June 2012

Last year I started a series of blogs on the lessons I’ve learnt as a parent, and while my output has not been prolific on this topic, by the time my “job” of mother is done, I’m sure it’ll be in the thousands.  With my role of “mummy” changing and evolving as my little loves grow, one of the best lessons I’ve learnt is number four – define tactics and strategies to help when feeling bored-out-of-my-brain-please-kill-me-I’d-rather-put-hot-needles-in-my-eyes-no-not-again-get-down-NOW-stop-danger-come-here-do-you-want-to-go-on-the-thinking-chair-why-exactly-did-I-become-a-mum-?-ahhhhhhhhhh. It’s a whole other kind of boring and you are required to do one thing – HANG AROUND A LOT. I am not, and never have been, a hang arounderer… As an example of the sort of activities I’m talking about and my ideas for keeping boredom at bay, here’s a few: Hanging out in indoor kiddie playground due to rain or intense heat? Take laptops, a notepad for ideas, a great book, or run around like a bloody idiot and make them laugh – especially effective after consuming copious cups of crap coffee Kids desire to eat rocks or drink fetid still water? No problem, turn around and enjoy the scenery – it’s a beautiful world we live in huh? Hey it’s even a chance to become a bird watcher if you’re so inclined, a bit like Bill Oddie perhaps? Kids want to scale high mountains and swing from death defying heights? Well pain is the best teacher after all, but best to be in a position to catch them if needed, in the meantime, go inside head to try and solve the problems of the world Kids a pain in the arse to dress, brush teeth, etc.? Move countries to a place where you can get full-time live-in home-help and outsource the bits of parenting you don’t enjoy, meanwhile you will have additional time to stuff around on Pinterest There are a few examples of how I’ve approached things – just to give you a flavour. However we have a brand new contender in the mix – YouTube. I’m not all that keen on the boys playing with computers to be honest – their time will come – but when out on adventures and an exciting discovery is made – say a bug, spider or animal – I thought it would be cool to show them mini-videos of these things. It worked a treat and they became hooked. In the early days it was entertaining and interesting for all of us, but we had a few mishaps, including the dinosaur video we found that ended with the man being ripped apart – ooops. However, the content of YouTube sessions has evolved and it is now solely focused on the passions of the moment. That’s Lightening McQueen for Jax and Transformers for Lex. As a result, I think I’ve found the most boring bastard on YouTube – and that is Blucollection.  However, get a load of this – he gets in excess of four or five million hits on his videos – so he’s obviously doing something right? I am sure Blucollection “the person” is a lovely guy, although he does need to pay more attention to getting a regular manicure, and perhaps introduce a few inflections into his voice, but suffice to say, we are now an audience of his channel. The boys bloody LOVE him and sit there transfixed when we do “YouTube Time.” Without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to Blucollection To deal with the utter boredom Steve and I feel during this time – because we never watch a video once, oh no, it’s every day for weeks – we have adapted to our circumstances. I’d like to share with you a recent evening with the boys, demonstrating how Steve manages these moments. So can anyone else relate and if so, how do you deal with boring kiddie activities? Any suggestions you’d like to share? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

 Jason and Sarah Right now, at this very moment, an old friend from my brass banding days is having surgery to get a liver transplant. He’s been waiting for weeks on news that a match is available, suffering health trials and being rushed into hospital along the way, as well as turning 40 in the mix. Both Jason and his wife, Sarah, have been amazing throughout – hopeful, cheeky and optimistic. Sarah has been sensational keeping everyone updated on what’s going on and after getting the much-awaited call this morning, he’s in surgery and I have everything crossed that I CAN cross it will be successful and that he enjoys a swift and speedy recovery. Naturally, when someone goes through something like this, it makes you think. During the last few months I’ve been a bit of a miserable cow. Things just don’t seem to want to go my way, and while I don’t think my stresses are irrelevant in any way, shape or form, it has been quite sobering watching the Mears family go through a TRULY difficult time. Jas is a sweetheart and he’s always been that way. A softly spoken, gentle guy, his whole family made a big impact on my life as a teenager. To hear that someone from that period in my youth is going through such a BIG health crisis is extremely sobering and has made me reflect more closely on my own life. Sure things haven’t been flowing, but they will. Blocked periods in life happen