July 4, 2011

If you’re in need of a good yarn to read, one that will curl your toes and leave you wincing at times, then I can highly recommend Steven Tyler’s “Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?” I picked it up because I needed a break from the serious stuff I’ve been devouring of late, but I’ve got to say, it wasn’t much of a break. In fact, it’s a bit of a heart racer – I mean can any human really do that many drugs and live? And he doesn’t apologize for it – it was what is was back in the day, and I’m just pleased he’s still around to tell his tale. I think a lot of people renewed their love affair with Steven Tyler when he became American Idol’s favourite judge this year, and he was indeed a sweetheart – “beautiful, just beautiful.” His autobiography was amazing for many reasons. I loved the story behind his musical passion, starting with a boyhood sitting under his Dad’s grand piano listening to Debussy, to his family’s Italian band dynasty, all the way through to his passion behind rock ’n’ roll and how & why he wrote what he wrote. I loved the insight into what it really takes to be a rock star and how he developed his “image.” The story of his mother was gorgeous and she was one hell of a woman – an inspiration. The women in his life, the groupies and the sex – I don’t know he kept it up. Then there were his kids, whom he adores, but obviously the regrets are deep because you don’t get much time at home when you’re a rock star – definitely a passionate Dad. When he takes you through a day in the life of a rock star, you wonder why anyone would choose it? Furthermore, who knew that being a rock star, prancing around the stage for 40 years could play such havoc on your body, especially your feet? And the “marriage” with his band members – my word there were some shit times. Then we have the wives and their impact on the band – some were particularly nasty. The managers, and everyone else involved in running a mega band like Aerosmith – so much betrayal. The media and the sensationalism – crikey that would be intense. And of course, the drugs and the addictions, which magnified all of the other negative situations – phew, it was exhausting just reading about it. But the best thing about this book? I don’t think I’ve ever read something written quite this way before. Steven Tyler certainly has a way with words, which was apparent on American Idol this year and in the lyrics to his songs, and I am probably a fan of the book for this reason above all others. I love crudity and it comes spilling out of him in droves. There’s not too much PC’ness in here – awesome. Some of my favourite lines – but there are millions more – include: “Now the blues is, was, and always has been the bitch’s brew of the tormented soul.” “I can’t think of that girl’s name now, but god, she was the skinniest, cutest little trollop.” “Did I want to get that song out with its head crowning out of the vagina of the music? YES!” In regards to Pamela Anderson “I’d drink a gallon of her piss just to see where it comes from.” And some words of wisdom at the end “Along with everything else that’s happened, life is good. And I’ve learnt that if I shoot an arrow of truth, I must first dip its point in honey. I’ve learned the ancient lesson of apology – OWN IT. It puts out every fire you may have walked through in life. People, too, often miss the silver lining because they were expecting gold. I’ve seen the sun go down, only to be swallowed by the ocean! Only to rise again in the morning.” A self-confessed ADD, I’m glad he wasn’t born today because he would’ve been put on Ritalin to calm down that manic head and body, and then we wouldn’t have the Steven Tyler we have today. I have to admit that I’ve never been an Aerosmith fan, but of Steven Tyler, a fan I now am. He is also an inspiration that you can reach your 60s and still be cool. Well worth a read, but if you’re a prude, you might not enjoy it as much as I did. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea