September 22, 2010

Tomorrow is Lex’s operation and I’m starting to get really anxious about it now. He’s having his tonsils and adenoids removed and grommets inserted into his ears. I’ve got to tell you the idea of my little lad going under the chop is almost too much to deal with, and last night I was snapping and snarling at Steve before apologizing and then bursting into tears. We are both feeling the pressure mount that’s for sure. But how can we not? If it was one of us, we’d be anxious for the other but we’d be OK. However, the little man we brought into the world is one of the most precious things we know – equalled only by the Jaxster and of course, each other – so it’s not surprising we are feeling anxious. We know logically it’s going to be fine, but shit does happen and I reckon the worst moment in the whole process was signing a form where ‘death’ was listed as a possibility. As you can imagine, it’s hard to control your mind from imagining the worst, however, I’m working really hard at shutting negative thoughts down instantly because I am a believer that what you think happens after all. He will be fine because he’s strong, healthy and spirited, and afterwards, we’re going to have a whole new little man on our hands that can speak, hear and communicate – we can’t wait! I had a little shop for him today to get him brave boy presents, and Steve did the same. We figure that’s a nice part of an operation – getting spoilt. Steve started the brave boy/girl present tradition with me not long after we met. We think it’s a nice touch. We’ve both bought him too much stuff and Steve told me he burst into tears in Toys R’ Us – thank God we’re not dealing with anything super serious or we’d be basket cases! Naturally we also got presents for Jax because this will be quite a big deal for him having both mumma and Lexie gone for two days and a night. So he’s got a dump truck and a bug collector, and a mobile phone and a MacQueen truck, and, and, and – yeah we’ve spoilt them. I reckon the biggest challenge tomorrow morning will be getting Lex out the door with no food and ignoring his requests for anything but water. How do you tell a child that can’t hear properly and who cannot reason that he needs to fast? It should be interesting, but the best thing to do with Lex is to keep him moving and he’ll have a lot of new stuff to experience, which is always better than eating – in his world. Right better get to bed – don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep the next few days… Yours, without the bollocksAndrea