sometimes, but you’ve got to show great character and get through them – becoming a greater person out the other side. We’re almost there, and while we’ll feel a massive sense of relief when it comes, we’ll have grown in really important ways – hopefully for the better. Personal growth is what life’s about after all, as well as celebrating good health while you’ve got it. So Jason my darling, you might smile when you hear I’ve referred to you as a sweetheart, but that’s what you’ve always been to me. Your brother, not so much J. I just hope the surgery goes perfectly, so you can get onto the road of full recovery and enjoy life to the max again. Your experience, while SHIT, has been a great teacher for me – so I want to say thank you for that. Just know a lot of people are thinking about you right now, and one thing I’ve learnt through your trial is this – you’re lucky to have that amazing woman by your side! If anyone has some spare love, positive vibes, etc… to send Jason’s way, I’m sure he’d appreciate them right now. Also sign the organ donor form on your licence – people like Jason are waiting patiently… Big big kisses and love to both of you Andrea

I have never joined the international women’s collective that damns any use of C U Next Tuesday – that’s lady-speak for the unmentionable, in case you didn’t know. I believe it is a great word, one championed by myself, because let’s face it – every now and again you meet a person and it is the only apt description. However, since having kids, there is a new ‘c’ word in my life, and I really hate it. It is the word CAN’T! Put your underpants on – I can’t Put your clothes on – I can’t Build your own train set – I can’t You spend the hours required re-jigging that bloody Transformers robot into a car –I can’t Want to watch Ben 10? There’s the TV and the video player, sort it out – I can’t Put your seat belt on, wipe your own bum,  press the elevator button, carry some shopping – I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t Get your scooter in/out of the boot (aka trunk in some parts) – I can’t Put your Pyjamas on and get into bloody bed – I can’t Batteries run out? Here’s a screw driver, there’s the batteries, off you go – I can’t Want to colour change your cars? There’s the kettle for the hot water, the ice blocks are in the freezer, there’s a towel for the bloody mess, go – I can’t And obviously, this list is endless! Every time I hear that horrible word I want to scream – YES YOU CAN! I quickly follow it up with “please just try, because when you succeed you’ll feel like 10 men. Naturally, if you try and can’t do it, well that’s what Mum’s are for, but try, just bloody TRY.” As any parent knows, the sense of achievement when they do try and achieve success is massive, but in the meantime, they really push a hot button with that word. I think my little lads are slowly getting used to the fact that their Mum is not a BIG fan of the word can’t. Every time I hear it, it sends a bolt of discomfort shooting through my body, because I never EVER want them to grow into the sort of people that say “I can’t” in relation to anything. With that said, I personally can’t Put together anything from Ikea – in fact, I can’t build or make anything that includes complex or detailed instructions that do not make sense, especially if they are in black and white (and require reading for more than two minutes) Code – anything Learn anything to do with computers from reading, I need visuals Attend events online and get anything out of it Concentrate when my kids are moaning Build anything recognizable with Lego Paint, draw or design anything Do complicated maths Get up before 7am and feel good about myself Do things slowly, including speaking or thinking Achieve any level of consistency with pool, darts or Ten Pin Bowling Hit a tennis ball softly Do hair Make things look pretty What “can’t” you do? Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Book cover, as featured on Amazon.com I’ve just finished reading a monster of a book – “Why the West Rules for Now – The Patterns of History and What They Reveal About the Future” by Ian Morris and I have to say, WHAT A BOOK!! It is an amazing perspective of our world, from the beginnings of humans settling down (around 12,000+BCE) to now, with some powerful thoughts on the future. I love history, so facing a big book like this is no big deal for me, however typically I take a couple of days to read a book, but this one took me a couple of weeks – but it was well worth it and I wish everyone read it. The best thing about this book is the way it’s written – Ian has a lovely, informal style, bringing in lots of references to popular culture, as well as humour, which makes it readable for everyone. I think this is very important as many of his contemporaries write too academically – which means it doesn’t appeal to a broader readership. Looking at our entire social development, but focusing on four areas of measurement – energy capture per capita, organisation/urbanization, war making capabilities and information technology – Ian traces