November 3, 2010

There’s a lot of stuff I could comment on regarding the tedious shit a parent endures, especially in these toddler/pre-school years, because there really is just a lot of tedious shit to endure. BUT I think the thing I hate the most is the standing around… wait a minute, maybe it’s not the thing I hate most, because of course there is whining and nagging… Anyways, I’m at an indoor playroom with the boys right now, and most of the time I bring some work to keep me sane, while also playing with the boys throughout the time we’re here, although more often than not my role is to stop them doing something dangerous. Don’t get me wrong, I love playing with the boys, but seven days a week/365 days a year my imagination and enthusiasm is certainly lacking a lot of the time, probably because I HAVE to do it and almost certainly because they woke me up at 5am! The other factor that makes it challenging is a lack of focus. It’s getting better, but the only activities that keep my lads focused are swimming, climbing, running, throwing rocks and of course, TV. Trains, trucks, cars., bikes, scooters and balls are getting a longer run too – so it’s getting better, slowly, very slowly. But most of the time I am at playgrounds, or by rivers, or anywhere really, just standing around making sure the boys don’t get into trouble. Sometimes they actually want me to participate in their activities, but a lot of the time they just want to do what they want to do and would prefer it if mum just pissed off. You feel so valued let me tell you. I came to the conclusion, quite some time ago, that I’m not a children’s entertainer. I play with the boys every day, but I don’t enjoy entertaining them – I figure that’s something they should be sorting out for themselves. I know a lot of mums who feel the same. For the last 18 months or so, I’ve done a lot of standing around by myself, especially with Steve away so much. Even in Singapore I didn’t join any mothers groups (which was probably a mistake) and I don’t know many people where we’re living now, so most of the time it’s just me and the lads, doing stuff and I’m completely bored out of my brain. I see gangs of mum’s hanging out together while their kids play, and others with family around helping out. I don’t have any of that and it’s really hard sometimes, but the hardest part of all for me is the mind numbingness of it all. I know I have to be active up top l’est I go mad, but maybe it’s already too late and I have gone mad? I adore my boys and love nothing better than being inspired to play with them, but most of the time I’m just getting through. Right now I have to discipline Lex for being a turd to his grandma. Finally I have someone around for a few weeks and the boys want nothing to do with their English grandparents (yet,) constantly being horrible little shits – cool. People keep telling me that it will get better, and it already has, but bloody hell, I don’t think anyone could have forewarned me about how tedious a lot of this time could be. And I’m not even talking about meal times, cleaning up toys and mess, boggy nappies, nap times, etc, etc, etc… I know I’m a good mum but I honestly couldn’t say I enjoy it all the time. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea