people making the coffee never drink it so they just don’t know how bad it is? So I have to beg the baristas to stand up for us consumers and insist that your employers provide fresh milk for coffee and tea – it’s not much to ask is it? Really I just want a decent cup of coffee – that’s all. Does anyone else have a strong reaction to UHT milk or am I alone here? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

We’ve had a big morning in our house – Lex’s first baby teeth have come loose. To say my lad is a little bit spun out by the feeling of having loose teeth in his mouth is an understatement – see photo of distressed child for proof. In fact, Lex’s reaction was not dissimilar to how his Mum reacts when discovering a broken tooth! I’m not sure if Jax assisted in the loosening of said teeth, because he yanked a crane inserted into Lex’s mouth moments before the discovery. As such, Lex is not only very unhappy about his teeth, but very unhappy about Jax’s role in their demise. I will always remember the teeth frenzy growing up. With four kids close together in age, there was a lot of activity and excitement around teeth coming loose, including tying strings from teeth to door handles and slamming doors to get the buggers out. My Mum still has a pot of our teeth –a hideous collection to hold onto but great if DNA samples are ever needed. Moments like this bring to light the challenges of raising a speech delayed child. In the last 12 months or so, Lex’s language has improved considerably, especially in the area that has been our biggest struggle – his receptive language. Receptive language delay means he finds it difficult to understand what is being said to him. Expressive language has also been a challenge, but we work hard to interpret what he’s saying. As you can imagine, when your kid doesn’t understand what you’re talking about this is very difficult for a parent, because you just need your kids to understand, mainly because you want them to be safe. When you feel unsure that “don’t run on the road” isn’t understood, for example, it can make you a slightly nervous wreck of a parent. But Lex is really taking on board most of what we say now, and working his arse off to get his own words out. He’s still a bit all over the place with word order, but he’s getting there and it’s really wonderful to watch – although I admit I’m desperate for it to happen a lot faster. I’ve never been a patient person. So imagine this morning when I had to sit him down, through his tears, and try to explain what was happening. It went something along these lines: “Love this is completely normal. The loose teeth will fall out and then your big boy teeth will come in. When the teeth fall out, we will put them under your pillow and the Tooth Fairy will take them away and leave you some money so you can buy toys. This is a great thing darling, don’t worry, I promise everything will be OK.” He listened intently, and I know once he goes through the whole experience, including finding the money under his pillow left by the Tooth Fairy, it’s all going to slot into place. Experience is definitely his best teacher. However his only response so far, other than tears, is “don’t take my teeth Mummy, don’t take my teeth.” Bless his cotton socks. The worst thing is Steve’s missing this milestone because he just got on a plane to Taiwan this morning. Steve will be very unhappy about missing this big moment in Lex’s life and I can’t tell him because he’s still in the air. Bummer. In the meantime, we now anxiously await the moment his first teeth fall out and I hope I’m there when it happens. It’s a big deal round these parts, but probably for different reasons than most, and hey let’s not forget – my little boy is growing up! So can anyone tell me what the going rate is for the Tooth Fairy these days? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Bringing my boys up in Singapore is absolutely brilliant. They are safe, there’s so much to do, they are exposed to all of the wonderful cultural differences within the human diaspora, and they are loved by strangers as Asia is a place where children are still honoured – it’s special. However, there are a couple of aspects regarding bringing up my boys in Asia that I’d like to discuss, and it would be really great if people who don’t know my children, or my parenting ideas, could take note. This applies to every country I’ve ever visited in Asia, but it is also relevant elsewhere, as some of these things are universal. I’d appreciate it if… Under no circumstances give my children candy! Anytime you feel an inclination towards offering them candy, at least check with me first to see if it is OK? I really do appreciate the genuine motivation of offering my boys a treat, BUT I don’t want my boys eating candy because I want them to have amazing teeth. As a general rule, avoiding candy is impossible, but I work hard to minimize their exposure to it and would appreciate your support in this regard. In addition, colourings send my boys nuts but you don’t have to suffer the consequences of this because we will be long gone before it kicks in. So please, no candy unless I say it’s OK? Rule one also goes for the times when my magnificent helper Vick is out with my boys. While you would never argue with me after I say no, please do not argue with Vick. I trust her implicitly with my boys safety and health and if she says no, it is of equal value to my no I am trying to raise my boys without any fear in their lives. I don’t threaten them with any dire consequences if they do not eat their dinner or do as they’re told. I just think that raising my children with fear as a motivator isn’t right for us, so I would appreciate it if you never threatened the boys with comments like “the police will come and take you away if you are naughty” for example. On one level, I don’t want the boys to grow up fearing the police, and will instead instil in them a healthy respect for the law. I also don’t want them to think that anything they do could result in them being dragged off facing some unknowable punishment away from their safety net. I just don’t think this is good for their psyche Additionally, threatening that Santa or the Easter Bunny won’t come if they’re naughty is off the table too. This was used on me as a child and it’s a devastating threat. It’s also inappropriate, because the idea that you are rewarded for being good and punished for being bad, when you’re just being a kid learning to control your desires within the context of what is appropriate socially, doesn’t really help my children to grow in a healthy way. I just want my boys to be as well behaved as they are capable of being, so threatening them with lack for being themselves is something I don’t do. I’m trying to teach my boys to behave because it feels good not because they get rewarded! I’d appreciate your support on this one too If they are being rude, disrespectful, naughty, or just rowdy, please don’t lash out at them in an aggressive manner. It really upsets little ones to be the target of an adult’s anger. I really do believe that attacking a four year old verbally (for essentially being a four year old), is very confusing to a little person. If something happens, please just tell me and I will talk to them. If an apology is appropriate, I will make sure they give you one. I’m bringing my boys up to be respectful and to not react aggressively in situations. When an adult reacts aggressively, it’s a bit counterproductive to the lessons I’m trying to teach them and makes it difficult to absorb the lesson of try to be kind and operate from your heart first, as opposed to a place of anger. By the way, if you bitch slap Jax, don’t expect him to be submissive – he’s a fighter that boy and will always stand up for himself If my boys are being pains in the arse of your premises I absolutely encourage you to bring them into line and tell them that what is and what is not OK. But please do it firmly, yet with kindness and a gentle heart. No one appreciates being verbally attacked, and as a stranger laying down the law, you have a very good chance of being heard . Of course, if they do not listen to you, that’s what I’m there for. As with point five, please just try not to be aggressive – it has a very big impact on little minds Please please don’t tell my kids that monsters or ghosts or anything really frightening will come and take them off if they are being naughty. I have to deal with the consequences of these chats, and following six months of having my nights’ interrupted by a four year old who is very scared right now, I’d appreciate if you didn’t add to this fear. Little kids hear and understand everything, plus their imagination is very very big, so try to be aware of what you are saying to them as their context and your context of an idea are very different indeed I am happy for you to share your food with the boys, and this is one of those wonderful things I’ve experienced right across Asia. However, even though I accept I will never be able to control everything they eat, I work hard to avoid giving my boys any food with additives and preservatives in it. Therefore I beg you