human social development back to when we first started jacking in the “hunter gatherer” lifestyle around 12,500BCE. Kicking off in a place known as the Hilly Flanks – later Ancient Mesopotamia, and today mostly in modern-day Iran – this is the earliest known evidence where humans settled, got organised, and from there, it all began. There is other evidence, such as pottery making in China in 16,000BCE and wall building in Peru in 11,000BCE, but this is where Ian begins and explains his case. It’s a fascinating journey. Social development, as defined by Ian in the book is: “the bundle of technological, subsistence, organizational, and cultural accomplishments through which people feed, clothe, house, and reproduce themselves, explain the world around them, resolve disputes within their communities, extend their power at the expense of other communities, and defend themselves against others’ attempts to extend power. Social development, we might say, measures a community’s ability to get things done, which, in principle, can be compared across time and space.” Based on the premise that the world has evolved until today with two cores – East and West – Ian compares social development of both cores, with both progressing in essentially the same way but not always at the same time, with the East sometimes overtaking the West, but it is the West that predominately leads the East, until a short time into the future when the East may again overtake the West – but that depends on the decisions we make today. The book also tracks “The Five Horses of The Apocalypse” and the impact they had at the times they reared their ugly heads. The five horses are: climate change; famine; state failure; migration; and disease. Sound familiar? Scary stuff indeed, with many of these things already predicted. There are a couple of conclusions Ian focuses on that stood out to me: People – in large groups – are all pretty much the same We always get the thoughts we need to deal with the time we are in – so for example, the religions humans developed and still follow make sense in the context of this argument, because they met a need at the time they were created, but maybe are not relevant for this new age? People are essentially lazy, greedy and frightened, looking for easier, more profitable and safer ways to do things – that’s a continuing theme throughout the book We’ve always had wars and migration, but when you read it in the context of our entire history, war no longer makes sense – in any way! Empires always fail, war costs money and destroy countries’ economies, and future wars have such potentially catastrophic consequences that it’s time to sort out this aspect of humanity. Our future is about being together as one whole, with one Core, and making it work for everyone or… We need to let go of the nationalism and hatred tied up in history – especially towards current or former colonial powers. They did what was “needed” then and the whole world moved forward because of these actions. The reality is, most of the old world countries have had a go at it at some point, and the new world countries are following suit – but for the world to keep growing and prospering, the time to let go of hatred is upon us, or we will be no more. Hard to imagine when we can’t even watch international sport without kicking the shit out of each other and domestic violence increases too! Migration is top of the pops for issues within Western countries around the world (as we see too often in the media), but the greatest social development occurred because of migrations – so perhaps it’s time to change this mindset?  The reality is we need to. It is expected that 200 million “Climate Migrants” are expected to be on the road by 2050 (five times as many as the world’s refugee population in 2008). Check out the below map from the book, featuring the “Arc of Instability,’ which is expected to face water scarcity issues by 2025. Rich countries can pipe water, poor countries cannot. Needless to say, in the not too distant future, there’s going to be a lot of thirsty and hungry people needing help and so what are we doing today to make sure we’re set? Then again, it’s not that we have a great track record of helping those starving… The threat of war around this issue is frightening as well… The Arc of Instability page 602 “Why the West Rules for Now” (sorry a bit wonky, as hard to scan a book page) And then we go into the future, and reading the worst case

