June 20, 2011

Watching your kids grow up is definitely a fascinating experience, but over the last few days, Jax has blown us away. Jax is the grand old age of three years four months, and up until now, this kid has had balls of brass and is always the most confident and charming kid in the room. While Lex tends to hang back at the edge of the circle, Jax is in the middle, shaking things up. He’s a bloody hoot and we adore him. Since birth, Jax has never been particularly sensitive – he just shakes shit off and moves on. However, about four days ago, I walked into our bedroom and Jax is sitting on the floor having a sit down protest. I say “mate what’s going on?” He replies “I’m angry.” “Angry, oh dear, what are you angry about love?” Well he couldn’t quite encapsulate what he was feeling, but when offered a cuddle, he took it gladly and the moment was over. Since then, he’s taken himself off a few times, sat down in a huff and when gently asked what’s going on, has told us he’s angry, sad, annoyed and once, that Lex is lucky and he isn’t. I don’t know where the bloody hell he gets this stuff from, but one thing for sure, he doesn’t miss a trick. We try very hard to treat both boys equally, praising both, loving both, laughing with both, acknowledging both – but when he said Lex was lucky and he wasn’t, we both said WHAT? I never EVER want either boy to feel less loved, less adored, less treasured, but it’s a balancing act isn’t it? Lex automatically requires more attention – mainly due to his speech challenges – so is Jax picking up on that? I don’t know. In some ways, as he’s the easier one to deal with and speak to, I sometimes wonder if he gets “more” love, or may Lex thinks he does? Ahhhhh bloody kids I tell ya. All I know is I want to help my boys grow in to emotionally mature men, and while I have no idea “how” to do that, I am constantly seeking ways that I can help them talk and open up about their feelings, rather than reacting physically. I mean, that’s what we’ve got to get them to do, talk and feel safe about expressing themselves? Right? Who knows, this parenting malarkey is a bit of a gamble, and for now, I just want to be attentive enough to always notice when my lads need a bit of one-on-one time, a chat, some silent company or just a cuddle to let them know everything is alright. Jax is an incredibly articulate little man, he understands very complex stuff, and now that he is really communicating this stuff – mainly in regards to his feelings – it feels like we’re entering a whole new and lovely dimension to his character. I have no doubt both of my boys will grow into lovely, charming men, so I suppose I’ve just got to stay really aware of their needs for as long as mum is required. I have to admit that’s a job I’m really happy to have. In the meantime, I’m enjoying my new, sensitive little man. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea