November 26, 2010

Turning 40 was a bit of a kick in the proverbial nuts – I mean when you start telling people you’re in your 40s you are starting to get and feel old. You notice differences in your skin elasticity, parts of your body ache all the time, wrinkles start multiplying, and Botox becomes a more attractive option. Combine that with living in Noosa, and while this town covers all age and socio-economic groupings, one of the most powerful communities is the retirees. Retirees come to Noosa because it’s stunningly beautiful and the old age/retirement home options are second to none – I mean you can have your own personal chef while sitting on a balcony overlooking the ocean. Definitely the place to come when you are no longer capable of wiping your own arse – however that is the point I’ve decided I’ll be happy to check out of this life or have no memory so I won’t care. This demographic, in Noosa anyway, tends to be very well heeled (there’s a lot of millionaire’s here), and therefore, there is a significant advertising focus for this nest egg of spending money. Steve’s parents left recently, but while here, they thought it would be funny to pick up the “Sunshine Coast Seniors Newspaper.” So we had to have a look! Front page there’s massive advert entitled “Dentures Driving you Mad?” The artwork is beautiful. Then it goes on to financial care for retirees, a $100 payout if you buy an electronic wheelchair from “Scooters and Mobility,” there’s some stunningly comfortable shoe options available for the ladies, quality hearing aid options from a variety of suppliers, a plethora of retirement community adverts, more mobile scooters, as well as tilting beds, tilting chairs, pool and bath hoists (which look remarkably like sex swings), walkers, stair lifts, and you can even be part of a university memory loss and dementia study. Cool. Of course funeral homes and funeral directors get a good stash of advertising space, and the obituary pages are extensive, but before your time comes, you’re encouraged to go on a cruise and play bridge, gamble at the local RSL club, enjoy the scheduled Christmas concerts coming up, and stuff yourself full of vitamins perfect for brittle bones and worn out bodies. I have no issue with retirees I should add – hey we’re all heading there no matter what we think – but I do have an issue living in a town where everywhere I look are reminders of what I’ve got to look forward to. Every shopping area has hearing aid clinics, X-rays for horrible maladies, wheelchair servicing shops, old age communities, frock shops for seniors, and there is not a single shop in this town that doesn’t advertise discounts for senior citizens. I know I’m going to get old, or at least hopefully live as long as I want to, but I can’t keep living in a town that reminds me every day of the destination. It’s going to come when it comes, but I can’t help but think that if I’m made constantly aware of it, then it’s only going to come faster. So leaving Noosa is a priority for us. Not just because of this, but it’s definitely one of my reasons. I am not going to get older any faster than I have to, and I’m more motivated now to stay young for as long as possible in my body, but even more determined to stay young in my mind. I reckon my little lads will help with that – I’m certainly hoping so, because I never want to become irrelevant to them, or an old bag with ignorant fixed opinions in their minds anyway. Wish me luck? Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I saw an advert the other day for an interview with The World’s Most Handsomest Man, and up pops this debonair looking chap in an Armani suit. Now while I’ve got to say he probably fits the traditional image of a good looking bloke, he certainly isn’t my cup of tea. Certainly handsome, but I definitely like the rugged manly types. Naturally, I had to do a bit of research and find out what it’s all about. I’m not sure if it’s even the same competition I saw advertised, but based on my research, the person won the 2010 “World’s Most Handsomest Man” is Spain’s Guillermo Garcia. Click on the title and you can check him out. We’ll call him Gui for ease. So Gui has some rather gay looking photos on the Website, and he’s obviously worked out, but I think his sideys look a bit muffy, and his sharp long features are almost too perfect. I should be kind though, even if he isn’t my style, because I would look foolish if I denied that he is a good looking fellow. Whenever I come across beauty pageants, it’s alright to admit that I’m always pretty curious about the type of people that enter – men and women. It’s important to state right now that I am not of the opinion that they are all brainless and pretty and not much else, but still, it can’t be much fun being in a competition of this calibre? I mean, imagine agreeing to be judged on every aspect of your person – inside and out – you’ve got to have brick walls of confidence I reckon. According to his profile on the Website “Guillermo Garcia Becerril grew up in Zaragoza, northern Spain. With a degree in Business and Marketing, Guillermo wants to become a TV presenter and to establish his own fashion agency. His hobbies include football, playing piano, and photography. He is also considered as gym-addict. In November 28, 2009, Guillermo won the Mister Spain 2009 title. Guillermo, who stands 6’3.5″ tall, represented his country in Mister World 2010 pageant in South Korea. “Persist and meet your challenges” is his personal motto.” That’s lovely isn’t it? Tall, sporty yet arty, ambitious, motivated, educated, and from one of my favourite Spanish cities. Going through some of the entrants, there’s lots and lots of pretty boys with “magnumesuqe” pouts (aka Zoolander). I have to say that Mr. Serbia stands out for his pouty mouth and underpants/braces combo. Mr. Kuwait definitely had some stuffing in his main photo as was later proven with other less bulbous jock shots. Mr Russia only got five votes – probably due to the density of his blue white skin. Mr Philippines looks like a baby compared to the other blokes. Mr Ireland starts off well until you get to his S&M shots. The jock ripping Joshua from the US needs to enter Mr. Universe – the muscles! And saucy Mr. New Zealand – is that really the best the country had to offer? He does offer some pube viewing tho. Oh I could go on. But what do you reckon? Are these sorts of guys your thing? Who would you have picked? Did they get the result right? Who was your tackiest choice? And have you had fun having a gander at the Website? Kept me busy for a wee while. Although the reality is, there needs to be a competition for chicks like me. Big hunky men, with big muscles, big hearts, and most importantly, mega thighs… oh wait, I’ve got one of them at home. Thankfully I found my most handsomest man – here’s hoping everyone finds theirs! Yours, without the bollocksAndrea