I had an article published in Finder Magazine, one of Singapore’s leading expat mags. It was a good result, as we’re trying to build the profile of our kids’ adventure blog – Singaporekids365. As a result of the article, many have checked out the blog, so that’s a win. However, when I first saw the article, the one thing that caught my eye was the introduction – “Mother of two and co-author…” – I did a double take, because I don’t think I have ever referred to or thought of myself as a “Mother of two.” Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother to my two rambunctious munchkins. They have added a dimension to my life that is so unconditionally love based, I can hardly breathe sometimes. It’s a wonderful thing becoming a mother for sure, but it’s not the only thing I am. I am also a wife, but I never think of myself that way either. I happened to marry the sweetest and most thoughtful man on the planet, but I see him as my partner in crime, not my husband, nor I, his wife. In the context of the article, where this reference was made, of course it makes complete sense to introduce me that way. After all, the article was a feature of 10 inexpensive adventures to do with your little loves over the school holidays in Singapore. So it established my credibility to write the article, and that’s a good thing. But seeing that label up in lights just made me think – is that what I am today? Is that how I think of myself? Is that how the world views me? I know that I don’t think of myself that way exclusively, but many times I meet up with friends and the first thing they do is ask about the boys. When this happens, it always stops me in my tracks, because the boys are one aspect of my life – a VERY big aspect – but there is so much more to me than that. I’ve never been a Mum that only wants to talk about my kids, and while I’m always happy to have a good ‘ol chin wag about the boys, I want to talk about other stuff too – a lot of other stuff. Some women do refer to themselves as mothers, and I think this is awesome. For example, we were at a comedy night a few years ago in Singapore – pre-kids – and the comedian was asking people in the front row “what do you do for a living?” One lady in front said “I’m a mother to twin girls.” Naturally the comedian took the piss out of her relentlessly, and she took it in her stride, but I am not the sort of gal to respond in that way. If people ask me what I do? I say I write, have my own business, blog, run a communications company, write marketing content for the IT industry, etc, etc, etc… I never say I’m a Mum or a Wife. It’s just not how I see myself. I suppose it’s all linked back to an issue I’ve written about many times before, that is still a challenge for me today – although less and less as the boys get a bit more independent. Becoming a mother has not been a smooth transition for me. I haven’t “loved” it as so many of my friends seem to do. I love my kids with all my heart and I’ll give them everything I’ve got, but equally, I’ve spent a lot of time fighting against the restrictions to my freedom since becoming a mother. This has been compounded by the fact that one of my loves has had to deal with huge challenges in his young life, and the person he’s needed most is his Mum. I’ve been there for him wholeheartedly, because he needs me (and he deserves all the love in the world), but it certainly hasn’t been easy. Just ask my husband, as he’s constantly watched me seething with frustration underneath because he knows I need to do so much more. Just this blog has been a lifeline for me during much of this time, because it gave me an avenue to create something, and that is so important to me. I don’t know why I’m driven to do anything else, rather than just kicking back and enjoying the ride. I’ve always been this way, and while I spend a lot of time frustrating myself with this crazy drive, it is who I am. Pursuing my personal/professional goals is as important to me as being a good mum, wife and friend. What I do with my time keeps me sane. It gets me up every day because I LOVE it. It stretches my brain. It puts me in touch with amazing people who inspire me. It makes me think. It makes me yearn to do more and achieve more. But probably the thing it makes me do most of all is value the time I get to DO what I love, and equally, value the other time I get to spend WITH my loves. I am Andrea Edwards. I’ve been AE since I was born and I’m very attached to my name. I didn’t change my name when I got married (much to the chagrin of others), because I am not Andrea Johnson – I don’t know who she is, although I’m sure there are a few of them around. I don’t have an issue with other women changing their names; I just didn’t want to change mine. Andrea Edwards has a lot of dimensions, and she loves them all, but she is not one of them, nor is she all of them, because who she is evolves every day. Andrea Edwards is a person of many faces, who primarily sees herself as a bit of an idiot who lives life to the full,

Adventure Man Lex in Action I don’t need to be right all the time. I’m pretty confident in my knowledge on the subjects I’m interested in, but I don’t claim to know everything, and love nothing more than someone showing me another way of looking at things. I’ve completely reversed many opinions in my life, and that makes me happy. However, in regards to my son Lex, I definitely did not want to be wrong. I wanted to be right right right. I wanted validation that he was speech delayed because he had hearing issues from birth, his erratic behaviour was linked to that, and as long as he had enough time, patience and love, then I could very happily report to the world, I was right. Well guess what – I was RIGHT!!! We met his teachers recently – for the first month catch up and assessment since starting at his new school – and as I’ve always known, Lex is speech delayed but catching up rapidly. There is nothing to diagnose, he’s just struggling with receptive language and his expressive language is behind as well. So all those times when I’ve told him to stop doing something, only to get a blank look and then he’s done it anyway – well he didn’t bloody understand what I was asking him! Before he started at his speech therapy focused school, Lex was already showing great progress. I mentioned in an earlier blog that one of the symptoms of speech delayed kids is they don’t feel the need to please people – which is actually really challenging for parents. At the beginning of this year, Lex was already changing and he started becoming desperate to please – especially me. It was a massive relief to see that change, because when your kid appears not to care, it’s really disconcerting. However, it is also this quality that leads many to believe a child has aspergers or something similar. Today Lex is talking, talking, talking – in fact, since starting at his new school, he doesn’t shut up! He’s getting his sentence structure together, really explaining what he wants clearly, and while his enunciation and understanding still needs work, it’s finally happening – hooray. He’s also much more social with other kids, often leading the charge in group activities, he’s putting himself out there with strangers, and just generally becoming the confident little man we always knew he was capable of being. Can you tell I’m relieved? The new school environment is a major contributor to his development. Before he was ignored, misunderstood or put in the “naughty” category. Now he has four teachers who are professionally trained to work with and understand kids like Lex. They never ignore him, they understand when his behaviour is signalling a level of frustration so take the time to acknowledge his need, and they get down on their knees and really listen to him. He’s also got two male teachers and I think that makes a HUGE difference as well. As such, Lex is now ten men and happy as a pig in shit to go to school. For the first time in his life, his home life and school life are consistent with all the adults working overtime to understand and love him. It’s really amazing to watch his growth and it’s such a massive relief for us. His teachers also adore him, and that is a rare treat as well. I can only remember one teacher who loved him in Oz – that was Amanda. When Lex first started at his new school, they said it typically takes 6-12 months for kids to get on track. In our meeting, they said he needs a further three months of intense therapy and then he can start being integrated into their mainstream school. From there, we can look at getting both boys into a bigger mainstream school (with on-going speech therapy), and we hope we will be done with the bollocks we’ve endured. Once again, to the other parents out there, I want to say don’t let them put a label on your kid if your heart says it’s wrong. I know how much pressure you can face – believe me – but if you know deep down, keep fighting for your kids, even when it takes so many options away from you. Our kids need us Mums and Dads to back them all the way – especially kids like Lex. If we had followed the advice we were given, Lex would be in a very different place right now, a place that would alter his future potential drastically and close off many options for him. I was never going to let that happen and I’m often amazed at how much I’ve had to fight for my son through this, but also how hard it’s been to find him a place in this world. For most of this battle I’ve only had two options, and only recently did we find a third. To say it’s been hard is an understatement, but it’s also been very heart breaking as well. I appreciate that there are some parents not willing to recognise the challenges their kids are facing – it’s a VERY difficult thing to come to terms with. I also recognise that many parents do face up to the harsh reality that their children have special needs. But there’s another type of family in this mash up, and that’s families like ours, who have a kid struggling to progress and instead of getting understanding and support, we’re constantly facing HUGE pressure to head in a direction we know is wrong for our child. Many times it’s because our kids are too hard and everyone just gives up on them. There’s nothing harder than hearing those words – always told in a politically correct way of course – because you need people who are capable to help you do everything they can to help your child

A few weeks ago, I posted this article featuring a vaginal lightening product on my Facebook profile, which apparently has gained widespread coverage, including this article in the Daily Mail and this very good video rant – she’s right.Featuring the advertising strap line: ‘Life for women will now be fresher, cleaner and, more importantly, fairer and more intimate’ – I thought it was crazy, and thankfully, I’m not alone. But even more interesting than that, one of my Indian lady pals exclaimed it was pure and simple racism. Well that started off a bit of a discussion, because until that point, I would classify it as stupidism, whatthefuckism, and whatnextism for sure, but racism? We discussed why racism and not sexism, and essentially it’s the internal racism she knew all too well growing up in India – a place she has long since left – that she was referring to. For me, it was a reminder of ads from the 50s and 60s, all geared towards showing women how to be better housewives and not much else. However, for my friend Sasha, it reminded her of a lot of tough times as a dark skinned girl growing up in India. The thing is, I am not an Indian lady, and I did not grow up in a country where the colour of my skin was a measure of my social standing. Skin colour just wasn’t an issue, and while the town I grew up in is more multi-cultural today, it wasn’t in the 70s and 80s. As such, I can’t recall any attention being given to the colour of my skin – although, if anything, white skin was bad because it meant you’d get sunburnt – much more of an issue in Australia! With that said, maybe some of my female friends would say bollocks, I experienced stuff, but more broadly, let’s face it, we were girls – there’s always some shite to deal with about the way you look, and not just when you grow up – always!  The Ironic thing about this photo – look how pale her skin is? However, my female Indian friends have very different experiences to tell – often blowing me away with their stories. The thing is, I can listen to what they say, but I can never really understand what it was like for them being part of a society that rated them on the colour of their skin. I really do find it very challenging understanding their life – because a woman’s worth is measured in such a different way to what I experienced in Australia.  Suffice to say we come from different worlds, but thankfully today, we’re all mixing together and learning from each other. My conclusion – we both had great things growing up and we both had bad things, because when it comes to us girls, no single country has it right. As a result of the original Facebook discussion with Sasha, I decided to ask a few of my female Indian friends what they thought about the advert. Sasha came back first and said: “ads are just ads. Some you remember for aesthetic reasons, some because you want to actually use the product and some because there is a hot bod in it. But this one is just plain disturbing!!! Of all the body parts I thought needed whitening, I never imagined my vagina was in the equation. Sure my face comes instantly to mind, because three days before I got married, I had a gram of turmeric paste on it pretty much all the time to make it lighter… really pleasant! “But I figured my essential core was all safe and good, as such, this advert was a rude awakening for me. Really? The white guy in the bar finds me less attractive because I don’t match up to his vision of how my vagina should look? Or worse still, the man there, clearly of Indian origin, prefers the ‘Chinese babe’ because of my ‘basic’ coloration? “My Indian friend tells me it’s biological – important body parts turn pink/red during sex – so it’s merely a reflection of that. My white friend sees it more as a sexist issue… because let’s face it, it’s not like an issue is ever made about the colour of a 10-incher! But I see it as a racist issue – probably triggered by the anxiety on the face of my relatives, who took one look at me and proclaimed – ‘I should have had my dad’s coloration (he could pass off as a very ruddy Middle-Eastern male) and my mum’s features’ (who could have been a model in Da Vinci’s time with her classical features).   “Alas, I’m me! An enlightened Indian woman, who’s travelled the world, have found people from all races attractive, and have been hit on by men belonging to varied races. My message to the impressionable women is perhaps there’s a different ‘core’ you need to be working on?” Alternatively, my friend Shradha didn’t experience the colour issue growing up in India: “being born and brought up in the eastern part of India, Kolkata, where most people share a common wheat-ish skin colour, I never felt out of place. Although I would still agree that men did fancy fairer looking girls/ladies. Maybe fair skin is more beautiful to men?” According to an ad exec commenting in the Daily Mail article, apparently it’s not about being more beautiful when you’re fairer, it’s because your features can be seen more clearly? “The only reason I can offer for why people like fairness, is this: if you have two beautiful girls, one of them fair and the other dark, you see the fair girl’s features more clearly. This is because her complexion reflects more light.” Crikey!! Going back to my friends. One of my very dear friends, Reema, who grew up in Chandigarh, Northern India, responded differently again – in a way not dissimilar to what any girl would hear from her